When Rehab Met The Enemy (684 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.66 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Natasha - socialdropout17.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2004-05-15 03:28:35 EDT
REHAB MET THE ENEMY:
Me and Spook (damned if I know his name), both had parents who taught us to 'entertain ourselves', while they did there grown up business. If any of you reading this, then I advise you not to follow my parent's example. At fifteen your children will still be playing the elevator game....
Yes, we tried to kick the habit hundreds of times, but the one game that always has us in fits of laughter is the elevator game, and will always be the 'Elevator Game'. When we were little, the elevator was a game where we pressed the button for the top level, and once we reached that, we pressed the button for the lowest level, and then we did it all over again, and again, and again, and again... but we were kids then! Now we are 15, and the elevator game holds a whole new meaning for us...
Our new elevator game consisted of attempting to make all the passengers think that we were absolutely, positively, without a doubt, CRAZY! And hell, it was fun. When we first started, a few years ago, we did stupid stunts like swaying side to side with the natural frequency of the elevator, carrying a blanket and grasping it protectively to your chest, grunting and straining to open the elevator door when we reached my stop, and acting embarrassed when it opened itself.
But now we're a whole lot mature, seven years more mature, in fact, and showing passengers a wound, and asking if it looked infected, is no longer funny (to us that is). So we made up some new things to do, and tested them on unsuspecting passengers...
Of course we got escorted out of the department store, but it was worth it...
And so, my fellow Uberers, I give you, The ELEVATOR GAME!
The aim of the game is to convince fellow elevator passengers that you are, with out a doubt, crazy, using a variety of different methods. The person that gets the best response wins.
THE OLD FAVORITES: (for those just starting out)
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
One word: Flatulence!
Burp, and then say; "Mmmmm... Tasty!"
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively to your chest.
Bring a chair along.
Lean against the button panel.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "is that your beeper?"
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Say "I wonder what all these do..." and push the red buttons.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Meow occasionally.
SO YOU WANT TO PLAY TOUGH...: (might get you thrown off the lift by a security card)
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, Dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Shave
Wear "X-Ray Specs", and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger..."
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Start a sing-along.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Frown and mutter; "Gotta go, gotta go...", then sigh and say; "Oops!"
(Cage lifts)On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped through the metal cage bottom, go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space".
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Leave a box between the doors.
Cracks open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours Upside-down.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
Take a bit of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body!"
enjoy.
User Reviews
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-20 17:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-18 03:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Seen em all before, but brings back fond memories.
There was actually a study done, where about 5 scientists went to a mall elevator and faced the 'wrong' way. 9 out of 10 people would face the same way the scientists were facing.
Fascinating.....
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-16 04:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Notice me not screwing your rating up :P
Submitted by Socially_Distorted (user info) at 2004-05-16 02:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*sigh* yes i'm female...
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-05-15 19:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read all of these and wondered why most of them didn't strike me as particulary silly...then I realized you were a girl, and different things are funny to you because I have a weiner and you don't. But it merited a plus two for this:
"Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope."
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-15 10:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a chick???
Submitted by Socially_Distorted (user info) at 2004-05-15 08:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SuzyQuezy (user info) at 2004-05-15 08:14:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
um...
did you actually make all of this up because I've very similar stuff in forwards...
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basically, yes. me and spook actually committed many of these dark crimes.
im just passing the tradition to those not yet blessed with the enjoyment of playing the elevator game...
Submitted by SuzyQuezy (user info) at 2004-05-15 08:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um...
did you actually make all of this up because I've very similar stuff in forwards...
Submitted by Natasha (not logged in) at 2004-05-15 07:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sleeping bag, poster on the wall, setting your alarm to wake you up once the door shuts. "Who are you people?, how did you get in here? get the fuck outa my house"
Throw yourself to the floor, get up calmly, repeat.
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looks promising *evil grin*
you'd be amazed how fast they move when you pull the motion sickness one on them.(always a winner)
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-15 05:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Playing dead too rough for you or did I miss it?
Submitted by Sicgrrl (user info) at 2004-05-15 04:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the funniest shit I've heard. I think I have all the right character traits to pulls this one off. I'll try the Earls Court tube lift first, what with all those foreigners arriving. Aw fuck it, maybe I should just welcome them straight off the plane at Heathrow Airport.
"Welcome to England, cursed will you be when you come in and dead will you be when you go out". The door closes, then pressing play on my gettoblaster, the sounds of violent destruction and human screaming as I put a bag on my head with the words 'the end is nigh' written across it.
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Fake bleeding all over everyone while screaming - I'm infected, I'm infected.
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Sleeping bag, poster on the wall, setting your alarm to wake you up once the door shuts. "Who are you people?, how did you get in here? get the fuck outa my house"
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"I've got all the Friday the 13th movies on one video, we could sit up all night and watch them"
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Throw yourself to the floor, get up calmly, repeat.
Submitted by Socially_Distorted (user info) at 2004-05-15 03:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not responsible for any future consequences on your behalf involving this post...
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-15 03:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story you got here :)