God Bless America (898 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.26 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tshia (View user info) at 2004-05-26 02:42:53 EDT
Recently I read that tremendously terrible post that managed to include a vague insulting, and disgusting reference to 9/11, I am of course referring to the one found here http://www.ubersite.com/m/34137. I must say I was much surprised to find that worthless mass of text managed to reach the peaks of the most heated list, while I watched it grow in heat and popularity, even convincing one uberuser to depart our beloved website forever http://www.ubersite.com/m/34191, I decided I had a new goal in life, achieve fame on an internet forum, or failing fame notoriety.
These days on Ubersite it seems like any moron with a keyboard and Internet access can achieve wild notoriety through banging out an ill conceived and wildly untrue statement about a controversial event or world politics. At least that is certainly what I'm hoping. Before writing this post I will have you know I performed extensive research and have impressive credentials, which are as follows.
1) I have a keyboard. As you can undoubtedly see my keyboard is completely functional. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
2) I have access to the internet
3) I am a moron. I am sure many of the people who respond to this post will be willing to serve as a character witness in that regard.
As I have clearly demonstrated I am most qualified to write this post. Right about now you, the reader, are hopefully saying to yourself "Ok, this guy is qualified but what is this post even about?" Well good reader once upon a time I too asked myself that very question, and I decided that crafting a drab, unoriginal, and hopefully poorly expressed statement about how much I hate America and about how little I know about anything would be the easiest choice. Sadly though that first post I cited had already taken this idea, and there is no way two posts about the same subject could make the most heated list at the same time. I had to do something else.
So I discovered another way, nearly as trite and hackneyed as a hate post about America, a hate post about Canada. With reckless abandon I set off to do research (thought to myself for a few minutes) about how much Canada sucks. I listed everything I knew about Canada; it came down to three things.
1) I assume its pretty cold there
2) Conan O'Brien might have referred to it once
3) A friend of mine once went to Canada
From the looks of my brainstorming session my hate post about Canada was sorely underdeveloped. Never one to let a daunting challenge stand in my way though I quickly changed my plan of action to avoid said challenge; I decided instead of writing about how much I hate Canada I would write about how much I love America, and why.
I love America, and why? Well I hate the environment, and I am proud to be a part of the nation that so eagerly dismissed that terrible Kyoto treaty idea. So what if almost every other nation that signed the treaty also abandoned it, including Japan where it was created, what is important is that my country rejected the Kyoto treaty.
Despite the fact that America has some of the highest economic standards in the world good old Uncle Sam keeps putting those stupid environmentalists in their place by abandoning idealist hippie treaties for as trivial as reason as that they would destroy the US economy. HA HA HA take that hippies.
So, in conclusion God bless America
User Reviews
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-06-22 17:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is your point? I don't care who wrote it, this post was a joke. Don't worry though I didn't expect you to understand shitfuck, I am suprised you can even read. Don't try to sound intelligent in the future, you fail miserably. You clearly do not understand this or anything else.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-22 11:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You stupid cunt. I wrote 911 was just a warm up. Don't believe me? Read Please Forgive Me Ubersite.
And fuck you, fuck you to death. You are exactly what's wrong with the American education system. You are the typical American industrialist. You know little of geo politics and have extreme trouble constructing complete thoughts on any subject besides what's new at the GAP.
I hate your kind. I severely hate your kind. You're a mouthbreather, a hack, an evolutionary throwback. You and your family should be shot dead, erased from the genetic memory of our planet.
And by the way, fuck 9-11. Fuck George Bush, fuck everyone in his panty sniffing administration, they should be shot fucking dead and have their bodies fed to Muslim fundamentalists.
Go get fucked.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-05-26 13:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-26 11:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-26 10:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-26 08:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the reason that god invented wedgies.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-05-26 05:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tshia, here.
Have a 2 for loving my country.
YEAH IT'S MY COUNTRY! I BOUGHT IT FAIR AND SQUARE FROM SOME HOMELESS GUY!
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-05-26 04:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
honestly I am begining to wonder about my talents as a writer too Angrybeaver. It seems no one else is reading this post and understanding the general sentiment that I had tried to express in my writing. I did not mean for this post to be about patriotism or world policy, I was trying to use satire to mock that 9/11 post I linked to, and that is all.
Submitted by Angrybeaver (user info) at 2004-05-26 04:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This piece is too subtle for me. Either you're serious about your love for the US, it's environmental, economic, and foreign policies, or you're trying to be sarcastic. I'd hope you're just really bad at writing sarcasm, because I'd prefer thinking of you as a poor writer instead of a moron with no global sense.
Canada (my home) is caught in the middle of this nasty media hurricane. We are constantly bombarded by American media, so we see the "love-in" going on, and how little actual world-news they actually get. There is no view but the American view, no impact but that on Americans, and no future but the manifest destiny Americans are being conditioned to believe they have.
And yet we can tune in to the CBC, the BBC, Aljazeera, and other news services and see the world is disatisfied with American policy, their constant terrorist actions in contries like Venezuela, Haiti, Cuba, Iraq, and their total disregard for anything but the corporate bottom line of their chief political boosters.
I believe in the general "good will" of the average American. Sadly, they have very little say in the electoral process anymore, and practically NO say in what happens when the election is over. Foreign policy is set by the corporations based on their economic needs. Informed foreigners will realize the American people are responsible only as absenty guardians of their country's ideals, and that hopefully they'll realize what's happening in time to stop a continuous string of "9-11" wake up calls from happening.
I doubt it though.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is stullifying dakingisdead? That might just be the strangest typo I have ever seen.
No atz I don't really hate Tom, dislike him? Yes. But not hate, its like dakingisdead says, he is funny when (sarcastic emphasis begins) pretending (sarcastic emphasis ends) to be a pervert online.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tom you're right. Tshia really does hate you.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah god bless America as it sinks in it's own stullifying self interest.
hahahahahaha
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah good point. i didn't read it, and I was worried that your intelligence might be high enough to notice it.
curses!
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Insanethemind,
I only had a real problem with the "fact that you didn't read my post before -2ing with your form letter".
I wasn't aiming for mindless patriotic plus 2s, maybe if you had read past the title you would have realized that. Also I wasn't satirizing that 9/11 post because "NO ONE SHOULD SPEAK BADLY OF 9/11" but instead because it was poorly written and filled with wild untrue allegations, maybe you should read that post too.
Tom, ordinarily I'd love to go get something to eat, but I'm afraid its too late for you to be out now. Gotta get ya back in bed before your big day tomorow at middle school!
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Seriously, if countries continue to hate each other, peace will not be reached."
Shut up, hippie.
Just kidding :)
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I only had a real problem with "God Bless America."
Jesus christ I wish that sentence had never been penned.
Here's a note I've been meaning to share with you, Tisha and now seems the appropriate time:
Dear Tisha,
With this current, shit-stained appeal for +2s on a patriotic level, I figured you could use a reality-check from.. well, me.
Thank you for offering a place where we can freely come and laugh at you uninhibited, pointing at our computer screen sometimes even. It is the ultimate act of humility and generosity, two-things you have been quite gracious dishing out.
Thank you for caring enough about the other users to put up stupid, shitty posts and comments all the time, (much like this one) all for our entertainment, rather than manipulating things for only yourself!
Thank you for giving me this chance to ridicule you- my skills as a writer do at times need to be honed and derogatory writing is still writing.
Thank you for allowing me to feel better about myself, and rest assured that I do, knowing how fucking stupid and easily angered you are.
Thank you for offering something tired, unoriginal and just plain shitty to the world, all the while assuming people will agree with it because "NO ONE SHOULD SPEAK BADLY OF 9/11", and not having us pay one cingle cent in order to laugh at it and give it copious (-2)s.
Thank you for trying to write this in a mature form and not sound like a pre pubescent girl, but I have to let you know honestly that you failed. You do sound like a young girl. With a flat chest.
Thank you for anything else I may have missed. Thank you for showing us the light, Tisha. We love you.
Sincerely,
insanethemind
-2
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well pardon me. Not everyone can be as smart and super awesome as you, Tshia. My most sincere apology.
Sadly enough there are people here who think that.
So, Tshia, wanna grab something to eat later?
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes Tom satire this was. I admire your superb literary skills that allowed you to deduce that
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-05-26 02:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh my dear lord drunken jesus! This post was about to get at +2 until you mentioned that 9/11 post. Do you know what the fuck a troll is? That 9/11 post was trolling at its finest and so many people fell for it, which boggles my fucking mind. It was such an obvious troll it was almost disgraceful.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-05-26 02:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this uh, satire or something?
Seriously, if countries continue to hate each other, peace will not be reached. This includes hate posts about eachother.