Leprechaun 6: Bongs Have Never Been This Deadly (1209 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.5 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Junior (View user info) at 2004-05-20 23:10:59 EDT
Five months ago if someone had said to me "Dude, I'll bet you five bucks I can find a worse movie than The Core," I would have slapped them across the face, paused awkwardly in the ensuing silence, and then taken the bet. I don't normally take bets unless I'm sure I'm going to win them, but I'll be honest with you I would have taken that bet...and I would have lost.
In 1993 one man had a vision. His name was Mark Jones, and his vision was one of angry midgets...sorry, little people. But how to incorporate angry midgets into the Hollywood formula to create a major motion picture? Jones had an answer: A killer leprechaun out for revenge for the theft of his pot of gold. Well played Mr. Jones, well played. Shortly thereafter Leprechaun was released in theaters. It starred the relatively young and unknown Jennifer Aniston, alongside 3'6" Warwick Davis, a god among midgets. What ensued was one of the worst horror movies known to mankind. Sure it had a hot girl, a midget, and gold, but what was lacking was a coherent plot. The movie, though it does no justice to it to reduce it to this gross oversimplification, was essentially a midget on a killing spree (including the removal of one man's ribs, which Davis plays as a xylophone). While in and of itself Leprechaun did little to revolutionize the movie industry, it did create a demand for murderous midget movies; a demand that would be filled in the subsequent five sequels to Leprechaun...five thrilling sequels. How could you ever get tired of a hilarious Irish midget killing people? You can't.
Without any further a-do, I give you Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha' Hood, the sixth and final (so far) episode in the Leprechaun series. It brings closure to the epic Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun In Da Hood. Both of which are shadowed by the old classic Leprechaun 4: Leprechauns in Space (I kid you not, these are all real).
The movie opens up normally enough with an African American minister fighting a Leprechaun. He proceeds to tell him that he has to go back to hell to which the Leprechaun says no, and they continue to fight. On a side note, since when do Leprechauns come from hell? I thought they came from over the rainbow. In any case the minister wins the battle sending the Leprechaun back to hell where he'll remain forever...or will he?
The Leprechaun returns after some teens accidentally discover his pot of gold and use it to buy ridiculous things (e.g. marijuana, I'm serious). So the plot's not great, but some of the philosophical debates that occur throughout the movie really help hold it together. For example there is one scene in which a drug deal is taking place and one of the African Americans involved says the word "n*gger." The drug dealer then goes on to explain that that is the word the white man uses to bring them down. Since he is aware that it is a commonly used word, he cleverly devises a new word "ninjas." That's right, think of every expression you've ever heard of using n*gger, and replace it with ninja. That's about 10 minutes of dialogue in Leprechaun 6:
"What's up my ninja?"
"Ninja please"
"Yo yo, ninjas!"
I agree, ninjas are cool, but this is just absurd. It makes less sense than sticking your head up a baboon's ass to find candy.
Leprechauns 6 does feature some interesting scenes and some creative death scenes. For example shortly after the Leprechaun has been re-released back into Tha' Hood he begins searching for his gold. He happens to come upon a ghetto block party. One of the men at the party has found one of the Leprechaun's gold coins and pockets it. Reasonable enough. He then decides to smoke from illicit cannabis, and the Leprechaun walks in on him taking hits from his bong. He proceeds to offer the little feller a hit, and he and the Leprechaun get extremely high (What the hell is this?). As fate would have it though the Leprechaun's gold coin falls out of the young man's pocket and the Leprechaun spots it. Thus follows this discourse:
"Where'd you get that gold laddy?"
"Yo man, none of yo business"
"Go on tell me where ye got that"
"Ninja please, I give you a hit from my bong and now you tryin to take ma money"
Leprechaun grabs a hold of the bong
"Yo give me my bong back"
Leprechaun growl. I didn't even know that Leprechauns did growl.
So now there is a large African American man wrestling with a 3'6" midget decked in green, all over a bong. So what does the Leprechaun do? The same thing any sensible man would do when faced with this difficult situation: he rams the bong through the guy's stomach. Wait...no...THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. First of all I'm not sure that's even physically possible, but even if it were who would ever think of that? I'll be honest, I've always been partial to the gun as a murder weapon (in movies that is) or even the good old fashioned candlestick (thank you Clue). I have to admit though, the bong really intrigued and surprised me. Thank you Mark Jones. I'm just waiting to see the article on page 23 of the Daily News about some idiot kid in Alabama, who's so inbred that he has an arm growing out of his head and a tail, that finds his father's bong and brings it to school and tries to ram it through someone's stomach. And the subsequent debate in Congress over bong control. It'll play out nicely, trust me.
Another artistic scene in the movie is the confrontation between the leprechaun and a pair of police officers. The cops are questioning the leprechaun (for some reason they don't find it odd that he IS A LEPRECHAUN) when all of a sudden the leprechaun rips off one of the cops legs. Mark Jones- you need to seek therapy, immediately. At least he was thinking ahead when he did this as it comes back as an interesting plot twist later in the movie. Did I say plot twist? I meant ridiculous scene that makes no sense and does nothing to further the plot, but is hilarious nonetheless. The main characters in the movie are walking out of their house when a gang rolls up in their car. For some reason the gang members want to kill the main character (no explanation necessary, and there isn't one given). They're talking a lot of trash and 'ninja' is getting thrown around a little unnecessarily when a cop car suddenly rolls up siren blaring and lights flashing. Everyone gets a little flustered and the car screeches to a halt. The door opens and you see a uniformed leg some out onto the ground. Of course you're waiting for the rest of the cop's body to come out, but no, remember Mark Jones wrote this script. The camera rests on the leg for a little while which then it falls to the ground and the leprechaun pops out of the car, and hollers, "What's up my ninjas?" GENIUS. The leprechaun used the leg to drive the car because he was too short to reach the pedals. Mark Jones has done it again!
There are some other cute parts of the movie, like when the leprechaun rips this girls jaw out and rips out some eyes. You know, standard "When Midgets Attack" stuff. It gets a little repetitive especially the ending which his painfully drawn out. The main characters visit a psychic lady who tells them they have to kill the leprechaun with four leaf clovers attached to bullets (it takes a leap of faith but you just gotta go with the flow when you're watching this movie). Then the psychic lady battles the leprechaun, which should be awesome but really it's ten seconds long and she just goes "Run Emily!" I guess that's the name of the main character, they never bothered to mention it before though. Then the psychic lady's eyes turn white and some lightning and stuff comes out and then she just dies. The leprechaun doesn't even do anything to kill her. I don't really understand that, but at this point in the movie your senses have been so overwhelmed by the stupidity so far that you've been reduced to a drooling moron and this somehow seems to make sense. Anyways after shooting the leprechaun close to fifty times from a six round magnum revolver the leprechaun just falls into some wet cement and dies. I guess wet cement kills leprechauns also cause the four leaf clover bullets certainly didn't do it. What the hell am I talking about?
Overall the movie sickeningly and mind numbingly bad, but it has some redeeming features. Warwick Davis is one badass midget. He makes those midgets from Man vs. Beast look like Richard Simmons, but that's beside the point. The point is that the plot of this entire movie can be summed up in one sentence: Badass midge gets pissed off; death and hilarity ensue. I know I cheated by using a colon, but suck it up. I don't really understand what Einstein decided to commission a sixth leprechaun movie and hire Mark Jones again, but they really should be rammed in the stomach with a bong, but that's just my opinion. I mean, what has happened to the sanctity of movies? For crying out loud, the credits to the movie even say "No leprechauns were harmed in the making of this film," and ordinarily I'd think that was a joke, but in this case I wouldn't put it past them to have been serious. These are the same people that wrote Leprechaun 2: One Weddings and Lots of Funerals. Well...it's kind of catchy, like that "can you hear me now" guy (who by the way is another individual who deserves a swift bong to the stomach). The way I feel about this movie is the same way the Iraqi people feel about the Americans: I hate it, but I also need it. Well I don't really need it, but it's entertaining. So I guess it has nothing to do with Iraqis.
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-20 01:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-21 12:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-21 11:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Plan 9 from Outer Space" will take some beating, but I must admit to being intrigued.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-05-21 10:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<applause> they fell off my radar screen at 3 in Vegas. wonderfully written!
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-05-21 10:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Too long
Balloon Knot has spoken!
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-21 10:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-21 09:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've seen all the Leprechaun movies at this point, but I'm still undecided as to whether or not Battlefield Earth is worse than all of them... combined.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-21 09:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Now I want to go out and watch this film because truly bad movies are truly good.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-21 07:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I READ ALL THAT!
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-05-21 03:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fuckin love those movies
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-05-21 01:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I giggled inanely.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-05-21 01:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can download the Leprechaun movies? From where? I was gonna try and find somewhere to buy the damn things.
Werd.
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-21 00:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly, I didn't read the post
However
You sparked my interest in downloading the Leprachaun movies
so +2
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-05-21 00:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best... Review... Ever
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-05-20 23:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best are his limericks.
"There once was a man from Travasse,
Whose balls were made of fine brass,
And in stormy weather,
They both clanged together,
And sparks flew out of his ass!"
-Leprachaun in Tha' Hood
Plus the theme song of that movie was a rap with these lyrics: "Lep' in tha' hood come to do no good. Lep' in tha' hood come to do no good." I give the movie two thumbs way up and I will have to see the sequel that you are talking about.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-05-20 23:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree, ninjas are cool, but this is just absurd. It makes less sense than sticking your head up a baboon's ass to find candy.
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That truly won it for you...
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-20 23:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please dear God PLEASE tell me these movies don't exist. If they do, I'm going to watch them and turn myself retarded.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-05-20 23:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those movies all blew ass.