My Kickass Pizza (2086 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.81 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fetish (View user info) at 2004-05-18 15:09:38 EDT
I just made a pizza and it turned out great... I just have share! I am even posting my recipe. I assume you know how to cook, so I will only point out tips and hints.
Dough:
2 1/2 cups Bread Flour
1 cup warm water
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 cup sugar
1 pack of yeast
Mix together, let rise, knead, all the normal stuff for bread. Cut in half, and make a crust from each half.
Helpful hint:
Place a couple of water in the microwave and boil for 3 minutes, now you have a moist, warm, place to let the dough rise.
Sauce:
1 15oz can of crushed maters
2 tablespoons of butter
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon Accent (MSG)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 shitload minced garlic (to taste)
Briefly sauté garlic in butter (about a minute or two), add everything else and simmer over low heat for 15 to 30 minutes. (Exact time is not critical.)
Cheeses: (Lazy folks could use the ubiquitous "Pizza Blend")
1 part Sharp Cheddar
2 parts Mozzarella
1 part Provolone
1 handful of Parmesan
Assembly:
Place crust in 400 degree oven for about 1 minute. Remove and brush edges with melted butter. Spread on sauce. Sprinkle on cheese. Sprinkle a small amount of oregano on top. Sprinkle toppings, I used onion, fresh mushrooms, and pepperoni.
Bake in a 400 F oven until it looks like the picture below. I like to slide mine off the pan, right onto the oven rack, as soon as it has cooked long enough to be solid enough to do so.
Helpful hints:
Place pepperoni in a layer between two paper towels and microwave for 30 seconds. (Your microwave may vary, mine is ancient.) This way the grease soaks into the paper towel, instead of floating on top of your pizza.
Fresh mushrooms should be slightly cooked, and the juice drained off, before placing on pizza. If you do not, you will have a watery pizza. Not cool.
I am sure any real Italians will say it is not Authentic, but I like the way it turns out. It tastes as good as it looks. (Much like Kristen does.)
User Reviews
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Equalized! 3712981
Submitted by EricRice (user info) at 2004-10-17 20:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
Submitted by Eric_Rice (user info) at 2004-10-17 15:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fake_BargIed (user info) at 2004-10-17 14:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by equalizer (user info) at 2004-10-17 12:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Equalized!
Submitted by newuser (user info) at 2004-10-17 11:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
die Müllhalde
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-25 06:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Submitted by StabkiII (user info) at 2004-08-23 22:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry Fetish. I really am.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-08-23 04:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It does look rather delicious. Putting MSG into it though? I'm sure it makes it taste nice but it's a pretty toxic substance if you ask me.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-08-23 04:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fetish is an asshole and it appears that 98% of his posts are about himself.
He put a couple -2's on my posts as well as other folks I actually liked their stories. I've had enough of this prick, and sooner or later I'd have to -2 all of his posts. It is sooner now, as I'm doing it now. He is a real dick who only cares about #1.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-23 02:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooh, you put the sparkles on it too.
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-23 02:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That makes the pizza I had for lunch look pathetic! By the way what's up with Stabkill? It seems he's going through all of the Fetish posts handing out -2s.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-08-23 02:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Add rat poison next time, please. Don't be cheap on that shit, pile it on good.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-15 18:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you CHOKE!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-09 23:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Post stuff like this. You'll get your +2 if the pizza comes out good.
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-07-27 22:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PENIS!
Submitted by sosjtb1999 (user info) at 2004-07-27 22:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pizza looks good but meat is bad for you.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-07-27 22:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MSG makes the baby jebus cry.
I have a better method for pizza dough. Take that same little list, but throw it into a bread machine on the dough setting. Ignore it until you hear the little beep sound.
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-07-27 22:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
P33N3R
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-07-27 07:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It's not his recipe.
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-07-27 07:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ban Polpot!
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-07-21 06:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for mushrooms. God damn I want some pizza now.
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-07-08 03:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so f'ing hungry now..
Kicker of all arse (+2) pizza....
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my god! that's the best looking pizza i have ever seen!
I have an I Have A Kristen Fetish fetish.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I must say, that looks like one kick-ass pizza. Must try it some time.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yumm
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-10 11:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man my gub just exploded in water....I want it!
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-06-05 07:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
apart from the fact that it looks like u already ate it, good job lol
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-05 06:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jimbo
Glad it turned out well for you.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-06-02 19:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I showed my wife the recipe and requested the very same for dinner.
The best homemade pizza I've ever tasted.
I was going to make fun of my wife for her inability to spin a round dough, but she started reading this over my shoulder and so now I must not.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-18 22:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking hate word... Misspell cup and get couple...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-05-18 20:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont give a shit im italian.
I WANT SOME!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-05-18 18:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
w00, I am smart.
+1 to me.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-05-18 18:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
couple of water... my best bet...
couple - o - l - e = CUP
Is there anyone that doesn't have an IQ of 20? ;) heh, j/k
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-05-18 18:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks great! But I too am confused about this (foreign?) measurement for liquids, a couple of water.
LGF
Submitted by dullard (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How much is a couple of water?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:32:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I know what to make for dinner.
I guess I will put together a Fetish cookbook for your fans.
Fetish Feeds The Mulitudes or someother lame religious reference title.
----
Come on... You haven't made my fan club yet...
Submitted by dullard (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How much is a couple of water
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I'm hungry.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn, that pizza looks awesome.
I'm definitely going to try that recipe this week. Thanks, brother.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I know what to make for dinner.
I guess I will put together a Fetish cookbook for your fans.
Fetish Feeds The Mulitudes or someother lame religious reference title.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish I had an oven. Or a kitchen. or a home.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My tummy is rumbling.
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like its covered in glitter. I wonder what that tastes like. Well, there's only one way to find out. I'll be back soon with my findings.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:01:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha! Science.
This looks good. Too bad I'm trying to eat less food. Maybe I'll just lick the screen.
-----
This post makes me want to lick the screen: http://www.ubersite.com/m/32025
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha! Science.
This looks good. Too bad I'm trying to eat less food. Maybe I'll just lick the screen.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm hungry now.
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't cook to save my life, but it looks good.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dont know why but that picture made me laugh
Submitted by spacemonkey (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i gotta try some of these out
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-18 15:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clever. But I totally thought the title said, "Mr. Kickass Piazza." He's a good hitter, you know, despite his poor abilities behind the plate.