I love my job (934 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.11 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by happykangaroo (View user info) at 2004-04-30 21:30:12 EDT
To those of you who are lucky enough to have graced my fine home-town of Hamilton, in Ontario (That's that place that's north of you, America), you have probably been in the Ivor Wynne. I'm pretty sure that Genko and Blitzen have been there (they don't deserve the blackened lungs if they haven't.) Anyway, recently, I was laid off from my job as a telemarketer. So, I'm short a few dollars that I need to save for a car. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the local football stadium was hiring. I went down, and I managed to snag a job.
Task 1: Selling programs. Sounds easy, right? Stand by the entrances and hawk overpriced advertisement pamphlets. You have no idea how many shit heads try to underpay me, or just take one, or something else stupid. Occasionally, I have to stop somebody who tries to steal. Usually it involves tackling someone, taking the program back, kicking them, and calling security. Unfortunately, there are runners. As I was chasing some 15 year old bitch punk down the halls, I tackled him and hit the ground with him. He rolled and stood up, and punched me right in the face. For once, school came in useful. I remembered my self defense lessons that I learned in gym.
He punches.
I duck.
I tackle.
WHAM!
That is the best sound you can here in a fight. It means that your opponent has hit the ground. It was kind of an added bonus that he rolled down a football stadiums set of stairs from the top. Security got him, and he is never allowed back in. Management decided that I had meant well, but maybe shouldn't be doing a job that... high stress.
Task 2: The hawker. You know those guys who walk up and down the aisles selling stuff. That was me. It was pretty fun, because I could watch the game as I was doing it. As usual, when I send the food over, at least once a game, somebody decides to stop the chain. Or take the money being sent back to me. I get paid commission. I need every cent that I can get. As the money is being handed down, I see somebody pocket it.
"Excuse me sir, but could you please keep passing that here?"
"Passing what?"
"The money."
"I don't have your money!" He laughed as he threw an ice cube at me. The fucker got beaned in the eye with a chocolate bar, got a bag of peanuts to the nose, and very hot nacho cheese all over his face. After collecting the money, it was determined that I should get a slightly lower key job.
I am suspended with pay currently. Maybe I should get a job as a lawyer when I start doing something useful. I could get paid for beating the shit out of witnesses. I love my job.
Incidentally, my cable is out. Are the Leafs winning?
User Reviews
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-05-10 09:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah. Silly Canadians.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-04 01:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A story about Ontario makes me feel...nothing
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-05-01 14:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
All I can think about when I go to Ivor Wynne is turf-burn.
That, and sprained ankles. Artificial turf is the devil.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-05-01 11:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid non-hitwhoring title...
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-04-30 23:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In grade 9, I watched the Nelson football game at Ivor Wynne, I was on Nelson's side.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if you know it, but the fact i'm five fout four, 135 pounds, and 14 years old embarassed the shit out of the first guy.
Submitted by space_cowboy (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ya, I love my job too, it makes it so much better, except the payroll where I work is fucked up (for you to really understand I would have to spend an hour typing), so it is trying at times to work there.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I went to school with a guy called Justin.
Nothing wrong with that.
Except his surname was Love.
He was taunted daily.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually, i know somebody who's parents were that cruel. The guy's name is Dino (pronounced like Deeno) Crapsi.
I seriously feel sorry for that man
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yep - funnily enough Trout isn't my actual first name.
Nobodys parents would be that cruel
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when i read that, i thought... Trout Hamilton... then i realized that i'm an idiot
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have another +1 for your hometown being my surname.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-30 21:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-30 21:35:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
radio?
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oh yah... i'm to freaking lazy to mess with the tuning knob. I have it set to 102.1 but it looks like it's set to 104 something. When i finally got it tuned, i vowed to never touch the knob again. MAn i'm weird.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-30 21:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
radio?
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-30 21:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
incidentally, this has nothing to do with the guy a little below me.