I Hate Louisiana, Bad Weather, Cable, Popcorn, and Glass. (2463 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kristen (View user info) at 2004-05-13 16:19:54 EDT
What can't you do in Louisiana on a rainy day?
Well.
You can't watch anything on TV. Why? Because the cable is out. Because of the inclement weather? No, because of the inclement cable people. When Cebridge promises to send you a cable guy between 8am and noon to rectify the problem, they really mean that they'll come whenever they feel like it. And they'll want $45 for the visit, despite the customer having paid an additional $4 per month for over four years for their rip-off "cable insurance". Of course, this only applies to cut cable wires. Sorry, cable people, but I haven't been digging any big holes in my yard recently. Are cable wires even buried? And when you try to call them to find out where your cable guy is and why he's three and a half hours late? You have to "press 3 for blah" and "press 5 for fuck you" and then you are told that every customer service rep is busy and that your insignificant, unimportant, trivial call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Apparently, all 20 customers in the Leesville area called before I did, because 15 minutes later, here I sit, listening to a Richard Marx song.
You can't have an uncut foot on a rainy day in Louisiana. If you break a glass on a day like today, you will get hurt. You can tell yourself, verbatim, "Do. Not. Step. On. Any. Of. The. Glass." You can look around you, locate every last jagged bit, jump over the majority of the mess, and still your foot will seek out that one stray shard. An hour after cleaning the floor, your other foot will find that last, evasive splinter of glass and cut you on that crease between your toe and your foot. You can't have popcorn. Not on a day like today. Especially not Orville Redenbacher's light butter flavored popcorn. For some reason the kernels won't pop, even after five minutes in the microwave. In case you're wondering, even if the popcorn doesn't detonate, it can still smell burnt.
What can you do on a rainy day in Louisiana? You can go to sleep and wake up tomorrow...which according to the weather channel is going to be rainy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tex (user info) at 2004-07-28 01:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
haha as bad as that may sound, in Laredo texas its rarely cool enough to do anything. we only get 2 TV stations (both of which are mexican) and other than that, all you can do all day is jack off and surf teh web. grass is always greener i guess.
Submitted by Erik <eaducharme.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-28 00:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree for the most part, louisiana is a shit state. I dont even bother to captalise the first letter of the state's name anymore because it doesnt deserve it. Oh and I also work for the cable company, scratch that, used to work for the cable company. Anyone purchasing cable insurance is an idiot, it doesnt cover anything except a split wire, as mentioned, however it is advertised to cover so much more. I couldnt even begin to tell you how backwards and demeaning the cable company is. Screw them and screw louisiana, I think I'll move to canada, just in hope that I'll never have to here some white rich youth in a starter jacket utter the wrod "dog" or "bro" again, Godammed this place and its people. I hope this state washes away into the ocean, trust me the US will not lose anything except a place to put its garbage, as well the people are pretty much better off dead. Users, alcoholics, jimkies bums, and bumpkins.A combination of all the mentioned or some. So to louisiana I say fuck you.To all cable companies and thier lack of customer service, I say fuck you. And to all people of louisiana, I hope the ocean swallows your state and you are burried in an eternal grave which is the gulf of mexico.
Submitted by metal at 2004-07-21 04:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I live in LA too. We get decent cable all the time. It depends where you live. I live in Thibodaux, and it doesn't even seem like a southern town. Hardly anyone has the accent. What else you can do while it's raining? Go out, eat out, go bowling, movies, etc. LA isn't that different from any other state...and what did you get all worked about the broken glass for??? I don't drop stuff frequently, so it's never been a problem.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-05-24 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cable companies being late/ not even showing up is like death and taxes. Also what up, it's been a while.
Submitted by Socially_Distorted at 2004-05-22 22:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
try living on an island. its wet and miserable all year round, and because its australia, the UV rays are so high that you'd be stupid to go out and sunbathe all the time, even with sunscreen...
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-05-20 04:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Q: What can you do in Louisiana on a rainy day?
A: Kristen.
Oh, God could I...
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-20 03:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's no "I" in "team".
heh my old boss used that one alot until.....
I coined the response
"No there isn't an I, but there is an M and an E now isn't there?"
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-15 18:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Krissy.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-14 01:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can IM people who just got back from being idle all day...
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-05-14 01:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zod- theres no u in team either...or in kristen for that matter
Kristen- tornados could change things that for sure. I agree with Bigmike. Get the kid a nerf basketball thing. I loved playing with that thing. Gives the kid something to do when he is bored and teaches the kid a sport at the same time.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-05-14 01:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ummm... sorry your day sucked, but why are you telling me about it? and why are you telling me about it in a poorly written, not-so-funny kind of way? oh well, better luck tomorrow i suppose.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-05-14 00:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone is bitter...
Why don't you go out and change the world instead of complaining about it? I'm disappointed, Kris, i really am.
There's no "I" in "team".
...what?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-05-13 22:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...the city of Leesville is "The Gateway to Toledo Bend'."
You know nothing of Toledo. I live in Toledo. It sucks worse than Louisiana...or Beruit...or Karbala, etc...
God I hate Toledo. I moved back here from Maine...what the HELL was I thinking?
Good line about the glass, though. I've done that many times. A +2, even though you haven't rated anything I've written in the last four months.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-13 21:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know what surprised me about Louisana? It's so hot down there that people don't lay out to get tans... in Michigan, as soon as the thermostat hits 70, girls flock to the beaches/back yards with a towel and some tanning lotion... this behavior continues all summer...
It's too freakin' hot in LA to be outside durring the day. Plus it's so freakin humid... man, I was more comfortable in EGYPT on a summer day than I was in Shreveport!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 21:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Our rain today was accompanied by lightening and tornado watches, ugaly. I'm pretty brave, but...:P
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-05-13 21:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 18:35:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
What is slapjack, BigMike?
*Sigh*. So much to learn, so little time.
Also, go buy a Nerf basketball set and put it up somewhere in your house. 4 year olds love throwing balls around and a nerf ball is completely harmless. The kid might learn how to shoot as well. Never too young for nerf.
Submitted by ugaly <UG_A_LY.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-13 20:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm ya....that is supposed to read "there is no reason why you should not take the kid out into the rain."
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-05-13 20:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aw fuck quit feuding.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-13 19:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Caul, you are the poster child as to why shaking babies is illegal."
Surely you can do better than that. But then again, I can't expect too much from someone who gets mad for a negative rating.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-05-13 19:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the poster child comment. That was hilarious
-1 because I love the rain and there is no reason why you should take the kid out there and play in it. He/she (not sure which one) would probably love it. Not only that, you run him around enough and he might get tired enough to take a nap, giving you the chance to do it too.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-05-13 19:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
slap jack is a card game.
deal the deck out completly. you can take the jokers out if you want, but it doesn't matter.
don't look at the cards you are delt.
start by saying 'ace' and fliping over a card. if the card matches or is a jack, you have to slap the pile (leave your hand there) the last person to slap the pile has to take the pile.
then the next player flips a card and says 2 and so on and so on.....
first person to run out of cards losses and to play Vegas style, has to put on a white t-shirt and run out in the rain and take pictures of herself and post them on a website known as ubersite. If it's stopped raining then you can simulate rain with a quick shower.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 18:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is slapjack, BigMike?
Caul, you are the poster child as to why shaking babies is illegal.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-05-13 17:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheer up!
Just thank God that you don't live in North-East Scotland...
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-05-13 17:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, I love you Kristen!! I'm sorry about the crappy cable services. That's the requirements to be a cable worker though: must be a lazy bastard and always have the capability to be "fashionably" late.
If it makes you feel any better, you have a nice long email from me to look forward to!! Yay!
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-13 17:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you could come to my place and play 'hide the weiner'.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-05-13 17:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Teach the kid to play Slapjack. Kids love that game.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-05-13 17:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahhaha to what LGF said. Kristen I am happy Caula dislikes you, it must mean you are cool.
Here are two tricks for taking care of your wonderful boy. For yoshi stick your tongue out and put two hands in front of yourself like a dog, when you then bend over to head butt him (tongue in by that point of course) you will somewhat resemble yoshi from Mario Brothers.
Finally the best babysitting trick I have ever used. It is called Super Meanie Man. You tell him that he has 5 minutes or whatever your health will allow to be supermeanie man. When he is in that altered state, any time he touches you, you throw yourself backwards. His kicks become super kicks, his punches super punches. I think this may be more effective for males who are used to throwing themself around, and your feet are banged up, but the trick still works. Then later super meanie time can be a reward for good behavior. One kid who is now 16 told me a few weeks ago when I saw him in Atlanta that it was one of his favorite childhood memories. Wrestling with a beautiful girl has got to be even more fun. Hope your day gets better!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-13 17:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:50:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
Since this bores you so much, Caul, do me a favor. Print this out, read it on your drive home from work, fall asleep behind the wheel, and die.
---
That kicked ass. +2 for this reply alone.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This made me smile!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I'm sorry to have not like your post Kristen. I mean we must all +2 you, don't we ? Here, I'll change my mind to make you happy:
Oh-my-God ! What a fuckin' great post ! Kickass baby ! +2, huh !
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Since this bores you so much, Caul, do me a favor. Print this out, read it on your drive home from work, fall asleep behind the wheel, and die.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lafayette is 2 hours from me. I've never heard of Larto Lake, but the city of Leesville is
"The Gateway to Toledo Bend". Woo, go us!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
zzZZzzzzzzzZzzzZzzz
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
me & my fiancee' are from Lafayette. ever hear of a place called "Larto Lake"? I don't know if it really exists or not but I've heard stories... sounds like it's close to where you are.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, i done did added you.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooooh, PMJ, when will it rain in Canada next? I can't wait to see some of that.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
May 13 Strong Storms 68° 60 %
Fri
May 14 T-Storms 76°/63° 60 %
Sat
May 15 Scattered T-Storms 79°/62° 40 %
Sun
May 16 Scattered T-Storms 81°/63° 40 %
Mon
May 17 Isolated T-Storms 85°/64° 30 %
Tue
May 18 Isolated T-Storms 87°/65° 30 %
Wed
May 19 Isolated T-Storms 86°/65° 30 %
Thu
May 20 Partly Cloudy 85°/64° 0 %
Fri
May 21 Partly Cloudy 85°/64° 20 %
Sat
May 22 Partly Cloudy 85°/64° 20
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is crap.
I can't take a nap, Ross, because I have to entertain a 4-year-old that can't swim today like I promised him yesterday. And he only wants to play sumo wrestler and playing that sucks because I'm apparently no good at "yoshi-ing" (what he says when he head butts me)...and I don't know how one can be good at that. Agh.
Leesville is...an hour north of Lake Charles, 2 hours south of Shreveport, and hour south of Alexandria, 20 minutes west of DeRidder...Leesville is in the middle of nowhere, slowlyrotting.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:34:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
When it reains, I like to go outside in a white shirt, let the rain soak me completely, and then go back inside and take pictures of myself to post on ubersite. It's really really fun.
But that's just me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
are you trying to send her a subliminal message? if so, i second that.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When it reains, I like to go outside in a white shirt, let the rain soak me completely, and then go back inside and take pictures of myself to post on ubersite. It's really really fun.
But that's just me.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess the concept of wearing shoes in Louisiana is still considered taboo.
LGF
Submitted by supervtek (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"even if the popcorn doesn't detonate, it can still smell burnt."
Made me laugh hard.
I've had these days too.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
take a nap lady.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You left upset at me the other night, got an attitude, and ignrored me last night. +1 for that.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-13 16:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No wonder you are so hot... you're from Louisiana. Where the fuck is Leesville?