Mornings, Spliffs, Tidyup. (537 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.28 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <adamchalland.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-05-16 16:01:07 EDT
Every morning, I go through the same hellish dilemma. Every morning, there is a gigantic war of the titans, going on between my two temples. The theory is, the left side of your brain (you know, that juicy thing inside your skull?) does things in a logical step by step way. The right side, though, this fellow makes intuitive leaps and bounds, jumping ahead. The right side secretly works away before telling you anything, the left side, he does things slowly and carefully, telling you everything. Now, whenever I think of the two halves of my brain, they always manifest themselves as two clichéd characters. The left, logical side, he takes the form of a relaxed laid back Jamaican guy, smoking a six-kilogram spliff. The right side is a 1900's style street urchin, like Oliver Twist. Now, every morning, I need to get out of bed by 7, leave the house at 7:10 and be at my bus stop at 7:20. Between 7 and me waking up, I do a lot of thinking.
Say on this day I wake up at 6:30, the street urchin gets up first, before making an intuitive leap and saying:
"Oi, we need to get up fast, we have to eat breakfast today." This outburst wakes up Jamaican guy, who the replies:
"My brother, why so much rage? I think," *puff on spliff* "that we just need to reeeee-laaaax baaaabbbbyyy. Ohhh Yeaaahhhh." My eyes glance at the clock, 6:33. "But we have work to do! Breakfast and a pint of milk will see us through the day!" The urchin pleads. Jamaican dude adds:
"But what kind of man needs breakfast when we have..." Gigantic puff of spliff, sucks in smoke, eyes roll, ecstatic groan, "...God?" My eyes move to check the time, 6:42. After a few minutes of debating, the urchin asks the brother,
"So when do you think we should get up, then?" The reply comes from a man who is very high:
"Time is not relevant, brother, just sit back and enjoy the colours..." The Jamaican slumps down on a conveniently placed deck chair and continues to puff the magic dragon, giggling occasionally. The eyes look again, 6:47.
"What do you mean, time is not relevant, of course time is rele... Stop doing that!" The last comment was addressed to Jamaican guy, who is now waving his arms in front of his face, he can do this without dropping the spliff because it is strapped to his head via an elastic band, anything is possible in the mind. Oh yes, he is also saying: "Melonmelonmelon," and giggling spontaneously.
"Stop saying melonmelonmelon!"
"Melonmelonmelon!" Another giggle.
The eyes glance at the clock, 7:00. Alarm bells ring. The God-like master brain takes over, so powerful nobody even knows he exists. He dismisses the minions for another day.
"We'll be back next morning!" Yells the urchin.
"Melonmelonmelon!" Replies the Jamaican guy,
As they fade into nothingness, Adman gets up for another day.
User Reviews
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Puff the magic dragon. It grows by the sea.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by GassyGirl72 (user info) at 2004-05-16 17:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-05-16 17:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Melonmelonmelon
hahahaha
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-05-16 17:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So the Jamaican is your inner devil and the urchin is your inner angel...nice touch.
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-16 16:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-05-16 16:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would have been a +1, but any post that references Stopit and Tidyup is beyond reproach as far as i'm concerned.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-05-16 16:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Time is not relevant