Fun with Drunks (1330 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val <danzigiiii.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-05-16 02:05:13 EDT
So I worked at a liquor store. A big one. It was alright, except for crazy management (and I use the word "management" loosely here), absolutely NO common sense, and that smell I could never quite put my finger on. I chalk it up to be being a mixture of cigarette smoke, urine, and bum. The reason I bring my past 9-to-5 up, is because I saw one of our regulars walking along the PARKWAY today. Yes, that's right. The parkway.
So this guy, he's nuts. And the funny thing is, he wasn't even a regular DRUNK. He was a regular Lottery Guy. If you've ever worked a lottery machine on a Sunday morning in New Jersey for 8 hours straight, you know that there are some people who just have problems. These....PEOPLE.... they're there EVERY FUCKING SUNDAY. AT THE SAME TIME. THEY PLAY THE SAME "GAME." THEY PLAY THE SAME NUMBERS. And they never win. "This one's lucky," they say with a sad disparity in their eyes. "And you get 20 percent." WOW. Twenty percent of nothing? Thanks, Toothless Man! And some of these people pay with quarters. They scrounge around in their pockets, searching violently for the sound of clinging change. They throw their treasure onto the counter. And then... they look at you. You, the cashier, get to sort through their shit, count their pennies, and then get to go through the 15-minute ordeal of printing out their god-forsaken numbers. Straight and boxed? Separate tickets? Wheel? Zippity bop? Great! But don't mess up. Seriously. If you screw up someone's lottery numbers ("the WINNING numbers"), you make an enemy for life. If you can call it a life.
But anyway, Lottery Guy.
So he's walking along the parkway. And it brought back all of these horrible lottery-related memories. And then the Drunk Memories came back. Regular Drunks are precious. They really are. They're like that little bit of road kill left on your tire after you could've SWORN driving through all those puddles would have washed it off. They are the grounds in the bottom of your coffee. The turd the cat left in your shoe. Every day is an adventure with the Drunks. These are the people who, on the rare occasion they come in with a "date," signal you when they walk in the door- signal you to NOT take down their regular medicine from behind the counter. The next day, when they come in by themselves, they thank you for not "blowing their cover." Hey, anything I can do.
I shouldn't be angry with these people. I should feel sorry for them. But it's hard. People will come in, after WAITING OUTSIDE THE CLOSED STORE FOR AN HOUR, at 9 in the morning, just to get a shooter of something to "get rid of the shakes." It IS sad, man. But the sympathy only lasts so long when they start coming in with no money, and asking you to "cover them." "But only this once."
Now, I've never noticed it before, but maybe this goes on in other types of stores. Do people come up to the counter at Food Town and ask the cashier to "cover them?" What about at the mall? Car dealerships? The Gyn? I don't know. Maybe this is a whole new way to do business. Maybe it's a new era. Maybe it's something in the water.
But whatever it is, I'm not drinking it.
User Reviews
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The worst part about this post is that the drunks actually GET dates and I don't.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-22 21:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-31 12:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Method...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish.....
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You started it. Feud forever.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh, whatever I'm not gonna fight ya.
End/feud
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Something smells. You forget to wash down there again?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you drinking again
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Let's not, you've joined the other douches. -2's for life...
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bad form Fetish. Lets kiss and make up.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-31 11:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 08:56:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-17 01:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why thank ye. your shit is good as well and YES, you ARE the first to welcome me. Well bart kinda did. but not really. he mostly just yelled a lot and gave me a wedgie. dumb bastard. (smooooches)
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33323
wow, i get to whore for hits twice in one day on the same users material. swell. this is my experience with assholes wanting to pay later for shit they get now (along with other random shit)
let me be the first (that i know of) to welcome you to uber. i am but a lowly noob myself but i like your stories. feel free to cam whore at any time.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-16 14:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-05-16 12:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is as it was, and so it shall be, a 2, for entertaining me.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-16 09:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sicgrrl (user info) at 2004-05-16 06:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your lucky your not addicted to something, at least not as bad as yr customers.
It's hard, not falling into a stupid pattern such a buying lottery tickets. Wicked description of characters. Now go kill some of this Uber fagots that give me shit.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-16 05:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whee!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-05-16 05:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAPPY!?>!?>!
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-05-16 02:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Solid zero.
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-05-16 02:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And dont worry "Gyn" didn't bother me.
after all dont you ask your doctor to cover you every once in a while?
I aint no bitch but girls man they do their thing.
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-05-16 02:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey!!! thats the ticket. I've had my experiances with drunks too... unfortunatly most of then]m are in my family. =(
They try... oh how they try.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-16 02:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What?
Sorry, I don't see how the title is in any way related to the post. Also, the word 'Gyn' just bothered me. C'mon, run it through a spellcheck or something. You can do better.