I'm going to hell. Who's coming with me? (1372 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ash Kicker (View user info) at 2004-05-24 23:45:55 EDT
So I had another busy shift on Saturday night and didn't get but 2 hours of sleep. I got off at 07:00 (yes am for those who do not know military time) and went home and changed and out the door we (wife and 2 kids) went. Off to Church we go.
We get there 10 minutes before the service starts. We drop the kids off in the daycare/nursery room so my wife and I can actually relax during the service with out the constant "sit down" or "be quiet".
We find our seats. The wife gives me the "You better not fall asleep again" speech. And the service starts.
It's funny how the mind will wonder when it is deprived of sleep. I am looking around the congregation. Making the "hello nod" to the folks I know. Then I made eye contact with this bald woman (Co jack bald. She has one of the shiniest domes I have ever seen.). So to her too I give the "nod".
I have seen her around for a while now (at least 8 or 9 months) and she seems to be very friendly, but I am still not sure what her story is. I am assuming she has some sort of cancer and was on chemo. That very well may be the case, but how long does it take for her hair to start growing again? She has been bald for the whole 8 or 9 months I have seen her.
(Damn it! quit getting side tracked)
Anyway. I got to thinking about how chemo make ones hair fall out. I started wondering why peoples eyebrows remained while the rest of their hair fell out? I kept looking at this woman. I start trying to imagine her with hair. At one point I think I even did a modified (that old comedy skit where the guy is squishing people's heads with his fingers) one eye closed while covering up her dome with my fingers thing to see what she would look like w/ hair.
Mind: "Hey, she would be pretty fucking hot if she had hair. I wonder if she is a blonde or a brunette? Ooooo, maybe even a red head."
******Sharp pain from an elbow in the ribs from the wife.******
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Me: uhhhhhhhhh "Nothing."
Wife: Shakes head wondering what the hell is the matter with me.
I am now understanding why little Ash (2 1/2 year old son) can't seem to sit still longer that 10 seconds. He gets it from me.
Anyway. So I start listening to the Pastor and she starts talking about Adam and Eve and off goes my mind again. All it took was for the Pastor to bring up Adam and Eve. (I don't know about you, but I hear Adam and Eve and sex comes to mind)
Mind: "I wonder if chemo makes her hair fall out on her "Hoo Hoo" too? Mmmm bald cooter.
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
******Another sharp pain from an elbow in the ribs from the wife.******
Wife: "Wake up!"
Mind: "Oh shit. Please don't let it be time to stand. Please don't let it be time to stand.... I don't want another episode of "The untimely boner"....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30821
Me: "I was just praying."
Wife: "You snore when you pray?"
Wife shakes head again wondering why she even bothers to bring me to church when I shifted the night before.......
Wife: "Put some money in the plate."
I look in my wallet to find only $1.00.
Me: "Hun Don't you know them?"
The wife turns to look and I quickly put the lone dollar in the collection plate as the kid taking up the collection gives me that "cheap bastard" looks.
Wife: "No I don't think so. You sure are acting funny today."
Me: "Sorry. I am just tired."
Oh well..... Maybe God will go easy on me when my time comes.....
I hope!
User Reviews
Submitted by They_call_me_the_Fireman (user info) at 2004-05-27 15:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know dave, but thought it would read better for those not knowing this. ;O)
Submitted by Dave3811 (user info) at 2004-05-25 15:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Military time does not have a colon (":") in it though.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-05-25 07:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"untimely boner" - I think we've all been there - but in church?
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2004-05-25 04:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing but not great, the untimely boner did make me laugh though.
Great picture, do we all get something like that when we die if w've been naughty?
Submitted by Irazy (user info) at 2004-05-25 02:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lol
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-05-25 01:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The untimely boner part made me laugh. Thanks