I Want My Grape Shit to be Purple God Dammit (1074 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.68 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Unsound (View user info) at 2004-05-14 08:15:08 EDT
Why is it whenever I drink grape juice (and I mean grape grape not white grape) my shit turns green? Not a brownish green mind you, bright fucking green like some Cannabis Cup award winning shit. For once in my life I'd like my shit to be purple. Shit needs to be the same color as whatever you eat, all the colors of the rainbow. That way if you get sick you can just look at your shit and say, oh yeah, I had squash, hence the orange shit. I guess my body doesn't like squash. They need to fix this. Seriously. And why the fuck when I poured my grape Gatorade in a glass the other day was it blue? Not a purplish blue, fucking Windex blue. It looked purplish in the bottle. I don't want my grape shit to look like fucking windshield wiper fluid. Speaking of blue, why the fuck do they always make raspberry flavored shit blue? Raspberry's aren't blue. But alas, I don't give a shit about raspberries, I just want my grape shit to be purple god dammit. Purple Gatorade and purple turds, is that too fucking much to ask?
FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK.
User Reviews
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-11-18 14:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've lost many a good night's sleep pondering this very question.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-18 14:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
blue(purplegatoradecolor) + yellow(poopcolor) = green?
Submitted by Kingchees <Kingchees2.at.msn.com> at 2004-07-22 10:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i once ate too much superman ice cream, and it turned my shit red yellow green purple orange and blue. Also, try eating a bag of Kaboom! cereal, if they still make it.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-05-14 18:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like this rant
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Envenom is the account name, so unfortunately it doesn't matter what name I post under it will always show Envenom.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't you change your name? How come your reviews are still under Envenom?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you settle for bright blue toilet water?
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I don't think that's the effect he's going for.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear.
Would you settle for bright blue toilet water?
Instructions:
1. Buy a 2000 Flushes Blue
2. Stick it in the tank
3. Flush 3 or 4 times to get the color going
4. Replace when the water starts fading
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is why your poo is green.
The dye used in most purple foods (ie. Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid, Gatorade) is FDA Blue #5, and dye-lake Red #40 (which, by the way, causes cancer at an alarming rate and is linked to hyperactivity). Turns out that when metabolized in sufficient quantity, the blue dye combines with bile, and forms a brilliant green. The red, due to it's chemical nature, is digested otherwise.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sausage King it's about time you showed up
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This gives me an idea for an experiment...
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-05-14 12:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when i drink purple or blue gatorade my shit turns bright fucking green!
freaky
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-14 12:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Envenom go read my school girl post. Pretty please? *makes pouty face*
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 12:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I do love a true Zinfindel, and my stomach is already bleeding from the 10 packets of Goody's Powder (basically aspirin that has been chopped into a fine powder to be ingested or snorted) I take each day.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-14 12:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Many pints of Guiness, preferably consumed with no food does indeed turn one's shit an entertaining shade of ermine, but if it's purple you're looking for, what you want to do is drink several bottles of a deeply-coloured red wine such as an Australian Cabernet Sauvignon/Shiraz, or a Californian Zinfandel. Also, for depth of colour, you may, as someone else suggested below, combine the above with something that causes internal bleeding like a good handful of acetaminophen or aspirin. Good luck with the experiment, and in the event of success, can you please post photographic evidence?
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 12:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahahaha! I just got a call from a customer named Tom Cockey. And he didn't say Tom, he was all happy and said "Hi! This is Tom Cockey!" It took everything I had to keep from busrting into laughter. If that was my name I sure as hell wouldn't tell anyone. The only way it could have been funnier would have been if his name was Dick. Nice guy though.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-05-14 11:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn straight!!!
It's an outrage! Thats what it is
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hah woah calm down
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So I guess the answer would be, if you want your shit to be purple, go to South (?) Carolina and eat only the purple part of SeaDog vanilla icecream.
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Sweet. My job is right on the NC/SC border.
Submitted by HairyBare <JAVIRED87@aol> at 2004-05-14 10:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get a life...
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of a time when my family was visiting some friends, and we all went out for ice cream. The two little Norwegian girls in the family we were visiting chose to consume this "SeaDog" ice cream (named after a local minor league baseball team) that was a VIVID teal, purple and blue (it was vanilla ice cream). THe next morning, my mom was woken up by one of the little girls, who was explaining to my mom - in Norwegian - that she wanted her to come see her poo...which was a bluish-green almost as intense as the ice cream had been. It was a special moment for everyone.
So I guess the answer would be, if you want your shit to be purple, go to South (?) Carolina and eat only the purple part of SeaDog vanilla icecream.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:11:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
Peter: Oh yeah well I'm getting something realy special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Cliderman boy down the street. More like.... Special K, the cereal. Hey what did they do with the regular K? And for that matter what ever hsppened to K Ballard? You know if you said Mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you even listen to yourself talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.
This post reminded me of this family guy moment, yet it was strangely enjoyable.
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Sweet. Family Guy rules. I'll take that any time.
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Peter: Oh yeah well I'm getting something realy special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Cliderman boy down the street. More like.... Special K, the cereal. Hey what did they do with the regular K? And for that matter what ever hsppened to K Ballard? You know if you said Mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you even listen to yourself talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.
This post reminded me of this family guy moment, yet it was strangely enjoyable.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 10:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:55:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Opps...
+2 for Bob's comment about his liver
+1000 for Envenom
Mmmmm...Envenom
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Lucky, you just tell me when. I can be in Raleigh or Wilmington in 3 1/2 hours. Less if I burn up the road.
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Opps...
+2 for Bob's comment about his liver
+1000 for Envenom
Mmmmm...Envenom
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was going to suck, then I laughed.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where the fuck is Sausage King when we need him? He's the scientist.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another thing that I learned in my travels is that if you drink a half-gallon of orange juice (I prefer mine with Absolut) it gives you nasty colored orange turds.
Either that, or it was my liver in the toilet. Then again, my liver doesn't usually say "Hey Bob, how's it going?" before I flush it.
Stout beers give me a blackish stool.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-14 09:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Perhaps a concoction of red and blue food coloring might do the job.
Question: Why does grape flavored candy/drinks/scents/gum taste absolutely nothing like real grapes actually taste?
Blueberries/huckleberries/swampers will give you green shits if you eat small amounts of them. If you eat a lot of them, the give you blue shits.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-05-14 08:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know about the poo thing, but I'll tell you this:
Spill fierce grape Gatorade on a formica countertop, and it will stain the fucker blue! What does it do to your body?
White Castle gives me greenie shizzles.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 08:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Taking lots of aspirin and drinking liquor until your stomach bleeds will also turn your shit black. Just though you'd like to know.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-14 08:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My baby's shit is exactly the same color as what he ate. Feed him carrots, orange poo. Feed him peas, green poo. I haven't ever fed him anything purple yet, but I'll try it and take a picture.
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-05-14 08:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not sure how you get purple, but if you want black shit, just drink a couple swigs of pepto bismol. It almost alwaysy turns your shit a dark black. From there I suppose just drink the right food colorings.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-14 08:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title