Expending the Boundaries of Science: Testing Cosmetics on Animals (1134 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.77 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SausageKing (View user info) at 2004-05-17 13:18:24 EDT
NTRODUCTION
If there is one that is common among all scientists, it is our oblivious concern for the welfare of animals. If it comes down to proving that rabbits need their ears, or slicing the ears off 1 million cute little bunnies rabbits to prove otherwise, we will carve the ears off every time. Animals exist to be tested on, and their blood lubricates the big rolling wheel of scientific advancement.
My latest experiment involves testing cosmetics on various animals. This is somewhat of a hot topic issue these days, but I am not about to let any controversy slow down unstoppable freigt-train of knowledge. If animals had any feelings, I am sure they would agree with me on this. They would know that I am not a monster, I am a scientist, and would accept the fact that their deaths are for the greater good.
For this experiment, I burrowed various kinds of cosmetics from my girlfriend. A friend of mine owns a hobby farm, so while he was away at work I slipped into his farm and tested the cosmetics on the critters there. Here is the results of my experiment.
MATERIALS
- Lipstick
- Eyeliner
- Mascara
- Base
- Rouge
- Pig
- Dog
- Horse
TESTING THE COMSETICS ON VARIOUS ANIMALS
Refer to the numbered picture at the bottom of this post for an image of the end result of the test.
1. Pig (Sus scrofa) - See Image 1
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- Application
The pig was the first animal I tested on and fortunately it was sleeping so it was very easy for me to apply the makeup. I first put on the foundation to improve the complexion of the pig to cover up some scarring and some bumps that may have been acne. Then I shadowed up the eyes and put some lipstick on the snout to give lushen up the thin lips a little.
The pig was a natural autumn, so I rouged up the cheeks as well to accentuate the cheek bones. At this point, the pig's natural beauty was shining through.
- Results
Even though the pig was the first animal I made up, I think it turned out fabulous. If I was to take that pig into the hills of Arkansas, I would have suitors lined up for miles looking for some time with her. That pig was a Babe indeed.
2. Horse (Equus caballus) - See Image 2
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- Application
For the horse, I wanted to try a technique called "natural beauty chic". It calls for using subtle but effective coloring.
Unfortunately, the horse was quite a bit less cooperative than the pig. For one thing it was awake. For another is was really quite large. Also, it kept looking at me really funny as I applied the makeup, like it didn't trust me or something.
Anyways, the horse had a summer complexion, so I used warm cozy russets, brown and gold colors. I went with a lip gloss instead of lip stick to keep that natural look. I applied blush on the cheeks to make the whole horse face glow. I also streaked the mane of the horse with Pantene Pro streaking formula for an up-to-date hair style.
- Results
I was a little dissatisfied with the horse, although like any artist I am never truly satisfied. True, the horse did not have the natural clear skin of the pig, or it's radiant youthful glow, but I know could have done better. Well you can look at the picture and judge for yourself. The horse was still very Sassy on the Sassination scale.
3. Border Collie (Canis familiaris) - See Image 3
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- Application
For the dog, I wanted to go crazy and do a little Tammy Faye Baker action. Maybe I went a little too overboard, but I think the results speak for themselves. The dog sort of looks like a tropical fish.
- Results
The border collie was one sexy beast once I was through with it. I was almost tempted to put a slutty dress on her and pimp that bitch out.
CONCLUSION
With a little makeup deftly applied, you can turn any animal into a sexy beast and expand the boundaries of science at the same time.
Just look at these pictures:
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-02 22:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by craptastic (user info) at 2004-05-25 21:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice makeup job............let me guess, clown school?
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-17 21:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-17 19:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-05-17 17:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-17 14:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A little off-center, but good
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-05-17 14:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what bob said
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-05-17 14:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me giggle
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. You do appear (at least to my uneducated self) to know a little too much about make-up though
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more bestiality propaganda, eh?
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. I didn't laugh, but only cause I'm too lazy to. My body has grown an extra muscle, I believe somewhere in my abdomen, for laughing. It laughs when I'm too tired to.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-17 13:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a Habeeb Thomas-style post done well.
By the way, you need to invest some serious cash into a spellchecker.