Movies that changed my life - The Goonies (1258 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.64 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Ultimate Male (View user info) at 2004-05-10 12:54:18 EDT
After a short hiatus, I am back to continue my series of movies that changed my life.
Long before there was anything cool, long before there was Ubersite and long before there was any other movie that had a man with a deformed face who loved ice cream, there was the cinematic masterpiece known to the public as The Goonies. In 1985. Steve Spielberg and Chris Columbus decided to make the one of the best movies ever put to film. The Goonies is the story of a bunch of kids who live in Oregon and are about to get their homes blown the fuck up because some new development is coming in. The Goonies are a crew and a half...
Mikey-The leader of the group who has ashtma or however the hell you spell it. Like all leaders of child groups, he delivers inspirtational speeches in caves.
Mouth-Corey Feldman, the pimp of the century and king of wisecracks in this movie. Although his career descended into gayness, he still had one film of glory, this one. To his credit, he can read spanish.
Data-The kid from Indiana Jones, Short Round. I kept waiting for him to yell out "INDY" or have a fight with a gay arab prince kid. Also has cool shit in his jacket like a boxing glove and a grappling hook that is anchored by chattering teeth.
The best member of them all . . .
Chunk-The defintion of an actor. The biggest travesty that occured in 1985 was that Chunk did not get an oscar for this performance. Chunk was the best member of the Goonies for thousands of reasons but the part that was the best was his stupid stories about how Michael Jackson used the bathroom at house, among other things. Chunk was the stupid kid everyone knew at one point in their life.
The story unfolds that the Goonies find a treasure map in the attic of Mikey's house, they go to find it, a bunch of shit that doesn't matter happens and then they end up in a series of caves along with Brandon (Mike's Brother) some almost hot chick and her nerdy friend who likes Mouth. So they are running from this lady who likes like a man, some big goon and Joey Pants. (Joe Pantiliano or however it's spelled). The family that is chasing the goonies also has a brother with a deformed face, named Sloth. Sloth befriends Chunk in one of the most beautiful unions ever caught on film, they run to the rescue of the Goonies. The Goonies are trapped on this pirate ship inside of a mountain (Yeah, I skipped ahead.) the crime family, the Fratteli's or whatever, are holding them hostage. So Chunk and Sloth slide in pirate style on a fucking mast, kick everyone's ass and then set the ship to see. Then Chunk and Sloth live together later, or so we're led to believe.
Things I learned from this movie . . .
Men with deformed faces live chained up in basements.
Asian people always invent poor quality items.
As long as you have a puffer, Asthma will never, ever affect you.
Corporations buy whole towns and blow them the fuck up.
If you're fat, your parents will bring a pizza to their reunion with you.
Joey Pants is the coolest nickname there ever did be.
Steven Spielberg can direct anything.
Chunk's career ended with this movie.
Sean Astin's did not.
User Reviews
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-19 04:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-05-10 21:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Goonies was the best of its genre EVER. I'm not sure what its genre is, but it was the best. I still watch it, to this day. I should get the DVD...the VHS is going to die soon.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-05-10 17:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Goonies like, encapsulates perfectly everything I remember being a kid in the 80s
I watch that movie and its major nostalgia, every time
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it Fast Getaway or Fast Getaway II that had Nicole Eggert naked?? She was sooooooooo fine, although I liked her better on Charles In Charge than on Baywatch.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Although his career descended into gayness, he still had one film of glory, this one."
Speaking of Corey Feldman, what about Stand By Me, The Lost Boys and the Cory and Cory flicks, Fast Getaway?
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The fucking Goonies. I dated a guy for 6 months before my frineds pointed out his freakish resemblence to Sloth. I need help.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-10 14:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the Goonies.
-1 for not at all mentioning the Truffle Shuffle.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-05-10 14:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ashtma = asthema.
ASH-T-Muh = As-th-muh.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-05-10 14:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot damn.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't seen that kickass movie in years.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that guy ruined my childhood.
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://dir.salon.com/people/feature/2000/04/12/chunk/index.html
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone know what the fuck that babbling, incoherent, idiot just said? Something about cartoons?
Submitted by DaGGer (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG this is one of the weirdest thing that i have heard.....well i must say that you do have a point on all of what you said but i really didn't like the movie i mean it had no point of being made.....ok there are some kids that find a ship with treasure, there are pirates that are dead, and then there is a happy ending......i mean there are cartoons that i have seen that are better than that....they all have a lot more meaning to them also.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure Awesome.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Asian people always invent poor quality items."
wacky Asians.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-10 13:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Wooo,
wooo! Wooo, wooo!
-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil