Unremarkable Genitalia (1343 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by legallady (View user info) at 2004-05-20 10:35:14 EDT
My job isn't as boring as I sound. It is great. I get to look at gruesome dead body photos, scope out crime scenes, badger witnesses, hang with the legal elite at social events. Flirt with cops. Flirt with robbers.
Recently, after reviewing several DUI reports... I noticed that people charged with DUI don't eat much, they also drive really old crappy looking cars with some kind of brown funk
on the passenger seat.
There is a place on the DUI forms for the police officer to ask and note what, if anything, the driver ate in the past 24 hours. The last one guy had "1/2 a tuna sandwich". There seemed to be a trend. People would admit to the cops they had "two beers" but not what they had for dinner.
Then I pick up the autopsy report from the same case. It wasn't just a simple DUI but a DUI Manslaughter...and low and behold...the dead guy only had "some bread, morsels of food and watery bullion shit, and the odor of alcohol." Again, a lite eater.
I then began obsessing about my homicidal death and the amount of food that would remain in my stomach ...this new obsession outweighs the drag-my-body-outside-if-I-die -because-the-house- is-such-a-mess obsession ... I don't want crime scene photos as evidence of what a shitty housekeeper I am.
I was explaining all this to another criminal defense attorney, who noted. From his male point of view his greatest autopsy obsession is the Medical Examiner's description of his
cold dead body but mostly the always noted..."unremarkable genitalia"
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:56:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-21 20:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha... I'm calling you a linkwhore, cuz you asked. Unremarkable genitalia! HA!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-22 12:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-22 11:58:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish- Could you POSSIBLY be any more of a gay, dipshit?
---
You wrote this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/40504
Why would anyone care what you think?
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-22 12:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-22 11:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish- Could you POSSIBLY be any more of a gay, dipshit?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-22 11:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:29:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
and this is the retaliation -2 just so you
know the one below was my "honest" opinion of
your post.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-22 11:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And this.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-22 11:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Check this out.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-06-01 19:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"222.5 millilitres of canine semen" would make odd reading in an autopsy report.
perhaps that would be a way of relieving your anxiety? just drink a half pint every morning, and then anything else they find will be inconsequential in comparison.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-06-01 19:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very interesting
very interestig indeed
instructions re. receipt of your spoof will be posted in due course. congratualations! it was the 'hotly spewing onto my milky white breasts" line that snared victory.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 19:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:40:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well...well...stomach contents.
I had Steak & Ale for lunch yesterday.
Two tacos for supper.
Did my husband for breakfast...I don't think semen stays in
stomach contents for long!!!
I had tacos last night too. 12 not 2 though...
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-05-20 14:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Having "remarkable" genitalia isn't all that great.......and speaking from experience.......sometimes it really sucks.....I mean honestly.....I'm not "John Holmes......three pints of blood to rig the main sail..... Porno big"....but when the wives of teammates on the hockey team joke about you having a good "shower dick".....it does give me a sense of ownership....much like a Porsche owner I would imagine passing a Neon on the road....I secretly love the fact that my wife has nicknamed me "SLAB".....back to my point.....I sometimes find myself wishing I was a little bit smaller in length......I can't tell you the mood killer it is sometimes when you're in a good rythm while making love and suddenly you get the "HOLY SHIT, you asshole!!!.......that fucking HURT!!!!" look......you know the one? (or maybe not), similiar to a visit to a backwoods Dentist for a root canal .....pair of channel locks and some rotgut to ease the pain and the wide-eyed look of sheer horror.......or the ever present WWF tap-out on the stomach for a break....Talk about a mood and night killer..I dunno..........I think that most of the worlds problems are centered around the Penis........and the Vagina...........I'm contemplating writing a book about the worlds fixation and problems that have derived from the lowly Penis..........I mean,if you think about it.........What major decision or world result hasn't had the penis or vagina involved in the decision making process?........This world is all about who has it? Why does he/she have it? How can I get it?How did I compare? Is she impressed or just humoring me? I will kill for it,lack of it, instead of it and to keep it. The hang-up with the penis is getting way out of hand (pun intended)..........I don't care if the coroner thinks my penis is "remarkable".........I just don't want to be found dead in "tea" streaked underwear.....THATS my fear!!!!!!!!!!To have my last impression to someone be that of a man that "didn't wipe his ass and left an autograph in his BVD's"......."The Horror................The Horror" Walter E Kurtz
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 14:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I googled "Fetish legallady" too... The first two links are to Ubersite...
The number 1 link is: http://www.ubersite.com/m/31932
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-05-20 12:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Note to self:
Wash front seat.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-05-20 12:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ehh
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-20 12:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fetish: I just googled Fetish legallady WOW some crazy porn world
arrives...I HAD no idea when I picked this name for chat 3 years ago.
Maybe a future post topic...now I have to delete all those websites from
the office pc.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:47:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
legallady - i dont wanna hear that shit... unless its MY seed in your belly, STFU!
----
No way dude... She said she had a fetish for me: http://www.ubersite.com/m/30328#479528
Google whips ass...
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
legallady - i dont wanna hear that shit... unless its MY seed in your belly, STFU!
munkeypants - got a big pussy?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well...well...stomach contents.
I had Steak & Ale for lunch yesterday.
Two tacos for supper.
Did my husband for breakfast...I don't think semen stays in
stomach contents for long!!!
---
I doubt lunch and supper from yesterday is still in there either...
Your report will just read: Splooge... Go figure...
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well...well...stomach contents.
I had Steak & Ale for lunch yesterday.
Two tacos for supper.
Did my husband for breakfast...I don't think semen stays in
stomach contents for long!!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I have quite remarkable genitilia. Being "gifted" comes with a price though... very few vaginas can handle my gi-normous manmeat "
__Slowlyrotting_________________________________
I WANT YOU... NOW!!!!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I then began obsessing about my homicidal death and the amount of food that would remain in my stomach ..."
Dare I ask what would be in your stomach?
Submitted by KoolWang (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have big weiner.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 11:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok... I have never gotten a DUI... Also, neither of my cars are shitty. For the one in question, see the lower right picture of this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/33496 I keep a clean car...
Now that this is cleared up... +2
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have quite remarkable genitilia. Being "gifted" comes with a price though... very few vaginas can handle my gi-normous manmeat
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fetish-only a reference to your seat...not the state of your car.
I also stole Unsounds soup description for the stomach contents.
Lawyers are taught to use the language of others to make the point.
I wondered if you would catch it.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I noticed that people charged with DUI don't eat much, they also drive really old crappy looking cars with some kind of brown funk
on the passenger seat.
---
I hope that wasn't a reference to my car...
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you need a new job, lady.
heh heh *snort*
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck that shouldn't have even been up there once, let alone twice. sorry for that.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if i had a nickle for everytime i heard the phrase "unremarkable genatalia"... i mean, um yeah here, i would like to offer the following hypothesis on why these people don't have any food in their stomachs.
there are exceptions to all these statements but as a general rule,
people with DUI's have some level of a drinking problem. these people don't eat for two reasons.
#1 it fucks up their buzz. thats right, breaking news, you don't get drunk as fast or easy if your full.
#2 if these people (generally, not always) DO have a drinking problem then their digestive system is probable slightly unbalanced from constantly having alcohol coursing through it. this serously affects the body's ability relay sensation signals such as hunger.
let me say it for you.. "Thank you Captain Obvious!" <takes a bow>
i suppose if a man had a dry erase board for a penis he would then have re-markable genatalia, no? <rimshot>
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if i had a nickle for everytime i heard the phrase "unremarkable genatalia"... i mean, um yeah here, i would like to offer the following hypothesis on why these people don't have any food in their stomachs.
there are exceptions to all these statements but as a general rule,
people with DUI's have some level of a drinking problem. these people don't eat for two reasons.
#1 it fucks up their buzz. thats right, breaking news, you don't get drunk as fast or easy if your full.
#2 if these people (generally, not always) DO have a drinking problem then their digestive system is probable slightly unbalanced from constantly having alcohol coursing through it. this serously affects the body's ability relay sensation signals such as hunger.
let me say it for you.. "Thank you Captain Obvious!" <takes a bow>
i suppose if a man had a dry erase board for a penis he would then have re-markable genatalia, no? <rimshot>
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Morbid. I think you need a vacation.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-20 10:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah