If you can find a good man, fine. (639 hits)
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Rating: 1.73 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by La Nuggeta (View user info) at 2004-05-24 23:05:47 EDT
My dad grew up in Detroit. His family was poor, mainly due to the fact that they were Catholic, which meant there were a lot of kids (10), and only one income (my Grandpa worked for Ford). They lived in a small two bedroom house just outside of the city, I'd say it's about 800 square feet. It didn't have an indoor bathroom until my dad was about 7... they were the last family in the neighborhood to have a toilet installed.
My aunt Tiny used to tell me stories about how much she hated waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. She'd lay in the bedroom that she shared with her 4 sisters, and try to distract herself from having to pee. Eventually Tiny would get up, put her robe on, slide into some slippers, and make a mad dash for the outhouse. Imagine how fun that would be on a cold Michigan night, eh?
Eventually everyone except Tiny moved out, got married or got killed- my uncle Tommy was stabbed one night while out on the town with his friends, the man who did it is now out of prison and presumably content with his life, unfortunatly my family will forever been ensnared by the horror of Tommy's death. I guess we all have one tragedy in our families, don't we...?
***
Every weekend the whole family would go back to the house in Detroit to visit. By the time I came around (being the youngest child of the youngest child) the family was huge. I had 15 aunts and uncles, 40 some cousins, two parents, one sister, and two grandparents, and a gaggle of people that were somehow related, but no-one knew how. The women would cram themselves into the cramped kitchen, and prepare dinner. The men would gather in the garage to drink Coors and talk about cars. Us kids all kept busy "staying out of trouble".
Even at this point, Tiny lived there. She never married, never moved out, worked retail her whole life. I never saw her with a man, or a friend, even. She went to church every Sunday with my grandparents, went to work at Rite-Aid every day they had her on the schedule, and read. That's all she did. She didn't have a lot of money, nor did my grandparents... yet every christmas she bought all of us presents. Lots of them.
Granted, they were things like itchy sweaters with Rudolph embroidered on them, Jean Nate perfume, and leg warmers... but still... the memories of all of us squeezed into the living room, shoulder to shoulder, kids sitting on laps, dads standing behind moms... those memories are some of the fondest I have. All due to this one woman who went out of her way to find dirt-cheap merchandise in the clearence bins and bargin huts. She was generous beyond her means.
I loved spending the night at my grandparents house. All day I would lay around the back yard, reading my aunt Tiny's books... then I'd watch my grandpa sit in the kitchen, head humbly bowed, hands working his rosary. As soon as he was done he'd grumble something about ice cream, and I'd hop up to scoop us both a bowl. He wasn't the type of grandpa that took us fishing and had us sit on his knee to tell us stories about his youth... he was too old and too German for that. He was the type to sit around drinking and smoking, grunting at the TV. For some reason that's why I loved eating ice cream with him... it made me feel special.
Then I'd find my grandma and ask her to tell me about when she used to work in the bar... or about how they came down to Detroit before roads were built, "We had to stay along the shore..." her story would always start.
Finally, I'd go to my aunts room, and crawl into bed with her and her Evil Chihuahua. We'd both prop our books open and read. I'd constantly look over at her to see how she was sitting, and then re-position myself to mirror her position and facial expression. She'd let me borrow any book I wanted, she'd let me read for hours without telling me, "It's bedtime!".
It didn't occur to me until later in life that this amazing woman was never married. How could a woman who was so generous and intelligent and funny never find a man?
She's almost 60 now, and I asked her a few months ago if she'd ever had a boyfriend. She guffawed, and waved her hand at me... she put a cigarette between her lips and lit it.
"Corinne... I'm too stubborn for any damn man." she said as she was exhaling, the smoke rolled out of her mouth and nose, and hung in the air between us.
"But, you never had a boyfriend?" I prodded.
"Sure I did, when I was younger... but nothing serious." She took another puff.
"But, didn't you want a family and kids?" This woman is better with children than ANYONE I've ever met. She always talked to us like we were adults... she showed us respect, kept us in line, told us exactly how to tell a good joke, and taught us what it was to be a Good Person. She would have been a wonderful mother.
"Corinne, I had all of you guys... I had more kids than anyone... more than 40 of you. You are my children. You are all the family I could ever need. I didn't need the trouble of a husband when I could have a family without one." She smashed her cigarette out in the glass ashtray, obviously uncomfortable at having to say something remotely sentimental. "It goes without saying, Corinne." She stood at the sink, hands busy with the dirty dishes. "Men aren't worth the trouble. Look at what you went through... your sister... your mother. Even my own brothers are more of a pain then their wives should have to put up with! If you can find a good man, fine. But it's not nearly as important as everyone thinks it is."
She's an amazing woman, and the wisdom in this is simple. One can have everything they need out of life without having a constant companion. There is no need to leave the security of a parent and in turn search constantly for the security of a lover.
It's an extraordinary person that finds strength in solitude.
User Reviews
Submitted by charle18 <lurch5656.at.aol.com> at 2004-09-24 08:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
After reading this post it's easy to tell why she never had a man in her life
She's a Dyke
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-27 15:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, don't get me wrong, you tallywags...
I don't like to be alone... I get lonely, etc etc etc...
I think that it's a weakness, though. I think a strong person should be able to find contentment in solitude.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 07:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also disagree, I hate being alone. But this was a wonderful post.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-26 07:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-25 21:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coley... You're the one with that "big event" planned for August...!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-05-25 21:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So does this mean we're breaking up?
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-05-25 12:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
enjoyable read. Tiny found it much easier to get by because she had a huge support system there for her. I love big families. most people, unfortunately don't have a system set up for them. Everyone does need to find strength in solitude, or at the very least, sources of entertainment.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-25 12:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great writing and it was a touching story.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-05-25 11:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad I read this.
Submitted by WRECKER (user info) at 2004-05-25 11:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was pretty good.
Nicely written.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-25 11:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's interesting that people frequently question the peace and contentment some people are able to find in solitude. It's almost as if they think that because they don't find peace and contentment in solitude, anyone who does must be in denial to some degree.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-25 11:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is a great post.
People can live fulfilling lives without marriage.
And having "your own" family doesn't guarantee support
and happiness as you age.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-25 10:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very well written piece.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-05-25 07:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very engaging
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-05-25 07:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very good. But it also makes me sad. I wonder how much sincerity is in those words of hers (and yours). Solitude has its place and time, but I do not think the natural state of a human being is to be alone. It is real easy to say you don't like chocolate cake if you've never had it.
My advice, not that you were requesting it, is to keep looking. I've had the opportunity to watch some of my friends' divorced parents, who after their marriages ended fully embrased the "single life" deal with sickness and death, alone. Nothing is more saddening. When your time comes, you'll wish you had shared someone's life with them, and vice versa.
Still, +2 through and through.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-25 07:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-25 07:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by disgruntled (user info) at 2004-05-25 02:28:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Men aren't worth the trouble. Look at what you went through... your sister... your mother. Even my own brothers are more of a pain then their wives should have to put up with! If you can find a good man, fine. But it's not nearly as important as everyone thinks it is."
The argument goes both ways.
***
Of course the argument goes both ways. But what kind of storyteller would I be if I changed what she said to be politically correct? ;)
***
I think it's difficult to be alone... everyone hates feeling "lonely". But WHY? I think I like to be alone more than a lot of people... I've always been this way. If I'm going shopping, I go alone... I don't want someone bugging me... etc... and as far as "having someone", I'm the Master Dumper... I dump guys (including my husband) for nearly no reason at all. I just reach a point where I can't tollerate them, or a behavior they partake in. I'm so freakin' picky and stubborn... which leads me to believe that I'm going to be single forever.
I've dated 8 million men, and so far, in my 26 years, I can only think of 2 that I loved. Pretty crappy odds.
I think this story is just to make me feel better about the likelyhood of me ending up like her.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-05-25 04:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done, Nugga.
I think it's different for everyone.. I can't say I agree or disagree because it varies from person to person (your need for companionship). I am one of those people who doesn't like to be alone. I'm walking to the post office? Roommate, come with me. I'm driving into town to go grocery shopping? Cmon, friend, you know you want to walk around with me in the frozen food section.
I can't imagine being alone.
But not just because of being alone, it's the love I have for the one I'm with that makes me happy.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-05-25 04:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That was awesome, I am drunk but that was amazing, well written.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-05-25 03:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story nugget.
I don't totally agree with your sentiments but can see your point. I am also glad that you made the effort to put this together. I wouldn't say uber is any worse than normal at the moment though. There has always been a fairly high ratio of crap to quality.
Personally I think I write quality crap and the fact that few people bother to read it means that I don't have to try any harder.
Submitted by JewdoMaster (user info) at 2004-05-25 02:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, also, personally disagree - or maybe I'm not strong enough to find happiness in solitude, or just different.
I've recently been forced to move to New Zealand (parents, etc. I almost managed to stay home, but... alas), and I know more than ever now, that I do need companionship.
You get a +2 for a good read, though. Nice one.
Submitted by disgruntled (user info) at 2004-05-25 02:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Men aren't worth the trouble. Look at what you went through... your sister... your mother. Even my own brothers are more of a pain then their wives should have to put up with! If you can find a good man, fine. But it's not nearly as important as everyone thinks it is."
The argument goes both ways.
She's an amazing woman, and the wisdom in this is simple. One can have everything they need out of life without having a constant companion. There is no need to leave the security of a parent and in turn search constantly for the security of a lover.
May my computer bless you for spreading this wisdom. Shit, only if people could get this kinda crap in their heads, the world would be a much better place.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-25 02:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I look at my neice and two nephews, I've got nothing but love for them, and that's all I really need. Why have my own kids, when I can always just go hang out with them?
Maybe my opinions will change as I get older, but for now, I'm content with no kids, no wife, and no hassles of a relationship.
By the time everyone in my family was my age, they all had at least 2 kids. Aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents. Me and my cousins are breaking the mold.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-25 02:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a great family you have on your hands there.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, you would go and use your VERY FIRST review to rank me at 0 to make some innane comment about overpopulation, wouldn't you, Kid?
It was very common for Catholics of that generation to have families that big.
***
And thanks everyone else... I never take the time to write... and I actually DID on this post. Usually I just throw something together, but lately Uber has sucked, so I figured I'd actually put some effort into a post for once.
Submitted by R.P.McMurphy (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by Kid_Creole (user info) at 2004-05-24 23:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
10 kids? I couldn't get over the fact that given the over-population of this earth how irresponsible that is.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-24 23:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great.
She sounds cool.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-05-24 23:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very well written.
Submitted by SamIam (user info) at 2004-05-24 23:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a guy and so far not finding a wife wonder the same types of things. But seee friends cheat on each other fight and get divorced, so I too wonder what the hell
Good essay
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-05-24 23:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh, should have made it clear:
"One can have everything they need out of life without having a constant companion."
Is the statement I meant.
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-05-24 23:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I personally disagree, but I see your point of view. Very well written...hell, despite not agreeing with your closing statement, I will give you a +2. You are indeed honoured.