Racists Anonymous - Overcoming Your Failings (1870 hits)
Category: NewsLabels: The_Greatest_Hits
Rating: 1.97 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kristen's Tool: Or The Artist Formerly Known As Scott_James (View user info) at 2004-05-05 20:24:17 EDT
I can only remember two occasions in my life where I have been completely and utterly racist without excuse. By that, I mean I said some things that were meant to hurt somebody because of the colour of their skin. I knew what I was doing at the time because I *wanted* to hurt them.
On both occasions I used the word 'nigger'. I said it because I wanted to make a certain individual in each particular situation feel like shit. The irony is that in both situations, neither person I verbally abused was black. One was half-Pakistani and the other was half-Saudi.
In the first instance, I was in playground fight with a Pakistani lad over something really, really stupid - he called me a hurtful name. I was a sensitive boy at 7 years old. I was also tall and gangly; the kind of kid a bully picks on to establish his awesomeness. I was often the butt of many jokes and name-calling. So much so, that it used to leave me with the unmistakable impression that I was the most hated kid in class. I used to be called 'Frankenstein', 'Lurch', 'Square-Head', 'Streaky-Bone Head' and all other manner of unpleasant things that cut me deep at such a young age.
So when this young Pakistani lad decided to join the "Let's Pick On Scott" club, I flipped.
He called me 'Frankie', as in shorthand for 'Frankenstein', so I punched him in the face.
I don't even know why he felt the need to pick on me. I know I was an easy target and kids are cruel, but I was never the sort of kid who went looking for trouble. Maybe it was because I used to hang out with the girls because they weren't mean to me or maybe he was trying to make a name for himself because he was new in town. Deep down, I think it was because he was the only kid in class who wasn't white.
So after a bit of scrapping in the playground we were eventually pulled apart by the teachers who wanted to know who started the fight. Like a fool, I immediately started my defence by saying, "It wasn't me: it was that fucking nigger!"
Now, I know Kids Say The Strangest Things, but not many infants can render an entire playground full of children speechless with one sentence. The teacher who was holding me back gasped in horror at my Hate Crime and started to drag my Kracker ass down to the headmistress's office.
I stood outside the headmistress's office with the Pakistani boy for ten minutes, choosing not to look at him because I still wanted to rip his head off for calling me 'Frankie'. When she came out, the headmistress had a face like fury and launched into a rant of complete and utter loathing that was entirely aimed at me. My sense of righteous indignation evaporated in an instant as she revealed her comprehensive disgust that such a nice young boy could be such an idiot and that racism had no place in her school.
This was the first occasion I can ever recall hearing the word 'racism'.
I had no idea what it meant or why I was getting such a thorough ass whipping for name calling when the Pakistani lad was being treated as if he had been lynched. The point was, I thought calling him 'nigger' would be as hurtful as being called 'Frankie'.
I knew it was 'bad', but I had no idea how 'bad'.
I was clueless. I was completely unaware of the cultural connotations of the word. I had no idea that my people - the white man - had try to enslave every ethnic minority on this earth. I just wanted to hurt somebody the way they hurt me.
Confused and distraught at the injustice of the world, I went home and told my parents what happened. Both my mother and my father were aghast that I had used a racial slur without knowing what it really meant and I got a stern telling off for doing so, although they cut me some slack because I wasn't the one who started the fight in the first place. Although, for some reason, I withheld the fact that I had received detention for the incident and the Pakistani boy had not. Even at such a young and naïve age, I knew that information might inflame the situation further. I finally understood, to a limited extent, what I had done wrong and I thought I should pay my penance. It did not occur to me until later that the reason I got squeezed so hard was that the headmistress was under the mistaken impression that I hit the boy because of the colour of his skin. Had I been as smart as I am now, I would have pointed that out that this was wrong - I hit him because he called me 'Frankie'. But then again, if I had been that smart in the first place, I wouldn't have called the boy 'nigger'.
Much later, when I was sixteen, it happened again.
I was still getting grief about the way I looked and puberty had not been particularly kind. I had a lousy haircut, pimply face and a head that looked far too big to be resting on my underdeveloped shoulders. As an adolescent I was very self-conscious about this.
I was sitting in the common room at school and I was reading Shakespeare's Hamlet for English Literature. For the entire afternoon I had been taking verbal abuse from a group of lads in the year above me. I choose to ignore it. I didn't have the courage to stand-up to six lads who were bigger and older than me, which shames me now because I am completely different when it comes to confrontations. Then another lad arrived to join the group. He was the British equivalent of what Americans might call a 'Jock' - A school sports star with good grades and all the girls wanted him. He was also half-Saudi. None of this bothered me. In fact, the lad was an acquaintance of sorts. The colour of his skin had never entered into the equation upon my dealings with him.
That is, until he decided to join the 'Let's Pick On Scott' Club'.
The first thing he said to me was "Hey Lurch" as he nonchalantly passed me by to go sit with his friends, who burst out in hysterics at their buddy's scathing putdown.
Without even stopping to think, I said 'Shut up, nigger'. And even before the last word left my mouth I knew I was an asshole. The group fell deadly silent and just stared me down. The lad who I had insulted was visibly stunned.
Then the biggest lad spoke up. "Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?'
Then I stood up and said the first thing that sprang to mind. "No, what are you gonna do about it, fat boy?'
Nobody said anything. This was untried territory for everybody. In a school of about 2,500 kids - most of who were white - I could never ever recall a racist incident.
I waited for one of them to make the first move. Mostly because I felt I deserved an ass kicking for what I had just said.
Instead, I grabbed my stuff, left the common room and stormed out of the building. I found an open stall in the nearest bathroom, locked the door and proceeded to go mental.
I kicked and punched the walls, screamed obscenities until my throat went hoarse and cried my eyes like a little baby. In the end, I was sat on the floor sobbing my heart out like a whimpering fool. I felt pathetic. I had shown myself as a racist and a fuckwit. I was intelligent enough to know that was no excuse. I had let my pubescent angst and insecurities get the better of me. Worse still was that those punks had set the bar and I had lowered it into the gutter. I swore that it would never happen again. That no matter how hard I had it, I would not resort to hatred and racial slurs, even if it were out of retaliation.
So last week, I was in a nightclub with my buddies. One of who was a very attractive young lady who was getting a lot of unwanted attention from a group of horny black men who were on a mission to get laid. These guys fitted the stereotype so perfectly they were almost parodying themselves - baggy trousers, lots of gold jewellery and The Walk. That messed-up stoop saunter that gangsta-wannabes perform even when they are sober. It was like I was back in Harlem.
By this stage in my life, I have realised I'm no closer to having all the answers than when I 18 or 16. I know I'm not perfect and I realise that while I am not overtly racist, I still hold preconceived ideas and misconceptions that are unfounded. So, in these situations I make a self-conscious effort not to judge people on their appearances. In some ways, this poses more challenges because you can actually appear more ignorant by doing this, so I take each step at a time.
But when a man starts interfering with young women without their permission that makes that man an asshole, regardless of his colour or creed.
This young lady, who we will call 'Lisa', ran up to me and threw her hands around me whilst mumbling something into my chest. Upon a second hearing, she told me that the leader of this gang of men had been touching her up in some very private places, whilst whispering some very lewd and obscene things in her ear. Lisa had already made it abundantly clear that she was not interested and she had made no attempts to lead this guy on by flirting with him or using her feminine charms to procure free drinks. She just wanted to be left alone to party with her other girl buddies. I was the obvious choice of retreat because I am both big and can be very scary when I want to be.
Apparently though, I just wasn't damn scary enough.
As Lisa was cuddling me, giggling like a schoolgirl, her Admirer, who shall be known as 'Jerome', obviously saw me as Some Pasty-Ass White Boy Who Was Trying To Steal His Ho.
I should also mention that Lisa is also black.
As Jerome and his buddies approached me, I suddenly felt like the only white person within five hundred miles. Somehow, I had been separated from my friends, and I was standing in a section of the club where I was surrounded by black men and women. Being a quick-thinker (and a bit of drunken alarmist) I realised that if I wasn't careful I could either end up looking like a complete fuckwit or have my head kicked in. Judging by the Murder Death Kill stare in Jerome's eyes, I think it was both.
At 5'3, Jerome didn't pose much of a threat. Even with his baggy clothes and expensive bling-bling, I could tell he was even skinnier than me. Although, the thick gold rings that he had on his right-hand did give me cause for concern. I looked at him and smiled pleasantly; nodding to assure him I was no kind of threat. He spoke first:
'Whathefuckaryoudingwithmywoman?' I shit you, not.
I thought careful. If I described what I was doing he might have interpreted it as sarcasm or worse, a 'throw down'.
'She's my friend and she needed a hug' I said.
'Butshe'swithmeman. Shebeenwithmeallnight' He replied, a little antsy.
I looked at Lisa, whose eyes told me that if I let her go then my testicles would become her personal property. Carefully, I looked back at Jerome.
'I think she wants to stay with us, mate.' I used the word 'us' and not 'me', as to show I wasn't alone. Although, technically my friends were about thirty seconds away from helping me out if anything happened.
'Nowaybro. I want her with me.' Jerome replied, with a hint of defiance. This was a warning. I knew because his cronies were nodding in agreement with him.
I decided to end this as quickly as possible.
'I don't think so, bud. She's coming with us'.
With that, I turned away from Jerome and began shepherding Lisa away. Big mistake. I felt a hand clutch the back of my shoulder and spin me around. When I turned I saw that Jerome was trying to get in my face, despite the fact that he was twelve inches shorter than me.
'Don't you ever turn your back on me when I'm speaking, y'hear?' He yelled.
I froze up for a moment. In my experience, most of these gangsta-wannabes were just that - wannabes. All talk. But I also knew that some of them carried guns and weren't afraid of fucking people up.
Had I offended the wrong guy?
I unclasped his hand from my shoulder and gently shoved Jerome back. Not hard, but enough to change the expression on his face from one of anger to complete and utter shock. He looked like I had just asked him to blow me. I knew this was not going to end well.
'What did you just do?' He asked.
'I don't let strangers lay their hands on me.' I said. I find such behaviour discourteous. It wasn't some bullshit bravado.
He barged me back. Hard. Everybody was looking at us now. I raised my hands in a non-threatening gesture to show I wasn't looking for any trouble.
He barged me again. 'Is it because I is black?'
I couldn't believe my fucking ears. Was this my life? Or had I just walked into New Jack City?
'No,..' I started, but before I could finish he barged me again.
'I said: Is it because I is black?' He yelled.
I tried to find the words to diffuse this situation. I looked around for help. Nobody was offering.
Then Jerome slapped me. Not hard, but still. I didn't need any more provocation.
I didn't even reach back. I just clenched my fist and smacked him straight in the jaw. He flew back into the arms of his entourage. Nobody else moved. I thought I was about to die. Jerome looked up at me, completely lost and unaware of what just happened. Then he said something strange.
'What the hell did you do that for?' He whined. He looked like he was going to cry.
'Because you're cunt.' I said earnestly.
This is the point where I wish I could write that everybody broke into a spontaneous round of applause and started patting me on the back. They didn't. Instead, I just MDK stares burning holes in my back as I made my way out of the crowd and back to my friends. Unbelievable, none of them saw what happened. Not even Lisa, who had sneaked away when it got dicey. I don't blame her.
So if by any chance you run into me in the foreseeable future, please behave yourselves. I might not judge you because of the way you look, but I will sure as hell smack some sense into you for being a cunt.
Word
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-09 08:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:D
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-30 13:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay! Old Post!
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2004-12-23 11:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-11-04 05:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is old as shit isn't it?
Oh well, never rated it before.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-04 05:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spot on.
Submitted by gibsonha <gibsonha.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-07 02:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did the same thing. A few girlfriends were playing around with this black barbie doll thing covered in bling bling and with the boxer shorts sewed into his baggy short thingos.
I named him Tyrone and took him to a nightclub where I beat six girls ina row arm wrestling and watched showgirls marrying people in Elvis-esque weddings on the spot. There was a shrine to BEyonce and a would hazard that a half dozen children were conceived that night,.
Anywho- I wanted to share the love and so offered a group of people my nigga dole to hang on to. It took about .03 seconds for them to go completely quiet and for me to nearly throw up with embarrassment. I meant nigga, not nigger. But you know.....its all the same in love and war and nobody really likes a racist.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-07-22 01:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not like I lynched him - I smacked him once.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-07-21 01:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-05-08 16:02:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see a Brit kicking a black guy's ass.
*******
Done it.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Niggers in clubs are annoying as hell.
Luckily my nigger friends even the nigger violence ratio.
I am however often pushed by niggers as im short 5"10 but when they realise i dont take shit they stop and then i kill them and desecrate their nigger bodies with white emulsion.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-06-05 04:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-04 07:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody ruined this perfect 2. Unbelievable :-(
Submitted by puggso_32 (user info) at 2004-06-03 14:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-05-19 15:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-05-08 16:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking great.
If anybody tries to pull the "is it cos I is black" shit on me I'm gonna see if i can piss them off by being a wideass and saying indignantly as if he's joking: "what you talking about you're not black!?" completely straight faced.
I'd probably get the shit kicked out of me.
Nice one again. I hate the "racist" card that's played too often by some members of the ethnic minorities.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-05-08 16:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-08 16:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did I mention last time that this post is fucking awesome? However someone WILL probably come around and give it something than a +2. I hate people sometimes.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-05-08 16:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see a Brit kicking a black guy's ass.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-05-08 15:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-05-06 12:24:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the way you write. Very English... Or Welsh? Or Irish? Or...I'm a fuck head. You're all British, right?
Or do I say "UK-ish"?"
Not sure really. I was born and raised in Wales. English has always been my first language. I moved to England a year ago. So I guess British would be the best way to describe it. Probably.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-05-07 01:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And there was much rejoicing.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-05-07 00:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great story.
i agree that you lucked out with that cunt.
that could have been a very bad situation.
hopefully we'll all be luckier in the future.
congrats for finding a better way of acting.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-05-06 12:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the way you write. Very English... Or Welsh? Or Irish? Or...I'm a fuck head. You're all British, right?
Or do I say "UK-ish"?
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-05-06 11:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too true.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-05-06 11:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by p0ny_feeder (user info) at 2004-05-06 07:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah great post, well written
Where I'm from there is not many black people about, it kind of annoys as the ones that are here think they are it, acting like they are from NY or something. You have to be careful how to describe people like that, as you treading on very thin ground, cunt is apt though
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-05-06 06:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-05-06 06:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You pwned his ass.
Ever tried to call a black man racist?
Don't bother. No-one believes you.
Good post
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-05-06 03:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
from what i know of them kinda guys you got 3 kinds... total pussies, total badasses, and pussies tryin to make themselves feel like badasses by carrying weapons. You lucked out and bumped into the pussy crowd. A good smack to the face will usually do that. Sometimes though, they'll have badass backups and then they'll kick your ass... which is not fun.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-06 02:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-05-06 02:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's good you called him a cunt...could have been an ugly scene otherwise
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2004-05-06 01:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This almost deserved a +2 just for the - 'Streaky-Bone Head'
The rest of the post was great.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-05-06 01:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah I got thrown out of school because a Chinese teacher Accused me of calling him a "ching ching".
Turns out it was the school bus driver.
The teacher should have known better anyway. If I wanted to insult him I would have called him a 'fucking stupid bastard' like I did my tech drawing teacher!
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-05-06 01:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like that!!!!
A. LOT.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-05-06 01:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's quite a phrase to say earnestly.
---------------------------------------------
Hehe, I think that's because that's the first time in recent memory that I felt completely and utterly vindicated in my actions.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-06 00:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice name, tool.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*'Because you're cunt.' I said earnestly.*
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's quite a phrase to say earnestly.
Anyway, you have to already know this is great, so I have no further comment.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-05-05 23:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-05 23:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-05 22:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scott,
Sorry I didn't rate this before. It took me a while and when I finally finished it Ubersite had shut down. I just got back from dinner so here I am. This was an awesome post. Awesome. Post.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-05 22:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting story. +2 for being honest.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-05-05 22:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats why I always beat them to the punch by saying "Is it cuz I'm white?"
they just sound stupid asking me the almost identical question immediately following it
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-05-05 21:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done, you need to keep those arseholes in their place. I can't stand people like that.
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2004-05-05 21:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What? I actually read all of that for a non-ubermadness post? wtf!?
+2.. Frankie
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-05-05 21:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nigger!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-05-05 21:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good read... keep them asshats in line.