Diary of a Madman. (1871 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: DOAM
Rating: 1.85 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2004-05-08 00:16:54 EDT
Chapter One
The sky is clear tonight.
So clear. Like my mind.
Clear as to what I need to do. I need to do. What I need to do.
The reflection is intense. It shines like a laser, heading off into the sky. It travels from the blade up into nothingness. A life form a million light years away will see the sparkle, a dot in the universe, long after we are all dead, and pay it no heed. It is just a light. A small, insignificant blip in the fabric of time.
To me it is forever.
The blade rushes quickly through the air, striking the intended over and over again. Still it shines like a thousand suns on the horizon, the atmosphere amplifying every ray. Quick to the retina with a small burn before turning away. There is no regret but the pain lingers, sated by a moment in time, but still there waiting to be recharged like a battery that has seen better days.
I am off again.
The pain burns inside me like the coals at the bottom of the furnace. Like those coals, my mind is overwhelmed with the weight of what is on top, smothering me, choking me, willing me, my light, to go out. Nevertheless I persevere through the fog that is my life. I never question why it is this way, why it is so muddled and incoherent. It just is, and that is enough, for clarity only comes periodically and I must be ready to strike, when it does.
She is muffled. I don't remember the tape that I used. It encircles her arms, her legs, her head. She can't see me, she never did. I was that quick, that good, that clear. She is begging now. For forgiveness and sanctuary. I yield her neither and watch as she squirms to escape her bonds, her mind tortured with thoughts of what I am going to do next. I cannot be sure, but I believe my thoughts are much worse, much more violent than anything she could come up with. She is thinking bad thoughts, I am planning worse. She can stay in the corner for awhile and think about it. I wonder if she is wishing for her mother? Could she be waiting or hoping for her father? I smile as I think there is a possibility that she is hoping for death, a death that will come slow. A neverending death, that which a tortured soul reviles. I will put her in a box later and let her feel the texture of the wood against her naked skin. Let her wonder what it is and why she is in it. She will feel but not know. Soon after, she will know and not feel.
Yes. It will come to that, I am sure.
As I lay down to sleep next to her, I can feel the shaking in her hands, in her legs, in her heart. I feel dominant and confident. I am alive and my light is burning a million times brighter than I could have hoped for. She is mine, and I hers, for now. My brain is alive.
Darkness falls for all of eternity. Some souls don't survive. They join the ranks of the weary. The unrested. The lost. It is a purgatory of hopelessness. No place to go. Nowhere to run. No rest. It is torture of sorts and it must feel lonely and unforgiving. I imagine my soul, there with the others, laughing and taunting them into oblivion. My tongue a whip, it's bite drawing blood.
Forever.
The sky is clear tonight.
So very clear.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-15 06:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have read every one of these, as well as the chronicles ones.
Can't believe I never bothered to rate them.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-05-07 03:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have finally worked my way back to this series.
I am glad I did.
-Dave
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-08 02:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-17 01:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-17 01:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-07-12 14:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I finally decided to read these, glad I did.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-07-12 14:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oglethorpe: We will use him for the Armies....
Oglethorpe: ....of the Night!
Emory: I thought the replicant was for the armies of the ni-
Oglethorpe: A DIFFERENT Army of the Night, dorkface! Do you see how my mind works? It's like a laser!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-06-10 05:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not even worthy enough to comment. Oops. That was kind of a comment. Compliment. I hope. Dammit.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-09 02:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. I feel that to use the 'unreliable narrator' brings a first-person level of realism completely unavailable to those who would write neatly and formally.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-08 18:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-05-08 18:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Written very well, but I have to wonder why people never tire of violence.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-08 13:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. I was just checking. I was actually trying to find something wrong with it (to help you with in the future I mean) so my suggestion was really just a shot in the dark. On the whole I liked this a lot.
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-05-08 10:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice Gogol reference for the title. I loved the original.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-08 04:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-08 04:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For the record, I disagree with youarsoghey on that.
Breaking up the text keeps the reader more alert.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-05-08 03:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ozzy reference?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-05-08 01:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pardon me for saying so, but I don't think either one of us wants to find out what he's really like.
I am glad you see it now. It's hard to explain. Sometimes it's just the way it comes out, the way the character thinks and transfers his thought to words. It can be confusing.
Submitted by Random Schmoe at 2004-05-08 01:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Partially pardon my previous review, as I had not seen your review stating the exact (or inexact) condition of the main character.
I see where you're coming from Mike, and it helps ease the tension for why those sentences bothered me. I wasn't quite sure how to take it though, because you've got him at the point of literary perfection, and then at the other end of the spectrum, which in this case I suppose adds to his impulsive and somewhat convulsive writing. The way he'll jump from thought to thought completely oblivious of what he was previously telling, or the way he will unfold sections of an occurance, only adds to the undertones of his mental state.
Thanks for clearing that up though, hopefully we'll both find out what he's really like sometime soon.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-08 01:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that's what I call constructive criticism.
I see your point Schmoe, but this guy is a wreck. He's mad. Most of the time anyways. His brain functions marginally at best. Clear, muddled, clear, muddled. We'll see if he gets better or worse. He may post more entries. He'll let me know if he's in the mood.
Submitted by Random Schmoe at 2004-05-08 00:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Clear as to what I need to do. I need to do. What I need to do."
Why on Earth did you leave that entire section in the story, Mike? Stick with the first sentence there and move on to the next thought; you're better than that. Most of your similies were well placed and weren't too complex, which made them great, and helped with the flow of the reading. But those three sentences picked at me and kept ringing in my mind while I finished the excerpt.
That short paragraph really disrupted the entire story for me, which I can't understand why, but it did, and that's a shame. My input on my thought is this: Would someone really write that in a diary? Would they break the sentence back down after stating it once? Possibly, it could just be one persons view, but I don't see that happening.
Submitted by Magno (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He is writing a diary. A collection of thoughts. It may seem random and it may well be random. His thoughts are choppy and incoherent. He has flashes of clarity and periods of muddled, incoherent thought. He has memories and experiences. Some are here now, some have gone by.
He is writing it as he thinks it. Bits and pieces, some larger than others. As I tell a story, I have to tell it as they think it. He thinks randomly. Sometimes he is confused.
It cannot all be written the same way. People have different thought processes. His are very different.
Thanks for the feedback though. :)
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it.
One thing about the big paragraph though. A thing I like about the authors I read is that they stick to roughly the same format throughout the book. Their paragraphs are all about the same size so it doesn't read like Morse code. Two quick dots and a long dash then three dots and a dash. This is just a peeve of mine, but you may want to look into it. Any thoughts?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So many damn words. Damn words. Many damn words. The ocean hits me like a bomb when I'm down by the bay eating hay and making things out of clay. Eh, I'm sure the post is thoughtful if I had the brain power to read it all.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
I'm not even going to bother anymore.
Dick.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-05-08 00:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you like a father, bigmike.
Awesome stuff.