Jimbo Has A Problem With Short Term Memory (2487 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Childhood
Rating: 1.96 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jimbo (View user info) at 2004-05-04 13:05:39 EDT
A few weeks after I put my brother Joe in the hospital by putting an arrow through his foot, we were outside swinging on a manila rope hanging from one of the trees in the woods behind our house. It was a pretty decent size rope, used for mooring boats at the local marina. It was knotted every couple of feet or so, so we could climb up into the branch above, which was maybe twenty feet off the ground.
We were playing "Tarzan". I throw the rope to you, you jump to it and swing to one of the lower branches on the tree. You throw it to me, I jump to it and swing. Repeat as desired.
I really couldn't explain why I completely forgot about the bow-and-arrow incident. A.D.D., short term memory degradation, premature Alzheimer's, I couldn't say for sure. But it never occurred to me that Joe would do anything other than throw me the rope. I mean, come on! That how the game was PLAYED.
"Cheetah hated Tarzan, you know," Joe stated unequivocally.
"What?"
"He wanted to bang Jane. He wanted to get some of that civilized pussy," continued he.
"You're fucking disturbed, you sick bastard."
"It's true," He wouldn't let it go. "Tarzan would come home from a long day at work, and Cheetah would try to take him out with bananas and mangoes and coconuts and shit while he was trying to swing up into the tree house."
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Just thought you should know."
"Whatever. Throw me the rope." Whatever his purpose was in telling me all that, he had thoroughly distracted me. All I could think about was Cheetah nailing Jane in the jungle while Tarzan looked on, horrified and screaming. So when the rope started to swing over to me, I instinctively dove for it. It wasn't until I was completely committed to the jump, with no possibility of recovery, that I noticed that HE WAS STILL HOLDING ON TO THE END OF THE ROPE.
"FUCK!!" I shouted feebly.
You know, now that I think about it, I'd have to say that it really wasn't that far of a fall. Maybe seven or eight feet onto what I imagined was fairly soft, springy grass. However, as I was to find out, I might as well have stage dived onto a bed of broken glass for all the good it did me. When I tried to break my fall with my hands, I heard a stomach turning crunch and felt the most unreal satanic pain I've ever felt in my entire life. My forearms turned to jelly, albeit jelly capable of administering excruciating doses of electricity directly to the pain receptors in my forearms. Much like jellyfish. My arms had turned to jellyfish.
Joe just stood there, smiling while I screamed like a stuck pig.
It's a good thing my Dad was retired military, what with all the medical bills we compiled over that summer.
User Reviews
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-04-26 14:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For these lines:
"Cheetah hated Tarzan, you know," Joe stated unequivocally.
"What?"
"He wanted to bang Jane. He wanted to get some of that civilized pussy," continued he.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 10:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-10 20:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch!
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-28 22:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.revulsion.net/uploads/photo105.jpg
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-28 21:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Joe just stood there, smiling while I screamed like a stuck pig."
What is he now? A serial killer?
Submitted by krushul (user info) at 2004-08-28 21:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch. game over?
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-08-28 21:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
those x-rays.. wow... thats bad
thats great!
Submitted by joekerland (user info) at 2004-08-19 14:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
omg you're hurting me, jim. I've been laughing so hard all day long reading these stories and cut-n-pasting them to my friends. my coworkers are starting to think I have some sort of mental disorder since I can't stop laughing. :-)
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-07-05 05:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HAha
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-07-05 05:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha nice
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-05-05 09:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the firing of bottle rockets at each other.
Farking phsycos
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-05-04 18:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jimbo, i have a question.
What's it like to take a shit, look down at it, and think 'wow, there's pure talent even in my shit' and to know that your shit is better than everyone elses best efforts?
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-05-04 17:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody hell.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-05-04 16:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my brother used to just mess around with me until i cried...
who knows how lucky i was.
those are some nifty x-rays.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-04 16:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad I'm an only child.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And people think I need help.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-05-04 14:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with RB. Either my family is a bunch of pussies, or holy hell.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-04 14:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ow!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 14:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some other fun captions for these photos:
Dad: "Walk it off, you weakling."
Jimbo: Just a flesh wound.
That 20 bucks you fork over won't interfere with your therapy bills, will it?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-04 14:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehe....
You got hurt.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhh. Rub some dirt on it and get back in the game you pussy.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My brother and i would do shit like punch each other in the shoulder, steal each others video games, and basically talk alot of shit.
You and your brother would shoot arrows at each other and broke each others limbs.
Either we are raging pussies or you two are pyshcotic.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear.
siblings.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD! You should have warned me about the pictures! I have this thing about broken bones... that picture actually made me just throw up in my wastepaper basket. Now I have to clean it out. God DAMN it!
It was an awesome story though.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD! A breakout fracture at that age? The impact must have been terrific.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch!
Submitted by Lacksmotivation (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent...the pictures really drive the point home.