Near death Ballet (342 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Posthumous Laughter (View user info) at 2004-05-14 15:09:49 EDT
A bit long, but perhaps worth it.
This is my story, I am sticking to it.
A Saturday morning in October in Los Angeles: It had been raining for several days now, culminating in a very heavy downpour this morning. It was around 12:00 P.M., and I was headed to Hollywood to pick up my girlfriend.
If you have never been to LA then you probably wouldn't guess that the city is not designed to handle large quantities of rain. It isn't. The streets fill with water, houses get washed into the sea and inland mudslides kill people; all because of our wonderful desert climate and lack of topsoil. I digress. I was traveling southbound on the 101 freeway. This freeway runs through Hollywood and down towards downtown LA. It is a 65-mph zone, like 98% of all LA freeways, but no one follows the speed limit, not even me.
For those who have ever visited here or heard stories about how bad the drivers in LA are, they are all, 100%, true. Everybody in LA owns a gun, which we keep in our glove boxes, and most of us do not know how to signal lane changes. In fact, when it rains, most everybody forgets how to drive. I know, I see them sitting in their cars staring blankly at this strange round object in front of them, and the god-awful footrests on the floor. It is an amazing phenomenon. You think you would get used to it. You don't. It seems like every time it rains all the oil and smog in the roads comes to the surface, releasing some kind of nerve serum that wipes clean the "how to drive" part of the memory. I, having lived in Oregon, rain capitol of the world, and NY, home of ass-hole drivers and people from New Jersey, know a bit more about random acts of weather and how to react accordingly; or at least I like to think so.
I was making my way down the freeway, noticing the large pools of water. There was once 15 miles of traffic along the 134 and the 2 freeways because cars had to slow down and ford a lake on the freeway. Anyway... I was just outside of Hollywood, right before the Highland Exit, where the freeway takes a dip below an overpass. I was following a maroon minivan, traveling around 80mph. Now, as I said, it was raining, and this was probably not the right speed to be traveling, but I was just keeping up with traffic. As the minivan entered the downhill part of the freeway, just below an overpass, it hit a puddle, wait, let me rephrase that, a small lake. As usual, the car started to fishtail. This is a normal occurrence in rainy weather, especially at these speeds. I let go of my gas and started to apply medium pressure to my breaks. I gripped the wheel with two hands just as I hit the same pool of water and started to fishtail myself.
What ensued next was by far the most entertaining, horrific and bizarre even I have ever witnessed, and I have seen some horrible things.
The maroon minivan did not handle the fishtail very well. I imagine the drive tried to compensate for the fact that her car was spinning all over the lane by turning her wheel. Bad idea. Her car began to spin. When I say spin, I don't mean turning slowly in a nice regular pattern. I mean pulling 360 degree circles, and not just in her lane; but in her lane and the ones adjacent to hers as well. I was sitting there, a very calming Sigur Rose CD playing at the time. So as this ballet of cars, and I mean ballet as it seemed like a movie stunt because not once did that minivan come close to hitting my car, or any other car on that freeway, unfolded before me, I sat stunned.
The minivan made 3 complete circles, through three lanes of congested traffic; without hitting any cars. When the minivan came to a stop, it was almost facing backwards, turned lengthwise through three lanes. I was amazed. I should have been dead, or at least smashed to pieces on the side of the road. The minivan put it in reverse, backed up to get straight, and proceeded to drive forward, as if nothing had ever happened. I looked to my right at the cars around me and saw a female driver in the next lane with her mouth gapping, and her eyes bulging out of her head. I looked at her to confirm the fact that she and I had witnessed this event, and that it was not just a dream. I then just started to drive again. For the rest of the day I drove slower. I took my time to see what was happening around me. Air smelled sweeter, and food tasted better. I may have even thanked God that day.
User Reviews
Submitted by maryjane (user info) at 2004-06-10 19:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maryjane (user info) at 2004-06-10 19:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by My_dixie_wrecked (user info) at 2004-05-15 03:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it. not going to. but +2 for my ignorance.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"In fact, when it rains, most everybody forgets how to drive."
This is true in Charlotte as well. They drive like morons when it rains, but the roadways (especially the highways) don't drain water well and sometimes ability doesn't make much difference. I was driving one day and my tires were just about bald, I hit a patch of water and hydroplaned, spinning out just as you described. I hit a pole (the base of one of the poles that the overhead signs are attached to) at approximately 55 miles an hour driver side impact. The car was completely mangled, but luckily although I was a bit stunned, I came off without a scratch. (And no seatbelt)
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary shit like this happens to me all the time duder.
My first parachute jump--there was a tangle in the line so I cut it and pulled the reserve--it tangled too!
I hit the ground so hard I sprained both ankles. Can you believe I'm jumping this weekend?
Why not right?