Making the MVA list (1784 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.87 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MegaMan (View user info) at 2004-05-14 13:03:24 EDT
There have been many questions going around. Bart hasnt answered any of them, so I thought Id address just one.
How does one make it on the Most Viewed Author List?
Its pretty simple. You have several different types of posters that are on the MVA List. Ill do a short run down of each.
The Creator MVA
1. Bart Cilfone (409236 hits)
In order to rank #1 you need to be the creator of Uber. Hes been around the longest, and therefore has posts that have hits from before your mother ever had to make the decision of swallowing the load you came out of. You must understand that Uber has been around since Moses came down that mountain with the 15 commandments.
The Quality MVA
2. Razor (289647 hits)
4. JMG114 (237548 hits)
8. tokin' loki (160511 hits)
9. Jonukah (155718 hits)
11. Ryan Donovan (139580 hits)
22. Loren E.M. (100891 hits)
21. monkey (100891 hits)
23. STREETPUNK (96079 hits)
12. Rizzo (129881 hits)
18. Big Mike (104592 hits)
16. CatsCradle (116179 hits)
14. JP (118765 hits)
These are posters who end up writing really good posts, and end up with high rankings because they write with a style everyone enjoys. These are the ones that are pretty well rounded writers in humor, drama, horror, stories, series and pornography. Ive read through only a few of BigMikes posts and they were all pretty good. Everyone of these writers work hard on their posts and end up with quality work.
The Humorist MVA
6. Me So Horny (177554 hits)
7. hidden101 (171938 hits)
10. reallybored (140187 hits)
17. Sideburns (113013 hits)
3. MickGinny (244051 hits)
These are posters that write completely absurd, but hilarious posts. You have gay photoshopped porn, straight photoshopped porn, porn, trashy cars, being shorter then the chinese, and just funny shit. Theyre the ones that can relate to the immature, frat, sorority, funny, corny and just about anyone that has a good sense of humor. These are the ones you go to for good one liners, funny -2s and Good Humor. Its a known fact that Humorist MVAs carry Good Humor ice cream at all times.
The Out Of Left Field Newbie MVA
15. Number Fifteen (116777 hits)
20. KoolMang (101845 hits)
13. iddqd (128075 hits)
These are the posters that are pretty new, and surprisingly good writers. This is what happens when you first sign up, your posts dont get drowned out by hundreds of shitty posts, and are recognized. They are also the ones that normally will give hand-jobs for a spot at 25. Overall a good crew. At hand-jobs I mean.
The MVA I Made Up Cause I Dont Know
24. Kristen (90011 hits)
25. Murphy1844 (88061 hits)
These MVAs are usually more of a replier. Meaning they reply more then they post. But their posts end up getting drowned out due to the overwhelming stupid posts we see on an almost daily basis. Ive read both their stuff and theyre both funny. They fall into the I Dont Know them cause theyre more or less the ones that are quiet. Its always the Quiet Ones...
One Hit Wonder MVA
5. Tom (209420 hits)
This is the guy that got his fame from just one post. One post which ruled them all. One post which has received more hits in a month then the former #1 Most Viewed Post, which was up for years. His secret? Porn. And lots of it.
19. Doctor Light (104123 hits)
You then have me. The one whose proven time and time again that no matter how well you write, theres some asshole out there that can post more useless posts in the world, and make it on the MVA list. Had much help from Ubercon posts and thats pretty much it. Well known for immaturity, racism, KKK meetings, general stupidity, once in a while funny quips and a knack at giving damn good head.
User Reviews
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-10 13:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"The Out Of Left Field Newbie MVA
15. Number Fifteen (116777 hits)
20. KoolMang (101845 hits)
13. iddqd (128075 hits)
These are the posters that are pretty new, and surprisingly good writers. This is what happens when you first sign up, your posts dont get drowned out by hundreds of shitty posts, and are recognized. They are also the ones that normally will give hand-jobs for a spot at 25. Overall a good crew. At hand-jobs I mean. "
Will Zone is #15. Um, i've been here almost a year. I've only had to give bart and razor a handjob...at the same time. Soooooo messy.
Submitted by Rokinroj (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HA! 15 commandments! Funny stuff
Rokinroj
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-05-15 02:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So...
you mean you guys didn't have to give bart a blowjob to get on there?
bart, we need to talk.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-15 02:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm inclined to agree with iddy on this one. By your logic, shouldn't Donovan be on the one-post wonder category? I'm new, I know. I don't know the guy, etc. etc. But this list just sucks. It was a better post when you left it blank.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-05-15 02:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
im actually quite pissed off at my spot in this. sure its only one guys opinion and has really nothing to do with fact in any way shape or form, but i resent being taken for granted and having my efforts over the last year being reduced to:
"These are the posters that are pretty new, and surprisingly good writers. This is what happens when you first sign up, your posts dont get drowned out by hundreds of shitty posts, and are recognized. They are also the ones that normally will give hand-jobs for a spot at 25. Overall a good crew. At hand-jobs I mean. "
i get recognition because i write things that people (presuably at one stage) enjoy(ed) reading. fuck you and your trivialisation of my hard work.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-05-15 02:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
my spot in this opinion is ridiculous. ive been here for a year, ive posted over 200 posts, i am no "young up and comer" 6 months ago maybe, but not anymore. and theres nothing surprisingly good about my writing, its just good thats all. ive posted a shitload of quality articles, and i have 2 BAW posts (i should have at least one more). i am one of the quality writers on this site, not lately, granted, but the fact remains.
have you been paying attention?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-14 20:22:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One Hit Wonder MVA
5. Tom (209420 hits)
Wrong.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-05-14 18:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just reread my comment and realized it was laced with bitterness.
I'm not bitter, just disappointed.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-05-14 18:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"In response to lojope's comment, I've now decided to list only my own posts on Bored at Work, to write a dozen posts titled "Gellieman" or "Naked pictures of Elisha Cuthbert", and to setup thirty thousand anonymous proxy servers to repeatedly drill all of my own posts. "
And how is that any different from now? I submitted several works to BAW and not-a-one of 'em was picked up. I know it's solely up to you Bart, but still I was disappointed and shortly thereafter gave up.
And just so you know, the items I submitted I had put in front of a test audience with my co-workers, and they all agreed they were good for BAW.
Oh well, life goes on.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-14 17:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like lists.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-14 17:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blurg, we all know my "Let's go fishin'" deserved much more acclaim than it received.
Fuck Ubersite in it's ear.
:)
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-05-14 17:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The MVA is, sadly, becoming a popularity contest around here. I feel like I'm in high school all over again.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:14:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, Bart said the only way to make that list was to give him head. Isn't that what the rest of you did?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hahahaha
+2 for Good Humor Ice Cream!! :)
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jp is a 2 hit wonder
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is the reason why I decided not to post it yesterday.
Fucking Tom and his stupid requests. See if I ever listen to that newb again.
Making everyone think I post shit... Wait I do. Nevermind.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, and that bart... the if you remove all the stuff that he put up on boredatwork and stuff that's just been sitting around collecting hits since before the Allied invasion of Normandy, he wouldn't even be on the list.
Also, this analysis sucks my nuts, because you have WillZone categorized with KoolMang.
The only two things they have in common is that they are both (presumably) human beings.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart:
Instead of "Naked pictures of Elisha Cuthbert", you should make it "Naked pictures of Lindsey Lohan". She's underage... that's good for about 5000 or so additional hits.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In response to lojope's comment, I've now decided to list only my own posts on Bored at Work, to write a dozen posts titled "Gellieman" or "Naked pictures of Elisha Cuthbert", and to setup thirty thousand anonymous proxy servers to repeatedly drill all of my own posts.
In seriousness though, the ordering of people on that list has nothing to do with quality or even time. Hell, use Razor as an example... number two on the list. His most viewed post? "Knockoff Porn Movie Titles" - 56,000 hits. Get rid of that post and he's number 4.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shut up tom, you fuckin' newb!
Wait, who are you again?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Besides, "MVA" isn't synonymous with "Fame". Believe me, I was very much "Famous" and "On the radar" long before I hit the MVA.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've posted 23 times and have 37,000 hits. That's about 1600 per.
The way I figure, if I post roughly 30 more times, I should crack the MVA list (I know it will never happen).
But if it does, I want my category to be "MVA that no one has ever heard of".
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
which is not to say her posts suck or anything, just that being female and attractive is never going to hurt you when it comes to getting attention.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would put Kristen in the 'because she's a hot chick' category.
See: Kristie Swan and any other chick who's posted a decent photo and posted regularly.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:36:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
a few things...
a) tom was #21 on the mva BEFORE P2P.
b) tom should be under humor.
c) iddqd is not a newbie compared to will zone, kristen, ext...
Good, he said it for me.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I ever make it, which I won't, I hope to be in the category "Made MVA by having a mammoth penis".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First time I say actually say this: meh.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-14 14:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MVA is for losers!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not. I'm telling Suzy.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:40:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:33:23 (#)
Ranking: -1
What is this? A cyber cocksuck?
When I see these lists, it forever reminds me of:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/13363
Tut.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Huh?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think that was an offer.
Wow! You listed me as quiet!!!
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:33:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
A blow job everyday for the next year to the person who knocks Bart off of the #1 spot. If no one does it within the next year, the prize automatically goes to Bart.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
you already owe me a blow job everyday for the next year and you haven't started working it off yet, why should anyone believe that you'll make good on that one?
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:33:23 (#)
Ranking: -1
What is this? A cyber cocksuck?
When I see these lists, it forever reminds me of:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/13363
Tut.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Huh?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a few things...
a) tom was #21 on the mva BEFORE P2P.
b) tom should be under humor.
c) iddqd is not a newbie compared to will zone, kristen, ext...
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What is this? A cyber cocksuck?
When I see these lists, it forever reminds me of:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/13363
Tut.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A blow job everyday for the next year to the person who knocks Bart off of the #1 spot. If no one does it within the next year, the prize automatically goes to Bart.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic only. All that typing so you could get off a whine? C'mon...
Submitted by Sci-Fi_Man (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great pic. Love it.
(now every one is looking at me...)
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, the picture.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, Bart said the only way to make that list was to give him head. Isn't that what the rest of you did?
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the picture
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-14 13:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A lot of the newer MVA's are people who got a post linked to boredatwork.com (or another site...google some of the most viewed posts to see what I am referring to.) The fact of the matter is they all get read most, whether you like them or not.