Selective memory deletion (404 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ninjatut <witenoise.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-05-16 19:11:41 EDT
The Selective Memory Deletion procedure is the breakthrough I've been waiting too long for. I sat awestruck for a good 10 minutes after first seeing the lame commercial. "Have you or someone you love gone through a disturbing ordeal? Are you experiencing mild to severe anxiety and depression? Tired of feeling down on luck. We can help. Call the Remembrance Associates to discuss your options..."
Ever since its imminent completion was publicized, one couldn't swing a dead cat near a hospital without whacking a protester. This is partially due to secret sponsorship by GlaxoSmithKline and the like. Those rat bastards don't take kindly to companies messing with their pill poppers. Even last week on my way in, I shoved a few aside. From the guy chanting "Accept your past" to the woman with the jumbo sign reading "Forget today Regret tomorrow". To those who can honestly say there is nothing they would rather forget, I simply say congrats, don't stand in the way of me getting mine.
My unpleasant memories used to make like pop-up ads while good ones receded into the shadows. This undoubtedly shaped who I was. A quiet, somewhat paranoid, uneasy person. I was often haunted by my past experiences, and actions. Like the time I saw my retarded neighbor physically abuse his wife in front of his daughter; the same child I watched chew the gum embedded with my feces. Which reminds me, I should track her down and pay for part of her procedure.
After signing release forms. I donned a special helmet to transfer my memories and thoughts onto their computer. I then reviewed my memories on a large screen while discussed with my advisor which ones to delete. The operator checked for dependencies to see if referenced data would need to be patched and marked fragments for deletion. Some memories and information like names of previous acquaintances I chose to suppress. This keeps them from randomly surfacing while still available for later access. When all was to my liking I was induced to sleep while the team worked their magic.
I said goodbye to shrieking naked relatives and asinine bullies of my past. I will not contemplate for long what I could've said or should've done. Many of the things I discarded may seem minor compared to others. But like Dr. Stengel said "Big or small, we do it all." I chose to limit the amount of thoughts I have at night and had my dreams G-rated. Now I sleep like a baby and wake up without goo in my underwear or a body drenched in sweat. I am liking the new me and my new life.
The procedure single handedly decimated the number of patients in psychiatric wards and trauma counseling centers in major cities. In a few years when insurance companies get a clue, this'll be a better place, with fewer criminals and less generally improper behavior. Maybe this is the cure for the ill-tempered nature of my fellow Americans; high hopes indeed. I'm starting to miss the woman who occasionally waited at the video store to order the mild wings. Looks like she had her issues taken care of as well. I'll have to delete her on my next visit. Who will I count on now to tell me I'm a good kid in exchange for a smile.
User Reviews
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If only i could erase the memory of reading this shit
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-05-17 09:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The idea that one would willingly erase their past is a scary thought, especially considering how traumatic amnesia can be for the victim. We all have memories that make us wince, but you have to learn to accept that life is not perfect, nor are we perfect.
By the way, erasing is not coping.
Submitted by ninjatut (user info) at 2004-05-16 21:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bargled, I knew I would eventually address that comment
This post was written and posted before I saw that movie. I was hoping that the similarities wouldn't be too great. I wasn't gonna let the coincidence stop me from sharing an I idea I honestly thought of before I heard of the movie. But do as you choose, I have not proof of this nor will I try find any.
Submitted by sabotage0 (user info) at 2004-05-16 20:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-05-16 19:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Direct rip-off of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.