Your mission, should you choose to accept it . . . (714 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.33 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by itchy <Mritchytoyou.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-05-17 10:45:53 EDT
I guess great minds think alike.
Here I've been, stewing all weekend over the prospect of letting Uber in on my Juice stash, and before I get the chance to shoot my load, Shandythedog beats me to it by unveiling his stash.
Well damn it, I will not be denied. Sure, his ideas may be better than mine, but at least mine aren't as entertaining.
So, without further ado, I present the post I would have submitted as something original (in that it was a take-off of numerous OTHER "hey, write about this" posts that were somewhat older, as opposed to Shandy's fresh and hot "hey, write about this post) but for the unfortunately timed cock-block by Shandy.
Dear Uber:
I need a little help. I've had some ideas for posts stuck in my head for some time now. However, I don't seem to have the time to give them the attention I think they deserve. While I would love to take a post very seriously for once, it seems that when I do post, it is just whatever I can crank out early in the morning before work gets too busy. I'm lucky if I even spell check.
With that in mind, I have come to the conclusion that these posts SHOULD be written, even if they aren't to be written by me. I am going to provide titles, which is the norm in a case like this, but I'm also going to provide rough sketches (where I have them) of the direction I envisioned the post going.
This does not mean that if you want to take on one of these projects you have to take the same course I would have taken. In fact, you probably couldn't. We are all individuals and I'm particularly cracked in my view of the world, so I do not expect these posts to end up looking like what I would have written. What I do expect is that, if you take on one of these projects, and then end up being "discovered" and professionally published, that I will get 10% of all income (net) from work arising out of posts inspired by this post. I also reserve all rights to revisit these titles and, time willing, write the "official" versions.
I love words. I love the subtle nuances a word can convey and that sometimes a word can mean multiple things (but wonder if the different meanings are somehow connected by relation). So most of my posts start with a word or a phrase or a line from a song that tickles my fancy and take off from there. There can be soooo much contained in one little word. I want to explore what they hide. I want you to help.
There aren't too many options to choose from here, and they aren't as fun as some other title posts, but I think they all have potential (hmmm, what's another word for potential?).
So try these on for size.
____________________________________________
WORDS AND PHRASES
Black Humor -
How many entendres can you fit into this? Can you get this post to be:
Written in a style demonstrating the comedic style known as black humor;
Written in a style exhibiting the style of humor associated with "black culture;"
Written as a piece of humor at the expense of blacks;
Written from the point of view of someone suffering from a "black humor;"
All at the same time?
Can you think of something else that "black humor" can mean and work that into the piece as well without blatantly giving the trick away (e.g. incorporate all the elements and mention none)?
Run, damn it. -
No idea. The phrase is just stuck in my head.
Kinetic -
See "Run, damn it.
Misnomer -
See "Kinetic"
Fruition -
See "Misnomer"
If only / But for -
The phrase "if only" is a gateway to a future that someone has missed out on. Same with the phrase "but for," although this may be a more of a term of art, or "legalese".
Tolerance - (of all these, this is my "baby.")
As a probable alcoholic, and known heavy drinker, I have the capacity to safely consume quantities of alcohol (something toxic to the human body) far greater than someone who does not regularly expose themselves to the same poison. I have developed a tolerance for alcohol. Regardless, if I continue to abuse myself in this way, the thing that I tolerate so well, and get so much pleasure and such feelings of freedom from tolerating, will inevitably be the death of me.
At the same time, I am told to express "tolerance" for cultures or ideas that are not those I value.
Discuss.
STUFF INSPIRED BY SONGS (just use the line quoted, not the whole song)
And Justice for All . . . -
From "And Justice for All," by Metallica
Later Days-
From "Later Days" by Over the Rhine
The End Came Slowly -
This is actually a piece I've been trying to write for months. Every time I come back to it I change the whole thing. The piece is inspired by a line from the Sarah McLachlan song, "Witness." The line is, "Will be burn in heaven like we do down here? Will the change come while we're waiting?"
The post I've been trying to write is about a man who is stuck in his own body. He's been in some sort of accident and is horribly hurt. He is dying. He is conscious in his own mind and somewhat aware of his surroundings but stuck in the shell of his body, unable to communicate (think of the video for Metallica's "One" or the movie "Johnny Got His Gun."). What I wanted to show was the thought process the man goes through as I, but in this case it will be you, answer the question of whether we burn (have the same passions) in the afterlife as we do in our normal lives. I was going to say the answer was "no" and show the thought process as "the change comes while he's waiting."
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-02-02 10:08:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Think I missed this.
Can't see me doing one though.
Soz.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
itchy, this is some good shit.
mugshit: do as your name implies. drink a bottle of exlax or your mom's nair cream (she keeps it in the medicine cabinet, and i realize this will cause you to leave the basement, but don't worry, sunlight isn't all bad). now, take your mug and fill it with said liquid. drink until it is all gone and duct tape the mug to your ass. wait seven minutes until you explode.
Submitted by mugshit (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shut the fuck up. i didn't even read this. dipshit.
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33234
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-05-17 12:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock yourself out Bob. But you better hurry, because, as you can tell, this has generated a lot of buzz and excitement.
Wow, does THIS post suck.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-17 11:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to raid your stash.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-05-17 10:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NPR is doing a program on earth worms right at this very minute. I only wish I were kidding.