About pushing your eyes into your head (899 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <lodnem.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2002-03-06 20:22:44 EST
originally i thought putting my thumbs over my eyes and pressing really hard had no real affect other than pain.
after several days of this, usually during the 4-5pm range when the work day was coming to a close, something quite magical happened. i took notice of all the pretty colors, the wild patterns and especially the warm-fuzzy glow familiar shapes began to exhibit.
it's been nearly a decade since i started this behavior and i'm up to pressing my eyes into my head for lengths of time in excess of 2 hours. my coworkers often pass the (always) open door to my office and make gutteral noises and divert their eyes quickly when i peak through my hands. recently someone made an actual comment about my experiment, they asked 'what are you doing' and of course i invited them in.
as my friendly co-worker, the girl that sits by the phone and sometimes answers it in different moods depending on how tightly her shirt fits around her stomache that day, relaxed into my 'have a seat, i love people in my office' chair, i approached her fuzzy face.
sit back i said. take a deep breath and i will show you an amazing trick.
as she closed her eyes i placed my thumbs on her eyes and began to press. at first she moved her hands to push mine away. i told her to continue relaxing and i guess she was because it seemed like she was attempting some kind of vigorous form of yoga. i glanced at her waist to see how well the stomache and shirt intersected, it looked relatively tight that day so i figured things were going well.
after several minutes of pressing i began to get a peculiar red subtance on my fingers. i used this to make smily faces on her forehead with my pinkie finger. she would like that i thought.
soon people began to stir around my door. the big guy, you know the big guy in the office that always puts the sparkletts water bottle in the machine and never spills, just walks in and grabs my hands then pushes me away.
'you're hurting her' he said. 'no i'm not, she's all happy-fuzzy just look!' indeed she was, she didn't move an inch!!!
anyway she's still sleeping in the chair infront of me and this all happened a few weeks ago.
it's cool because not only is she relaxed and fuzzy looking, she's also got a hell of a flat stomache but the happy faces are starting to peel off.
User Reviews
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2002-11-21 15:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was the funniest article I have ever read, I took it seriously at first, but then it just got funny. I liked it, well done
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2002-03-13 21:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought I was the only one!
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2002-03-10 17:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! Good stuff. I hope you don't work at my office.