The Cure for the Summertime Blues- Part I: Cooler Hoppin' (448 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.5 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shirkinparkin (View user info) at 2004-05-21 17:31:04 EDT
The summertime blues get the best of all of us. Those hot ass days, when the world seems dead and there is nothing to do. It is especially bad where I live, the southeastern Colorado Plains.
Summers can be a drag here. They are long and hot. Wind and dust, wind and dust. These horrible conditions have created some great ways to have fun.
Quite possibly the best sport ever created..........
Cooler Hoppin'
For those of you not in the know, this is the act of sneaking up late at night, and stealing people's coolers. The rush is unmatched.
Within several miles of my town, there are many lakes. People from all over Colorado flock here in the summertime to fish and boat. They bring their campers and fifth wheels and camp by the lakes. Most of the time, they are drinking, hence the coolers.
I was introduced by to this by a friend of mine one night. We had been partying and ran out of alcohol. We could think of only one place to get alcohol that time of night. The boaters. I don't remember the whole deal, but I know there was a lot of hushing, a lot of lifting and a lot of running. And the next day my car was filled with many coolers, of all shapes and sizes. And a lot of alcohol.
This is a fun activity, but it is best experienced when you are already drunk. But this lends some problems. You think you are being really sneaky, but in reality you are knocking over fishing poles and lawn chairs. The coolers can also be difficult to run off with, filled with beer and ice. You can plan on a succeeding 50% of the time.
The suspense in this game is incredible. You think to yourself, as you run off with the cooler "I wonder if this is filled with Bud Light, or 25 Hi-C juice boxes?" And believe me, it pisses you off when it is filled with 25 Hi-C juice boxes. It is also fun to see what people have in their coolers; bananas, sandwiches, condoms, sandals, Keystone Light, and dead animals. You also begin to build a rather large collection of coolers. Great gifts for the holidays.
The real kick comes when that little light in the camper comes on, and out comes some dude just as drunk as you, chasing you with a rifle. This is a kick, I'll tell ya. A big one. A getaway car is a must, preferably a pickup or vehicle with lots of cargo. Don't let a drunk friend be in charge of this, as they might take off and leave you.
I've been told this is fucked up. That you shouldn't steal shit. I agree. I wouldn't like my cooler full of beer to be stolen either. But I would also protect my beer by putting it inside. I figure, it is their fuckup. I would like to watch some of the people go outside the next morning and wonder where their cooler is.
I highly recommend this activity, as well as several spinoffs created out of necessity; grill hoppin, lawn chair hoppin, and tent hoppin.
God I love the summertime.
Next Time: The Cure for the Summertime Blues- Part II: Cross Country Bicyclists
(My relatives participating in a heated game)
User Reviews
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-22 13:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short, simple, sweet. Liked it. I am gonna do this
next week in St Augustine, at the beach, in the day light.
Submitted by cf7 at 2004-05-22 11:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good post.
Submitted by Shirkinparkin (user info) at 2004-05-21 20:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I had bird shot in my ass after liberating firewood from a farmhouse."
What? I don't understand this. Did you get shot or did you sit on something. Or did a bird shoot you?
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-05-21 20:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good post.
I had bird shot in my ass after liberating firewood from a farmhouse.
Damn farmers.
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2004-05-21 20:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha, good times.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-21 18:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, serial larceny, always good for a fun anecdote.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-05-21 17:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This actually happened to me a couple of summers ago, the drunk ass teenagers didn't realize that we were sleeping on the picnic tables around our camp and got an amazing surprise when I woke up my boyfriend and he yelled BOO!!! at the top of his lungs....
They jumped sooooo high, I wish I had had a video camera. Luckily it was just melted ice... we were leaving the next morning and were out of beer....
Submitted by Fixer (user info) at 2004-05-21 17:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-21 17:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"and out comes some dude just as drunk as you, chasing you with a rifle. This is a kick"
Bwhahahaha
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-05-21 17:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wonder if this is filled with Bud Light, or 25 Hi-C juice boxes?"
Mwa-ha-ha!