Christmas in Cairo... and those damn Witnesses (660 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: blog
Rating: 1.2 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corn_nugget (View user info) at 2004-04-29 21:20:36 EDT
What is Cairo like on Christmas day? It's the same as it is every other day in December. It's somewhat chilly, smelly, loud, and busy. The stray dogs and cats are running around beneath the car tires and donkey carts. It's sunny out, but there is always a haze hanging above the city...
I was desperate to go to a bar. I wanted a drink. At first I tried to be myself around my husbands family, I figured, "I'm an American and agnostic, it's neither against my culture nor religion to drink... so they have to accept me for who I am". That didn't work so well.
We were all sitting in the lavishly decorated sitting-room, watching Arabic Music Videos on TV, sipping hot tea out of glasses (me trying to figure how to hold the glass without burning my fingers)... my sister-in-law was dancing in front of the TV (she was quite the show off)... my mother-in-law was babbling on and on to my husband about the servants... and I decided to announce my intentions for the night.
"Can we go to the bar tonight?" I ask. Everyone stops what they are doing, and turns to stare at me. My husband turns bright red, eyes buldge out, and his jaw drops open. "Habibi," he says, "Uh, you mean... resturant?".
I look at everyone, they look back at me. "No, I want a beer. I just want to relax and have a drink. Is that a big deal."
Apparantly it is. My ultra-religious brother-in-law gets up and storms out of the room. My sister-in-law is translating to my mother-in-law, since she can't speak english. She comes over to me, and explains in Arabic, that drinking is bad. I can only understand about half of what she's saying, since she's talking at the speed of light... but I got the jist of it.
I try to explain that I just want a fucking BEER, I don't want to get hammered, I don't want to stumble around the city... I just want a beer. It's no big deal. We agree to disagree. I can see the disapointment written on their faces.
A while later, my brother in law comes back in the room, and says, "Corinne... lets go to the Hard Rock Cafe... it's a nice place!". I'm super-surprised. 1). He NEVER talks to me, and 2). Is he taking me to DRINK?
The whole family piles into their little Honda, and we're off. I'm packed in the back between my mother-in-law and my sis-in-law (complete with 1 year old son pearched on her lap). They refuse to roll the windows down because of the pollution, and the car has no air. We drive around the block, and Hamada (my brother in law) stops at a store, and hops out, without explanation. He comes back a few minutes later with a cassette tape in hand. He hurriedly unwraps the tape and pops it in, and turns it all the way up.
I'm DYING to know what tape Hamada wanted so bad...
Then it starts.
"Bismallaaahh rahmaaan rahiiim...." Oh yes... He just put in a prayer tape. At full blast. It's so loud we can't even talk. I couldn't even fucking THINK.
Needless to say, we went to the Hard Rock Cafe, but Hamada didn't want to sit down... we bought t-shirts and left.
My husband insisted that his family was NOT trying to shove their religion down my throat. I was irate, to say the least... but, I accepted the fact that his brother is a nut, and I got over it. I didn't ask to go to the bar again, though.
Later that night, after dinner, his other sister and I are talking. I really admired this woman. She was a doctor, very smart, beautiful, kind, funny... Expecially for living in the Middle East... where most women were housewives... she really held on to her freedom and independance.
Then she says, "So, Hamada told me you drink." ARGH... She's a bit more respectful of our cultural differences, but she uses this as an "in" to talk about religion. I spend the next 45 mintues talking about the Koran, and about how good religion makes you feel, and about god and all this various bullshit.
Christ.
On one hand, good for them... they are happy and content with their beliefs, even to the point that they want to instill their Gods Greatness on me. But, god damn. It's Christmas, and I'm in Egypt, and leave me alone.
Needless to say, I'm no longer married.
Which reminds me.
Today I was at my parents house... we had the front door wide open... my mom and I were sitting in the living room, talking about various stuff... and we see a lady come walking through the yard, approaching the door.
"Oh No." Mom says. Because nobody ever wears dresses and walks through yards besides religious nuts... we know it's a Jehovas Witness. We're obviously HOME, she can most likely see us from the yard... and the door is open... so we can't really go hide.
I say "get 'em!!!!" under my breath, which prompts my dog to run at the door, barking like a killer. She's undaunted. She reaches the door, I'm still saying, "get 'em, xander... get 'em" to make sure the dog doesn't stop barking.
"Oh ha ha ha" she says, "wow, tough guy!". My mom gets up and goes to the door. "Hellloooo!" The lady says.
My mom says hi. (I'm very disapointed in my moms wimpyness... she should have just told the lady to leave). The lady launches into her religious rhetoric, not stopping long enough to give my mom time to inturrupt her. I sit laughing. The lady hears me laughing, and laughs, and says, "Who's that over there?" Like I'm 8 years old. Sweet. That's my in!
"So, is it true, that only 144,000 people will be allowed into heaven?" I ask.
Her face controts a bit. She can't decide weather to be happy that I know about her beliefs, or to be on gaurd for an argument. "That's the word of Our Lord, yes" She says, a smile plastered across her face.
"And you're required to talk to people, and spread the word, right? It's a requirement, right? So you might be one of those people to go to heaven?" I ask.
She starts to answer, but I hurry to inturrupt. "So you're just here out of purely selfish reasons, because you want to use us to get you into heaven... because you don't really want us to believe, because if we become believers, then you have even MORE competition, don't you?"
My mom walked away. I went and sat back down. She stood at the door for a second, and then just turned away, and walked back out to the road.
****
I'm going to start spreading the Word of Corinne. First, I need to get a philosophy.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-06-03 03:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PAS... yes, I was married for a whopping 18 months. Go figure.
Almost all my stuff on here is real, I have very little ability to write fiction.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-05-03 07:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weird, disjointed and oddly cool.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-05-03 06:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. Was the first bit real, did you use to be married to an Egyptian...if so how did that come about?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-30 20:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Cockwad-
I was going more for the humor angle, rather than the "I'm so smart and I don't need you to be here and lecture me" angle.
By no means do I think I know everything about ANYTHING, let alone about a religion that I've neither studied nor have interest in.
If I just shook my head and walked away I wouldn't have the satisfaction of having a good belly laugh later on, right? And no, I have never read anything in their pamphlets because I have never talked to anyone who was trying to push religion on me long enough to get said literature from them.
Furthermore, I wouldn't need to walk up to a Catholic and say some smart ass remark about their religion... why? Because none of them are "rude" enough to come to my fucking door and lecture me about The Virgin Mary, etc etc. If they did, I'd probably say something smart ass about the trinity or whatnot...
The thing with JW that does piss me off is that it's uninvited. If I decide to spend a few hours/days/months looking up info and researching a religion, good for me. I do not, however, think it's okay for someone to come and try to convert me or even educate me without my desire to be so converted or educated.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-04-30 12:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
naw, Im an athiest but I find religion fascinating. I read those books the Hare krishnas give out and read the stuff the mormons and Jw's give you at the door, mainly while taking a dump (aka "shite", aka "a hefty ned"). The Jw thing she got completly and utterly wrong is very clearly and concisly explained in the magaizines they give you. Its not exactly difficult as they are written using language a grade school kid can read. What she said to the jehovas witness is as godawfully stupid as me going up to a catholic and saying something unbelievably dumb like "so you believe in the trinity eh? So you think I should goto church? If I were to goto church on a sunday then theres less chance of you joining the trinity" The catholic would of course look at me in gobsmacked disbelief at my fathomless stupidity, exactly the reaction this jechovas witness had to this fucking stupid twats argument. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and just walk away.
C
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-04-30 11:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha
I have never seen anyone defend a religious faith with profanity and verbal abuse, until now.
Are you a disfellowshipped jw or something?
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-04-30 09:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually You get a -2 for trying to sound smart and all knowledgable to the jehovas witness and fucking it up.
The people going door to door trying to convery you are not part of the 144000 that goto heaven. The jehovas witness's believe in a heirarchy stsyem of a new world government on earth. 144000 chosen few will go to heaven and govern the rest on earth. Those doing the door to door do not expect to be part of this "ruling class". There is no competition or limit on eternal life in their belief structure.
So in future when you try to mouth off to someone try to at least have your facts straight. If you bothered your ass being a bit more open minded and actually read any of their pamphlets you would know this, but no, Rather then learn something you had to show how much of a dumb cunt you are. Way to go.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-30 01:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what insane said
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked the first part. didnt like the second part. LEARN to stick to one topic in the future you damn dirty drunken numb-clit.
Therefore, tis i who shall give thee a -2 + +2 + -2 + 3 = 1
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those descriptions of your exfamily sound really funny.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-29 21:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Drmunkyhead <Rabidwhale.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-29 21:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad. I hate people trying to force their religion on you.