Dirty in D.C. (312 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.75 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <daswk.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-28 11:18:14 EDT
Two weeks ago I was in D.C. with some friends for the weekend, all and all I had a good time except for the Saturday night. It is late, we are hungry, and almost nothing is open.
Taking the advice from another friend we head off on foot to try and find a Chinese resteraunt that is rumored to actually have decent food. After about 20 minutes of walking we come across it, only to find that it is closed for the night. Damnit I haven't eaten all day and have a headache because of it.
The three other guys I'm with talk a bit, trying to figure out exactly what we should do, being that it is late, and we are in a strange city we decide that the best option would be to try the over priced hotel resteraunt. At least we know it is open, and we know how to get there. Another long walk and we are there....and it is karaoke night...Shit.
We are all to hungry and tired at this point to even consider letting something as small as the earsplitting shrieks of a she-hag hog beast get in the way of enjoying our overpriced food. We all agree to endure the musical torture and try and find a hostess to seat us.
Minutes go by, with employees just walking by and ignoring our queries as to how to be seated. Eventually we grow tired of this crappy treatment and my friend goes into the kitchen and pulls out the hostess, who apparently had been on the phone talking to her boyfriend...the bitch.
She seats us dangerously close to the karaoke and informs us that the other tables are being reserved for a group comming from a wedding or something. Just our luck. The menu is rather unexciting and the room is dimly lit. Combined this all with my headache and the dying moans from a retarded pig and you've got the perfect atmosphere...for hell.
I decide to get the ten dollar burger (one of the cheaper things on the menu) and order a Coke. The rest of the meal goes without incident other than the pathetic size and taste of the burger. We are getting set to get the check and leave when I notice something.
I'm happily slurping away at my 4th coke, which was actually decent, when something catches my eye. A long, black hair INSIDE the glass. I mean LONG. It stretched from the bottom of the glass to well past the top...and had been in my drink the whole time, the drink I was almost finished with. It belongs to our waitress/hostess.
Instantly I feel sick to my stomach and am just ready to leave, I don't want to make a fuss, I just want to get the fuck out. My headache, my nausea, and the incessant screaching of the drunken singers is enough to deter me from staying longer. So we just wait for the check...and wait....and wait. The waitress is again gone.
This time I get up to find her, I again try the (filthy) kitchen and find her in the back, on the phone, with her boyfriend. I've about had it. I kindly ask her for the check and she glares at me. She asks her "wuv muffin" to hold on for a minute and puts the phone down to go get the check. Leaving me in the back. Alone.
I think of something devious to do on the phone, or to the coke she is drinking, when I see it. Another long, black hair sticking to the phone. I instantly feel the rumble from deep within and know I am about to puke. Frantically I look around for a place to do the deed in when I see them, some cowgirl boots, right next to where she was sitting.
The filthy bitch was walking around the kitchen and resteraunt barefoot, leaving her shoes behind. I've never been so close to smiling as I unleashed the beast wiithin into her shoes...both of them. Sure there was some collateral damage but I was happy with the job I had done. I carefully wiped up any external indicators of the job I had done and exited the kitchen, puke rag unwittingly still in hand.
My friends are just getting up from sucessfully covering the bill and are preparing to leave. I rush up to catch them when see another site that makes my stomach turn.
The biggest, fattest, and ugliest of the hog beasts is sucking face with some equally fat and old man in a booth. In plain site of everyone. Both are completely drunk, and I remember both were particularlly bad at singing (They did a duet of...."I Got You Babe", they were due some payback) I gag as I continue to watch their animalistic makeout session and feel my stomach turn again. This time I let out only a tiny puke, small enough to clean up with the rag I'm still holding.
I wipe the floor and toss the foulsmelling rag right onto the couples table, landing in some pasta. They're to drunk and into what they are doing to even notice it, even as he sticks his elbow right into it. I turn to walk out when I hear a shriek from the kitchen.
The waitress had apparently just stuck her foot in one of the shoes. She runs out of the kitchen, barefoot and slips on the spot I had ralphed on. Apparently I hadn't wiped it up as well as I had thought. She slips and flies face first into the couple making out. Knockng their plates and drinks everywhere. The mess was spectacular!
Before any of them can recover I am already out the door, contently making my way to my hotel room. Don't fuck with my eating experience...ever.
User Reviews
Submitted by Swik (user info) at 2004-04-29 08:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is hard to believe I know, some of it was merely added to enhance the story. The funny thing is, some of the more outrageous parts of the story are what really happened. I'm not going to tell you which part(s) are added fr dramatic effect, but I assure you it probably isn't the part(s) you think.
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2004-04-28 14:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the hell cares if it's true or not?! This is funny shit!!!
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-04-28 11:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Somewhat hard to believe, but funny.
Submitted by Swik (user info) at 2004-04-28 11:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didnt think about ordering pizza it was past midnight
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-04-28 11:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought it was hard to follow ... also, have you ever heard of ordering a pizza.
The $10 burger sounds right for DC though. I had a $7.95 grilled cheese for lunch yesterday.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-28 11:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmm... I don't know if I believe you, but it was well written.