Don't talk and drive (658 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.33 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Damien Cross <tabtechs.at.earthlink.net> (View user info) at 2004-05-05 13:43:30 EDT
I love my car. My car ruled, my car rules, my car will always rule.
I've been driving for almost 20 years now, and I've never caused an accident, that I'm aware of... or will ever admit to publicly.
I'd just got off of work. I'm cruising down the road, or more accurately crawling down the road since I live in southern California, talking on my cell which I make a conscious effort NOT to do (no, really). A traffic signal turns red and I need to be in the far right lane. I swerve, carefully, to the right and I notice It. The brand new forest green Jeep Grand Cherokee slamming on it's breaks so the dipshit in front of it can pull his over weight ass into a 7-11.
"Holy shit," I think to myself.
I take evasive action. I slam on my breaks. My cellphone goes flying, my cigarette twirls thru the air like a ballerina's baton, but with a 3000 degree tip.
CRUNCH
The ass-end of the forest green Jeep Grand Cherokee sits atop where the hood of my Mustang used to be, since the hood is now folded in half. My first thought is that I really shouldn't have let my policy lapse. Woops. My second thought is "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH MY BREAKS???" If 'antilock' is a gentle description for failing when most needed then good FUCKING going Ford!!!
I'd rather skid.
** In Loving Memory
of my Pony **
User Reviews
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-24 10:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for carefully swerving a car wreck into the Romance section
Too Proud To Fall In Love With My Car -- The Truck From Hell (uber-condensed version)
had car loved. '75 Malibu Classic. had swivel front, why (so said) previous
owner removed shoulder harnesses. No airbags days. didn't seatbelt, night small intuition
told, fortunately night listening.
People decorate car stickers, various objects hang from mirror, inevitable pin-hole
burns assorted stains, etc. One buddy written "Happy Birthday" back driver seat Liquid
Paper(!) one particularly desperate occasion. once slammed baby retaining wall I-95
Connecticut, 75 25-mph elevated off-ramp (slowing 120, top-end Chevy [stock]). 50 mph
maximum non-smash limit exit, happy not wall drop 100 feet ground didn't worry
much little error judgment. drove away, cracked A-frame remarkably artistic
modification left fender. Anyway, kind car it. had sophisticated autopilot. reason,
possibly certain encounter armed person, spray-painted original blue/white scheme
black/silver. car happy.
One warm weekend February gone Tennessee family. Late Sunday evening cold. stereo ruled
working since broken knew jones-ing tunes, stopped Circuit City boombox. spent wiring
system jury-rigging power supply, back NC started snowing. stopped get six-pack gas,
interstate. point thinking left earlier 2-hour drive really book, be work early.
I-40 Pigeon Forge gap, tricky road, here no weather good time. no traffic. think much time,
unusual.
Now alone road, no oncoming, no lights, no lights. out tunnel, cruising, see lights mile road.
only straight stretches gap. wasn't high beers, didn't understand couldn't sense seeing.
Pretty lights strange patterns. UFO? confusing moments realized patterns drawn lights semi 360.
odd, thought.
plenty distance once Responsible Driver mode start slowing, instead maybe speed run obstacle.
Looking it, may mistake. Anyway, soon hit brakes, lose. Fine, let off steer skid try gently.
No--again. can't touching pedal want stay control. Okay, thought, fine--coast no problemo (no
grade compression friction trick, right?). see other vehicles not moving.
skating black ice nerve-wracking later kiss end truck comfortably parked center divider,
also hit. just 5 mph love tap doesn't mess customization I-95 lesson time let dumbass drive
rear-ended hapless, woman (story--suffice glad left scene, [[[ way-sted ]]] time same
insurance situation were). momentum black ice left slide back fast lane, not worried miles no
one behind not poking along.
breathing jubilant relief glance habit headlights mirror. fast time think, "Oh, shit."
upside-down world's-largest-rollercoaster ride compressed 3 seconds (seemed). Unbelievably,
engine running look everything crushed driver's seat space, so ignition off. try cranking
again see turn over, battery smashed no. out see rear end car past axle gone, almost-full gas.
had crap trunk couldn't believe no debris.
truck (guess) through/over car 70 80, past truck front another front one, passenger cars--pavement
slick hard stand. none saw (admit) truck (truck). car hadn't behind vehicle, State Trooper
wouldn't story. car only damage....
Trooper climbs truck later--driver freezing death clearly freakish situation, let wait cab--
me, "Yore one lucky white boy." talk NC.
home night (10 miles 5-degree, gale [factor: Fucking COLD] jeans, T-shirt light jacket
only car impulse; severe concussion.... hadn't helped looked alien--dazed confused, guess--
wouldn't made. Gratitude.) story itself. denouement insurance company zip car half towing
totalled ride,
1) agent didn't signed Collision Uninsured motorist, hit-and-run don't sure driver
insurance (guess),
2) mistake wreck far car graveyard. lot, State Farm.
20 years now back messed--alive.
don't fall love cars anymore.
**********************************************
I'm posting this here because it's only indirectly part of my [delete]. Otherwise it
would be another good Romance metaphor. And also because I felt bad about my rant, which
was caused by giving in mometarily to uncertainty, doubt and paranoia. Though I do believe
things work out for the best--and if you hadn't made your ambiguous (to me) review, FEGG'S
BRAIN might still be out to lunch. Also because from what you said you're closer to my own
age than I thought and I wasn't sure the belatedly-realized reference to a goat was humorous
enough to just let go. And finally, because after some reflection I realized, again
belatedly, that you might be the only person who has actually bothered to carefully read
something I wrote (and that piece in particular, I think, needs to be read carefully),
and I appreciate that very much.
didn't spell-check, edit space Ubersite review, therefore squirrels fluffy tails. -- DamienX
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-06-21 14:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your a douch for a couple of reasons here.
Your talking on your cell phone while driving. Hey! Lets endanger others around us because I'm so important that the safty of the family of 5 in the minivan next to me doesn't matter!
Douch
You let your insurance lap. Hey! Im such a good driver that I will NEVER ever ever get into a car accident, so I don't need insurance!
Douch
You rip me for using "Your" instead of "You're" then you spell BRAKES wrong.
Douch
And lastly, you buy into the "american muscle car" bullshit that is prevalent by the shitty ass mustangs and corvette's that are on the road now-a-days. Here's a hint. If Audi can make a STATION WAGON that can blow the doors off of your "muscle car" you didn't think that through very well did you? not only that, but the STATION WAGON is all wheel drive, so it handles better. Not only that, but there are SEVERAL other cars that can beat down any american "muscle car" while still being able to be used by a family of five. WRX SCI, EVO, S4, A4 Turbo, etc. etc. etc.
so you wasted money on a shit car, didn't pay your insurance, endanger others while driving....all in all, I think its fair to say that your a douch. Write interesting stuff before you rip others.
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2004-05-05 14:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ordinarily I wouldn't bother to post a reply to my own post. Hell ordinarily I wouldn't bother to post. But hey...
jme7551, thank you so much for noticing the discrepancies in my grammer. Your criticism means more to me than life itself. But here's the deal... I used 'ballerina' because I couldn't think of anyone else that uses that sort of baton, and I assumed most normal people could more or less relate to that. It worries me that you would even bother to notice much less comment. Secondly, swerving does in fact imply a hasty action but I thought "hey them people is smart, if I slip a 'carefully' in there following a term generally associated with a hasty action maybe they'll find it mildly ammusing" (yea that's exactly what I thought too). My fault for overestimating your dumb ass. Thirdly, I do make a conscious effort not to talk on my cellphone while driving, but due to my capacity in my choice of careers in addition to my personal life, sometimes it's just in-fucking-evitable. I'm sorry if I confused you. Lastly, lick my sack.
Submitted by BoOyah <daniel_langi.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-05-05 14:16:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn the same damn thing happened to me yesterday,
It was the exact same scenario,
A car turning into a 7-11 and the car ahead of me slammed on their breaks,
so i slammed on my breaks than swerved to the left,
waited for the impact and sounds that go along with it,
but nothing happened i must have missed the fucker by inches!!
I also drive a Mustang
YAY!!! For Me
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-05 14:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My first thought is that I really shouldn't have let my policy lapse.
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In a 10 sentence, how the fuck did you miss that?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-05-05 14:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
first of all ballerina's don't have batons. secondly swerving implies a hasty action
so i doubt you did it carefully. and lastly if you are making a concious effort not to
talk and drive why the hell were you on it?
Submitted by mugshit (user info) at 2004-05-05 13:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Where did it say he didn't have insurance? I think I must have missed that. That said, I too, fucking HATE "anti-stop" brakes.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-05 13:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
driving without auto insurance? i would strangle you if i could.