Uber Psychiatry - a Clinical Analysis of Uber Posts (1348 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.53 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Anthony Locascio (View user info) at 2004-05-04 15:20:52 EDT
As a man of science, I have brought my extremely long, thick, massive...intellect to bear on the posters here on Ubersite. How many times have you, the UberUser, been reading a post and thinking to yourself "What goes through the mind of a person such as this?" As usual, I respond to the needs of the UberCommunity, and I have undertaken a massive study to gather empirical evidence to categorize and otherwise delineate the types of posts on this site, and the UberPathology that accompanies them.
Types of UberPosts and the Uber Posters who display them:
Bait-N-Switcher: This type of poster is categorized as someone who posts a title that is totally unrelated to the body of the posts. The title is merely present to draw attention to a totally unrelated post that would likely be passed over otherwise. This sort of post is analogous to the old "peanut brittle can with the spring snakes inside" gag. It is a mark of immaturity and retarded social development. UberUsers with this malady are often the most loved and get more hits than they otherwise would.
Typical poster: Method (http://www.ubersite.com/m/27713)
dakingisdead (http://www.ubersite.com/m/28037)
Ubercentric Melancholic: The illustrious Bart Cilfone is, for all intensive purposes, God on the website Ubersite.com. He is, as most gods tend to be, willful, prone to arbitrary acts of shocking, random violence, and alternatively tender and caring. Although most UberUsers respect and studiously avoid raising the ire of the mysterious creature lurking in the internet heavens known as Bart, some actively court their destruction. This person is afflicted by a sense of self-loating and masochism so great that they assume a lemminglike quality, poking and prodding the religious nooks and crannies of Uber until they are inevitably destroyed.
Typical Poster: SPTBPAJ (http://www.ubersite.com/m/29953)
Mr. Rude (http://www.ubersite.com/m/27231)
J. Schmeltzy (http://www.ubersite.com/m/23839)
Megalomasochist: This is an individual who, but virtue of either low intelligence or misfortune, has absorbed a beating or beatings of some magnitude that is so impressive that others would actually want to read about it. The pain is one of the only ways that they are able to feel, and so to relive it, they will post about the damage they have taken. The ability to relate these experiences in a humorous way makes these posters some of the most beloved of all UberUsers.
Typical Poster: Jimbo (http://www.ubersite.com/m/32156, http://www.ubersite.com/m/31035,http://www.ubersite.com/m/14857,http://www.ubersite.com/m/30538)
Doctor's Note: Jimbo has sustained and survived so many beatings and mishaps, notify Child Protective Services, his parents may be abusing him well into his adult years.
Chaos Disorder: The poster is totally random, all over the page. There is no way to predict what this person will post next. Many of these users will push others over the edge, only to redeem themselves with an excellent post a day later. Most posts make absolutely no sense.
Typical Poster: Squattail (http://www.ubersite.com/m/27734)
Captain Foamy (http://www.ubersite.com/m/29355)
Camwhorus Patheticus: Probably the saddest characters on any website, this person is absolutely begging, pleading for attention. Largely ignored in real life, they will do absolutely anything, anything for attention here on the web. These sick, disgusting, vile individuals would happily spoon dog feces with Kool-Whip into their mouths, if only someone in this world, this wide, wide, cruel world will pay attention to them. Sick. Sad. Totally untreatable.
Typical Poster: Kristen (http://www.ubersite.com/m/20692)
Reallybored (http://www.ubersite.com/m/31754)
Doctor's Note: This is a very deep-set pathology. Any individual who feels compelled to add their photo to their posts is sick, disgusting, and really needs to be wearing a backwards jacket and shoveled full of medication.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-05-07 19:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't understand why I'm not featured on here. Clearly my posts are the bar which all should be set by. Piss on the rest.
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
http://www.luciferindustries.com
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-05 01:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-05-04 21:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:25:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
you look french
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i was gonna say heavily retarded, but hey, it's the same thing
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-05-04 21:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tony is a fatty! Bwahaha!
Umm yeah! I'm just a shitty poster!
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-05-04 19:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds more like psychology to me.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 18:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NavyJester: That's a rendition of my wife, who was an equestrian in her day.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 17:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ACtually I took that pic today, the date on my camera is off.
Submitted by balisongphreak (user info) at 2004-05-04 17:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nice really old pic...
Type of post: shitty ragging on other posts.
Typical poster: whoever the fuck you are
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-04 17:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
are you a mexican?
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-05-04 17:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell is that picture of the person in the horse-riding hat in the background all about?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-04 16:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!
Nice wife-beater.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-04 16:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. People.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-05-04 16:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Envenom, you realize that my original inspiration was my own creation?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
either way, you should have titled this uber psychology, it's much more analytical etc.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gent: Well a nice brie or semisoft......oh you fuck, I'm going to kill you.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok, dog shit, sure. Cool Whip? Blech. I have my limits, you know.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Clouseau... seriously, what kind of cheese goes best with my bordeaux red?
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't fit into any of these. It's too early yet to tell I guess.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't get mad. Italians and french aren't much different anyway.
Besides, it's a nice compliment to look like a poet.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
You should become the spokes model for 'The Intelligent Man's Wifebeater'.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jealous bastard. More hits for me.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting diagnosis, bitch.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look republican to me.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gent, you and Caulaincourt are now at the top of my "Crap List".
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! You do look like a Frenchman. Where's your scarf, Frenchy?
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Excellent post, but you lost a +2 for looking like David Blane.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As you are well aware, mentioning me by name results in an automatic +2.
I have a post for you and reallybored that I'll put up in a couple of days.
Is that your "Freud" face?
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have refereced the post Method references as his inspiration. I still think that's one of the funniest things I've seen on this site. http://www.ubersite.com/m/12815
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heheh, Fuck you Caul!
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
one day my camwhoring will surpass even rb
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you look french
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-04 15:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dont hate me because im pretty.