The Lamest Roommate Ever (1227 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.7 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JWLMAR10 (View user info) at 2004-04-30 02:52:06 EDT
The following is a list of reasons why my roommate is the lamest roommate ever.
1. He never leaves the room. He sits at his computer all day and he only leaves the room to go to class, to go to the dining hall, or to go to meetings for "knowledge bowl."
2. He participates in knowledge bowl. As far as I know, knowledge bowl is a club offered at our university where book worms, nerds, and geeks all come together to ask each other difficult and pointless questions. Why anyone would subject themselves to this torture is beyond me.
3. He never talks. I've been his roommate for a year and he has never initiated a conversation with me. The only time he speaks is if I ask him a question and he will respond with simple, one-sentence or one-word responses. I think one time he said a joke, but I just ignored it because it was the WORST JOKE EVER.
4. He answers neither the phone nor the door. The reason for this is probably that he knows nobody is trying to contact him. The sad part is that he won't even answer the phone or door when I am asleep in the room. I have often been woken by the phone and as it stops ringing I see him just sitting there like a dumbass.
5. He has no friends. He has only had a total of two guests in the room the entire year and they were there to get help with homework.
6. He is a closet trekkie. I wouldn't hold it against him if he was open about his love for Star Trek, but he tries to hide it from me. You might be wondering how I know that he is a closet trekkie if he tries to hide it. Well, sometimes I will be channel-surfing and when I flip through Star Trek he will perk up all of a sudden as if he has been conditioned to enter nerd-mode when the Enterprise graces the screen. Furthermore, I have walked in occasionally and Star Trek will be on, but he will quickly change the channel. Maybe he thinks I don't notice, but I do.
7. Books are his sole form of entertainment besides television. Now, I have nothing against books. In fact, I love to read myself, but my roommate has stacks upon stacks of the most boring books you could ever find. He also does not own a single CD, DVD, VHS tape, video game, magazine, or any other type of similar entertainment.
8. To add to his boringness, he has had nothing on his walls all year. He doesn't have a single poster, photograph, calendar, etc. It has simply been a blank wall all year. I mean, this is college, come on.
9. He plays minesweeper every day. This guy is the fastest minesweeper player I have ever seen. He finishes expert in a minute or two on average. Being a skilled minesweeper player is one thing, but he plays it every day. He must play 100 games a day. Every time he's at his computer all I hear is "clickety-clack, click, clickety-clack-clackety-clickety-click-clack."
10. He's fucking creepy. It seems like he is always looking at me for some reason. I know I'm not just paranoid, because every time something funny happens on TV he will look over at me with a stupid grin on his face to see if I am laughing. He doesn't say a thing, he just looks at me every couple of minutes with a stupid grin on his face. Most of the time I'm not even watching the TV. It's fucking creepy I tell you. He also walks around as if any sound would be disturbing. He performs activities around the room at a gruelingly slow pace, often stopping for no reason at all as if he is pondering some deep meaning behind picking up his toothbrush.
11. He takes the nastiest shits. Every time he takes a shit, there is still crap in the toilet that doesn't make it with one flush. Instead of doing the logical thing and flushing again, he just leaves it there, every time. What's worse is that it smells horrid and he ALWAYS leaves the bathroom door open (only after shitting) so that the entire room subsequently smells of his rancid shit. It is fucking disgusting.
All in all, it really wasn't too bad living with him, because he stayed out of my way, but he was really strange. Luckily, I leave for home tomorrow. Summer break couldn't have come soon enough.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-22 17:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think one time he said a joke, but I just ignored it because it was the WORST JOKE EVER."
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-05-03 20:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. I've never heard of such a lameass. You should have him killed, I mean, put down.
Malone
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-04-30 21:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If they do, make SURE you post about it!
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 10:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And maybe one day monkeys will fly out of my ass.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-30 10:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the poster sounds like more of a loser than his roommate. Maybe he just bangs chicks in your bed when your not around and jizzes on your pillow.
Submitted by bluerampage2 (user info) at 2004-04-30 10:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. :-)
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 10:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on, he is a CLOSET TREKKIE. Is that not weird as hell to anyone else?
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 09:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not the fact that he smiles, it's the weird look in his eyes. And by being mean on the internet it allows me to be nice to him in real life.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-30 09:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because this inspired one of the funniest posts I've read in a while.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-04-30 09:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I actually think this is rather mean. So what if he doesn't have any friends or DVDs? Maybe he likes doing his homework. None of those things you mentioned should even affect you at all. (except the shitting one, I'll give ya that one.) If the phone was ALWAYS for you I'd quit answering it too. He's your roommate not your secretary. Tell your friends not to call when you are sleeping. I just don't think it's nice that you dedicated a whole post to mocking someone whose only crime is smiling at you when something funny is on TV... "Goddamnit! Quit smiling you bastard! That's the gayest thing. Geez! I mean, who smiles? Really? God, you're lame!"
-2 for being mean.
+1 cause at least it was well written.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 04:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah, you don't have to do that. Thanks anyway, though.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-30 04:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There, that should make up for it.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-30 04:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-30 04:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry JW I meant to give this a 2 earlier so heres one now.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-30 04:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tom-
"Don't take the fact that you can't write anything golden on me. It's your own issue. Deal with it and don't take out your prissy-boy anger on me."
Okay, you wrote a post that is one of--if not THE most well renowned post on Uber. Congrats, but no need to use that status to take cheap shots on others.
There we go. We're happy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+2 to Sideburns for that.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen much better from you.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He is pretty lame.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are others that are higher rated or more reviews or whatever, but those are some of the one's that I like the best.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This one is good too:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/11006
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and this one:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/13418
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And this one:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24810
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You wanna read some of my "good" posts Tom. Try this one:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27807
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As for this post, I just felt the desire to tell people about my boring roommate. Maybe if he was a roommate that would collect snakes and do backflips out of the window, then the post would be more exciting, but then again, this is all 100% true, with no embellishment.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post= +2.
Now, let's see if we can end an argument here.
JWL- Tom didn't submit his link to those high traffic websites. The first website that linked him contacted HIM first, you can verify this with Bart.
Tom-
"Don't take the fact that you can't write anything golden on me. It's your own issue. Deal with it and don't take out your prissy-boy anger on me."
Okay, you wrote a post that is one of--if not THE most well renowned post on Uber. Congrats, but no need to use that status to take cheap shots on others.
There we go. We're happy.
Let's pull out the lube and get to butt-fuckin'.
-Sideburns.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet that now that this feud is over you will give me all +2's from now on.
That was a joke.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It seems like a lot of my posts turn into me and you fighting over some stupid shit.
How about this. I will concede that you didn't submit your post to most of those sites. All I ask is for this dumb feud to end, because I'm tired of arguing about something stupid every time I decide to write a post.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I over-reacted, but trust me man, I didn't submit it to nothing. I believe madville was my doing very early on though. I knew the community would like the read. They did. Case closed.
As for elsewhere, I didn't submit it. You can choose to believe that I did if you like, but you'd be denying yourself truth.
Sorry for being such a poor sport with your accusations...
..but your post really could have been better.
Take care now.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
24 days ago I wrote that post. I didn't even think it was that funny. Since you're too dumb to put 2 and 2 together, let me do it for you:
www.alldumb.com
www.collegehumor.com
www.madville.com
www.ubersite.com
www.boredatwork.com
http://www.libertyforum.org/showflat.php?Number=1430662
http://con.ca/news/816
http://www.mblog.com/rtwodtwo/031533.html
http://illusionarylunch.blogspot.com/
Among many many others. Don't believe me? Run the exact title search through google. I know you don't like me, but it is absolutly no excuse to be a dumb fucker. I realize it's strange to get 16000 hits in a single 24 hour period, but don't take it out on me. Don't take the fact that you can't write anything golden on me. It's your own issue. Deal with it and don't take out your prissy-boy anger on me. Do you understand? Good. Now take your bad ju ju elsewhere.
40,000 people viewed it. You think one of those 40,000 might have said "Hey, this is good, I'll submit it to college humor."? Good, I do too. Hundreds of other people did the same thing with their sites, bloggers, and forums. Don't take out the fact that you don't like me on my best post ever. It's unsightly, and you are rating me, not the post.
And yes...this minus two is rating the post.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My comment on your post had absolutely nothing to do with this post. It just proves that you are a user who rates according to the name on top of the post. When I gave you that -2, I didn't give it to you because you are Tom. I gave it to you because you are obviously submitting the link to various sites in order to make it the most viewed message. It is a great post, but that's kind of lame.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Tom, what is your problem man? Every time I give you a -2, you automatically counter with a -2 on my latest post. That's pretty stupid buddy.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on now. If I meant that he was the worst roommate ever, I would have said that. He was a great roommate, but he was BORING and CREEPY.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That's the best roomate I've heard of so far.
At least he's not a unemployed broke drug addict thief.
This description represents most roomates I had.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 02:19:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop linking this post.
Yes, it is you doing it.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not saying he was a bad roommate. Just lame. So very lame.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-30 03:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like a great roommate to me, minus the smell factor.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-04-30 02:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make sure that you print this out and give it to him a few years from now when he has won the Nobel.