'What You Want' (901 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <feral_pet.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-05-09 10:09:23 EDT
He conjured her in his mind for the fourth time that week. The darkness behind his closed eyelids swirled and lightened, slowly coalescing into the sweet curves and coppery hair he knew so well. He smiled. If anyone had been in the dark room to see that smile, they would have shuddered away from the bitterness and cruelty there. But no-one saw. There was never anyone there to see. He slept alone, and lived alone, and had since the day she'd left him with that high, mocking laugh and a toss of her red-gold hair.
He concentrated on the picture in his head. He poured all his love and hate and rage and frustrated, aching lust into the vague shape until it sharpened and took on a clarity that made it - her - seem real enough to touch. He could almost smell her, her perfume, her hair, the warm musky scent that had always filled this room after he'd fucked her. 'I fucked you, you bitch,' he thought bitterly. 'I made you tremble and writhe and whimper beneath me. I bet you don't remember that now.'
When the image of her (lyingbitchslutwhore) was as clear as he could make it, he visualised her in every demeaning pose he could think of. On her knees, crawling, sobbing, with her hair (that hair, he'd wrapped that hair around his fist while her mouth was on him and the wind howled outside but couldn't touch them, not here, not in this heaven, this haven, their sanctuary) tangled and wet with tears. He saw her scream for mercy, beg for him to take her back, saw her worshipping him with her body naked and bruised.
He fell asleep with this image in his mind more often than not. The dark, dirty pleasure he took in it didn't come close to how it had been actually having her - darkness can never equal light, and imagined sobbing can never replace the purity and joy of shared passion - but it was the only thing that soothed the demons that plagued him.
Four months after she'd left, he was in bed, reliving his tortured fantasies over and over. He'd been seeing her take shape and grovel in his mind's eye so often that he sometimes fancied he could actually smell her, hear her, feel her presence in the room with him.
He felt something cold touch his ankle.
His eyes opened instantly and he squinted at the foot of the bed, searching the darkness, listening. He couldn't hear breathing. There was nothing to suggest he wasn't alone, except for that one cold touch. He reached out clumsily and switched the bedside lamp on.
The woman (creature) standing at the foot of his bed was almost her. The hair, that hair, that silky curtain of fire, was the same. The curves, the posture, the sexual arrogance in her stance and the set of her hips - all the same. Her mouth was identical.
The eyes were perfectly round, blank, silver circles. Not silver coloured eyes, as his disbelieving brain first tried to tell him. No, these had no eyelids, no lashes, no pupils. They were simply silver circles.
He found his voice: "You're not her."
She (it) smiled. Or tried to. The lips curved upwards, but without eyes to echo it, all the gesture looked like was a brief deformation of her mouth, ghoulish and inhuman. He couldn't even tell if she was looking at him. "No, I'm not. I'm what you want."
He stared, uncomprehending. "I want her. You're not her. You're ... I don't know what you are, but you're not her."
She laughed. That high, mocking laugh. Her mouth opened , and that sound came out, but the circles on her face stayed blank, flat, featureless. He closed his own eyes at hearing that laugh come from this travesty of a face.
He heard her sigh, and when she spoke it was in an indulgent, condescending tone - as though he were a child.
"You don't want her. Do you think she'd do ANY of those things you think about at night? Do you? She'd slap you and walk out laughing. She will never come back to you. She will never let you do any of those things that you see when you turn out the lights.
"But I will. I don't have eyes because the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I don't have one. Call me... a figment of your imagination. Technically, I'm not human. Technically, I'm not even alive. I don't breathe, I can't feel. But I can do this."
He heard an agonised sob and opened his eyes to see her crouched on the floor beside the bed. The wails coming from her grief-twisted mouth were the most heart-rending sound he'd ever heard. Her posture was one of abject despair. But the silver circles shone blankly from her sorrowful face. "Please take me back, I'll do anything, just love me again, I'm sorry..." Her hand reached up imploringly and he knocked it away in revulsion. Had he thought he'd wanted to hear that? To see that? The silver circles mocked him with their emptiness. "Get out of here. You're a mockery of her. You take everything she was and debase it." She stopped crying in an instant. Her voice was inflectionless when she spoke, and her mouth was curved and twisted in that horrifying parody of a smile. "You did it first."
She climbed into bed beside him and he flinched away from her cold skin. She seemed to draw the warmth from the air around her and transform it into a bone-chilling aura of ice. She took no notice of his reaction and lay close to him, murmuring in his ear. The words carried no warm puff of breath with them. "You can't hurt me. You can't drive me away. I'll always, always be with you. Every night, every day, I'll be here. Where you go, I'll follow. You called for me and I came."
He lay awake beside the cold thing that had found his bed and stared into the darkness for a long, long time.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-23 05:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-10 14:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Haggard (user info) at 2005-05-27 15:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This makes me want to cry.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-08-26 12:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You my dear are a wordsmith.
If I was as good at imagry as you I swear I would be writing a pullitzer winner right now. I have spent the morning going through your stuff and learning.
Good Lord! Write More!
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-10 08:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A bit of droning, but good.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-05-10 07:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel like this missing something. You didn't mention if she could cook or clean. Sure a chick with silver eyes may be a little weird, but if she puts out and cooks and cleans, sweet.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-05-10 06:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coyote, it's definitely 'be careful what you ask for.'
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-05-10 04:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it "be careful what you ask for, you just might get it", or is it "Don't look back, something might be gaining on you?"
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-09 14:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes!!! Loved it!
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heyzues - Twisted, freakish version of 'I Dream of Jeannie.'
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So does he get rid of the thing, or does the thing get rid of him.
Or do they just live together, sort of a twisted, screwed up version of "I Dream of Genie".
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-05-09 10:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very, very nice. all we want is adulation. all we need is for you to invest evry last scrap of your soul in us. and if we arent around we want you to be miserable.