third poem (403 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.25 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shane mcpherson (View user info) at 2004-05-21 08:01:59 EDT
Third Version (final)
Letter Poem
In my childhood dream,
I'm writing to you,
My hands like paws,
My mind like fire.
Here in our childhood dream.
I'm mixed with emotion, loss of control, and the desire to get you to know,
That if there's only one truth that exists in this world,
You're the most beautiful thing that I've known.
I don't know if I love you, but I know what I feel.
Regardless of how long we have been on this earth.
The task is large,
Like thatching a straw house,
That's built with sticks from your forest,
And the labor is that,
Of hellish love.
Love for you,
Love for who you are,
Love for who I am when I am with you.
The rooftop like caring,
To keep you from harm.
The sides are my protection,
To let no one else in.
No one else in to come take you away.
The floor is for the two of us,
Where we will both stay, together.
Here in our childhood dream.
Where no one else will get us,
No one else will change us,
No one else with break us.
And we'll both live together,
Just you here with me.
Until death do us part,
Or we find someone else.
Here in our childhood dream.
User Reviews
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-04 03:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
my dick feels like corn
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-04 02:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by disAbled (user info) at 2004-08-04 02:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"My hands like paws" For some reason I really liked this image. The poem has a lot of good stuff, but you need to make it feel a little more cohesive. It seems to unintentionally lack flow.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-21 13:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awful. After three posts too.