...you little shit eater! (1775 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.9 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Creepy_Guy <saved_by_sin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-29 11:15:20 EDT
I was up bright and early this morning; 4:30 to be exact. Out to the barn to take care of the cows before heading off to morning classes. It was quite a nice morning, actually. Sun, no snow, a semi-warm -6C. Not a bad morning at all. Then I remembered I had recieved a phone call the previous night from a friend, who had said that she was bringing her son to see the cows, as he had never been out of the city before. Her son, being all of 5 years old, was quite excited about the whole little trip; besides, they would be on their way past the farm on their way to the nearest lake, so why not?
About 7 am, they arrive, just as I begin on the last line of cows. The machines were put on, the grain was despensed and all was going well. They came into the parlour and the kid's eyes grew wider and wider (the kid's name is Adam, by the way). He was excited; beyond excited, even. He raced around the parlour, quite taken with all these huge animals with funny little dangly things with machines attatched to them. He yelled, screamed and made noise fit to scare the dead.
While his mother and I sat around and talked, he continued running around, chasing the barn cats, making noise and basically being a little pain in the ass. He was beginning to irritate me, not to mention the cows. For those of you who don't know, cows don't really like loud noise or little kids running around all that much. Most cows are easily frightened by this sort of thing. All of this wasn't so bad though; for the most part, the cows were fine and Adam was playing around quite happily. The problems began when he discovered how to work the small (and supposedly child proof) hoses that hang beside the milking jars. He aimed the hose up (the cows stand on a raised platform on both sides of the room, at about waist height) and fired the hose directly at a cow's ass. It smacked the cow, causing it to jump in surprise.
"Should we do something about him? I don't want him causing trouble..." her mother asked.
"Yeah, probably." I stood up and called Adam over.
He dropped the hose and came wandering over and stood quietly, still looking around the room. A machine came off at the other end and I went to tidy it up. Adam followed me, asking questions all the way. He stopped and picked up the hose again, but this time, remained content to shoot the floor and make little designs.
Now, I don't like this kid very much at this point. In fact, he's starting to annoy me with his questions. I'm not the best guy in the world when it comes to kids. So when I saw the cow directly beside Adam lifting its tail to "choke off a darkie" I didn't say anything. In fact, I laughed inside. The first splat landed and Adam turned to look.
"Ewwwwww! Gro-" was all he managed to get out before the second drop hit the ground and splattered all over the place; including all over Adam's face, his mouth wide open in mid sentance. There was another splat; this time from the other side of the room, behind the kid. A big splat from another cow smacked him right in the back of the head, sending him running to the sink in the next room. I've never seen a kid move that fast in my life.
I don't like kids. In fact, I hate the little buggers. I do have a new found respect for cows though...
User Reviews
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-29 03:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for you!
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-07-26 01:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-06 01:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:12:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
That child looks like an H.R. Geiger masterpiece.
Indeed.
---------------
It does, too...
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 01:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orange-San (user info) at 2004-05-05 09:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this doesnt even deservce to b here, pwned
http://www.ubersite.com/m/32238
Submitted by Casey_Jones (user info) at 2004-04-29 20:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you get a +2 just for "choke off a darkie" and the fact that the little demon seed got his in the end.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That child looks like an H.R. Geiger masterpiece.
Indeed.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-29 11:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the post and +1 for that freaky ass picture
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-04-29 11:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You have COWS!?!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-29 11:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmm....dark chocolate....