People who actually do deserve a tip/bribe. (1349 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.95 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fat Tony (View user info) at 2004-05-15 20:28:14 EDT
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Bartenders deserve tips. You actually get something in
return. A longer pour, a stiffer drink and the occasional "on the house, pal". Your drink never
hits bottom, he/she is always there to fill it up. Bartenders really show gratitude by giving you
more then the schmuck who give a dollar tip. Same goes for waitress at a club. You get something
for your money.
Doorman at a club. Yes, he deserves a tip. Slip him a minimum of $20 everytime you come in and
regardless of VIP list, badabing you are in without a wait. Seen a hottie in line? "Yo, she's with
me" and bam! She's in too. Ice breaker, she's impressed because you got her in without a wait.
Casino. Always tip pitboss. ALWAYS, no acceptions. He's got the pull to get you perks beyond your
imagination. There's lots of times I walk into a crowded casino in L.A. and I get seated the
second I walk on the floor. Sure there's a 1 hour wait for a 3-6 hold'em table, but not for me.
Meals? I never paid for a meal in a casino in 15 years. Why? I tip the pitboss. I get something
for my money and I'm loose with it when there's something in it for me. From comp cigars to comp
meals and drinks, anything I want in the Commerce/Bicycle casino is mine. I've even switched
dealers becauss "I don't like her fucking face, get her off my table". What did they say? "Right
away Tone, this is her last hand".
Service counter at car dealer. Always tip this guy! OMG if you are going to tip anybody, it's the
guy at the service department. Drive up, tell him whats the matter tell him very plainly and very
directly "do the best you can and I'll take care of you when I pick up my car". They all know what
this means and you will get royal treatment. The loaner car is out, but take this one. Free detail.
Free shampoo. Problem wasn't under warranty, but he pulls a few strings to get it taken care of
free of charge. Instead of rebuilding the AC unit as stated in the contract, I made them install a
brand new one for you. You get all kinds of shit from the service department. Tip him well. I say
the minimum is $50 and cap is a hundred. I've gotten a LOT of stuff for my money at service depts.
Gardener. If the guy is self employed, fuck him. If it's a company and they got a employees doing
the work, then you always tip the gardener. When you "Take care" of them, they take care of you in
return. Fertilizer at no extra charge. Minor tree trimming at no extra charge. Extra care when
cleaning up. All because of a five or ten here and there. Remember, these guys don't even make
the minimum wage, they are illegals and work like slaves for $30 a day. Your extra 5 or 10 means
meat in them thar burritos!
The DJ. Wedding? Party? Graduation? Etc? Find the DJ you want, then slip him a few bucks extra to
put him in a good mood and he'll stay longer then he's supposed to and get the party going.
Dry cleaners. Always tip the guy at the dry cleaner. Yeah, right. Fuck him, don't give him one dollar.
Contractors. Doing some remodeling? Just painting the house? Laying down carpet? You need these
guys on your side like they are marines and you are behind enimy lines. Slip each of them a
minimum of $20 (20 is low, if you can do 50) and watch how much better the days work goes. You'll
get some minor free work done, some extras, and they'll care just a lil bit more about their work.
Gopher. Most offices have one. Go for coffee, go for lunch, get me this, get me that. Shit job.
Take care of Gopher and he'll take care of you. Give gopher an attitude, he'll forget whatcha want.
The water guy. Up he climbs to bring you mountain fresh water. Yah, right. Fuck him. He knew what
he was getting into when he put on that shirt. He can't do nothing for you, so he is off the
bribe/tip list.
Cable guy. Only if he is willing to do some crap for you. Otherwise fuck him.
Real estate agent. They make enough money off of you, they can kiss my hairy beanbag.
Movers. They are getting paid by the hour. They are charging you an obscene amount of money to
move your belongings from point A to point B. You offer to take care of them if they can help you
out with the time card. If they say sure, then guess what? You need to tip their ass royally. For
every hour he takes off of the card, that's an extra $35-$50 off of your bill. Tip 50% of what he
saves you. Saved you $150 off your bill? He deserves $75 minimum.
Finance manager (when buying a new car). You really want this new car, but the interest rate over
the life of the loan is kicking your ass. Man, just a few shaved poinits off of my interest rate
and I can easilly afford this. Guess what? Finance managers get tipped from the bank when they
reel in a big fish. Once the salesman tells you "This is as low as we can go, there is nothing else
we can do for you" then ask for the finance manager. Offer him a minimum of $250 to see if he can
drop your interest rate down, let him know it's in cash and if he gets a dynamite deal you'll go
as high as $500. The finance manager then takes a 5 minute break and comes back with the actual
interest rate they offered you.
Hospital? Oh yes. Let's say your wife is having a baby or your grandmother is having surgery. Be
nice to the nurses, bring a box of cancy, ask them if you can order them a pizza, etc. and watch
how they don't come in your room to tell you "visiting hours are now over". Works everytime.
Your local hooker. She wants $30? Offer her $40 and hold on. Do I need to explain this one?
Tip like it's a bribe. They'll accept it like it's a bribe and give you something in return. Tip
because the person thinks he/she deserves it and you get nothing. Most waiters have this problem.
You order a pizza. It gets there late, it's not as warm as you'd like it to be and the delivery
guy actually asks "Do you need change?" Like I'm going to feel embarrased and let him keep it. "Yes
I want my fucking change!". You should see the look on their face. I never tip the pizza guy. Fuck
him. He's got a new car, he don't need my money. If he's strapped for cash, then he should have got
a cheaper car or not purchased the rear wing for the front wheel drive car. Delivery boys are
assholes. Go to www.tipthepizzaguy.com this site is a fucking laugh.
Bagelstein's Bagel bakery has a drive up window. They have a tip jar, unfuckingbelieveable. When
the girl gives you your change, she motions toward the tip jar and gives a facial expression kinda
like "awwwww can I habit". I stare her in the eye and stick my hand out, and give her a "Thanks :)"
You are a drive up chick. Not even a real server. How dare you ask for my money. Never tip the
drive up girl.
Starbucks. Can you believe they have tip jars? What freaks me out is, they are usually 1/2 way full
with bills. You pour coffee. Fuck you. You deserve no tip. Free scone? Sure, here's a tip.
Your fucking waiter that takes your order then brings your food does NOT deserve 20%. He/she deserve
10% or less.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
You may give a shit about spell check, but I don't. Everyone makes mistakes.
User Reviews
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-09-28 23:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2005-06-15 12:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the repost got a +2 as well
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-18 01:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You buy a few steaks and fuck your boyfriend. Good for you. Enjoy. That's what you like, I can't
knock it because I enjoy that also (not fucking your boyfriend, you know what I mean).
I enjoy gambling. I enjoy a drink or 5 every now and then. I enjoy going to a local club and watch them par-tay. I rarely go to strip joints, unless it's a bachelor party or birthday party.
I get someting for my money. They get something for doing what I want. It works out perfectly.
Can't afford to do what I do? Pissed because you can't do what I do? Don't hate. And Yes, it is
somewhat of a Mob mentality. It works. You flirt to move a few spaces in line, I tip the doorman
and shazam I'm in.
I tipped. He got gas money.
You flirted. False advertising. A felony in this country.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-18 01:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren1, Loren1, Loren1. You complain on me and your friend because we are big and use our size to
our advantage. You are using your cunt to your advantage by flirting. You are making the man think
he actually has a chance by flirting to get what you want.
I bribe to get what I want. You flirt. Who's worse? I'm actually giving something in return, cash
money. You are giving nothing.
You my dear are a CUNT. You are a shebitchPresident of Cuntsville.
When I say "I'll take care of you" or when I do my lil bride handshake, I'm actually giving the
person something they want/expect. You are giving them nothing except false hope. CUNT.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-17 16:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fat Tony, I'm going to ramble a little, so please bear with me.
I'm 33 years old and worked in the bar business for almost a decade up until I was 27. One of "the guys at the door" you speak of getting his palm greased was my live in lover or a friend of his all throughout those times. Bar workers in NY can smell each other a mile away, and we all took care of each other.
You aren't telling me anything I don't already know. You do not need to educate me on the lifestyles of the bar/club goers. I know ALL about what goes on and how to get what I want at any club *IF* I had the desire to. I can cut 10 people infront of the line at some of the nicest clubs in Manhattan with 5 seconds of friendly flirting.
The difference is, I have NO desire to frequent clubs like that. I never did, unless I "had an in" - but at the same time, I never agreed that it was fair that the velvet tie was moved for me and not someone else, at the same time, if I didn't have an "in" I never would have gone.
I would even get upset w/my boyfriend for accepting big payoffs from people who wanted to get it first. They were usually the biggest assholes in the place to boot. I thought it lowered him to accept the money and treat others like they didn't exist if they didn't have the cash.
Now that I'm not involved in the behind the scenes action anymore? I don't got. Again, I have no desire to be a part of that lifestyle, and those dirtbags aren't getting one penny from me just because their position gives them some semblence of power (that's why I question your self pride - they're laughing at you all the way to the bank, trust you me.)
Clubs and strip joints and overpriced drinks are for suckers. I'd sooner buy a couple of filet mignon steaks and a nice bottle of merlot and fuck my boyfriend's brains out all night in the comfort of my own home then support those creeps. That's a much better way to spend an evening IMO, and you can keep throwing your money around at your clubs and your pole dancing pussy if that's what you think is the good life.
I'm leaving work, I'll check back tomorrow, I'd like to hear more of your facinating thoughts on this subject.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren1: "Being bigger and more intimidating than the majority doesn't afford you the right to act like an animal and go shooting your mouth off anytime you want FatTony, it's just unfortunate that so many like you get away with it - constantly. You need to stop thinking your opinion weighs more than other's do, just because you weigh more."
Because of my size and looks I do infact get away with a lot more then average Joe gets
away with. People don't usually fuck with me because I look like a monster (well over 6' and well
over 350lbs). People will usually give up an arguement faster with a big scary guy then a lil blond
hair buye eyed american.
"What you talk about as acceptable is what the rest of the civilized world fines incredibly sad and unfair."
My tip/bribe list has nothing to do with sad and unfair. You are in a position to do something for
me, I will gladly tip you. You are not in a position to help me, fuck you and get out of my way.
Don't like it? Dance on a pole sweetie and let me see your pussy lips... here's a buck.
You are the asshole who likes to wait in line at a club and complains when people walk in ahead of
you. I can walk into a few clubs and not wait 30 seconds in line. The doorman knows when he sees
me, he's got $20 to $40 for gas tomorrow. I walk in, BANG! I got a table. BANG! I got a waitress.
BANG! She's here in 2 minutes withh my drinks. Why? Not because they love me or because I'm a sexy
guy. It's because I grease the right people. Slip em a few bucks and velvet ropes part, servers
appear and panties drop. All because of a few squeaky wheels got greased.
Next time you are in line at a club, try walking up to the doorman and make a scene. See if he lets
you in. Then next week, walk up to him, slip him a minimum of $20 and watch how he politely opens
the door for you and thanks you for visiting the establishment.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LuckyStar: "it seems like you think you can buy your way into anything" Uh... have you ever had any
money? Just by that one statement alone I can tell you or your family never really had any money. I
am not saying you or your family is broke, but just rarely had "excess" cash.
Anybody with a few bucks knows that you CAN buy your way into almost anything.
Do the people at the casino respect me? No, they tollerate me until I stop giving them money.
Does my service manager at the Cadillac dealer appreciate my company? No, he hates my fat ass. Yet
he does everything for me because I pay him.
Ever see a hot woman with an ulgy shit? You think she loves him? LOL! SHe loves his money.
MONEY CAN BUY YOUR WAY INTO ALMOST ANYTHING. From Harvard to some chick's panties.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spoken like a true blue wanna-be mobster. Ever consider changing carreers? You'd be a good extortionist, what about racketeering...? Hey, maybe just a plain old knee-breaker?
My ex boyfriend and his extremely large-sized (physically) posse, truly believed that because of their monsterous size(s) - that they could get away with more than other people. Sadly, they do.
Being bigger and more intimidating than the majority doesn't afford you the right to act like an animal and go shooting your mouth off anytime you want FatTony, it's just unfortunate that so many like you get away with it - constantly. You need to stop thinking your opinion weighs more than other's do, just because you weigh more.
What you talk about as acceptable is what the rest of the civilized world fines incredibly sad and unfair.
You like the line: "it's who you know or who you blow" ? - because if you think it's acceptable to have to bribe a piece of shit doorman just to walk into an establishment, and that he actually 'deserves' the bribe, you might just as well get down on all fours and suck him off. It really shows that what you view as 'pride' in yourself is quite twisted, IMHO. You're priorities regarding respect, and who deserves what in this world are fucked in a "caveman-ish," back-alley, mob-mentality sort of way.
Submitted by your_brown_eyed_girl (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As if I need life advice from a fat loser like you
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn, I never thought of the car service guy. Thanks for the tip. HA!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your shit.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a +2 until the Pizza guy thing.... They have shit hours, shit pay, and wear and tear on their cars... Usually it's a kid trying to work their way thru school, etc
It's obvious to me that you have never held any of these jobs, or you wouldn't have a problem with tipping some people. It seems you only tip people to better yourself, and it seems like you think you can buy your way into anything.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tipping the pit boss is always allowed.
Tipping the dealer? Fuck him.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
-----
Casino. Always tip pitboss. ALWAYS, no acceptions. He's got the pull to get you perks beyond your
imagination. There's lots of times I walk into a crowded casino in L.A. and I get seated the
second I walk on the floor. Sure there's a 1 hour wait for a 3-6 hold'em table, but not for me.
Meals? I never paid for a meal in a casino in 15 years. Why? I tip the pitboss. I get something
for my money and I'm loose with it when there's something in it for me. From comp cigars to comp
meals and drinks, anything I want in the Commerce/Bicycle casino is mine. I've even switched
dealers becauss "I don't like her fucking face, get her off my table". What did they say? "Right
away Tone, this is her last hand".
-----
This one threw me a bit. You can't actually tip the pit boss where I play (at least that I know of). They can't be seen on camera as taking anything from you except your player card. As far as meals go, they're always free for anyone sitting at a poker table, tip or no tip.
One time, I pointed out a chip on the floor to the pit boss. He picked it up and placed it in front of me. I kinda shrugged and said it's not mine, and tipped the dealer with it. He smiled and said "I hoped you would do that," and then I noticed that he bumped up my comp-rate bracket from $25 a hand to the level as if I had been playing $100 a hand (this was blackjack, not poker).
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-16 16:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NOTE ON TIPPINIG/BRIBING FINANCE MANAGER
My wife's brother is a finance manager at a huge Dodge dealer. When he proposes a loan to the bank,
(if it's a bank he's dealt with a few times) will tell him "We'll finance him at 7%, but would
more comfortable if you can sign him at 10%+". What this translates to is PAYOLA. The finance
manager will push for the higher interest rate, and get a nice gratuity from the bank if signed at
a higher interest rate. NOW! When you are at rock bottom and can't get a better deal on your car,
that's when you have a lil sit down with the finance manager. Work your best deal, then talk to him
last. When you propose your indecent offer, he will take into consideration the cash now or the
gratuity from the bank in 2 months, or he will consider both. 99% of the time your interest rate
will go down considerably. Think about it. If he saves you 2% on your loan over 4 years, that's a
few grand. Well worth a few hundred bucks. Even is he saves you $25 per month, it's still worth
two hundred, after 8 payments you are saving money.
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-16 16:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. I printing this out.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-16 14:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tony gets a $20 tip for another outstanding post! Go buy some burgers, bud!
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-05-16 07:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant YOU should be my dad.
Are you good with stupid kids? Cause I'm a fuckup today.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-05-16 07:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should be my dad you big loveable fatass.
Submitted by Socially_Distorted (user info) at 2004-05-16 03:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-16 03:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-05-15 23:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tony, i was with you on that other tipping post and i'm with you here. Im against tipping. But "bribery" is goood.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-15 23:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Departing Flight. Tip him and be nice. Hello sir. Thank you sir. God bless you sir. Here is this
($2.00 per bag, minimum of $5.00 no maximum) for your trouble sir. God bless you sir. He can make
your life/trip miserable. You will be in Houston and you bag will be in Anchorage.
Arriving Flight. Hey, muthafucka! Where's my bag? Pick it up! Put it there! Fuck yo momma! He is
as harmless as a ladybug. Fuck him, he deserves nothing.
Bellboy. He brought up your bags. Deserves nothing.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-15 22:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-15 20:45:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Just let it go.
It looks like Kris forgot your -2. Don't worry doll. I got your back.
Submitted by DancingHobo (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wait a second, the 200% gratuity isn't included with the bill at Starbucks? Those bastards!
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The stranges tip I've ever seen was at the gun club. Occasionally I go shoot my shotgun. Trap & Skeet
is some fun shit. Gets rid of the tension when you blow up a clay disk in a bazillion pieces. When
you say "Pull" some jerkoff is supposed to hit a button to make the lil clay disk fly. That's his
job. Pushes a button. After every round, I see people walk up to the kid and say "Nice round" or
"Thanks, you did good" and slip him a bill or two. He pushes a button! It's a hand held remote
thingy like on Jeopardy. Thumb action. No sweat. He waits to hear the word "PULL" and then hits the
button. He gets tipped? When I pass him and don't tip I can feel people stare at me and mumble.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The delivery guy who brings your furniture? NOTHING! ZIP! He is useless to you and your empire. Get
out before I release the hounds you miserable smelly P.O.S. Did he bring something over that just
happened to fall of the truck? Did he do anything special? Rearenge the furniture? Remove the old
shit? Then yes, he deserves enough to buy a six pack. Otherwise, fuck him too.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually took something away from this. Thank you.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More good points, well made.
Submitted by Trishtopher (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You had me nodding and agreeing right up till the Starbucks comment.
I run a coffee shop. Tip me, and I will make your drink better. Tip me well and I'll hook you up with free drinks/food every now and again. Be cute and tip me well, I'll always hook you up with my employee discount...always.
So tip your coffee chicks (or dudes.) They'll repay you.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
legallady: Slip her an extra 5 before she starts. Tell her "Do a good job, please". When my wife
and daughters go to get their eyebrows waxed or nails done, they take their time, the do a better
job and they a lil happier to see you next time.
As for a waiter, you tip him and he is happy to see you. What do you get in return? A free glass
of wine? A dessert that happened to miss the check. No, you get nothing. Give them less then 10%.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-15 21:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What is the proper tip for the person giving a bikini wax?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-15 20:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just let it go.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-15 20:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting.....
is it safe to say, we should email you when we have a tip question?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-05-15 20:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment