How To Pick Up Chicks (351807 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.88 on 229 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2001-12-10 23:15:53 EST
Due to my recent reintroduction to bachelorhood and a four month absence of a social life, I have started looking towards Hollywood for new ways of meeting women and getting them to like me. I've realized that the most important thing to do is to not have a legitimate well-paying job. This is an absolute no-no and will immediately get you cast as the villian. Also, shaving and wearing nice clothing are both big turn offs, as are full beards. Death threats or murder attempts will greatly increase your chances, as will musical talents.
Here are the things that Hollywood has taught me about how to pick up chicks:
1. Steal cars. Nothing "drives" a woman into "high gear" faster than a man who can use automobile terms in his sexual innuendo.
2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England.
3. Replace your weak human skeleton with a cybernetic skeleton, travel back in time, and try to kill the woman. When that fails, travel back in time again except this time, protect her son from mercury poisoning.
4. Go to prison for five years and when you get out, rob her boyfriend's casino of one hundred sixty million dollars.
5. Do not have a job. Instead, travel along a river and play guitar. Also, grow your hair into a pony tail and have constant stubble. Having previously been an undercover cop in a high school helps.
6. Kill a New York police captain, run to Italy, find a girl walking down the street, then go tell her father that you want to marry her or you will kill him. When you are through with her, blow her up with a car bomb.
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
9. Grab a friend, sing a song to a stranger, then follow her into the bathroom and offer to have sex with her on the sink. It also helps if you have previously been a pimp, race car driver, or spy.
and the absolute best way of picking up chicks...
10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.
User Reviews
Submitted by WonkoDV (user info) at 2009-08-31 13:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
!
Submitted by Ron193 (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noted.
Submitted by crimebusterofthesea (user info) at 2009-01-19 07:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-01-16 10:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-10 19:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post sucked.
Submitted by GenifromMO (user info) at 2009-01-10 18:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cute - I don't catch all of the movies, but most I get. I can't give it a 2 because it just isn't THAT good - I'd give it a 1.5 if I could.
Submitted by Beerpoo (user info) at 2008-10-20 23:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know why but that last one cracked me up
Submitted by English_Master (user info) at 2008-07-27 22:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I honestly wish I knew ALL of the movies referenced here.
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-21 04:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-17 11:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Off you fuck Bart.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-25 18:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2ing this simply because I stole a school bus once, and it DEF helped me get laid.
(if you are slow, look at rule #1)
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-06 14:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
a little choppy, but fricken funny
Submitted by Tjhom (user info) at 2007-12-04 01:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious!
Submitted by iacobus (user info) at 2007-11-20 16:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-18 19:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never rated this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-17 19:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gay.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry about all the "!'s" in the review below.
It doesn't stop me from loving you though.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit Bart!! I love you!
Submitted by putiputi (user info) at 2007-09-10 01:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
any intelligent men, a girl will like.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-07-14 18:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree. But perhaps it's okay to be inside reading a book?
Submitted by runamukus (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad not good.
Quit watching TV and go outside or read a good book.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-05-18 07:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dluther31 (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:40:06 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
Need to write essays and term papers a little like world war II essays
http://www.essaybuzz.com
======================
Hooray! A shitty alter. Or Maltese.
Submitted by dluther31 (user info) at 2007-05-18 07:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Need to write essays and term papers a little like world war II essays
http://www.essaybuzz.com
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by HadNadin (user info) at 2007-02-17 20:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude who cares??? Study study study. We gotta take back our manhood from the modern monstrosities called women. They're animals in many regards. Sad thing is, we made them that way using TV.
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2006-12-31 02:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy New Year Bart.
Women love real men, so just tattoo your face with barbed wire and start talking about auto parts and you'll be getting it from all sides in no time.
Submitted by H.S.N (user info) at 2006-12-25 03:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice >>>>go fuck ur self<<<<
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-12-23 03:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-12-16 21:59:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shut the fuck up, maltese.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-12-16 20:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All of these are effective.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-15 16:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 01:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
-----
hahaha this always makes me laugh
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-18 20:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On my personal top 5.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never got around to rating this before
Submitted by kbs050 (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't get all of them, I'm not a totaly movie buff, but...yeah funny.
Submitted by ugly (user info) at 2006-09-06 04:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
best way to pick up chicks. stand at the bar and pretend you got loads of cash
They'll pick you up
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HaydenX (user info) at 2006-08-25 01:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best way to pick up chicks is actually like a bowling ball.
Finger in each hole.
Submitted by Aeneas (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The best way to pick up chicks is usually under their arms. Well, it depends how far you intend on carrying them. Maybe by the waist if you intend on carrying them a long distance.
Make sure you bend your knees and stretch before you do this though, otherwise you might risk back injury.
Hope this helps.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-13 04:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IMO, this is the first post on B@W from Ubersite that is worth a shit.
But what a way to break out.
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-06-23 14:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you."
That's the best one because the girl you get is Salma Hayek. And also you get to kill Mexicans.
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-28 09:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-05-24 01:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-05-05 14:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget to tango with a rose in your mouth or lie to her about being a secret agent
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2006-04-29 10:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've tried 1 to 6...not going very well so far...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-27 12:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.helpwinthisbet.com
Submitted by TimTheBard (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
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dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
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dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
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onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
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ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij
Submitted by EdselSpeedy_THC (user info) at 2006-03-20 17:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh.. I haven't been here in two years, I expected something new.
Submitted by Drawstring (user info) at 2006-03-14 11:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good, the casino one i like :)
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-21 10:04:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand why people don't like this more.
Maybe they don't get the movie references?
==============
You're using irony, right?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-21 10:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand why people don't like this more.
Maybe they don't get the movie references?
Submitted by XoXFreaksRUsXoX (user info) at 2006-02-21 09:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Er... Okay... Funny... Sorta...
Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my favorite posts I've read****
Best was the wrong word.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is one of the best posts I've read. Good job, Bart.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-12 20:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Picking them up is easier if you knock them out first.
Submitted by Hash_brownie_supreme (user info) at 2006-02-12 20:03:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have to try some of those.......
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-04 16:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is funny!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-23 20:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love history.
if this was posted today it would get a .23 rating and 17 reviews.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-29 20:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
11. Dress up for "halloween" as a "cross dressing boy toy" pretending to be be a "homosexual". Chicks love the non-threating types.
Submitted by fusion88 (user info) at 2005-11-14 03:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78654
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-11-04 05:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha!!
Submitted by KillerCowz (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
cool
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by penisvonmunchousen (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:26:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad I pull ass
- - -
You're glad you pull ass?! What the- Not a good way to pick up chicks, especially if you pull your own ass. Your user name is like a character from Dostoyevsky. Oh wait, i see the penis now.
Submitted by penisvonmunchousen (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad I pull ass
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the Link Whore?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74769
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If kicker of all ass was ever more appropriate I don't know when...
Bart's the man.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348
...
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to rate this when I read it the first time...
Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[garbage deleted by bart]
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70277
Submitted by mbwun (user info) at 2005-07-15 17:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-10 08:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is most viewed material if ever i've seen it.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-11 22:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jago25_98 (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:59:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
"2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England. "
^ sounds odd doesn't it but look on hotornot.com and see what ratings uniform wearing US soldiers get ;)
--==--=-=-=-=-=-=-=
CONGRATULATIONS on being user #12345 and this being your only review ever.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2005-05-08 07:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-23 04:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Morbid_Florist (user info) at 2005-03-23 03:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The intention was good, had potential but was ruined because it licks arse.
You got confused.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-03-21 21:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
borts mums a dirty bitch
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wait. Waaaaaait a minute. I see what you've done here. All your "tips" for picking up chicks are actually PLOT lines from famous movies! HA HA HA!!!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-03-15 23:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another way to pick up chicks, copy this out in longhand. Tell them you wrote it: http://www.ubersite.com/m/59387
Submitted by right_wing_extremist (user info) at 2005-03-15 23:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a jagoff.
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot:
"Stay in your room, play video games."
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-05 05:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about jago25_98
User id: 12345
Registered on or around: 2004-09-20 09:52:19
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 1
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
+2 cause I fear Bart Bart
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:14:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by jago25_98 (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:59:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
"2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England. "
^ sounds odd doesn't it but look on hotornot.com and see what ratings uniform wearing US soldiers get ;)
---------------------------------------------
The sole contribution to Uber made by user # 12345
Such waste.
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2005-03-01 10:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well i liked it.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60787
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-27 22:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#8 is very very good
Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
link whore http://clicktoexit.net
Submitted by lovedog (user info) at 2005-01-23 04:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I MEAN. really you must have pulled the asTRINGS TO GET THIS PIECE OF CRAP PUT UP AGAIN
Submitted by lovedog (user info) at 2005-01-23 04:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RWALLY,why do you all suckkkkkkkkkkk, when this degenerate , that runs the site ,puts a post on ? i mean really/ in my opinion he ,or it ,for that matter should not even be posting,.
If any one else submitted shit like this ,you would all be -2die it.get real ,and stand up and be counted you lot. you really are a lot of little pussies ..And you fbart just keep playing with the old knob as allways, thats a good chap .
Submitted by Damitrius (user info) at 2005-01-23 03:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 only becuase #10 was funny.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-13 10:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still funny
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-01-11 14:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd rather pick up BRICKS!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/56425
Hm.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-19 19:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, Bart, but I gotta spread the word. ... PLEASE DON'T BAN ME!
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-19 19:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
**********************************************
THE CHRONICLES OF COLLEGE-GUY
**********************************************
EPISODES 1 TO 48:
Episode 1 - "The Sociopath Movement" (Sept. 9, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44546
Episode 2 - "What is ACTUALLY a rape?" (Sept. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44583
Episode 3 - "My Sexual Deviant Cousin" (Sept. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44640
Episode 4 - "First Fight at College" (Sept. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44668
Episode 5 - "My First Sexual Experiences" (Sept. 11, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44693
Episode 6 - "My Sister and Her Panties" (Sept. 12, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44790
Episode 7 - "Grave-Robbing" (Sept. 14, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44948
Episode 8 - "College Wars" (Sept. 20, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/45652
Episode 9 - "My Diagnosis" (Sept. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/45663
Episode 10- "My Personal Savior" (Sept. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/45701
Episode 11- "A Drug Trip" (Sept. 26, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/46157
Episode 12- "Which Stars Would You Fuck?" (Oct. 1, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/46810
Episode 13- "The Star-Fucking Results" (Oct. 2, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/46824
Episode 14- "I Want to Sleep With My Mom" (Oct. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/47731
Episode 15- "Here's How to Do a Butt-Post" (Oct. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/47823
Episode 16- "Sociopath, Yes! But Serial Killer? (Oct. 16, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/48648
Episode 17- "My Farewell Rant to Ubersite" (Oct. 20, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49121
Episode 18- "Sociopath Comeback Special" (Oct. 22, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49360
Episode 19- "Man, I'm Killing Myself!" (Oct. 23, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49406
Episode 20- "Now I'm Dead" (Oct. 24, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49542
Episode 21- "Einstein Told Me to Jack Him Off" (Oct. 29, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50062
Episode 22- "Meeting Satan" (Oct. 31, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50210
Episode 23- "God Lives in a Harlem Crackhouse" (Nov. 2, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50350
Episode 24- "Larry" (Nov. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50748
Episode 25- "The Football Team Strikes Back" (Nov. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50785
Episode 26- "The Freethinkers" (Nov. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50821
Episode 27- "The Post that Got Me Banned" (Nov. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50837
Episode 28- "The Return of a Madman" (Nov. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52275
Episode 29- "Scar Tissue" (Nov. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52279
Episode 30- "There Ain't No Pain Like Mine" (Nov. 22, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52370
Episode 31- "Why Echo Boxing is a Faggot" (Nov. 24, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52592
Episode 32- "My Thanksgiving" (Nov. 27, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52798
Episode 33- "Thanksgiving Leftover Clip-Show" (Nov. 27, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52805
Episode 34- "BPS Done the College-Guy Way" (Nov. 28, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52849
Episode 35- "The Uber-Sociopath Awards" (Nov. 28, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52874
Episode 36- "Eat My Fuck!" (Nov. 29, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52907
Episode 37- "Someone Explain this Porn to Me" (Nov. 30, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53067
Episode 38- "My Secret Admirer" (Dec. 1, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53091
Episode 39- "A Night with the Ninja Turtles" (Dec. 4, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53417
Episode 40- "A Few Great Legal Drugs" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53453
Episode 41- "Lesbians Galore" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53456
Episode 42- "My Favorite Day of the Week: BPS" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53472
Episode 43- "In Honor of MY Hero" (Dec. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53587
Episode 44- "A Regular Day for the College-Guy" (Dec. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53617
Episode 45- "The Return of the College-Guy" (Dec. 7, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53636
Episode 46- "The Anthem of Leather Jackets" (Dec. 7, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53655
Episode 47- "Me versus a Girl Cop" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53788
Episode 48- "How the Grinch Stole Virginity" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53820
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-12-19 04:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shizzle.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant http://www.ubersite.com/m/53924
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Much better: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53601
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-11-09 23:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
much better:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38535
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-08 23:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.freephotoiPods.com/?r=11667665
Submitted by rcchristi (user info) at 2004-11-06 23:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That sounds like a lot of work. Can't they just knock on my door and ask to use my phone in a rain storm with a flat tire and out of gas in front of my house? And they want to shower, go to a nice warm bed, have sex and fall asleep?
Submitted by accuseddenied (user info) at 2004-11-05 09:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, you really helped us out... Thanks america
*salutes (full double rimmer)*
Submitted by jayjonz (user info) at 2004-11-01 00:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Things like this make me wish I was born blind. Ive had funnier root canals......J
Submitted by mhknights22 (user info) at 2004-10-30 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit.
And to all you big toothed, obnoxious, "let's boil _everything_", Brits, a big Fuck You.
-----------------------------------------------------------
If it werent for us, you'd be speaking German.
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2004-10-27 21:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
actually in the godfather the book, part of the tattagila family blows up the car, not michael. mike gets revenge by killing fabrizzio
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While not a linear piece of writing, I gave this a two because it exhibits a diverse array of movie knowledge and brainy sarcasm. Enjoyable to read.
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-10-23 22:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was allright. You could probably do more nowadays.
Submitted by Ratty at 2004-10-20 12:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Proves my point - all yanks are fat, ugly and as thick as pig shit... greeting from the UK assholes.
Submitted by Kold (user info) at 2004-10-19 23:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehe. nice.
Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-15 20:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
link whore and a +2
www.aolsux.us
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-04 15:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woah. Blast from the past.
Submitted by planeterik (user info) at 2004-10-04 15:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty damn funny
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-02 01:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
short. funny.
Submitted by Hippie101 (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
interesting... how many chicks have u picked up?
Submitted by chili (user info) at 2004-09-27 11:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-23 09:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if it's been said already, but to the dumbass self-righteous Brit who got offended at the Bravehart reference and started bitching out Americans:
Americans didn't exist yet.
In fact, besides writing it, Americans had almost nothing to do with the movie. The lead actors were Australian, British and whatever Sophie Marceau is. (God, she's hot.)
Submitted by allie <charity02.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-21 17:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
those were so good they made my nipples hard.FUCK ME
Submitted by bill <bigboy81.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-20 16:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny shiiet man, i got most of those references. funny shiiet!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how is this b@w?
My god, i have shat better posts than this.
Submitted by jago25_98 (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England. "
^ sounds odd doesn't it but look on hotornot.com and see what ratings uniform wearing US soldiers get ;)
Submitted by Becca at 2004-09-17 02:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at the ones I got. I haven't seen a lot of the movies.
But, I hate people who say the best way to pick up chicks is to have a lot of money. Only materialistic whores that have literally shit for brains want a guy with money. It could be a good thing if you're like that as well and want a girl that you can shove around, but I speak for myself when I say this: all I want is a guy who is not deformed and makes me laugh.
Want a chick? Develope a sense of humor.
But I got the list I'm not retarded. It was funny.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart on women.
Thats like Germans on ethics!
Submitted by shane2004 (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've tried all that stuff, none of it works !
Submitted by Jennifer (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing
Submitted by Anonymous at 2004-09-08 12:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What about the classic pick-up line?
Hey little girl, wanna ride in my van? I got candy!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-09-07 02:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00h00
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-07 02:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At this very second, this crap of a post has 88888 hits. WTF LOL OMG WTF BRB!
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-04 03:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Were you dropped on your head a lot as a child, Daniel?
Submitted by daniel <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> at 2004-09-04 00:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The best way to pick up girls is to ice skate. Girls are falling everywhere in ice rinks. When they fall, pick them up. Once you do, once the ice is broken, REALLY pick them up. (A tattoo doesn't hurt, tattoos are like Kryptonite to women, weakens their defenses; and someday I'm gonna get one and go ice skating.)
Submitted by Takkun <greatfonzo.at.walla.com> at 2004-08-29 14:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adam, you are a member of this site. You are a member of society. Thus, you are the same as the rest of us.
Submitted by Aaron at 2004-08-25 22:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Be yourself?" Ha, what a load.
More like "become wealthy and buy and a sports car."
Submitted by ADAM FORD <THISISME.at.aol.com> at 2004-08-20 17:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
look you have to piss off and realise that peple in this world all suck dik, ev1 is 2 scared to be themselves, ev1 likes r'n'b for fear of not looking fuking cool, well fuk off everyone and the sad losers of this shitty site can be proud to be at least a little diff, althu im totally impressd, sorry
HAAAAA
HEVY METAL AND ROCK MUSIC IS REAL- SO FUK OFF U TALENTLESS PRICKS LIKE
ISHER
NELLY
KELLY
SUGABABES
D12
EMINEM
YOU CAN ALL BE KILLED NOW AND I WOUOLD NOT GIVEN A TOSS
Submitted by Drcactus <drcactus.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-20 15:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by leanne250 (user info) at 2004-08-20 09:56:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
actually to pick up girls just be yourself and don't hate on them...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What? "don't hate on them" is that english? What does that mean?
Be yourself? that's bullshit as well.
Submitted by soadsk8 (user info) at 2004-08-20 10:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really good
Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.your.mom's.house> at 2004-08-20 10:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You just picked random movies to use. I'm not arguing against your concept, but it was so specific that it just wasn't.... funny.
Submitted by leanne250 (user info) at 2004-08-20 09:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually to pick up girls just be yourself and don't hate on them...
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-18 17:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31438
Submitted by ShaggyAggie (user info) at 2004-08-16 16:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I, for one, like the Titanic pick-up line:
"Hey baby, wanna help me raise the Titanic?"
Submitted by Tizzle (user info) at 2004-08-15 23:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What the hell? And there's no suggestion of piratetry? What's wrong with you, man? Do us all a favor, become a sexy, nappy pirate. You'll have the women fawning over you. Especially if you have a fascination with rum, wear eyeliner, oh, and... are a little on the off side of the smart-fuck-o-meter.
Wierd + pirate + eyeliner = sex god.
Merry Christmas.
(Also, talk about how big your parrot is. Frequently, if possible.)
Submitted by Marijane (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I particularly like the *jamaican* pick up line reference.
It's just as hard to pick up guys i think. I have a new plan that i would like to put to action.
how would guys feel if a girl came up to you on the street and just kissed you and walked away?
see i think that would be a good way to pick up guys - rihgt off the bat he knows 1. you're interested 2. you think he's cute (i dont know any girl that would kiss a guy she found awful looking) 3. that there could be more? (whether it bes sex or more) - heheh
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 16:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/default.aspx?referer=7584498
Free flat screen monitor or TV! Just sign up for eBay on the requirements page, place a bid (doesn't even have to be a winning bid), and get 8 friends to do the same! Don't forget to verify your email on the 'My Account' page.
FREE SHIT WOO
Submitted by umbernez_skilsz_owns (user info) at 2004-08-01 16:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i dont agree with your methods all u need are some good pickup lines
ill give u some ur welcome to use them if u like
1. your eyes r bluer than the water in my toilet
2. my love for u is like diarriea i just cant hold it in
3. do u belive in love at first sight or should i walk by again
4. your so hot ur gonna melt the elastic in my underwear
5. ud like venus to milo if i just cut off ur arms
6. u must be jamaican because ja makin me crazy
Submitted by stevostheking (user info) at 2004-07-12 05:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The real trick is to be an asshole!!! Treat them with indifference andthey will do anything to make you interested!!! It works...
Submitted by cowstastegood (user info) at 2004-07-08 18:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Theory_Eyed (user info) at 2004-07-07 05:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CystMaster (user info) at 2004-07-06 17:01:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/37531
Submitted by Ben at 2004-07-04 22:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As I have said before, women and men have no bussiness being together unless someones horny.
End of story. Women are annoying and have no common sense. Men rule and have common sense.
with minor exeptions.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-07-04 22:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One more idea, conjured by ulfGabe that actually DOES seem to work:
Mildly insult the girl at every opportunity when you meet her at a party. Make jokes about her and without warning start to act nice. Lather, rinse, repeat. Works every time.
Submitted by koreanboi2030 (user info) at 2004-07-04 22:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ON IN HORRY WOD, I OPIN STOR, NOBUDDY BY SO I CLOTHES UP AND HED TO NEW YORK USA!
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Having super powers helps. Mutants are sexy.
Submitted by boredinmemind (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok i am gona say something stupid, u could just go and littaraly pick her up off the ground
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-01 23:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahaha... that's awesome.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-01 23:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-06-30 08:39:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever post here again. ok?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You dont want bart, the guy who runs this site, to post here again?
Boy, you really are an idiot.
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-06-30 08:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever post here again. ok?
Submitted by Clare S <ignorethesmallprint.at.hotmail.co> at 2004-06-30 08:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Join the airforce, request a transfer to Vietnam (or Vitanam, for the British readers)"
In reply to Brent - I'm British and have never heard of it being spelt Vitanam.
That might already have been mentioned but I'm not going to read all of the replies!
As for the original post, as they say on possibly the most annoying advert tagline in history, I'm lovin' it :)
Submitted by ben keenan <ben_keenan69.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-29 21:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have followed wat u said and i found my self in a cold cell being someones bitch, thank u.
i left my high payin job as a lawer and started roaming the streets asdrug dealer pimp thax
it was worth it......
Submitted by mountainblood (user info) at 2004-06-26 01:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was the most profound thing this user has ever said
in his mind at least it is
get a life away from the television, dvds and your computer
Submitted by Vo (user info) at 2004-06-26 01:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice list,
#1 Be the protagonist. Fool proof unless some tool tries a new age depressing yet artistic film.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"This was rectified later in the book, but not the movie when Michael tracked Fabrizzio down to the Buffalo, NY pizza place where he worked and blew him away with a shotgun."
That scene was cut from the movie.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You get a -2 for lack of research. Michael Corleone did not blow up Appolonia with a car bomb. It was Fabriizio who wired the car bomb in revenge for the shooting of Turk and McCloskey of the Tattaglia family. This was rectified later in the book, but not the movie when Michael tracked Fabrizzio down to the Buffalo, NY pizza place where he worked and blew him away with a shotgun. Also, your post sucks.
Submitted by BOB <f.at.e.g> at 2004-06-22 21:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To the idiots who gave this post -2 because it was ignorant and retarded:
the guy isn't actually trying to be serious.
Now do you get it?
Submitted by god_komplexx (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by god_komplexx (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DORK
Submitted by tunatwist (user info) at 2004-06-12 02:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
uh, kinda stupid.
Submitted by emoerotica (user info) at 2004-06-04 12:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so funny .. made a tear come to my eye :P
Submitted by DarkWraith (user info) at 2004-05-30 19:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-05-29 12:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:17:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
The #1 pickup line of all time is "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Top line... must remember that one. +2 for that line, but -3 for the original post
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The #1 pickup line of all time is "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
Submitted by fat kyle at 2004-05-24 21:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, 'tard.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-17 22:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ZAfrikin (user info) at 2004-05-16 18:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant :)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-13 06:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hollywood sure gave us some great tips! All you diphits who didn't get it, have never watched a good movie in his life.
Submitted by Pebblesrpp (user info) at 2004-05-12 15:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't know what type of girls u trying to attract but it surely aint this one and i can tell u one thing if u do attract a girl it'll be a psyco trick
Submitted by Jean-Claude Van Damme <VanDamme22.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-12 10:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You stupid igonorant son of a bitch dumb bastard . . .
You entire post meant absolute shit you asswiper.
Submitted by OfficinSkeelz (user info) at 2004-05-10 23:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's mildly funny and obviously took some thought. Better than I could have done.
Submitted by cognizance <cog_nizance.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-05-05 04:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its sounds more like you threw in some movie scenes and called it a list.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have I never rated this? Damn.
I think this post is my all-time favorite.
Submitted by 52kgs (user info) at 2004-05-04 05:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Firstly...stop calling women chicks.. Its insulting, Women are not poultry. Also, the easiest way to pick up a chick is to lift it... Hehehehehe
Submitted by somaoe (user info) at 2004-05-01 18:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All it takes to pick up chicks...and I mean ANY chick...is to get a LOT of money.
Submitted by jane doe at 2004-04-19 03:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wasnt funny it was ok i guess, but for all you ubers out there, if you want to get chicks then you only need to do one very important thing......GET OFF UBERSITE! OR ATLEAST POST STUFF THATS ACTUALLY FUNNY! THANKS PASS IT ON :)
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good things come to those who wait.
Why haven't I rated some of the most viewed messages?
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-04-11 07:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing, but not 'licking a bum's ass' amusing.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-06 10:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just dressup as shitfuck and they run to me.
Submitted by Toxacated (user info) at 2004-03-17 23:10:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by evilscottymac (user info) at 2004-02-19 21:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT. Plus 2 because I composed a note just lke this like yesterday and it got all fucked up. It wasn't as long or good though....long....good...
Submitted by Chick getter at 2004-02-15 02:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Booo I know how to get chicks. This dude is all wrong! You gotta tell them da ass is fat! Then they will be like nu uh> Then you go Bitch I wansn't even talking to you. Then they will be like nugga please. Then you say I want fuck you in the shoot. Then that will say your gross. Then just be like your so fucking hot though. Then they will blush. Then you pull your meat out and pull her head into it and say "Talk into the mic." Then she will play a little something on your skin flute then push her down on the ground, point at her, and say your mom does it better! Then you money buddy. For more insights on how to get chicks to blow you in front of a crowd or how to punch peoples dogs check this out http://www.geocities.com/captain_foamy
Submitted by dude5678 (user info) at 2004-02-13 23:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
man not bad except eventually any chick will end up killin u
Submitted by cheeze (user info) at 2004-02-05 20:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
loved #10...teehee
meli
Submitted by LiquidCougar (user info) at 2004-02-05 13:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amazing are the lessons that Hollywood teaches us.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-03 02:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Retarded
Submitted by InjunEar (user info) at 2004-02-02 18:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
P.O.S
Submitted by The_Original_Mac_Daddy_Surge (user info) at 2004-01-28 16:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RATE MY NAKED PIC! http://www.ubersite.com/m/24263
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-01-27 19:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm laughing my fucking ass off! Seriously funny. However, experience has told me that ALL straight women are really interested in gay men. So I go out with pink plastic pants on and a tight black sleeveless T-shirt that says "GIRLFRIEND". I can't stop getting laid!
Malone
Lucifer Industries
http://www.luciferindustries.com
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-25 15:58:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i find rohypnol and a cheap suit to pick up chicks works fine for me
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 10:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a super post! Before I read this post I had no women. Now I have 2: the postwoman and a sex addict I crudely fashioned out of a fold up ironing board and a jar of peanut butter. Thankyou for your advice, Bart. Super post!
Submitted by throbgod13 (user info) at 2004-01-24 09:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's like fingerpainting with your own shit, eh??
Submitted by JustSomeLoser (user info) at 2004-01-22 04:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
only on the creative premise..........otherwise.............you're a fucking idiot
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-01-21 02:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I recently found this site and spent most of my dull day yesterday amusing myself reading the responses to this posting. I found the posting clever and many of the responses downright funny. I am confused however, how one of the movies referenced to help pick up chicks turned into the American Brit debate. The movie reference was Braveheart (I am pretty sure) which was a movie about a Scotsman, played by an Austrailian, joined by an Irishman, fighting the English king in a time when Americans didn't exist. Oh yeah, the Austrailian actor playing the Scotsman was "in bed" with a French princess.
As far as the whole british american history is concerned I bet I can fill volumes of American and British indiscretions, "crime against humanity", intolerances, cooperation, mutual trust and commitment to one another. I for one (choosing to serve in the US military) have dedicated my life to the principles our two counties stand for- which is, for one, the right of choosing a government that does its best to uphold the rights of its citizens. Our two counties happen to be a couple of the few who hold regular reorganization opportunities where the powers in charge peacefully steps aside while a new (usually idiologically opposite) government steps in. Not a perfect system but the best availible as we tend not to go to our neighbors with machetes and hack them to death for voting contrary to our wishes. If you don't think that this isn't awesome in the world as it is today then I can't help you so don't bother trying to change my mind. I choose to serve those who honor these principles and would gladly shove my knife through the throat (again) of those who hate us for representing power to the populace.
PS- above all have fun
Submitted by mies_vdr (user info) at 2004-01-14 08:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent!!
this site, aptly dubbed the ladder theory, will help explain why all of these methodologies work:
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Submitted by Radaghast (user info) at 2004-01-11 06:08:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are a sick fuck. you should be shot and pissed on.
Submitted by bodhistava (user info) at 2004-01-07 13:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you can always slip something into her drink, girls love that
Submitted by ilCacciatore (user info) at 2003-12-30 21:16:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
When all else fails; be yourself.
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2003-12-29 21:09:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21705
Submitted by Nepa (user info) at 2003-12-13 19:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-12-07 04:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart's straight?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/15508#204395
Submitted by downtime (user info) at 2003-12-07 03:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Of course I don't know this from my own experience, but from what I've seen money and a nice car are pretty hard to beat.
Submitted by cramer <zach_cramer.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-11-22 22:03:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
women like donkey punches and mexican avalanches
they also like it when a guy tells them what to do
they like being yelled in front of their friends
Cramer
when read this and hated me
Submitted by my name <myname.at.mystupidjob.com> at 2003-11-21 14:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid.
Submitted by indigowulf (user info) at 2003-11-05 07:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot a couple.....
Be her long lost twin brother.
Be hired by her current lover to be her bodyguard.
Resist the urge to kill untill your little brother and his moron friends can save her, then kill her current lover in an arial battle.
and most classic of all time... be the son of her fathers most hated rival.
Submitted by candyqueen4life (user info) at 2003-10-23 13:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was ok, you could have done better with the whole thing.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-10-21 10:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1066745075162523340
Submitted by J³ at 2003-10-21 10:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2003-05-19 19:34:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to (a little late) explaine to everyone why Zanz38 is so bitter and why these posts were made.
Think about it.
An army comes from engalnd to some colonies. Mostly farmers. Without many weapons.
Now this huge organised army attempts to quell the rebellion.
What do you know the unstoppable british forces had thier asses handed to them
by a bunch of farmers with sticks and pitch forks.
Wouldn't you be bitter for years to come?
========
Something like the Americans are suffering from now in Iraq... isn't it? :/ Or was that Vietnam? Or Cambodja? Or Afghanistan?
Neway, nice story.
Submitted by steve clark <uknow> at 2003-10-18 15:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i just get them drunk and tell them i am rich
Submitted by ExotikJ (user info) at 2003-10-07 01:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
very cute...love the god father lesson
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-09-29 19:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's one thing you need to remember in order to pick up chicks: lift with your knees, not your back.
Submitted by Aphrodite (user info) at 2003-09-28 22:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad has a book called How to Pick Up Chicks. It's really old, from like the 70s or something.
Submitted by jakesterthegreat (user info) at 2003-09-27 18:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brent <larrymilleraqdir.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-10 11:27:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Good post. Here's another suggestion:
Join the airforce, request a transfer to Vietnam (or Vitanam, for the British readers), sign up to teach english, and then simultaneously pester a teenage girl while dodging grenades thrown by her brother. All this between shifts as a renegade DJ on armed forces radio.
And by the way, who was it that won the war between Britain and the United States? Or is that a chapter of history that isn't taught in England, much like grammar and punctuation?
>Yeah, I guess it's kind of like how all Americans are taught in school that they were beat by CANADA in 1812, and got the whitehouse burned down...
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-24 11:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HotRod, did you have balls? Put some funk and feeling into it! Like this.....Shut up, BITCH! Take yo ass back there and fix me a mothafuckin turkey pie. What? Are you eyeballing me, ho? Don't make me have to hurt my goddamn hand on your face again, slut! And when your done doing what you are suppose to be doing, take you bitchass back on that corner and make me some fuckin money, Bitch!
Something like that. Now you try it.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-09-23 17:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1064346147240129630
Real tips.
Submitted by HotRob (user info) at 2003-09-21 06:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Shut up and fix me a turkey pot pie.
Submitted by Velouria (user info) at 2003-09-19 20:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm partial to men who address me at bitch, slut, or ho. A back-handed slap is always a plus. Just thinking about it gets me wet. Har har.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-18 12:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pretty good. All of the examples were funny and quite true, especially the ones from the "Godfather" and "Desperado".
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2003-09-13 21:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
to "alex"
10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.
damn star wars fans...
star wars. seriously, star wars?! idiot.
Submitted by Mrbeefy (user info) at 2003-08-14 12:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hah hah velly fanny...
Submitted by seansdementia (user info) at 2003-08-10 01:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
last guy morron..watch some damn movies...shit even i know those..and i dont watch alot of movies...well ones thata rent toxi advenger, or troma films in genral
Submitted by alex <thecrow.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-08-10 01:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1. Steal cars. Nothing "drives" a woman into "high gear" faster than a man who can use automobile terms in his sexual innuendo.
yes chicks dig this ^
2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England.
ahuh this only works if ur the chick off princess diarys ^
3. Replace your weak human skeleton with a cybernetic skeleton, travel back in time, and try to kill the woman. When that fails, travel back in time again except this time, protect her son from mercury poisoning.
idiot (ref. Q.2)^
4. Go to prison for five years and when you get out, rob her boyfriend's casino of one hundred sixty million dollars.
yea chicks dig this...but only the rich bitches ^
5. Do not have a job. Instead, travel along a river and play guitar. Also, grow your hair into a pony tail and have constant stubble. Having previously been an undercover cop in a high school helps.
CHICKS DIG THIS ^
6. Kill a New York police captain, run to Italy, find a girl walking down the street, then go tell her father that you want to marry her or you will kill him. When you are through with her, blow her up with a car bomb.
ur in a gang i gess... :P chicks find this very stupid
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
then she would say "i wouldent sleep with you if you were the last goat on earth"
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
good job.
9. Grab a friend, sing a song to a stranger, then follow her into the bathroom and offer to have sex with her on the sink. It also helps if you have previously been a pimp, race car driver, or spy.
idiot the only chicks that dig this are the stupid hos...but then if u plan to do that there the onyl 1s ur worth
and the absolute best way of picking up chicks...
10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.
damn star wars fans...
ILL CUT YOUR NIPPLES OFF
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2003-07-31 12:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number nine has actually worked on me. Except the guy was a Uni student not a racing car driver/pimp. Another good way would to pretend that your dying of cancer you will get the sympathy screw.
Submitted by Tenebrion (user info) at 2003-07-25 21:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number 7 couldn't be more true .....
Submitted by Cymensen (user info) at 2003-07-24 03:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This rocks.
Submitted by legi0ns (user info) at 2003-07-06 10:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lame, absolutely lame.
Submitted by panzerman at 2003-06-25 15:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's one I like to use. First put a fake cast on your arm and hang out in front of her apartment pretending to struggle loading a sofa into your van. When she approaches to help, smack hewr in the head and put her in a well (preferably in the well is in your basement). If she doesn't love you after that, kill her and wear her skin as a dress. They love that.
Submitted by Goatboy69 (user info) at 2003-06-15 02:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could also stand her up at the prom, wait until she hosts a local radio show 10 years later,and then try and kill her dad. man oh man that always works.
Submitted by hatchetmax <robmat629.at.msn.com> at 2003-06-13 20:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It is a bit off the wall, but the first half is so true all the good girls want bad men. You cant find them anywhere. Except maybe in church then you have to reform.
It gave me a good chuckle.
Submitted by Rokinroj (user info) at 2003-06-04 03:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So Ducks, what stops you from going then?
Submitted by SubstanceP (user info) at 2003-06-03 12:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot the ever popular method of sitting down behind a computer screen with a friend, feeding the out datted PC with pictures of your favorite parts of women, and hitting enter! Oh yah..don't forget to hook your computer up to a barbi...it works, I've seen it!
Submitted by Agent_FUBAR (user info) at 2003-05-29 10:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont know about chicks but number 2 turns me on...bloody English. any chance we could have our country back? no? you want to keep fucking us for out oil? Morag, unhook my broadsword, pass me the woad,im going in.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-05-26 03:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 5 is Jonny Depp you morons. Chocolat, 21 Jump Street.
Submitted by marionette (user info) at 2003-05-24 18:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
Hahaha, that one is totally great. Kind of an odd list, but funny nonetheless.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-05-22 01:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=783
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2003-05-19 19:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to (a little late) explaine to everyone why Zanz38 is so bitter and why these posts were made.
Think about it.
An army comes from engalnd to some colonies. Mostly farmers. Without many weapons.
Now this huge organised army attempts to quell the rebellion.
What do you know the unstoppable british forces had thier asses handed to them
by a bunch of farmers with sticks and pitch forks.
Wouldn't you be bitter for years to come?
Submitted by PapSmirnoff (user info) at 2003-05-19 19:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best way to pick up a chick is soooooooooo easy it requires 200 dollars. Just buy the box set dvds of James Bond and watch, thats how you learn just watch and watch Bond its the easiest way to pick up girls!
Submitted by Istaros <archon_templar.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-04-20 06:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never saw Hill Street Blues or whatever that show's name was, and hence the reference to it does not help me, but #5 does sound like Chocolat. Or maybe some version of Huckleberry Finn.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-04-20 05:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2003-03-31 14:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This US UK debate is really funny. I am British and i think it's just our sense of humour to try and wind people up! Lets be honest it's funny. We are similiar in so many ways, its an antagonistic relationship between two nations who are historically cousins (the WASP element at least anyway). I love Americans as a rule, and love the banter! If i was to move away from blighty the only country i would consider would be America.
I don't like it when i visit and people think i am Australian. I prefer Americans to Australians.
As for military, i thought the Norwegians were the best trained!! I was told by a royal marine that they rec'd training from the Norwegians.
As for Bush Vs Blair, a there was a post earlier in which somebody flagged up that Bush would win because Tony would have his tongue up Bushs' arse!! I agree with this wholeheartedly, you just can't fight with you face in somebody's bum cheeks, i have tried and i lost.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-03-30 02:03:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whats 5? there are lots of movies with that kind of guy, but which one are you talking about specifically?
Submitted by dancerpunk at 2003-03-30 01:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
funny. i knew all but 2 of them. btw, i agree with randomjoe onthe bush thing, & i'm american.
Submitted by BrothaCracka (user info) at 2003-02-07 21:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Threads I'm thinking of writing....hmmmm
1. I hope Ducks leaves America.
2. Fags are unnatural.
3. Chicks want security; money & muscles.
Submitted by Tim <TimMikeWilk.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-01-25 03:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
____Has anyone picked up on the irony of the article and the "US vs. UK" debate in the item rankings? The article sarcastically gives tips on ways to "bag a broad" and then some of you self-righteous mother-fuckers go off about "Americans this" and "you Europeans that," spitting out tired stereotype after ignorant, generalized bit of tripe. Here's a tip to pick up a girl: be as big of an asshole as that and you'll get a solid woman that you can tell what to do.
____If you want to make fun of me, I am white, have a penis, live in America, vote, and do a lot of other things. I am not "proud to be an American," because I do not believe in any kind of nationalism, and also find patriotism silly.
Submitted by The Omelette of Cheesy Goodnes <Viperman97223.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-01-17 12:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sometimes I have gas
Submitted by Ducks From Hell8 at 2003-01-07 22:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so you know, I'm American and I think that Britains kick ass. I have a lot of British friends and they are awesome. I'd rather be in England than in America with our shitty ass government that is in debt about 6 trillion dollars....actually more, but I don't know the exact figure.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-12-15 12:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah....pity brain didn't work properly as I've seen Braveheart (only the once mind) and Top Gun (many times) but I didn't remember who the love interest was in Braveheart at first. Top Gun I have no excuse for (bah).
No 5 is pissing me off, can't have seen this film as have no memory of these events! Oscars website is no help as it only has a previous winners list not previous nominees apart from 2001.
I'll go out on a limb and guess it is Chocolat although I haven't seen it but imdb seems to signify I'm sniffing at the right spot.
Hooyar Master Chief!
(GI Jane)
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2002-12-14 16:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Between PAS and catscradle, all your guesses are correct except for #1, but I'll give you that one... I didn't see The Fast And The Furious until a while after it came out on DVD which was after I wrote this list. The movie I was actually referring to was Gone In 60 Seconds with Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie.
Hint: #2 and #5 were both nominated for Best Picture within the past ten years.
Submitted by JustinCredible (user info) at 2002-12-14 16:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2 is Braveheart.
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2002-12-14 12:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#9 is Top Gun, with Tom Cruise.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-12-14 12:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so bored I might as well guess at what the films are:
1. Steal cars. Nothing "drives" a woman into "high gear" faster than a man who can use automobile terms in his sexual innuendo.
THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS
2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England.
?
3. Replace your weak human skeleton with a cybernetic skeleton, travel back in time, and try to kill the woman. When that fails, travel back in time again except this time, protect her son from mercury poisoning.
TERMINATOR AND TERMINATOR II
4. Go to prison for five years and when you get out, rob her boyfriend's casino of one hundred sixty million dollars.
OCEANS ELEVEN
5. Do not have a job. Instead, travel along a river and play guitar. Also, grow your hair into a pony tail and have constant stubble. Having previously been an undercover cop in a high school helps.
?
6. Kill a New York police captain, run to Italy, find a girl walking down the street, then go tell her father that you want to marry her or you will kill him. When you are through with her, blow her up with a car bomb.
THE GODFATHER PART II
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
El Mariachi and Hollywood's version, DESPARADO
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
TITANIC
9. Grab a friend, sing a song to a stranger, then follow her into the bathroom and offer to have sex with her on the sink. It also helps if you have previously been a pimp, race car driver, or spy.
?
10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.
ARMAGEDDON
Am I right? And what are numbers 2, 5 and 9?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2002-11-18 23:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Submitted by hatorade (user info) at 2002-11-09 23:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope this is a joke...
Submitted by Frank <fcrivello.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-10-30 17:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
well done, especially the Godfather reference. Got a kick out of that.
Submitted by People_are_strange <rubbish54321.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-10-25 20:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In response to SoxSexSax and Brent's replies to zanz38 comments. I appreciate you disagree with what he says, and you have backed up this with your own reasons. I don't agree with everything he had to say myself.
However what I think is totally out of order is that you both have attacked not what zanz said but how he said it. Even though he explained that his poor grammar and punctuation is due to him suffering from dyslexia, instead of apologising for attacking his style of prose (which was perfectly legible) you actually insult him further <to quote Brent> "they are comically undecipherable, and ultimately highlight your ignorance/dyslexia/illiteracy...Why don't you double the dosage on your Ritalin"
As far as I'm aware methylphenidate (Ritalin) is a drug that is taken by some sufferers of narcolepsy (a sleep disorder) or ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).
Dyslexics do not need to take Ritalin or in my knowledge, any other medication for it, perhaps you should take the time to research what zanz38 suffers from (dyslexia can be summarised as a learning disorder*) before making incorrect and disparaging remarks.
SoxSexSaz, perhaps you hadn't read zanz's comment about his dyslexia before you made your post, either way it was very rude <quote> "the Brit's obvious lack of any intelligence and lack of spelling/grammatical knowledge."
I'm well aware zanz can fight his own battles so I will try to say no more on the subject except that dyslexic or not, in the majority of the time I am more interested in the content of a post than how it is written, just as I am more interested in someone's personality than how they look.
People who are constantly pendantic for no other reason than to be belligerent are imo one of the most intelligent yet insecure and annoying species on this planet.
One other thing which has 'got my goat' which I've noticed in this and in other threads on the site, is the latent homophobia. Even IF (I don't know) the majority of people on this board are straight men who would never want to be in a same-sex relationship does not make it acceptable to deride that sexual preference, i.e. "that blokes talkin bullshit, hes so gay"**
I've said what I had to say as objectively as I can, I didn't write this as a personal attack on SoxSexSax or Brent. This is my first post to Ubersite so I don't want to piss people off left, right and centre immediately. At least give me some time and let me settle in before taking a dislike to me, lol.
Cheers
PAS
* Have a read of this website: http://www.shefc.ac.uk/content/library/dyslexia/content/what.html
** The mis-spellings were deliberate, it's called sarcasm. It's slightly hypocritical but I'm not perfect.
Submitted by scrawl <scrawl.at.charter.net> at 2002-09-05 14:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oh and definately the best way to pick up chicks:
treat them like shit. tried and tested, it's easy and it works!
Submitted by scrawl <scrawl.at.charter.net> at 2002-09-05 14:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a humorous article and, as well, the responses might have been funny had such a numbnut as zanz not taken a reference to a movie so personally. Oh hey zanz, where was your "One world one love is an ideal worth fighting for!" when you started your half-assed, monstrocity-to-grammar ridicule of Americans? All we ever see from you Europeans is hate and anti-American diatribe. Hate-mongering is not the way to get what you want. Unqualified, spiteful, and judgmental attacks on our characters and our intelligence is not the best way to make a point to us. Zanz, your post was uncalled for, as were many of the posts. This is so fucked up; there are too many people in this world whining over the splinter in other people's eyes when they are too stuck up and egocentric to see the log in their own. Blame the shittiness of this world on yourselves, not God, nor an American scapegoat.
Jim
Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-08-01 12:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As a Brit (and proud of it) I love this debate!!
The article is about how to pull Chix (Treat them like shit), and yet another row over US/UK superiority ensues, and I just couldn't resist.
Military: Uk, best trained in the world
US, best equipped and funded in the world
Shitty places to live: UK, Birmingham (they have cobbled streets and brown water)
US, Utah (everythings illegal and it closes down for the night around 9pm)
Leaders: UK, Tony Blair (well liked, intelligent, influentual)
US, George W Bush (Agent of Satan, Spawn of a Demon)
So in the final tally the UK wins on one point!
We haven't got one of Satans true little helpers, sitting in a room with his hand hovering over a large red button marked:
"Only press in Emergency"
N.B May cause end of human race.
Submitted by David Bowie <vikingwizardeyes@blink182mail.> at 2002-07-24 23:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The UK Rocks, its not my fault I have bad teeth! In England we dont treat our water with flouride!!!!!!
Submitted by poodz (user info) at 2002-07-17 08:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how to pick up chicks?
big knob
big wallet
Submitted by Brian <lord_orpheus44.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-05-28 06:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw this debate and wanted to add my modest thoughts on the matter....
It may be true that the American military tends to have higher mortality rates but it is also true that we tend to be the most numerous in the battles, thus the rate is higher. It is a matter of satistics, not intelligence. There are smart and stupid people in every country. Who is anyone to say how smart or stupid anyone is without firsthand knowledge? To presume is arrogant and foolish.
Even as an American I feel that sometimes we are arrogant as a nation. Please correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't the UK monarchy somewhat arrogant in it's earlier days? So you are blessed with a less prideful government. Good for you. So why does that make you so prideful? Politics change goverments often, do you really think you are exempt? The reality is that pollitics and governments is all about timing. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad.To argue about it and say one human is better than another based on the lines on their map is the single most self destructive, foolish, arrogant, and insane thing we have ever done as humanity. Nothing else has ended more lives. To boast about the lines on your map and try to impress it on others is emotion. To enjoy your own way of life is rational. I greatly respect the UK and their way of life. As a nation they are one of America's strongest allies. We also have a rich mutual history. I still will enjoy my country and my way of life. Just because we have problems like everyone else, dosen't mean I'm going to waste my precious life away pointing out yours. Think whatever you want, but I'm very proud and happy to be a citizen of the United States of America. Thank you for your time, please forgive grammatical and spelling errors as I'm only human and do make mistakes occasionaly like everyone else.
Sincerely,
Brian Catt
United States of America
P.S. And yes I can find my country on a map as well as the U.K. (Speaking for the millions who ARE educated and don't get special attention because of a lack thereof or respond to pointless debates)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-04-27 14:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
try the North Atlantic
Submitted by hi <hi.at.spam.com> at 2002-02-22 06:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Joe Kefer at 2002-01-25 19:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another suggestion:
Don't bang her at all, almost get killed and then disappear, wait until your buddy starts banging her, then come back, demand that she stays with your buddy, wait until your buddy gets shot to death, then raise the kid he had with her and get your sloppy seconds.
Submitted by zanz38 <zanz38.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-17 19:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brent,
Hopefully they will change it, it's a shitty law
One world one love is an ideal worth fighting for!
Submitted by Brent <larrymilleraqdir.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-17 14:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, Russell. I apologize for any slanderous remarks made about the United Kingdom, or any educational institution contained therein. Matt, that was a great piece on George Bush, and I'm still laughing. I don't know what people in this country were thinking during our last election, but that man is an idiot.
As far as the whole US/UK debate, I don't subscribe to the whole nationalism bit. In the current social/political climate of america, this sort of fanaticism reigns supreme. My stance is a rather unpopular one, but it is the most ridiculous thing in the world the way America acted after September 11th. It is nothing but jingoism, and is the exact same thought process that inspires terrorism. In my hometown in Ky., there are probably five cars that don't have US flags mounted on them, and an even smaller number of stores that don't have "God Bless America" written on the sign out front. Is God on our side? Do we want a God that takes sides?
Nationalism is one of the worst things a person can indulge in. Instead, we should focus on treating everyone in the world as if there are no borders. This has been taught to us over and over by people like John Lennon, and J. Krishnamurti. I spent my time as an infantryman in the United States Army, so I think I have every right to tell the flag wavers in this country that they are full of shit, because I have actually served this country, and not just changed the cover of my cell phone to a red, white, and blue pattern.
I didn't mean to create a big stir on this site, or take anything away from the author of the original article.
By the way, ZANZ, there is still hope that they will change that anti-homosexuality law that you seem to have such a problem with.
Regards,
Brent
Submitted by Matt <mattuk9999.at.yahoo.co.uk> at 2002-01-17 08:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While on the subject of stupid americans and pretzels:
THE BRAINS TRUST PRESENTS:
"PRETZEL EATING IN SAFETY AND COMFORT"
A Guide for the Dangerously Stupid
======================================
Congratulations on purchasing a bag of "Mr Salty" Pretzels. Correctly used,
these salty snacks should provide minutes of healthy enjoyment, however, in
order to derive optimum pleasure, and minimal injury, we do recommend that
the following procedure is studied and followed.
YOU WILL NEED
-------------
1 x comfortable chair
1 x bag of pretzels (contents approximately 24 pretzels)
1 x television receiving equipment, tuned to the sporting event of your
choice Up to 3 dogs - cats or other pets are NOT RECOMMENDED and could be
DANGEROUS
STEP 1. OPENING THE BAG
-----------------------
This is a relatively simple procedure, but care needs to be taken
nonetheless, so follow the steps carefully.
1. Take hold of the TOP of the bag at EITHER SIDE between FOREFINGER AND
THUMB, taking care not to slash your wrists open on the surprisingly sharp
plastic edges.
2. Draw the edges of the bag apart with a smooth firm motion.
3. If you SHOULD LOSE YOUR GRIP on the bag, take extreme care not to smack
yourself in the face with your flailing hand as this can result in OBVIOUS
BRUISING. Instead, you are advised to throw yourself into the safe haven of
the COMFORTABLE CHAIR until the hand-danger is passed. On NO ACCOUNT throw
yourself into the safe haven of THE FLOOR, THE TELEVISION, THE DOGS, THE
WINDOW, THE OVEN, THE LIGHTFITTINGS or THE ROTATING BLADES OF A NEARBY
HELICOPTER as severe injury and embarrassment may result.
If you have an open bag of pretzels before you, you may now proceed to
step 2. Otherwise, simply repeat step 1 until full openness is achieved.
STEP 2. REMOVING PRETZEL FROM BAG
---------------------------------
1. Set the bag upon your lap, making sure it is reasonably stable.
2. GENTLY insert one hand into the bag. IT MAY BE NECESSARY TO WITHDRAW EYES
FROM TELEVISION IN ORDER TO ACCOMPLISH THIS SAFELY. You may prefer to wait
until a commercial break or other interval in the action. You should also
ensure that you are not over-excited by the sporting events in progress
before attempting this manoeuvre.
3. CLOSE YOUR FINGER AND THUMB over a single pretzel. DO NOT attempt to
select MULTIPLE PRETZELS. Not only is this an extremely advanced manoeuvre
and highly risky in itself, but it will unnecessarily complicate step 3 and
will almost certainly lead to brain injury, death and further embarrassment.
If you FAIL to secure a pretzel, open the finger and thumb, then close again
in a different position - although STILL WITHIN THE BAG - until a pretzel is
secured.
4. WITHDRAW HAND FROM BAG taking care not to break pretzel, drop pretzel,
lacerate hand on edges of bag, grind pretzel into own eye, smack head on
door jamb, press thigh against red-hot coals, or drive meat skewers through
fleshy parts of upper arm. With the pretzel now secured in the hand, the
operation is nearly complete. However, you cannot afford to let your guard
down.
STEP 3. TRANSPORTING PRETZEL TO MOUTH
-------------------------------------
1. Delicate hand-eye co-ordination is required. KEEPING YOUR EYES FIXED ON
THE PRETZEL, first WITHDRAW your hand. Should the pretzel DROP at this
point, you will have to repeat step 2.
2. RAISE PRETZEL TOWARDS face - avoiding eyes, ears, nostrils, hotline to
Moscow and Nuclear Button in the process.
3. OPEN MOUTH - this step is vital and EASILY FORGOTTEN IN THE HEAT OF THE
MOMENT
4. PLACE PRETZEL JUST INSIDE MOUTH. Do not attempt to force pretzel in.
Pretzel should fit easily inside, and need not be entirely encased in mouth
orifice. If pretzel does not fit easily, check that mouth is open and that
pretzel is in mouth, rather than ear. A small mirror may be helpful.
5. RELEASE PRETZEL AND WITHDRAW FINGERS FROM MOUTH. Failure to perform this
easily-overlooked step can lead to crippling injuries. If you are in any
doubt, consult mirror once more. Pretzel will probably be just visible
inside mouth and FINGERS SHOULD BE WELL CLEAR before step 4 commences. You
are nearly ready to enjoy your pretzel - however the last step is by far the
most dangerous, and EXTREME CARE should be taken. Inexperienced eaters of
pretzels may care to practice without pretzels in order to have confidence
in steps 1 to 3 before proceeding to the pretzel "fire fight" which is step
4.
STEP 4. EATING THE PRETZEL
--------------------------
1. Begin to move jaws up and down in a rhythmic fashion. AT LEAST 20
ITERATIONS ARE RECOMMENDED. "MR SALTY" CANNOUT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR
INJURY, WOUNDING, DEATH, INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS OR WARFARE RESULTING FROM
FAILURE TO FOLLOW THIS DIRECTIVE.
2. As pretzel structure begins to break down, guide resulting substance to
rear of mouth. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BREATHE - BUT DO NOT LINGER AT THIS POINT
EITHER. All your concentration must now be brought to bear on guiding the
pretzel safely down the oesophagus, without inhaling and without passing out
due to lack of oxygen.
3. As pretzel remnants reach back of throat, swallow quickly THEN
RE-COMMENCE BREATHING. Congratulations - you may now repeat from step 1,
until bag is empty or belly is full.
TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
---------------------
1. PRETZELS TASTE "PLASTICKY" - You are eating the bag.
2. PRETZELS TASTE "FURRY" AND DOGS ARE YELPING - You are eating the dogs.
3. PRETZELS TASTE REVOLTING - This is normal
4. FINGERS CANNOT GRASP PRETZEL - Bag is closed or is empty.
5. PRETZELS ARE ALL OVER FLOOR. Bag is upside down, or has been opened with
undue force. Deploy dogs and request fresh bag.
6. PRETZELS CANNOT BE SEEN - Light is off or eyes are closed.
7. PRETZELS ARE TASTELESS AND EYES ARE FULL OF GRIT - You have placed
pretzel in eye instead of mouth
8. PRETZELS ARE TASTELESS AND I AM DEAF - You have placed pretzel in ear
instead of mouth
9. I AM LYING ON THE FLOOR AND DOGS ARE STARING AT ME - You have attempted
to breathe while chewing and/or have failed to chew pretzel thoroughly.
10. SIRENS ARE GOING OFF, MR RUMSFELD IS SHOUTING AND MR CHENEY IS CLUTCHING
AT HIS CHEST - You have confused bag of pretzels with nuclear alert. Go back
to watching television. NB: If you are not President of the United States
of America, the most powerful individual in the Western World and controller
of the World's largest nuclear arsenal and/or you have two brain cells to
rub together, you can safely ignore these instructions.
----------
Brought to you by THE BRAINS TRUST (Trust Us, We Know)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-01-17 08:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Zanz38 <zanz38.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-16 19:15:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Russell Lambert
Please point out my lack of intelligence?
Submitted by zanz38 <zanz38.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-16 19:10:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok now I'm not at work methinks I'll proof read this before I submit it, as there is no chance of the big boss interrupting, or the phone ringing!!
After re-reading the articles, Bart I concede your point about the way in which I wrote my pieces, how ever I would like to point out that my statements are not akin to Bin Laden views on America, mainly because I have no wish to see Americans die over religion or the freedom of rights,
But you should have your rights kerbed somewhat,
Your whole nation is out of control what two High school shootings in the space of a week, what is the obsession with the Gun? Please explain
The right to sue not sure if it's a "right"
But how can your courts/ legal system allow one person to receive $2m for making a decision to smoke despite health warnings printed on the packets.
A person has a life threatening injury and a off duty doctor/ surgeon try's to save the life of the individual, as there could be a chance they could be saved before "official" help could arrive, but they die it may not be a direct result of the helper, but the family can sue the helper for trying to save their life?
The American dream is based on greed is it not? Being the biggest the best better than the rest?
In saying that we have some dumb assed laws and rights,
A person can be arrested and prosecuted if an item of clothing is deemed to be offensive to another person.
Two men cannot commit a sexual act with each other if another person is in the same building.
Ramberling cack over
Submitted by Brit and proud <muhahaha.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-16 17:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quote: "Bear in mind that there are plenty of Americans without two braincells to rub together as well."
What a quality statement, although it would be a bit more accurate to say 90% of the country are thick as shit (including their leader, pretzel man).
Is it not a fact that 60% of American high school graduates, if given an unlabeled map of the world, would not know where their own country is.
Also, have you noticed that the only sports that the yanks are good at (with the exception of athletics, golf and tennhs), no one else gives a shit about (eg. American Football, Basketball, Baseball). Infact the americans don't really take part in any international team sport.
One last thing, what is it with americans and not being able to write down a date correctly. Surely any logical person with half a brain would realise that a day is part of a month and that a month is part or a year, and so the date 16th January 2002 would be writen 16/01/2002 not 01/16/2002 you dimb arses.
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2002-01-16 11:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd like to throw my two pence worth into the argument below between the Brit and the American.
I am British, and firstly I would like to apologise to the American combatant below for the Brit's obvious lack of any intelligence and lack of spelling/grammatical knowledge.
However, I would now like the American involved to apologise to me for implying that both history and spelling/grammar are not taught in England, as I hope that I have now successfully proven it is not the case.
Bear in mind that there are plenty of Americans without two braincells to rub together as well.
Regards,
Russell Lambert
AKA SoxSexSax
Submitted by Andy at 2002-01-14 21:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL at pro/anti US debate - how come this gets brought up no matter what the topic?
Maybe because you Americans seem to rise to it so brilliantly every single time!
Submitted by Brent <larrymilleraqdir.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-14 13:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe you should consider putting an end to your Bin Laden-esque, anti-America diatribes, as they are comically undecipherable, and ultimately highlight your ignorance/dyslexia/illiteracy. It's really too bad, because you have a few good ideas that are slaughtered by your inability to convey them eloquently. Why don't you double the dosage on your Ritalin, and try to construct one good sentence before going off half-cocked and trying to write an entire paragraph. It doesn't really matter what you think of the United States or our foreign policy, because you are a bloody wanker. Reading your reviews actually makes me dumber, and exponentially so when I waste my time responding.
Submitted by zanz38 <zanz38.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-11 07:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dyslexia is an unfortunate condition of which i suffer from, and who won the war between us You did but that was when 17-1800's That was then i'm talking about the last 50 years and more pointedly now in fact, US forces killed more Allies in the Gulf war than Iraq did you manage to drop a bomb on your own troops this year, this is the fact s as they are. Your own arrogence as a nation lets you down other than that your great just stop trying to rule the world. or elect wierd ppl to rule your nation and endangering the lives of not just his citizens but non us ppl as well, take the son of star wars this dosen't just affect the US it affects us all, signing outta the Missile treaty, refusing to sign the anti mine agreement, opting out of the Kyote agreement to cut emmissions it;s not just your world it ours, stop going it alone and join in the fun with us all, niether am i a tree hugger or a hippy i'm all for wars but they have to be meaningful the Afgan thing is justified until cilvilians are caught up, Irland vs UK, spain VS ETA Irael Vs Palistine, india vs Pakistan,the entire south afican continant vs entire south afican continant, are all bullshit wars it's all down to a lack of communication at the end o the day
Submitted by Brent <larrymilleraqdir.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-10 11:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good post. Here's another suggestion:
Join the airforce, request a transfer to Vietnam (or Vitanam, for the British readers), sign up to teach english, and then simultaneously pester a teenage girl while dodging grenades thrown by her brother. All this between shifts as a renegade DJ on armed forces radio.
And by the way, who was it that won the war between Britain and the United States? Or is that a chapter of history that isn't taught in England, much like grammar and punctuation?
Submitted by zanz38 <zanz38.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-10 02:05:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You could try and kill Thousands of Britsh troops but as we were the one's who trained your arses (and we would have under trained in case you ever dreamt of getting above your station) I think you would be like lambs to the slaughter very much like Vitanam, for some reason a country your size doe'nt do well in battles, you can't aim straight and you have high mortality rates,Know your place in the world provide the world with your entertainment this is all that is requiered better keep this short due to the low attention spans of the yanks
Submitted by zanz38 <zanz38.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-10 02:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2001-12-22 01:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny... I thought the title of the article was "How To Pick Up Chicks", not "How To Identify A Closet Homosexual". Regardless, yes I agree that one way to identify a closet homosexual is by his/her insistence on pointing out others' spelling mistakes. Double points if the contestant also intentionally uses some derivation of the word "misspell".
Ownership of a luffa sponge or of a skin product with a scent other than "Sport" immediately disqualify the candidate from consideration as a "closet" homosexual.
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2001-12-21 10:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In response to the previous review...
"Chicks" Ahhhh... yes... the same ones who misspell "your" as "you're"...
Submitted by Sally <saaobrie.at.yahoo.com> at 2001-12-13 22:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I have proof that Armageddon is an excellent movie.
Check out ubersite.com, and read Bart's article "How To Pick Up Chicks."
When my sister Aimee 1st forwarded me this letter from Ryan, I was admittedly a doubting Thomas. I mean, C'MON, you're going to try to impress you're way into a girl's heart by arguing the brilliance of "Armageddon"!?!?
THEN I remembered the key word: "chicks" Ahhhh... yes... the same ones who wilted at "Bounce" and bawled at "Pearl Harbor". (Mr. Affleck, you never fail us). I had even once told a friend that he was sure to "get some" if he showed some sentimentality for the latter. Not a bad theory... if you can keep from clawing your eyes out.
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2001-12-12 01:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff, Bart. I agree with Gabe (2 reviews down). Unfortunately, Bart won't get it because he hasn't seen Grosse Point Blank.
Here's another suggestion: Pick up a hooker and pay for sex. She will dig you because you have money and a fast car. Mistreat her by accusing her of being a junkie and pimp her out to your friends. She will still be in love you with because you have money.
Also, props to Phil for being brutally honest with Bart and putting him in his place.
Submitted by Phil <notmyrealemail.at.whirlycott.com> at 2001-12-11 23:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've known you since you were 12 years old and I can confirm that you haven't had a social life for far longer than 4 months.
I don't even think Hollywood can help you.
Submitted by Gabe <gabe1.at.newgabe.com> at 2001-12-11 11:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent suggestions, Bart. I especially liked the Armageddon reference. One more sure-fire way to get chicks:
Ditch a girl on prom night and skip town. Years later, return as a professional assassin with a contract to kill the girl's father. Have a change of heart and defend her and her father in a bloody gun battle. She will be yours before the last dead body hits the floor.