Girl Scout A Girl Scout (827 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tenyuki (View user info) at 2004-05-23 14:03:06 EDT
There comes a day in every man's life when they have to do something crazy. They feel that they must do something to make themselves feel better. Or they could be doing something to show off to their friends, perhaps to make them laugh. But in my case, it was just to be a complete and total jackass. Hey, why bother fix the system when it works so well for you?
It was April 12, 2004, and I was with my friends Sobun and Mikey. It was the first day of Spring Break, and I was heading to Boston that Thursday. My Mom, being the loving and caring Mother that she is, told me to go out and buy some pants for my trip. Me, Sobun, and Mikey all decided to go to Woodfield Mall because, well, it's a huge place, and huge places tend to appeal so much to the "asshole" variety. We felt as if we were at home at this here mall.
A lot of dicking around took place, none of which is relevant to the topic on hand, so they will stay disclosed forever, or at least until I try to remember what the hell happened.
Anyways, we decided to go to A&W. A&W is this fast food place that serves the kick ass A&W root beer... but it's from the tap. THE TAP, PEOPLE! After what felt like thirty minutes of downing food, we decided to have a root beer drinking contest. The rules were simple: The first one to finish their mug wins. If you throw up, you suck ass.
Round one went to Sobun. Rounds two and three went to Mikey. I shall admit this to you all right now: I suck at drinking root beer fast. I begin laughing at some random thing, which causes me not to drink properly, thus causing me to lose in our little race.
Regardless of a suckage of drinking on my part, we were all pretty full and gassy. Yes, I said gassy. It makes the schoolgirl inside of me giggle. Tee hee. Mikey, being the feminine one in our group (*gasp* Someone more feminine than I? You better believe it, asshole.) decided that he wanted to go to Build-A-Bear Workshop to, well, build a bear. While I have nothing against Build-A-Bear Workshop, (It's the fucking shit!) Mikey's reason for going there was, well... gay.
The conversation went like this:
Geoff: Hey, let's go to Build-A-Bear. I want to get a sticker.
Sobun: Yeah!
Mikey: Okay. Hey, while we're there, I can make a bear for Sporkington (his first bear)! I'll name her Sporkingtina! She'll be his girlfriend or something.
Geoff: Dude... you kept Sporkington?
Sobun: I thought you gave him to Krystina (his girlfriend at the time).
Mikey: No man, Sporkington is way too cool for me to give away.
Geoff: Um... wow, Mikey. Okay, sure, we'll go to Build-A-Bear so you can make Sporkingtina.
We found ourselves in Build-A-Bear Workshop, and, to our surprise, there is a girl scout squadron there. Okay, I know girl scouts are supposed to inject "woman power" into little girls, but what does any of that have to do with building a stuffed teddy bear from a workshop that has you put the damned heart into the bear? COME ON, PEOPLE! THAT IS SICK!
Fast forward about ten minutes, and we find our hero (That's me!) waiting for Mikey to finish making his damned teddy bear. Me and Sobun, being bored as hell, decided to go check out the bear clothing, when alas, I feel my stomach gurgle. The gaseous monster, Senor Gas, decided to attack my stomach. It was enough for him to invade Stomach Land, but to attack it? Come on... that was uncalled for.
I couldn't let this gas defeat me, so I concluded the only way to resolve this situation was to let it out. But how? I couldn't just let one rip just like that. It's not "right". I looked around me for a potential "safe spot" to let it out. I spent what seemed like 10 seconds before I found the perfect spot...
The face of a girl scout.
This girl scout had been on the computer forever, it seemed, in order to name her new teddy bear and give it a background and the like. I knew this was the perfect opportunity. After seeing Jackass: The Movie, I've had this urge to pass gas in someone's face. I found it humorous. I knew I had to seize this opportunity before I lost my chance. Sitting there was a little girl decked out in her girl scout uniform.
I looked at Sobun and whispered "Dude... I'm gonna fart on that girl scout right there. Oh man, cover for me." Sobun, being one of my good friends, decided to cover for me by "blocking" me and my victim.
I turned myself around, bent over slightly, and let my ass rip in this girl's face. Oh, how wonderful that feeling felt! My stomach's aching was no more. A huge smile crept on my face. I tapped Sobun on his shoulder and gave him a thumbs up. I did it. I farted on a girl scout. And man, what an accomplishment that was.
We giggled and walked far away from the bomb site as we found Mikey, hurried him to pay, then ran our asses out of there. I began telling all of my friends about my experience in the weeks to follow. Now, whenever someone farts on another person, it is referred to as a "girl scout".
You may be wondering why I feel so much resentment towards girl scouts. Well, let's just say that their cookies never tasted right to me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-05-23 16:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To Dufflady: Nope. I had to go to Sears the next day.
To Vivian and everyone else: Meh. I know it was immature. But meh.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-05-23 15:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I gotsa go with grizzly on the immature factor, but hey, this was longer, and written well.
Kudos.
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-05-23 15:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Too immature for me to give this a positive rating.
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-05-23 14:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think your mommy should buy your pants for you from now on.
Did you even get them by the way?
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-05-23 14:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well... that's the thing. There was no reaction. I don't think she even noticed. But man, it was a nice one. Little girls probably don't have much emotion. Hell, kids in general have little to no emotion. They just know how to be little bitches when they want something.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-05-23 14:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ummm so there was no reaction on her part or anything she just stood there and took it? You missed the best part of the story now it is only... meh