One order of Sex: Hold the emotion. (842 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.08 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Disektor <random.address.com> (View user info) at 2004-05-13 02:00:58 EDT
Seriously, what is it with all these stories about sex that actually have emotion attached? I don't care if he looked deeply into your eyes and lied and told you he loved you, get to the references about how your orgasm was like a pigs, full of squeals and 40 minutes long. Sex doesn't need a storyline nor does anyone read it. When guys write porn they don't bother setting the scene they just get to business. A typical female porn would start out "We were watching a romantic movie when he put his arm around me.. etc.. bullshit.. etc" A porn story written by a guy would sound something like this "So there I was doing her in the ass while she screamed my name when all of a sudden her mother walked in naked with cake icing spread over her naked body" Food and sex, you just can't beat it.
Apparently you don't realize that guys will say anything to get sex. I'd bet my left nut that whatever guy invented the phrase "i love you" did so to get sex. Convinced your boyfriend really does love you? Tell him you won't have sex again till you're married, or get pregnant. Even if your boyfriend is 300 pounds, those words will put the motion into those chunky legs of his and he'll haul ass out of there in a hurry. If he chooses to stay with you we can assume that he knows for a fact that you're the only girl in the world who'd have sex with him, EVER. If he stays and tells you that he "loves" you and wants to be with you.. you guessed it, he's a god damn liar and should be castrated for being such a pussy.
Another way to prove you don't want any of that bullshit emotional trash in a relationship is to break up with your girlfriend for the following reasons.
1. Her birthday is tomorrow, and you don't want to spend $5 on a gift. This can usually be countered with asking her out again the day after her birthday, assuming she's hot enough.
2. Other things involving gifts including: Anniversarys, Christmas, Valentines Day, etc.. These situations should be handled the same way as the birthday scenario.
3. One of her friends/family members/etc just died. Do you want to be the one who's shirt gets plastered with runny make-up from her tears? I sure as hell don't. Give her 4-6 weeks to get over her crying. In the mean time, date her sister.
4. The topic of marriage/kids comes up in a conversation. Sure, having kids is a great idea if you want to go through 9 months of pms hell. Otherwise, boot her ass out the door (after sex).
I could go on, but you pretty much get the gist of it.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-06 11:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pure stupidity. Go to Pulsehead.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 11:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not nice
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-06-06 10:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"A porn story written by a guy would sound something like this "So there I was doing her in the ass while she screamed my name when all of a sudden her mother walked in naked with cake icing spread over her naked body" "
Cake icing. Yum.
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-13 10:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sarcasm or no, this really does blow.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-05-13 09:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course it would Falco, theres always that one person in the family who hates whoever died, so I just made it the sister to help further my point.
Assuming you were right, and the sister was sad too, you'd have to find alternative sources for sex. Where you plan on finding those is completely up to you.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-05-13 09:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Indeed
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-05-13 08:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well written, but I don't agree with you.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-13 07:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-13 04:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3. One of her friends/family members/etc just died. Do you want to be the one who's shirt gets plastered with runny make-up from her tears? I sure as hell don't. Give her 4-6 weeks to get over her crying. In the mean time, date her sister.
HAHA dumbass how would dating her sister help if a family member died?
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-05-13 04:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm sensitive right now.
Didn't like it.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-05-13 03:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
random.address.com made me chuckle.
Submitted by Optimus_Prime (user info) at 2004-05-13 03:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
slightly amusing
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-05-13 02:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
haha