The Frat House Folly (1256 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.35 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Malone (View user info) at 2004-05-10 02:23:42 EDT
When you are at college and attending parties, I found it is important to travel from bash to bash with a group of friends. This holds especially true when you are going to be attending a party being thrown by people you don't know, or better yet, don't know you. What follows is the tale of a frat party and how I escaped getting my ass beat down by every breathing person in attendance.
The scene was a typical scene at the university on the weekend. Everybody was done with class for the week and now it was time to lose your mind for two days straight, or so was the routine. I was living in the dorms and Rich, one of the guys in my hall had the inside information on a great party. That's another thing I learned at school; ALL parties are hyped up to be the main bash to be at, with the usual promise for plenty of hot hot hot girls willing to have sex being in attendance. It was being thrown by one of the fraternaties, and that the kids from the Automotive Mechanics major would all be there. What made this party sound so good was that Rich said he knew the people throwing the party so all the beer would be free for us! What more could you ask for, hookers? I was in.
We arrive at the frat house after walking across campus. You could immediately tell who was in a frat and who was not. The frat boys are all the ones wearing dirty WHITE HATS and looking like cocksuckers. Similarly stand out-ish were the Auto majors, who all looked like Southerners when they try to dress nice; jeans, Carhartt boots and flannels, no hats.
I found Rich already there with the free beer in hand.
"The keg's over there, help yourself." he said. I make my way through the crowd in search of the keg. I found it next to the guy collecting money in exchange for your cup. I was sure glad I didn't owe him shit. To avoid any misunderstanding, I took my cup from the pile when he got distracted momentarily. The keg was the usual piss the fraternities live off of, Bud Light. In the dorms, we couldn't afford such luxuries, we drank 30 pack cases of Milwaukee's Best for $7.99 from the gas station. Let me tell you, after drinking that shit for two years you eventually start to convince yourself that it has a good flavor.
Now that I had a full glass I went to go mingle with my crowd and find some ladies. This was the turning point of the evening now, a quick glance around the house revealed...no skirts. THERE WERE NO LADIES. Not a single girl in sight. What the fuck kind of party is THIS?! How am I supposed to be social without some cleavage to talk into. I found my friends and asked him who he knew here and he told me nobody. Nobody? He didn't know a soul at this place, he had only heard about the party. I guess you could say we weren't really guests there. It was at this point that I asked him about the free beer and he said it's free, just take it.
Cups are $5 man.
"Fuck 'em." was the response. Not the response I wanted to hear.
Moments later somebody came across the room and snatched the cup out of my hand. I didn't even get all up in his face about it. I was busted. I was in this frat house, ripping them all off and I didn't even know it. This was bad news. This wasn't good at all. The people at the party cut the music. There was a definite change in the atmosphere as everybody began to fill into adjoining rooms, everybody but me that is.
Now the house was laid out like at a right angle, or like the capital letter 'L' with a central room and two wings adjoining to each side. I was in the middle room, everybody else was in either of the two other rooms. They were getting pissed. You could feel it in the air, they were going to remove me with force within the moments to come. They were all looking at me, two separate yet equally sized forces, and talking amongst themselves no doubt forming battle plans. One group heads up the frontal assault, while the reserves in the other room move in with flanking action. (At least that's how I would have kicked myself out of this party)
There I was, standing there with my Misfits shirt on, my blue/black hair letting off the evil eye to anyone who made eye contact with me. This was my last ditch distraction before their herd mentality kicked in, to convice the drunken onlooker that I was capable of swallowing their soul. I had but two real choices, go pay for a new cup and stay there, or get the fuck out with a quickness. I chose to get the fuck out with a quickness. I was filling the shoes of somebody that few people get to fill. I had become "The Unwelcome Guy at the Frat House." Oddly enough I would wear this proud title once more before I graduated.
I didn't leave the party empty handed however, I took off with a free buzz (cash value $5) courtesy of Sigma Phi Epsilon, the bitches.
User Reviews
Submitted by Eric_Rice (user info) at 2004-10-17 14:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-05-10 17:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn what's wrong with you people? Milwaukee's Best isn't worth the water they brew it with. I'll never touch the shit again. Speaking of shit, does anybody else get the "Beast Shits" after putting a few back? fuck man damn.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-05-10 16:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've been known to tip a 40 of Old Milwaukee back every once again.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-10 16:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-10 11:50:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha... My grandpa drank miluakees' best.... hahaha..
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Willingly???? Yikes. I didn't know that was even possible. I figured the Beast was manufactured solely for college students' consumption.
Glad you survived Malone!
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good for a Malone post
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stevo, they were the red plastic cups. It was a rare party where we got the clear plastic cups now that I think of it.
Why do people always say "good for a Malone post" on my posts? Do I fucking waste front page space usually or what? All of my posts are the highest quality and have to pass rigorous inspection before public consumption.
Submitted by Scientifik (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn I hate frat assholes
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-10 12:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the picture. It looks like army divisions in a major battle.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-10 11:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha... My grandpa drank miluakees' best.... hahaha..
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-10 11:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've drank lots free frat party beer. It tastes better when it's free. The best was just walking around the neighborhood (there were three colleges where I went to school, all close by) and stopping into whatever party you found. Good times!
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-10 09:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-10 08:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice map. +2 for that. you should've outline possible attack plans and such...
we had a word for guys who werent in a fraternity in college. i can't remember exactly what it was though... something like 'bitch' i think???
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-05-10 08:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I'm glad someone else drinks Milwaukee's Best, and actually think it tastes good.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-05-10 08:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Maps make everything better.
Submitted by stevo (user info) at 2004-05-10 08:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... they sound like a pretty uptight bunch... it's a cup for fucks sake. (was it one of the red plastic ones I always see in gay movies with frat parties in them?)
I like the map. it helped me visualise the scene.
Submitted by KoolWang (user info) at 2004-05-10 06:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good for a Malone post
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-05-10 06:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude you should have just stayed. If nobody kicked your ass when they caught you with the stolen cup they weren't going to, actually I guess if there were no chicks I guess there was no reason to stay.
Submitted by Socially_Distorted (user info) at 2004-05-10 04:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When i was in third grade i had a teacher who would sit and smoke, and we always left the class all giggly and laughing. smoking was illegal, but the primary i attended was condemned, and the teachers only taught their cause no other school would employ them. The teacher (later) got fired for ripping a kids earring out, and we never thought any more of it. it wasnt until years leter that i finaly worked out what he was really smoking.
hell, we thought it was tobbacco...
why am i telling you this? school related i guess...
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-10 04:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Falco sounds a little bitter...
nah not bitter, twisted maybe
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-10 03:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Frat,
Fucking Retarded Anal Testicle Touchers
Free Rape At Toga-night
Finally, Rebellion At The Gap
Fucking Rich And Timid
Faggedy Redneck Asspumping Together.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-05-10 03:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny thing about frat guys is, most of them are bottoms in bed
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-05-10 03:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. i'm always a fan of kicking ass no matter what the situation, though. what youd o, let them get close, then pull a blade. that usually lessons the tension, and creates utopia.
haha, yeah, pull a knife next time.
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-05-10 03:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Glenn Danzig. Woot.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-05-10 02:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Falco sounds a little bitter...
That fraternity must suck, at Pi Kappa Phi we never sport less then a 1:1 ratio...usually much better.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-10 02:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why didnt you just stand your ground? Frat guys are pussies, im sure your friend would have helped you out. If not then kick out his knee capps and run away. I've been busted from so many parties, not for stealing shit its usually me harrassing those pompus faggots.
Submitted by trojanwarhero (user info) at 2004-05-10 02:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good stuff man