Fat Tony Dies After Determining Server's Worth. (1510 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.34 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TripinDayZ (View user info) at 2004-05-14 15:35:58 EDT
Inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/32996...
A fat ass prick fell 500 feet from the SkyCity Restaurant on Friday and hit the ground like a duffle bag full of vomit, according to witnesses.
Fat Tony impacted the sidewalk and jiggled for approximately nine minutes before finally coming to rest in the form of a pile of dog shit. Witnesses say he was pushed out of the restaurant window by an irate server shortly after deciding what he thought she was worth.
Nearby sanitation worker Joe Shmoe told this publication he was alerted to the scene by the sound of "settling jello".
"I was expecting the lunch cart," Shmoe told reporters at the scene.
Instead, he found Fat Tony had plummited from the 50 story structure looking much like a gigantic, floppy ball sack and crash landed face first on the sidewalk.
"It was not the lunch cart." Shmoe stated.
Police say they believe Fat Tony was assaulted shortly after he decided against honoring the restaurants policy of 20% gratuity for parties of 6 or more. We caught up with the owner of SkyCity, Trip Day, who had this to say "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." he then took an extremely large breath and continued with, "OHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."
When the prison work program finishes cleaning him off the walkway with snow shovels, services will be held at The Sizzler. He has donated his body to science which will portion it into pudding containers and ship it to various locations around europe to aid in the lubrication of bull genitals while mounting cows.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-21 10:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I retract my +2.
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-05-20 17:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-19 14:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i used to be a waitress. i feel your pain.
"it was not the lunch cart"
hahahahahaha... oops. potty time.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:57:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
1.What? 2.Like you expect me to give a positive rating? 3.Sure it was funny, no doubt.
4.I still say most servers can lick my chocolate starfish 5.(asshole).
6.Think I'm cheap? 7.No, it's not about being cheap. http://www.ubersite.com/m/33171
8.Go. 9.Read. 10.Learn.
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ok let us break this down shall we?
1. my thoughts after reading this review can be described in this utterance.
2. where the fuck did that come from. i had to sneak into your room, get a picture of you asleep then spend countless hours photoshopping the anal beads, butt plugs, mcdonald's wrappers, sheep porn, and snow globes out of it just to be able to post it here. of course i don't expect a positive rating from you dumbass. <sign language while speaking very slowly> THIS POST MAKES FUN OF YOU. why in the fuck would i think you would rate it positively.
3. thank you captain obvious
4. and i still say people who use terms made popular by Limp Bizkit are ass mongering dolts.
5. thank you (again) captain obvious
6. no, i think your an arrogant prick
7. no, it's about being an arrogant prick, right?
8. bite
9. my
10. cock
FYI
______________________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:45:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
i used to be a server. he pushed a few buttons. don't really know him but i was itching to post and he inspired. no hard feelings just a little humor to vent my frustration at the view he is entitled to have.
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let it go man, let it go.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<barf>
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What? Like you expect me to give a positive rating? Sure it was funny, no doubt.
I still say most servers can lick my chocolate starfish (asshole).
Think I'm cheap? No, it's not about being cheap. http://www.ubersite.com/m/33171
Go. Read. Learn.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post has been rated +2 by the House of Competent Representatives.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-05-17 10:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I saw that pic before. Can't remember...damn!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-05-17 10:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-17 10:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
still funny three days later.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-17 10:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHAaAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHA
*breath*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-14 19:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That pic is a real oldie from rotten dot com.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-14 19:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Fuck that, I'm with Tony, most waiters are useless pieces of shit. +1 for the relevant pic tho.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-05-14 19:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:53:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no idea if its real. i searched a media site for a picture of a dead fat guy and there it was. tapioca anyone?
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-05-14 18:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rarely laugh as hard as I did at that. One of the best kickers of all ass I have ever seen.
...
It was not the lunch cart
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 17:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
does anyone know if tony has connections to the mafia? i should have researched this one... if this is the last post i ever produce someone please call the police.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-14 17:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, and I was the one who pushed him off the building.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-14 17:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep laughing at this...
hit the pavement like a dufflebag of vomit.
priceless!
Even funnier is the fact you typed 'dead fat guy' to find that pic...I wish there was a MacDonalds sign somewhere in the frame...now that would be ball busting!
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i always questioned whether that picture is real...
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hilarious. I love this post.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by GassyGirl72 (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sick bastard. That picture is fucking disgusting.
But funny enough to make me feel a little gassy.
And you know how much I love that.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
server would have never pushed him ..... she would have told her manager "Not my Table ta ta"
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
none taken. if i had a bit more talent i might have pulled it off. thanks for the tip.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i got nothing against tony, but this is a funny hate post.
Submitted by Tony H8R at 2004-05-14 16:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That wasn't a slam. What I meant was do something like:
Fat Bastard Falls To Demise in Seattle
by: T. Daizy
SEATTLE-(AP) Authorities are still baffled as to how FatTony, aged 32, of Whispering Hills Trailer Park fell to his death.....
You get the picture. It's still funny. No offense meant.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+ 2 for the "splat Tony" comment.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A real body?
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 16:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"This post would have been funnier if you would have set it up like a news article. "
funny you should mention that. i actually looked up a story on cnn.com that fell under the 'man falls to his death' category. i took that article and just replaced names and comments with my own. guess it didn't work.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That pic is seriously disturbing.
This post would have been funnier if you would have set it up like a news article.
Oh! you should have photoshopped a lot of hair on the guy in the picture.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny...
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no idea if its real. i searched a media site for a picture of a dead fat guy and there it was. tapioca anyone?
Submitted by Harmless (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
A -2 article and a +1 picture.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That pic is vile. Decent piece.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF is with that pic? Is that real?
I will never eat again.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i used to be a server. he pushed a few buttons. don't really know him but i was itching to post and he inspired. no hard feelings just a little humor to vent my frustration at the view he is entitled to have.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't know who the fuck "Fat Tony" is or why you hate him so much but that picture was HIL-FUCKIN-ARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually i think this is considered Splat Tony.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a difference between fat tony and floppy tony.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this should have been NSFW...
Sincerely,
Dip Shit.
sorry.