The Monkeysaurus Rex: Tales of the Monoculous kind. (668 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.76 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dr. Monoculous (View user info) at 2004-05-24 21:31:08 EDT
"Good evening, my sweet." I said to the egg as I walked down my stairs into the basement. "How have we been?" I tapped on the shell. "You're going to turn out looking strange." I smiled at it. I then sat down at my state-of-the-art computer and pecked in data.
"The Tyrannosaurus-Monkey, or Tyrannomonkey is growing well. Tyronnomonkey has almost fully developed since I combined his genes with that of a long-extinct dinosaur. I shall update tomorrow."
"Hmmm," I mumbled to myself. "Now when are you going to come out of your egg? Maybe in the morning?" I tapped on the Tyrannomonkey's shell, as if expecting a response.
"Perhaps...perhaps it wasn't the best idea to mix the DNA of a monkey and a prehistoric lizard..." About that time, there was a slight peck at the shell. "Oh?" I rolled in my chair over to the incubator. There was a slight dent poking outward in the shell. "Well, hatching so soon?" I smiled.
The hole in the shell slowly grew and a little monkey hand came through. I took some small cutting devices and snipped the shell away from my creation. "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!" I yelled to myself. "Why it's just a little monkey with...a lizard face!" I jumped up into the air. My experiment had succeeded. I had a Monkeysaurus Rex. In the incubator, it crawled around, as if exploring it's general habitat.
"Well, are you hungry little guy?" I touched its nose with my index finger.
"Well, a little." The lizard monkey whispered.
"Wha...did you just talk?" I nearly fell over.
"Yes, I am hungry. Do you have any meat and/or fruits, nuts, and berries?" It hopped up out of the incubator and onto my desk. "Hmmm, interesting place you have here. Very scientifical!"
"Yes, thank you..." I rubbed my forehead. "Uhh, how about some steak and apple?" I inquired.
"Certainly." The ape thing looked up at me with gleaming eyes.
I ran up my stairs and into the kitchen, talking to myself the whole way. "Imagine that. It's got the face of a T-Rex and the body of a little chimp. I readied the steak and apple, cutting it into small pieces and putting it on a plate. I brought it back down to the monkey-like creature and set it in front of him.
"Oh thanks!" He said as he lunged into the steak chunks. He tore at them voraciously until he had swallowed them all, nearly whole.
"Incredible." I said as I rested my head on my arms that were crossed out in front of me and resting on my desk. I let my glasses rest on my nose. "What exactly have I created?"
"Boy I don't know but I sure am glad to be here." He took the apple in his hand and chomped on it. "This is very good produce Mr...say what was your name?" He looked up at me.
"Oh...John. John Monoculous. Er, Dr. Monoculous." He took my index finger in his hand and shook it.
"Nice to meet you, Doctor. I'm..." He paused. "Well I don't have a name yet..."
"By George I don't know what to name you!" I exclaimed.
"Oh don't worry about it too much. Nothing to exclaim about." He paused and thought with me. "How about Monkor?" he asked.
"Monkor...no I don't want the Terminator's monkey living in my house." I paused. "How about George?"
"George?" He scratched his back. "Well I don't know. Oh well, it sounds good to me." He shrugged. "Oh well, what is beyond this mere desk?" He looked around, including under it. "What makes up this world?"
"Oh my!" I said. "So much I can't even begin to explain. Here." I got a book off the shelf. "This is a book of man-made landmarks all over the world." I opened up to the front page. The furry bodied lizard face peered down at it.
"What exactly is that?" It asked me.
"Oh that is Stone Henge. It is a very ancient monument." I nodded.
"Now, how did they get those boulders like this?" He looked up at me.
"It befuddles many scientists, probably pulleys? I'm not sure." I turned the page. "These are the great pyramids..."
We went on through the book deep into the night. Finally, it was time for sleep.
"So, George, how exactly did you learn to talk?" I asked as I set the softball sized thing into his bedded crate.
"By listening." He nodded. "You see, I've been hearing all the hubub about you blowing up someone's dog. I just learned to associate certain words with certain meanings. I can probably speak so highly in your language because, in all honesty Doctor, you do talk to yourself more than I would." I turned red for a moment.
"Yes, it's a bad habit." I put out a weak smile. "Well, I am going to go down and have some tea then go to sleep. Get some rest George. Had a big evening. I'll show you what it's like outside on the morrow." I nodded.
"Very well." It laid down and was almost immediately asleep.
"Well that's very strange indeed." I commented as I sipped my tea. "Who would have thought that someone could breed a monkey and a dinosaur?" I chuckled to myself. "I think I'll have to study this."
Just about the time I said that, eggs slapped up against my window. "Hahaha! Eat that Monoculous!" Laughed a man, obviously Mr. Hernandez.
"I wonder what Mr. Hernandez would think if there was a part dinosaur part monkey that spoke fluent English running around his house?" I kind of chuckled to myself. "Oh, tomorrow, Monoculous. Tomorrow."
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-26 02:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanimanigans. Hey-o!
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-05-25 10:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
thank you sir, may i have another
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-25 05:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:31:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dr. Monoculous approves of George.
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Uh-Huh
Good post.
I called malarky on the good doctor his first day here.
And NO it's still NOT me.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-24 22:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I liked it and reread it...since nothing on the front page excites me as much.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-24 22:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no way you're a new guy though. I don't believe it. Shenanigans.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-24 22:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked it.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty amusing. Had a smile on my face the entire read.
Monkeysaurus Rex. What WILL they think of next?
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of Dr Monoculous
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was gonna give it a 0, because it was mildly amusing but not THAT funny. However, the final line ("I wonder what Mr. Hernandez would think if there was a part dinosaur part monkey that spoke fluent English running around his house?" I kind of chuckled to myself. "Oh, tomorrow, Monoculous. Tomorrow.") earned it a +1. For some reason it made me chuckle to myself, too.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this. I gotta keep a look out for more of these. It's just so weird it's...it's...it's just awesome!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of George as well. George as in Curious George? The same monkey who belonged to the man in the yellow hat? Better keep him away from those puzzle pieces so he doesn't swallow one and go to the hospital.... silly monkey....
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb. This is fucking great.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-05-24 21:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dr. Monoculous approves of George.