What A Cocksucker (745 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.6 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FearBenzene (View user info) at 2004-05-18 13:29:04 EDT
One of those true stories.
All names have been changed to protect the ignorant.
The date: August, 2003
The place: Irving-Mainway
For those who are not familiar with Irving, it is a gas station chain that branches out through Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, and most of Eastern Canada. I was on my second stint at this particular gas station, as I had taken a leave of absence to focus on college. The job was easy, with my only task centered around standing at a register. The customers, however, made the experience less than enjoyable.
The town that this Irving was located in was the pinnacle of idiocy. The general incompetence of this population was laughable, and the town in general was known as the biggest shithole in the region. The people of this town were generally low-class, with flimsy morals and weak intellect. These were the type of people who did not take kindly to people of better standing or higher intelligence. One cannot blame them, though, for the population of this town has been ridiculed by neighboring townspeople for almost 200 years. It is pertinent to note that I am not from this town.
I was working one beautiful afternoon when this incident happened. I had just had a long night beforehand, and was feeling a little irritable. Working with me was Jan, who was from this town but did not fully embody the spirit of it. Our station had recently switched over from the old system of "pump, then pay" to a "prepay" system. I have always understood the hassle of estimating the amount required to fill one's tank, but this was not my decision to make.
Of course the town of morons did not appreciate this, and would constantly bitch and moan to myself and the other employees, as if we had the power to change the system that was implemented. I would attempt to calmly explain the situation to the bitching masses, but would not continue a conversation beyond that without throwing a few verbal jabs. The other employees knew this, and enjoyed the benefit of entertainment when we shared a shift.
On this particular day, one of the customers was trying to fill up their construction truck with diesel without prepaying first. I looked on for a few seconds as the goon first hung up the nozzle and withdrew it again, then proceeded to punch at the button several times, and then gazed down the nozzle, as if there was something blocking the flow of gasoline. The humor of the situation is in the fact that at the diesel pump, there is an enormous white sticker with the words "PREPAY FIRST" placed eye-level at the pump.
After getting my fill of enjoyment, I turned on the intercom to announce the obvious, which had lately become all too automatic.
"Sir, we have switched over to a prepay system. If you would like to pay by credit card you may proceed to do so at the pump, or if you would prefer to pay by cash you are required to come inside and pay first."
Usually this was met with the customer looking wildly into the air, trying to figure out where the voice had come from, then looking over at the station and eventually coming inside to pay and bitch. That was not the case with this gentleman, however, as he continued to stand there. I had left the intercom on, as usual, and was surprised with his response.
"Yeah, I want to fill up with gas."
(This guy must be some sort of genius) I thought to myself. "Then you have to come in and prepay before you can fill up, Sir."
"How am I supposed to know how much to put in?"
At this point I was getting quite bored with the exchange, and responded with a "Please come inside" in hopes of speeding this up. I stayed put and waited for some exchange to verify that he understood the concept. He continued to stay at the pump and responded to my request with one word.
"Cocksucker."
I was pissed. I could not believe that this fucktard had the audacity to even say something of that nature to another person, never mind someone who was being polite to them while they were looking to fill up a truck for the company they worked for. Every inch of my body felt like it was on fire, but I somehow managed to compose myself before responding.
"If you're looking to make a transaction, you are going to have to apologize first."
He looked over at the station in shock, like he was too dumb to realize that if I could hear him the first two times, I could hear him then. He stuttered for a few seconds, then managed a half-ass "sorry" and stood there. The fucktard still had not gathered that he needed to come in before he could get gas. I stood there, staring out the window at him, and repeated the phrase "Please come inside" with much more authority than before. He proceeded to waddle his fat into the station.
Me: "How much gas you want?"
Him: "I dunno"
Me: "Pick a number"
Him: (Long pause to calculate) Seventy-five.
Me: "Give me seventy-five then."
Him: (Clumsily fumbles with wallet, then hands me seventy-five)
Him: (Continues to stand there)
Me: "Okay, go fill up."
Him: "Okay."
He heads back out to his truck, and proceeds to fill up his gas tank. I feel fairly alright with what had transpired, and am pleased that I did not retaliate with words, as enough of those get you fired. The truck is full at 50 something dollars, and he comes back in for his change...
Me: (Hands him change, being sure to bounce the coins off the side of his hand so he will look pathetic bending his fat ass over for something like thirty cents)
Him: (Picking up change) "Can I get a receipt?"
Me: (Lying) "Printer's broken."
Him: "Oh."
He stood there, unsure of what he should do. I gave him the "You're a dumbass" look and watched as he gathered himself and left. Jan came over to me and asked what the problem was, because she had heard some commotion from the office. I cracked a smile before responding.
"Just a cocksucker."
The intercom was still on.
User Reviews
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, kept my job for another 3 weeks, then quit for school.
Good times.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So did you keep your job?
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-18 14:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-18 14:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would be the first to agree the system sucks, and it was only a summer job. I dont intend to go back this year, or ever again.
Every gas station in that town is prepay however.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-05-18 14:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
But being from England, I just cannot see how a prepay system would work. (No one would use a gas company in this country that had that policy) I'd have quit the job rather than have to explain to idiots like that all day every day something you could do nothing to defend or explain.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-18 14:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mugshit (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:53:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it possibly Lewiston or Auburn in Maine? Or it very possibly could have been any town in New Hampshire...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What the fuck Are you talking about? Ever been to NH jackass? Anything north of Concord.... I agree there's nothing there... Concord and south are all busy. Also what towns in NH have had angry neighbors for 200 years? You're a dumbass.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Working with me was Jan"
WTF. I was not there! I don't even know you! Stop changing the names! NOOOO
Submitted by mugshit (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it possibly Lewiston or Auburn in Maine? Or it very possibly could have been any town in New Hampshire...
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That truck driver was KoolMang's dad, you prick!
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-05-18 13:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The town that this Irving was located in was the pinnacle of idiocy. The general incompetence of this population was laughable, and the town in general was known as the biggest shithole in the region. The people of this town were generally low-class, with flimsy morals and weak intellect. These were the type of people who did not take kindly to people of better standing or higher intelligence. One cannot blame them, though, for the population of this town has been ridiculed by neighboring townspeople for almost 200 years. It is pertinent to note that I am not from this town.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I know this town.. it's called "Canada"