Desperation (2201 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.94 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thinning Temples (View user info) at 2004-05-04 12:09:34 EDT
Desperation
My first memories of Jane are of her lips. Much later I learned that the ruby loveliness of Jane's lips had a lot more to do with Revlon than with any natural gifts, but back then, in high school, Jane's mouth was the sexiest thing I'd ever laid eyes on.
And that was all I'd ever laid on it. Having a crush on Jane Miller was about as much use as a hole in the head for a guy like me. Girls like Jane dated guys who roared into the school parking lot astride motorcycles, guys with muscles and cigarettes and loud, bragging laughs.
Definitely not guys who were more at home in the library than on a motorcycle. Definitely not guys named Dick.
But the truth of it is that Jane made the first move on me. Which is just as well because there's no way I'd have had the nerve to approach her.
It happened one evening in the school library. It was getting late, close to closing time, and the library was filled with long, golden beams of sunlight playing on the dusty books and desks. I was bent over a book when I felt somebody looking at me. I'd read but never believed that you could feel the weight of somebody's stare, but on that Tuesday evening I felt somebody looking at me. I looked up, straight into the eyes of Jane Miller.
What was she doing in the library? I have no idea. I asked her once, and she replied, looking for you honey.
Her gaze was cool and sexy, that look predators have, hunkered down beside a water hole in the gathering dusk.
"Hey you," she said, "Got a cigarette?"
Matter of fact, I didn't. But Jane bummed two Winstons off of Stuart Hanson and we spent the rest of that afternoon in the woods behind the school.
Jane taught me a lot that warm May evening. I learned how to smoke without coughing my lungs out, and I also learned how to unfasten bra straps. Turns out she liked the quiet type.
We married a year later, among the first crop of graduates to do so. My parents attended the ceremony out of duty, not pride, and they didn't stay for the reception. We argued in the parking lot. Getting into the car, my Mother said to me, "That girl is going to bring you nothing but trouble."
I did what in those circumstances every other young person in love is obliged to do and I ignored them.
Jane's mother attended the ceremony, but not her father. He was serving a prison term for assaulting a police officer during a peace rally in Washington. The demonstrator beside her father happened to be in a wheelchair. The march got out of hand, the police charged in, and when a policeman took a nightstick to the disabled man, Mr Miller waded in. That's what Jane told me. A few weeks later my father took me out for a beer and gave me the real story: Robert Miller had been caught breaking into a pharmacy in Cleverland. High on drugs, he'd beaten the elderly nightwatchman half to death. I didn't believe him until he pushed the newspaper across the bar.
The first two months we lived with my folks. It wasn't comfortable and it wasn't pleasant, but we were both stony broke and we just didn't have a choice, at least not until I'd had a chance to save up a little. I worked part-time at a record store named Roxy's, a job that I loved, and after graduation when they offered me a permanent position I immediately accepted. The yearly salary looked like a lot of money, but it wasn't. And working there day-in, day out, soon took a lot of the fun out of it.
Jane, a year younger than me, was still at school. We'd decided that I'd keep working at Roxy's till she graduated, then we'd both find work and move into a place of our own. That had been the plan, anyway.
I came home one day found Jane at home watching TV, smoking a cigarette.
"How was school today?" I said.
"Dunno."
"How come you don't know?" I flopped down onto the sofa next to her.
"I dunno because I quit," she said.
Canned laughter from the TV. I looked at her in disbelief.
"You quit school?"
She didn't say anything, just blew a long, thin stream of cigarette smoke at the TV.
"You can't quit," I said, starting to shout. "You've got to graduate. That's what we planned."
We'd decided that I'd keep working at Roxy's till she graduated, then we'd both move out and get a place of our own.
"You are not my goddamn father, Dick," she said, without taking her eyes off the screen.
She took another drag of her cigarette.
If she'd just looked at me I might not have lost my temper the way I did.
"Are you stupid or something?" I yelled. "You think we can just go live in some trailer like your mother-"
It happened quickly. Jane leaped up off the sofa and slapped me hard across the face. The sound was shockingly loud. My first thought was whether my mother was home, if she was watching this.
Jane stood there, eyeing me. Then she wiped her nose with the palm of her hand.
"I'll do what the hell I like, you understand me?"
What I remember most about that incident was not the pain, nor the humiliation of being struck, not even the surprise of it. It was the look in Jane's eyes. They were feverish, burning. Slowly, deliberately, she collected her cigarettes and her lighter and walked out of the room. She wasn't angry and she wasn't ashamed. Standing over me that day, Jane had looked excited.
We had Nell eleven months later, in September, the first dead leaves clogging the gutters. By then we'd moved out of my parent's house and set up in an apartment on the fourth floor of a seedy block of flats, sharing with one of Jane's friends, an anaemic hippy that we paid to babysit Nell during the day. I was still at the record store, working as many shifts as I could get, and Jane had found a job waitressing at a steak restaurant not far from where we lived.
Jane hated her work at the restaurant, ranted that the staff were all assholes and that the customers were worse. I stopped by one night after work and I could see what she meant, at least about the clientelle. It was a mean little restaurant pretending to be much more. I'd worked in holes just like it and remembered the clientelle - men who spent most of their working days being pushed around and therefore took full advantage of the opportunity to lord it over whoever was unlucky enough to be serving them.
But the bottom line was that we needed the money, more than ever. We both loved Nell to pieces, but with doctor's bills and rent and groceries we were working as hard as we could just to keep up ourselves afloat. It had been a long, long time since I'd enjoyed working at Roxys. I'd see high school kids working part-time the way I used to, full of enthusiasm and energy, and I'd feel something stab deep inside.
There was no single event that sent us into a final decline. Jane and I were under a lot of pressure, working long hours and weekends, as well as caring for our baby. Good times became more and more scarce, until one day sitting on the bus it dawned on me that a night spent watching TV together was about as good as our relationship got. But even so, I believed we'd pull through. I'd been thinking about studying further - I couldn't work at Roxy's forever, and my parents had hinted at paying the fees. Jane would find better work, something she enjoyed, and she wouldn't be so depressed all the time. We'd get our own place, somewhere with a bit more room, maybe near a park. We'd stop fighting so much.
One evening coming into the apartment I saw that the prospectus from Wellman's college had arrived - I'd telephoned for one a few days earlier. I skipped up the stairs with it under my arm, took Nell from Sky (who complained again about Jane working at a restaurant that sold meat) and spent a couple of hours at the kitchen table compiling a shortlist of courses. One in electrical engineering that looked especially appealing. According to the prospectus, you could take the course part time, four nights a week, term starting in January of the next year. It would be tough, working at Roxy's during the day and studying at night, but all I had to do was gaze into my daughter's soft blue eyes to know that I could do it.
By the time I heard the front door slam, I felt like anything was possible. Jane walked through the kitchen into the living room and collapsed onto the sofa. A second later I heard the TV.
Ignoring that fact that she'd cruised straight past me without so much as a hello, I followed into the living room and sat down on the edge of the recliner.
Jane hadn't changed out of her uniform - a cheap red tunic with the restaurant's name - "McSteak" - splayed across the breast. The uniform was spotted with what looked like barbecue sauce and badly needed a wash. My wife looked tired and inscrutable, but even now, when any other woman would have looked washed up, faded, Jane bore all of the features I'd fallen in love with - bruised, resentful looking eyes, pale skin, soft, voluptuous mouth...
"Hey, look what came in the mail today," I said, holding up the prospectus.
Jane flicked her eyes at the cover of the booklet for a second, and then flicked them back to the TV.
"I've found a course, in electrical engineering. Listen to this," and I began reading the course description out loud, but her silent indifference, her refusal to even acknowledge me, took the wind out of my sails, and I lowered the booklet.
"Who's going to pay for it?" she said eventually.
"My parent's will help."
Jane snorted.
"What's the matter, honey?" I said, deciding on a different tack. "Bad day at work?"
"How was your day at work?" she said, rather pointedly.
"Fine," I said.
"So who's the chick?" said Jane, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. She gave me a brief look.
"What chick?" I said blankly.
"Short black hair, tattoos. Cute, in a slutty kind of way."
I thought for a second. She must mean Karla, one of the high school kids at the record store. We'd worked the same shift that afternoon, alphabetising the new releases section.
"You stopped by at the store?"
Jane shrugged.
"Why didn't you say hi?" I asked.
The muscle in Jane's jaw had started working - a bad sign. "Didn't want to disturb the two of you. By the way, are you fucking her?"
I sighed and leaned back in the recliner.
"Jane-"
"Never mind," she said. "It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters," I said, sitting up again. "You and I need-"
"I lost my job today."
That stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Why? What happened?"
"I came by the store to tell you, but you were already busy. What's her name, anyhow?"
"Jesus Jane, please just slow down a second. Our family-"
"OUR FAMILY?" Jane screamed suddenly. "OUR FAMILY?" Violently she mashed her cigarette against the ashtray. "Let me show you what I think of our family" she said and stormed out of the room.
I was wondering what do next when Jane ran back into the living room, carrying Nell.
"This is what I think of our family," she said, carrying our baby out onto the balcony.
My mind went blank. I think I screamed something but I can't remember what it was. The image of my wife holding our baby out over the handrail is forever burned into my memory. I remember Nell screaming, the TV blaring, neighbour's heads popping out of their windows, and most of all, pleading with Jane to come back inside. Eventually she did.
Some time later there was a pounding on the front door. One of the neighbours witnessed the whole scene, and called the police.
The weeks thereafter form an unpleasant blur, like torrential rain obscuring a car windscreen.
Jane and I were arrested and spent a harrowing night in custody, being questioned by social services. Jane was charged with neglectful parenting, we were released next morning.
Nell was taken away from us and placed in protective care, subject to a hearing in two week's time.
My parents agreed to pay for all the lawyer's fees on condition that I divorce Jane.
I was thinking about it when I got the news.
Two days after being released. Jane turned up at Roxy's. As luck would have it, I hadn't been at work that day, but Karla was. Jane walked up to her, withdrew from her handbag a carving knife she'd taken from her mother's kitchen, and lunged at her throat. She missed, the blade grazing the teenager's shoulder. The mall security guard, who'd been following her, jumped on her before she could make another attempt.
Jane was arrested again, the second time in two days, and this time bail was denied. She was held at Levenworth prison until the trial, set for a month's time.
In the interim, the hearing convened by Social Services to establish a course of action for Nell went ahead. Jane was allowed to appear at the hearing.
When she entered the room I barely recognised her. She wore a baggy, coarse orange jump suit with fasteners at the waist. Head down, she shuffled to her seat, flanked by two courtroom guards.
She remained impassive throughout the hearing. Not once did I see her look up, or exclaim. She just sat there. The description of the assault on Karla seemed oddly incongruous - Jane didn't look capable of hurting anybody.
The hearing recommended that I receive charge of our daughter pending the outcome of Jane's trial, and subject to several conditions, one of which was moving back in with my parent's, where my mother would have a share of custodial duty. Our lawyer, Jack Bowman, explained that the chances of Jane receiving even partial custody of Nell were slim.
One rainy Sunday my father helped me move out of our crummy apartment. I settled in with Nell in the guest bedroom of my parent's house.
I'd been in a kind of intellectual fog: my life had spun out of control so dramatically that whenever I tried to confront it, tried to take hold of the situation, something in my mind shied away. I was a man stuck in neutral, drifting through the wreckage of my life. I'd resigned from Roxy's in the wake of what had happened. The manager, a friend of mine, tried hard to convince me to stay, but I wouldn't budge.
I'd dreaded moving back to my parent's house, even on a temporary basis, but at the time it was what I needed. My parents were surprisingly supportive, considering how vindictive they could have been. They'd predicted disaster from the word go, little realising just how catastrophic our marriage would turn out, but to their credit they were firm but supportive in a pragmatic, no-nonsense manner that provided me with the will to stand up again.
We took turns taking care of Nell, attended the endless number of meetings with the lawyers and with Social Services, and prepared for the trial. One evening my father walked into the kitchen while I was on the telephone discussing my options at Wellmans with one of their guidance officers - I'd decided to apply for the electrical engineering course. It must have been the first time he'd heard about my plans to go back to school. He didn't say anything, I felt his hand resting on my shoulder for a moment. When I turned he was already rooting around in the refridgerator.
Several days later I was driving my mother's car on the way home when my cell-phone rang. It was our lawyer, Jack Browman. As usual, he skipped the pleasantries and got straight to the point.
"Richard this is Jack. May I speak with your mother?"
"She's not with me" I'd just dropped her off at a friend's house, where they were holding their weekly book club meeting.
"Can I reach her there?"
I couldn't remember the friend's surname, and my mother didn't have a cell phone.
"That's going to be tough. Why, what's up?"
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and I could almost hear Jack's mind ticking over, deciding what to tell me.
"There's a problem. Jane escaped from Bergville hospital this afternoon."
My mind went blank. Escape? Hospital?
"She was in hospital?"
"Yeah - happened this morning, some sort of skirmish between her and two other inmates. All three of them were admitted and all of them attempted to escape - looks like the whole thing was a set-up. They've got the other two, but Jane's still out there. Details are pretty sketchy at the moment, the hospital's crawling with press-"
"Jane's escaped?" My first thought was Nell: my mother had agreed to take her for the afternoon so that she could show her off to her book club cronies. My father was at work, wouldn't be home till after five o'clock.
"Yeah. Where are you now?"
"I'm on my way home."
"You going to be there all day?" I said that I was.
"OK, just lock all the doors and windows and sit tight. I'm sure they'll get her long before she shows up anywhere."
"What about Karla?"
"I've already contacted her - she's with her parents. Listen, Jack, you should know that she's got a gun. Got it somehow off one of the hospital guards. It's how she was able to escape."
Jack assured me he'd call as soon as he heard anything, and hung up.
I drove the rest of the way home digesting the news. The hospital was at least a hundred miles from my parent's home. Assuming she did come looking for me, how long would it take her? What time had she escaped? I realised that I hadn't asked.
I eased the car into the driveway and turned off the engine. The house looked quiet.
I stepped out of the car and approached the front door looking for ... I didn't know what ... broken glass, splintered wood, some sign of forced entry ... something.
Of course there was nothing. The front door remained as ordinary and as boring as ever, my mother's drapes the essence of suburban normality.
I was overreacting. Jane was miles from here, either holed up at a friend's or heading in the opposite direction, making a break for freedom.
I let myself in to the house, deliberately making a commotion, and performed a quick reconnaisscance of the ground floor windows and doors. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I filled up the kettle and switched it on, leaning on the kitchen counter. But my attempts to settle down weren't working. Something felt wrong. Steam began to curl from the kettle.
What the hell was the matter? I took a deep breath to calm myself, and suddenly I knew.
I could smell cigarette smoke.
Neither of my parents smoked, and nor did I.
The water began to boil, filling the kitchen with a shrill whistle. Compulsively I switched it off.
Somebody was coming down the staircase.
I froze. One footfall after another slowly clattered down on the wooden steps.
I couldn't move, couldn't think. There was no time to get to the front door. All the other doors were locked. I could unlock the kitchen door but it was horribly noisy.
My heart started to pound in my chest, my ears.
"Hey Dick," she said, shuffling into the kitchen. She sat down at the table.
Jane wore a pair of men's jeans and a man's checked shirt, both too big for her. She had one of my belts looped through the jeans to hold them up. She lifted her right arm and laid a revolver on the table between us.
I was still leaning against the kitchen counter. I stared at the gun. It was black and it made an ugly clunking sound on the Formica table.
I couldn't take my eyes from the gun. It looked huge and obscene, lying on my mother's scrubbed table.
"Aren't you going to say hello?" said Jane.
I found my voice. "Hi Jane," I said.
Jane frowned. "Dick," she said, "Where's my daughter?"
If I told her the truth Jane was liable to make me drive over to my mother's friend at gunpoint.
"My mother has her at the police station. I came home to pack her things."
Jane didn't say anything. Then she dragged the gun off the counter and pointed it at me.
"Please no Jane," I said in a rush, putting my hands out in front of me. My legs whooshed out from under me and I slumped to the floor.
Gun in hand, Jane stared down at me.
She dropped her gun arm so that it dangled alongside the chair.
"You know Dick," she said at last, "I think I would have been a good mother." Quickly she raised the gun to her temple and fired.
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked this, but it wasn't very special.
Submitted by wewalkin (user info) at 2004-07-13 11:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First time visitor to this site... easily the best thing I've read so far (and I've probably read a few hundred things which were all very good).
Excellent.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-06-11 12:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Melody, JewdoMaster, chiara_mente and Scotsman, thank you, to some of you for the second time today, for your reviews and especially for your comments. It really is fantastically encouraging.
Matt
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-11 04:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing mate! It is rare that I get excited reading a story but I couldn't read that fast enough to find out what happened!
Submitted by chiara_mente (user info) at 2004-06-11 03:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JewdoMaster (user info) at 2004-06-11 03:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Writing short stories is so hard, well done man!
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-06-11 02:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If anybody would like to read another story by the same author, please go here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33500
Thanks,
Matt
Submitted by Melody at 2004-06-04 16:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My dear Lord, I think I love you. This post... was indescribable. Just really... wow.
Submitted by Faze (user info) at 2004-05-23 11:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice read.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-19 10:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i read every word and loved it, thanks. i need a cigarette now.
Submitted by theWELLofZION (user info) at 2004-05-19 10:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-05-18 21:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, "Best Ever."
Submitted by Arla (user info) at 2004-05-17 22:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-05-17 20:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coffeeisgood (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-05-10 18:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow
Submitted by rattlehead (user info) at 2004-05-10 16:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Excellent."
-C.Montgomery Burns
You have a very cinematic way of telling the story. I love it.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-05-10 12:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For purely asthetic purposes, I would space the paragraphs out more, but otherwise it was a magnificent story.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-05-10 11:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At the risk of boring everyone to tears, once again, thank you all for your comments. I honestly had no idea that this would be so well received. It's fantastically encouraging.
A couple of people have asked about further submissions. I'll try to post another story by the end of next week. There are no revolvers in the next one, but there are a hell of a lot of corpses...
Many thanks, and a special thank you to Razor for promoting this post.
One final point before I slip back into obscurity - as a long time, secret fan, I was especially pleased to see Loki's rating.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-10 11:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW! This is amazing.
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-05-10 10:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you, Razor, this things gotten so much attention (be it well-deserved) that it kicked me off the top spot on the best ever list.
Submitted by Kiddo <annalehmann.at.fastmail.fm> at 2004-05-10 03:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to read this story again first thing this morning! Thinning temples, we want more of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by They_call_me_the_Fireman (user info) at 2004-05-10 03:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well written. Can't wait to read more.
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-09 14:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm jealous. Plus 2.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-09 14:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is a perfect 2 now.
The same thing happened to one of Jimbo's posts and someone mentioned it and Bam it was back to a 2.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-05-09 14:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck?
This is a goddamned conspiracy. I scrolled up and dwon this post a bazillion times and it still looks like everybody but the author gave plus two's.
Why is it not a perfect post?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-09 13:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why did this lose its perfect +2?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-05-07 21:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. that was astoundingly good. im sure you dont need me to say that, but i will anyway. i did. kick-ass.
Submitted by Samo Da Jerbal at 2004-05-07 19:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just gave u a 2 because i was too lazy to read it all, and you actually took the time to wright that.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-05-07 14:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bravo
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-05-07 13:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice. Jane needed her husband to be a bit more forceful. I also think in a sense she was a perverse mother figure to Dick, teaching him how to smoke and about women...he just never grew up and made her feel safe and cared for. I would work 3 jobs before I would let my wife be a waitress.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-05-07 10:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Razor,
Yes the two of them live in completely different worlds - Dick struggling but ultimately optimistic, and Jane stepping ever closer to the abyss...
It's funny but in retrospect I feel very, very sorry for Jane. I wish I could have given her a break. You know, she didn't break out of prison to kill her husband - she did it to see her baby. As soon as she realised that was never going to happen, she lost the will to live.
Anyway, thanks a million for promoting the story, and thanks again everyone for all the comments - this page is getting stuck up on my wall at home, for inspiration.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-07 09:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
by the way, I don't think I ever mentioned it initially, but I love the Dick & Jane reference.
The whole time I was reading it, a funny little corner in the back of my mind was going:
See Dick run... around trying to make things work
See Jane smile... cruelly as she goes further and further off the deep end.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-07 04:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to the crap about ubermadness. This post rocks.
No one knows whether or not you would have ran out of time or ideas as rounds progressed.
Some people are just bitter about losing. Not everyone ran out of juice. Take Razor for example, as far as i'm concerned he has just gotten better each round. Others also posted good stuff consistently, like BIGMIKE, who lost last round, but still his post was very good and I'm looking forward to what he posts this week in the losers bracket. You are a great story teller and I think you should enter the next madness for sure. I would love to see what kinds of fiction you come up with.
Submitted by Kiddo (user info) at 2004-05-07 03:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent writing! A thrilling and fast paced story. I agree this deserves promoting!!!! Hope to hear more from you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-05-07 00:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb piece of literary craftsmanship. I applaud you.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-05-06 18:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant! You stirred up my emotions, that's hard to do with kids talking and the t.v. on ya know.
Thanks Razor. This deserved promoting.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-05-06 08:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing. Absolutely brilliant.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-05-06 04:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-05-06 04:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo! I love it when this happens....
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-05-06 03:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How long till this gets a "WTF I am not reading all that!!!"
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-06 03:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
postalicious
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-05-06 03:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-05-06 03:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Once more, thank you for your comments, & thanks to Razor for drawing attention to this post.
Submitted by maleficent1 <Maleficent1111.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-05-06 01:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY MOLY!!!!! WOW, Very nice writing, I'm so impressed and yah even jealous
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-05-05 22:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Where were you for UberMadness? "
ill tell ya where this post would have been on ubermadness: winning the first round by a landslide, then the rushing nature and the need to get the post up asap to get the most possible votes, combined with titles that are easier to write depressingly about (which isnt a problem, but leads to the readers getting pissed off) and the drain on creativity would have seen this superlative quality of fiction degrade till by the 3rd or 4th round hes almost out of an original idea and an original way to write it...
though this post did rule.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-05-05 22:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by Gish (user info) at 2004-05-05 16:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Worth coming to work just to read this. Keep it up!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-05-05 16:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Looking forward to more from you.
Submitted by Mackenzie at 2004-05-05 16:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-05-05 16:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Start to Finish. I spent 90% of the story thinking it was a true life story.
GK
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-05-05 15:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-05 13:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-05-05 13:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A well deserved +2.
Thanks also to Razor for making me aware of this.
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-05-05 13:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-05-05 03:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sincere thanks for the comments, everyone. Your encouragement will keep me going.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-04 19:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna try to promote this tommorrow.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-04 19:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what?
Hell yeah.
That's what.
This story needs to be promoted. Where were you for UberMadness?
Submitted by Foosh (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit that ruled
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-04 14:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, amazing. Well written from the first word to the last.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-04 14:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT
heres a +2 to keep your streak alive...
Submitted by Naja (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome.
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice job.
Submitted by quentin <qmakowski.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-04 13:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn....
i couldnt stop reading it
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-04 12:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my God.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-04 12:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn! Start to finish, Damn!
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-04 12:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn...
Damn.
Submitted by vaya (user info) at 2004-05-04 12:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment