I'm out of juice. (2413 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2004-05-07 12:19:00 EDT
I am out of juice.
I just knocked it over with my elbow and it went all over my keyboard. Now I am going to have to clean my cumguard and it's not even June!
I went to the shop at the bottom of my building and they were out of juice too! The conversation went a little somehting like this.
"Good afternoon, could you direct me to the section of this emporium where you keep your juice?"
"I am out of juice."
"Thats weird so am I, like Maddox!"
"Fuck off bell-end."
I went to the supermarket but they were out of juice too. So I bought some Coke. After I had snorted that I went down the road to the fruit shop. I bought some oranges and made my own juice.
Once I was so drunk I came downstairs naked. The stairs didn't have a cumguard. They have now. I am going to have a wankathon tonight. I wonder if I can get sponsored? All monies earned will go to stem cell research
I like cows. Dead cows are the best. Wouldn't it be cool to take a bite out of a cow while it was still alive.
"Stay still Daisy, I won't hurt you"
"You promise?"
"Fuck me a talking cow!! I'm rich!"
"Mooooo"
"Cunt!"
And now ladies and gentlemen the dénouement.
Hickory dickory dock,
My hand ran up my cock,
I came.
The End.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88623
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so....thirsty
Submitted by parzival (user info) at 2005-10-18 18:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-18 03:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks dude!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-05-18 03:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not at all you cunt!
the whole 'cumguard' concept cracks me up, and the way you combine it with the inadequate cleaning routine is superb. in just a sentance it conjurs up a hilarious character and his absurd way of life.
and i love the way it is thrown in just as a passing aside to the central issue of the spilled juice.
really great stuff.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-18 01:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-05-17 18:22:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Now I am going to have to clean my cumguard and it's not even June!"
now THIS is comic genius.
i am a washed up old wreck in comparison to this.
Taking the piss fair shandy?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-05-17 18:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Now I am going to have to clean my cumguard and it's not even June!"
now THIS is comic genius.
i am a washed up old wreck in comparison to this.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-07 19:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nugget you erm, nugget!
You evil genius, you had my brain in a loop!!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-07 18:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh for the love of God, Apollo.
I think we may need to take away your posting privilages for a while.
+2 for making me laugh at something today. Well, besides this morning... and besides the stuff I laughed about at work.
Ah, fuck it... I'm just +2ing you cuz you're Cool. You're In Like Flynn.
Cheerio-matey!
or...
Hiedey HO!
Or what IS it that you brits say?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-07 17:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that wasn't me either shandy.
now you might think I am double bluffing that has just occured to me as well.
we are being tormented by a master.
unless I am treble bluffing! NOOOOO!!!
You ARE DOING THIS. You have done that comment to make me think that you think that I think I am double bluffing but you turned it around to make me think that you think that I have done this to make you think that it isn't me.
My god that was complicated.
it isn't me.
it seems we are dealing with a rare form of genius.
Submitted by shandy (user info) at 2004-05-07 17:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah, this is the witty anecdote you referred to earlier!
priceless!
and may i say, you are the most sexually attractive human being ever born and yes i confess i am homosexual
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-07 17:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Milkman (user info) at 2004-05-07 16:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
make it into a theater production
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-07 16:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pissed and stoned, i see a drunk post coming on! whoopeee!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-05-07 15:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ecclectic and eccentric, very good.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-07 15:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am weird.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-07 14:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-05-07 14:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wouldn't it be cool to take a bite out of a cow while it was still alive.
... Johnny Depp, Fear and Loathing: Did I just say that out loud? Oh, God... Can they hear me??
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-07 14:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loki you could have made a post out of that.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-05-07 13:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I shall sneak out of work early today and see how much THC I can handle and still function enough to go see Van Helsing or whatever that movie is called.
since we're all sharing our long term goals
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-05-07 13:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, but seriously, man: What the fuck?
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2004-05-07 13:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get you man.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU HAD ME HERE: "I just knocked it over with my elbow"
You are a crack up appollo.
holy shit.
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Apollo, do you also have the tit photos? I can help you out, if you don't!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"""Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:36:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
You play with yourself an awful lot... """
That's because I still have photos of your arse.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marvelous
Submitted by Norman (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.comeasyouare.com/index.cfm?&FA=News.Masturbate-a-Thon
Here is a link to pledge forms for a real cause. (SFW, honest.)
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You play with yourself an awful lot...
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was poised to minus 2 this with a comment of "dross", you cunt, but i dont want to see you cry.
Plus it was somewhat humorous.
Wankathon tonight? How about China vs. England?
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am going to have a wankathon tonight"
We could have guessed that without you telling us.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you make juice by squeezing the oranges with your anus?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-05-07 12:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of
a bottle. They're on TV!
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
I think there is a juice vortex stealing juice from uber users.