I went to Gatorland and all I got was this INCREDIBLE t shirt..... (633 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: -0.66 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jinx (View user info) at 2004-04-29 12:36:36 EDT
I went to Gatorland in Florida recently. It was this 1/2 day
> attraction featuring about 4500 different gators and crocs. I go over to
> the "gator bait" counter so me and chloe (my niece) can "feed the live
> gators" Well this "gator bait" was actually frozen hot dogs. Frozen hot
> dogs??? And I'm not talking about natural casing grillin dogs..I'm talkin
> pure asshole and hoof rind dogs. I'm glad to see the fine zooologists
> (gatorologists? crocologists? I dunno) at gatorland have their awesome
> animals on a strict and nutritional diet. Frozen hotdogs getting whipped
> about their faces all day proves to be good eatin I guess because most of
> those fuckers were huge. She told us the best place to go was the
> "alligator breeding marsh" so we walk past the 1st 500 gators in their
> various cages and habitats and follow the path to the breeding marsh.
> Nests are marked by red flags in trees and you could actually see eggs and
> babies and Mama gators. Cute in a tooth and fleshy "Faces of Death" kinda
> way. Okay my point, and I do have one, is that in the middle of the marsh
> there is an "Alligator Observation tower" Basically a big gazebo that has
> stairs upto the next platform and so on and so forth untill you're about 8
> stories high over a swamp filled with about 1000 gators ranging in size
> from like 8 feet to like 35 feet. Gigantor fuckin gators with huge scars
> and missin claws from Frozen Hotdog battle royales I imagine.
> Now, isnt that a tad bit ODD? I think I saw a gator observation tower in
> every gator/ snake movie ever made and a gator and/or snake always gets on
> top of it or the person and/ or child always falls off it into the water
> below. The stairs had netting underneath and there was a 2 foot net around
> the bottom railings but the top has...NO NET. So when little tommy or
> susie decides to lean over for a closer look and falls right in over the
> nets way below, those gators are psyched that it isnt frozen dog day in
> the cafeteria I'm sure. And they are all lingering around because I'm sure
> they are classically conditioned to know if you hang out around the tower,
> your bound to get some hotdogs or maybe even the occasional decadence of a
> kid from a trailor trash family who spent the savings meant for the
> re-sealing of the double wide to take the kids to see dem dar gators. The
> place was huge! I've never seen so many gators in one place. It was
> actually pretty cool in a trashy inhumane kind of way. And in the
> cafeteria they sold Gator ribs and gator nuggets. What kind of sick lunch
> menu is that at a gator reserve? My niece got her pic with a baby gator
> and I got her a small kids and a large adult t shirt with the pic on it.
> The small she can wear now and the large is for when she's older. I have a
> shirt that says "I rode the camel at the Franklin Park Zoo" my mom bought
> me a big one when we went when I was like 10 and I still wear that shirt
> to this day. Its the balls. But I digress... So when Chloe is 20 and she
> dosn't remember shit about the vacation that I dropped almost 3 grand on
> at least she'll have that shirt and can say "this is when I went to
> gatorland when I was 4 and a half with Auntie Laina, I don't remember
> Mickey Mouse and the 45 minute line we stood in so he could STAMP his
> autograph in my book, or the 125 bucks a pop it took for me and her on
> JUST tickets to bullshit parks like seaworld with NO great whites in the
> shark tube and epcot center with their distorted perceptions of foreign
> lands like holland with NO Hash cakes or prostitutes ..........but I got
> this gator shirt.
>
> hey, I never said it was going to be an interesting story.
> but I did get a cool pair of silver gator earrings.
>
User Reviews
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-29 14:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a +2 cause Jinx is back!
Next time, paragraph it honey. This is your freebie.
are you still working that same job?
Will
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I had to forward it to my own email because I didnt feel like typing it again. And who really wants to remove all those >'s anyway? Not for you folks. Thank you for the constructive critisism though, It's really appreciated!
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can you send this to my email? Send it twice or something, I'll read it again.
Not really. You're a spunkduck.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Next time that you post a frowarded email, take out all of the >'s
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You are an awesome aunt. If only every kid had one of those.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read it, but there were no paragraphs, and no pictures of aformentioned t-shirt.
Better luck next time.
Submitted by Staccers (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...because you killed my grandmother.
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2004-04-29 12:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Will Zone - if you're out here I miss ya!
You don't write, you don't call...
..and you don't send me floweeeeeerrrssss...anyyyymmoooooorrreeee........
ha!
drop a line biyotch!