Bugs and Me (489 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cat_head (View user info) at 2004-04-28 10:10:41 EDT
Due to a gap underneath my back door and the proximity of my bathroom to said door, I get quite a lot of bugs hanging around in my bathroom. Fortunately I live alone and I like bugs, so I let them be. I quite like the company. I was in the bath the other day and a millipede suddenly appeared, making his way along the edge of the bath. It was awesome. I found him curled up, dead, a few days later. He is still there. There's a particular type of beetle that is very abundant. While laying in the bath the other day I counted about 50 of these little things sitting around on the walls. They're only about 3mm long and they're pretty cool. It got me thinking about how I should maybe let them out, or stop them from coming in, as it seemed quite sad that they live and die in my bathroom. However, a few days later I noticed two of them fucking. They were "tail to tail", fairly motionless, though they did dance around a bit. And I realised that that's probably as fulfilled as a beetle gets, and so I am going to let the situation continue. Who am I to close down a beetle knocking shop? I don't know what the little fellows do for food. I like to think that they survive on my shed skin. They fly quite a bit, so maybe they go looking around the rest of the flat when I'm at work.
I get quite a few woodlice coming in. Unfortunately I tend to accidentally crush them underfoot quite often. My general ethos is to go about my business as usual, and avoid killing anything if I can help it, but shit happens. I have a pretty gangsta pair of slippers, so it doesn't really bother me. And they're only bugs. The other day I began brushing my teeth and one of these dinky little beetles fell out of the bristles as they moved in and out of my mouth. I didn't gross out like a fag - in fact it didn't bother me at all. Not so long ago we would have been eating these things anyway.
This morning there were a couple of interesting developments. With a slight jump, I noticed a big-ass spider up in the corner of the room. Only one of those spindly long-legged ones, but as big a spindly one as I have seen. I didn't see him move at all, but it's only a matter of time before he bags himself a beetle. I hope I'm there to see it. I'm a little scared of spiders though, and if I start getting any chunky ones in I think I'll have to close down my little ecosystem. I think they tend to be more common in summer and summer is nearly here, so I could be in for a few surprises soon. The other thing I noticed was another two beetles getting it on. These two were doing it in style - one each side of the net curtain! One of them even seemed to be kicking back, like he was effortlessly exercising his mastery of the art of dicking.
I'm interested to see if any young are produced. Perhaps my bathroom will suddenly be swarming with the things. I guess if that happens I might have to commit an atrocity. I'm an optimist and an opportunist though, so if it had to be done, I would at least enjoy it by standing outside the bathroom while the can of Bug-Nuke detonates and do a loud super villain laugh.
AAAAAH-haaaa-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That sort of thing. But I hope it doesn't come to that.
I'm also hoping for some silverfish, centipedes and some more millipedes. I wish I lived in America where the bugs are cooler.
Peace out.
User Reviews
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-04-28 10:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I lived at 113 Lookout Circle, my brother and I
had various pets from the wild. A 'possom would settle
in at the water heater every morning...have a little sneeze
and quietly spend the day. The second story didn't have
screens so we fed the bluejays and other birds on the window sill.
Just the right amount of nature blending with humanity is a good
thing.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-28 10:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know that you have a problem when you drop a piece of food, and the bugs form a column to catch it and devour it before it hits the floor.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-04-28 10:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WillZone - ha, yes it has been a while. Very perceptive!
Submitted by Jays567 (user info) at 2004-04-28 10:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...and if I start getting any chunky ones in I think I'll have to close down my little ecosystem"
WE HAVE A WINNAR!!11!1
Plus two...funny shit.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-04-28 10:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Beetle knocking shop, Gangsta slippers, this post has it all.
I used to have a spider called Trevor in my bathroom, he used to get stuck in the bath and id have to leave a bog roll "ladder" in there so he could get out.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-28 10:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Um, so you're a virgin. I don't know any ladies, or men that would enjoy using a bathroom in the middle of bug city. call an exterminator....kill 'em all.