How To Pick Up Chicks (313948 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.88 on 219 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2001-12-10 23:15:53 EST
Due to my recent reintroduction to bachelorhood and a four month absence of a social life, I have started looking towards Hollywood for new ways of meeting women and getting them to like me. I've realized that the most important thing to do is to not have a legitimate well-paying job. This is an absolute no-no and will immediately get you cast as the villian. Also, shaving and wearing nice clothing are both big turn offs, as are full beards. Death threats or murder attempts will greatly increase your chances, as will musical talents.
Here are the things that Hollywood has taught me about how to pick up chicks:
1. Steal cars. Nothing "drives" a woman into "high gear" faster than a man who can use automobile terms in his sexual innuendo.
2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England.
3. Replace your weak human skeleton with a cybernetic skeleton, travel back in time, and try to kill the woman. When that fails, travel back in time again except this time, protect her son from mercury poisoning.
4. Go to prison for five years and when you get out, rob her boyfriend's casino of one hundred sixty million dollars.
5. Do not have a job. Instead, travel along a river and play guitar. Also, grow your hair into a pony tail and have constant stubble. Having previously been an undercover cop in a high school helps.
6. Kill a New York police captain, run to Italy, find a girl walking down the street, then go tell her father that you want to marry her or you will kill him. When you are through with her, blow her up with a car bomb.
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
9. Grab a friend, sing a song to a stranger, then follow her into the bathroom and offer to have sex with her on the sink. It also helps if you have previously been a pimp, race car driver, or spy.
and the absolute best way of picking up chicks...
10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.
User Reviews
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-25 18:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2ing this simply because I stole a school bus once, and it DEF helped me get laid.
(if you are slow, look at rule #1)
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2007-12-13 10:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-06 14:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
a little choppy, but fricken funny
Submitted by Tjhom (user info) at 2007-12-04 01:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious!
Submitted by iacobus (user info) at 2007-11-20 16:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-11-18 19:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never rated this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-17 19:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gay.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry about all the "!'s" in the review below.
It doesn't stop me from loving you though.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-17 18:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit Bart!! I love you!
Submitted by putiputi (user info) at 2007-09-10 01:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
any intelligent men, a girl will like.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-07-14 18:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree. But perhaps it's okay to be inside reading a book?
Submitted by runamukus (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad not good.
Quit watching TV and go outside or read a good book.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-05-18 07:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dluther31 (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:40:06 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
Need to write essays and term papers a little like world war II essays
http://www.essaybuzz.com
======================
Hooray! A shitty alter. Or Maltese.
Submitted by dluther31 (user info) at 2007-05-18 07:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Need to write essays and term papers a little like world war II essays
http://www.essaybuzz.com
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by HadNadin (user info) at 2007-02-17 20:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude who cares??? Study study study. We gotta take back our manhood from the modern monstrosities called women. They're animals in many regards. Sad thing is, we made them that way using TV.
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2006-12-31 02:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy New Year Bart.
Women love real men, so just tattoo your face with barbed wire and start talking about auto parts and you'll be getting it from all sides in no time.
Submitted by H.S.N (user info) at 2006-12-25 03:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice >>>>go fuck ur self<<<<
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-12-23 03:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-12-16 21:59:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shut the fuck up, maltese.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-12-16 20:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All of these are effective.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-15 16:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 01:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
-----
hahaha this always makes me laugh
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-18 20:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On my personal top 5.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never got around to rating this before
Submitted by kbs050 (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't get all of them, I'm not a totaly movie buff, but...yeah funny.
Submitted by ugly (user info) at 2006-09-06 04:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
best way to pick up chicks. stand at the bar and pretend you got loads of cash
They'll pick you up
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HaydenX (user info) at 2006-08-25 01:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best way to pick up chicks is actually like a bowling ball.
Finger in each hole.
Submitted by Aeneas (user info) at 2006-08-18 16:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The best way to pick up chicks is usually under their arms. Well, it depends how far you intend on carrying them. Maybe by the waist if you intend on carrying them a long distance.
Make sure you bend your knees and stretch before you do this though, otherwise you might risk back injury.
Hope this helps.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-13 04:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IMO, this is the first post on B@W from Ubersite that is worth a shit.
But what a way to break out.
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-06-23 14:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you."
That's the best one because the girl you get is Salma Hayek. And also you get to kill Mexicans.
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-28 09:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-05-24 01:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-05-05 14:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget to tango with a rose in your mouth or lie to her about being a secret agent
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2006-04-29 10:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've tried 1 to 6...not going very well so far...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-27 12:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.helpwinthisbet.com
Submitted by TimTheBard (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij
Submitted by EdselSpeedy_THC (user info) at 2006-03-20 17:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh.. I haven't been here in two years, I expected something new.
Submitted by Drawstring (user info) at 2006-03-14 11:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good, the casino one i like :)
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-21 10:04:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand why people don't like this more.
Maybe they don't get the movie references?
==============
You're using irony, right?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-21 10:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand why people don't like this more.
Maybe they don't get the movie references?
Submitted by XoXFreaksRUsXoX (user info) at 2006-02-21 09:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Er... Okay... Funny... Sorta...
Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my favorite posts I've read****
Best was the wrong word.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is one of the best posts I've read. Good job, Bart.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-12 20:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Picking them up is easier if you knock them out first.
Submitted by Hash_brownie_supreme (user info) at 2006-02-12 20:03:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have to try some of those.......
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-04 16:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is funny!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-23 20:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love history.
if this was posted today it would get a .23 rating and 17 reviews.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-29 20:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
11. Dress up for "halloween" as a "cross dressing boy toy" pretending to be be a "homosexual". Chicks love the non-threating types.
Submitted by fusion88 (user info) at 2005-11-14 03:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78654
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-11-04 05:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha!!
Submitted by KillerCowz (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
cool
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by penisvonmunchousen (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:26:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad I pull ass
- - -
You're glad you pull ass?! What the- Not a good way to pick up chicks, especially if you pull your own ass. Your user name is like a character from Dostoyevsky. Oh wait, i see the penis now.
Submitted by penisvonmunchousen (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad I pull ass
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-09-08 14:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the Link Whore?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74769
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If kicker of all ass was ever more appropriate I don't know when...
Bart's the man.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348
...
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to rate this when I read it the first time...
Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[garbage deleted by bart]
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70277
Submitted by mbwun (user info) at 2005-07-15 17:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-10 08:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is most viewed material if ever i've seen it.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-11 22:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jago25_98 (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:59:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
"2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England. "
^ sounds odd doesn't it but look on hotornot.com and see what ratings uniform wearing US soldiers get ;)
--==--=-=-=-=-=-=-=
CONGRATULATIONS on being user #12345 and this being your only review ever.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2005-05-08 07:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-04-23 04:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Morbid_Florist (user info) at 2005-03-23 03:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
The intention was good, had potential but was ruined because it licks arse.
You got confused.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-03-21 21:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
borts mums a dirty bitch
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wait. Waaaaaait a minute. I see what you've done here. All your "tips" for picking up chicks are actually PLOT lines from famous movies! HA HA HA!!!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-03-15 23:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another way to pick up chicks, copy this out in longhand. Tell them you wrote it: http://www.ubersite.com/m/59387
Submitted by right_wing_extremist (user info) at 2005-03-15 23:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a jagoff.
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot:
"Stay in your room, play video games."
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-05 05:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about jago25_98
User id: 12345
Registered on or around: 2004-09-20 09:52:19
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 1
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
+2 cause I fear Bart Bart
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:14:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by jago25_98 (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:59:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
"2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England. "
^ sounds odd doesn't it but look on hotornot.com and see what ratings uniform wearing US soldiers get ;)
---------------------------------------------
The sole contribution to Uber made by user # 12345
Such waste.
Submitted by Alfa_Veloce (user info) at 2005-03-01 10:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well i liked it.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60787
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-27 22:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-02-03 23:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
#8 is very very good
Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
link whore http://clicktoexit.net
Submitted by lovedog (user info) at 2005-01-23 04:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I MEAN. really you must have pulled the asTRINGS TO GET THIS PIECE OF CRAP PUT UP AGAIN
Submitted by lovedog (user info) at 2005-01-23 04:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RWALLY,why do you all suckkkkkkkkkkk, when this degenerate , that runs the site ,puts a post on ? i mean really/ in my opinion he ,or it ,for that matter should not even be posting,.
If any one else submitted shit like this ,you would all be -2die it.get real ,and stand up and be counted you lot. you really are a lot of little pussies ..And you fbart just keep playing with the old knob as allways, thats a good chap .
Submitted by Damitrius (user info) at 2005-01-23 03:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 only becuase #10 was funny.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-13 10:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still funny
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-01-11 14:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd rather pick up BRICKS!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/56425
Hm.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-19 19:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, Bart, but I gotta spread the word. ... PLEASE DON'T BAN ME!
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-19 19:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
**********************************************
THE CHRONICLES OF COLLEGE-GUY
**********************************************
EPISODES 1 TO 48:
Episode 1 - "The Sociopath Movement" (Sept. 9, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44546
Episode 2 - "What is ACTUALLY a rape?" (Sept. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44583
Episode 3 - "My Sexual Deviant Cousin" (Sept. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44640
Episode 4 - "First Fight at College" (Sept. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44668
Episode 5 - "My First Sexual Experiences" (Sept. 11, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44693
Episode 6 - "My Sister and Her Panties" (Sept. 12, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44790
Episode 7 - "Grave-Robbing" (Sept. 14, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/44948
Episode 8 - "College Wars" (Sept. 20, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/45652
Episode 9 - "My Diagnosis" (Sept. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/45663
Episode 10- "My Personal Savior" (Sept. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/45701
Episode 11- "A Drug Trip" (Sept. 26, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/46157
Episode 12- "Which Stars Would You Fuck?" (Oct. 1, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/46810
Episode 13- "The Star-Fucking Results" (Oct. 2, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/46824
Episode 14- "I Want to Sleep With My Mom" (Oct. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/47731
Episode 15- "Here's How to Do a Butt-Post" (Oct. 10, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/47823
Episode 16- "Sociopath, Yes! But Serial Killer? (Oct. 16, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/48648
Episode 17- "My Farewell Rant to Ubersite" (Oct. 20, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49121
Episode 18- "Sociopath Comeback Special" (Oct. 22, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49360
Episode 19- "Man, I'm Killing Myself!" (Oct. 23, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49406
Episode 20- "Now I'm Dead" (Oct. 24, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49542
Episode 21- "Einstein Told Me to Jack Him Off" (Oct. 29, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50062
Episode 22- "Meeting Satan" (Oct. 31, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50210
Episode 23- "God Lives in a Harlem Crackhouse" (Nov. 2, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50350
Episode 24- "Larry" (Nov. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50748
Episode 25- "The Football Team Strikes Back" (Nov. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50785
Episode 26- "The Freethinkers" (Nov. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50821
Episode 27- "The Post that Got Me Banned" (Nov. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/50837
Episode 28- "The Return of a Madman" (Nov. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52275
Episode 29- "Scar Tissue" (Nov. 21, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52279
Episode 30- "There Ain't No Pain Like Mine" (Nov. 22, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52370
Episode 31- "Why Echo Boxing is a Faggot" (Nov. 24, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52592
Episode 32- "My Thanksgiving" (Nov. 27, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52798
Episode 33- "Thanksgiving Leftover Clip-Show" (Nov. 27, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52805
Episode 34- "BPS Done the College-Guy Way" (Nov. 28, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52849
Episode 35- "The Uber-Sociopath Awards" (Nov. 28, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52874
Episode 36- "Eat My Fuck!" (Nov. 29, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52907
Episode 37- "Someone Explain this Porn to Me" (Nov. 30, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53067
Episode 38- "My Secret Admirer" (Dec. 1, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53091
Episode 39- "A Night with the Ninja Turtles" (Dec. 4, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53417
Episode 40- "A Few Great Legal Drugs" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53453
Episode 41- "Lesbians Galore" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53456
Episode 42- "My Favorite Day of the Week: BPS" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53472
Episode 43- "In Honor of MY Hero" (Dec. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53587
Episode 44- "A Regular Day for the College-Guy" (Dec. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53617
Episode 45- "The Return of the College-Guy" (Dec. 7, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53636
Episode 46- "The Anthem of Leather Jackets" (Dec. 7, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53655
Episode 47- "Me versus a Girl Cop" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53788
Episode 48- "How the Grinch Stole Virginity" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53820
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-12-19 04:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shizzle.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant http://www.ubersite.com/m/53924
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Much better: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53601
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-11-09 23:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
much better:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38535
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-08 23:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.freephotoiPods.com/?r=11667665
Submitted by rcchristi (user info) at 2004-11-06 23:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That sounds like a lot of work. Can't they just knock on my door and ask to use my phone in a rain storm with a flat tire and out of gas in front of my house? And they want to shower, go to a nice warm bed, have sex and fall asleep?
Submitted by accuseddenied (user info) at 2004-11-05 09:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, you really helped us out... Thanks america
*salutes (full double rimmer)*
Submitted by jayjonz (user info) at 2004-11-01 00:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Things like this make me wish I was born blind. Ive had funnier root canals......J
Submitted by mhknights22 (user info) at 2004-10-30 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit.
And to all you big toothed, obnoxious, "let's boil _everything_", Brits, a big Fuck You.
-----------------------------------------------------------
If it werent for us, you'd be speaking German.
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2004-10-27 21:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
actually in the godfather the book, part of the tattagila family blows up the car, not michael. mike gets revenge by killing fabrizzio
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While not a linear piece of writing, I gave this a two because it exhibits a diverse array of movie knowledge and brainy sarcasm. Enjoyable to read.
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-10-23 22:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was allright. You could probably do more nowadays.
Submitted by Ratty at 2004-10-20 12:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Proves my point - all yanks are fat, ugly and as thick as pig shit... greeting from the UK assholes.
Submitted by Kold (user info) at 2004-10-19 23:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehe. nice.
Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-15 20:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
link whore and a +2
www.aolsux.us
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-04 15:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woah. Blast from the past.
Submitted by planeterik (user info) at 2004-10-04 15:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty damn funny
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-02 01:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
short. funny.
Submitted by Hippie101 (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
interesting... how many chicks have u picked up?
Submitted by chili (user info) at 2004-09-27 11:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-23 09:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if it's been said already, but to the dumbass self-righteous Brit who got offended at the Bravehart reference and started bitching out Americans:
Americans didn't exist yet.
In fact, besides writing it, Americans had almost nothing to do with the movie. The lead actors were Australian, British and whatever Sophie Marceau is. (God, she's hot.)
Submitted by allie <charity02.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-21 17:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
those were so good they made my nipples hard.FUCK ME
Submitted by bill <bigboy81.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-20 16:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny shiiet man, i got most of those references. funny shiiet!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how is this b@w?
My god, i have shat better posts than this.
Submitted by jago25_98 (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England. "
^ sounds odd doesn't it but look on hotornot.com and see what ratings uniform wearing US soldiers get ;)
Submitted by Becca at 2004-09-17 02:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at the ones I got. I haven't seen a lot of the movies.
But, I hate people who say the best way to pick up chicks is to have a lot of money. Only materialistic whores that have literally shit for brains want a guy with money. It could be a good thing if you're like that as well and want a girl that you can shove around, but I speak for myself when I say this: all I want is a guy who is not deformed and makes me laugh.
Want a chick? Develope a sense of humor.
But I got the list I'm not retarded. It was funny.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart on women.
Thats like Germans on ethics!
Submitted by shane2004 (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've tried all that stuff, none of it works !
Submitted by Jennifer (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing
Submitted by Anonymous at 2004-09-08 12:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What about the classic pick-up line?
Hey little girl, wanna ride in my van? I got candy!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-09-07 02:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00h00
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-07 02:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At this very second, this crap of a post has 88888 hits. WTF LOL OMG WTF BRB!
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-04 03:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Were you dropped on your head a lot as a child, Daniel?
Submitted by daniel <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> at 2004-09-04 00:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The best way to pick up girls is to ice skate. Girls are falling everywhere in ice rinks. When they fall, pick them up. Once you do, once the ice is broken, REALLY pick them up. (A tattoo doesn't hurt, tattoos are like Kryptonite to women, weakens their defenses; and someday I'm gonna get one and go ice skating.)
Submitted by Takkun <greatfonzo.at.walla.com> at 2004-08-29 14:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adam, you are a member of this site. You are a member of society. Thus, you are the same as the rest of us.
Submitted by Aaron at 2004-08-25 22:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Be yourself?" Ha, what a load.
More like "become wealthy and buy and a sports car."
Submitted by ADAM FORD <THISISME.at.aol.com> at 2004-08-20 17:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
look you have to piss off and realise that peple in this world all suck dik, ev1 is 2 scared to be themselves, ev1 likes r'n'b for fear of not looking fuking cool, well fuk off everyone and the sad losers of this shitty site can be proud to be at least a little diff, althu im totally impressd, sorry
HAAAAA
HEVY METAL AND ROCK MUSIC IS REAL- SO FUK OFF U TALENTLESS PRICKS LIKE
ISHER
NELLY
KELLY
SUGABABES
D12
EMINEM
YOU CAN ALL BE KILLED NOW AND I WOUOLD NOT GIVEN A TOSS
Submitted by Drcactus <drcactus.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-20 15:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by leanne250 (user info) at 2004-08-20 09:56:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
actually to pick up girls just be yourself and don't hate on them...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What? "don't hate on them" is that english? What does that mean?
Be yourself? that's bullshit as well.
Submitted by soadsk8 (user info) at 2004-08-20 10:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really good
Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.your.mom's.house> at 2004-08-20 10:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You just picked random movies to use. I'm not arguing against your concept, but it was so specific that it just wasn't.... funny.
Submitted by leanne250 (user info) at 2004-08-20 09:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually to pick up girls just be yourself and don't hate on them...
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-18 17:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31438
Submitted by ShaggyAggie (user info) at 2004-08-16 16:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I, for one, like the Titanic pick-up line:
"Hey baby, wanna help me raise the Titanic?"
Submitted by Tizzle (user info) at 2004-08-15 23:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What the hell? And there's no suggestion of piratetry? What's wrong with you, man? Do us all a favor, become a sexy, nappy pirate. You'll have the women fawning over you. Especially if you have a fascination with rum, wear eyeliner, oh, and... are a little on the off side of the smart-fuck-o-meter.
Wierd + pirate + eyeliner = sex god.
Merry Christmas.
(Also, talk about how big your parrot is. Frequently, if possible.)
Submitted by Marijane (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I particularly like the *jamaican* pick up line reference.
It's just as hard to pick up guys i think. I have a new plan that i would like to put to action.
how would guys feel if a girl came up to you on the street and just kissed you and walked away?
see i think that would be a good way to pick up guys - rihgt off the bat he knows 1. you're interested 2. you think he's cute (i dont know any girl that would kiss a guy she found awful looking) 3. that there could be more? (whether it bes sex or more) - heheh
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 16:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/default.aspx?referer=7584498
Free flat screen monitor or TV! Just sign up for eBay on the requirements page, place a bid (doesn't even have to be a winning bid), and get 8 friends to do the same! Don't forget to verify your email on the 'My Account' page.
FREE SHIT WOO
Submitted by umbernez_skilsz_owns (user info) at 2004-08-01 16:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i dont agree with your methods all u need are some good pickup lines
ill give u some ur welcome to use them if u like
1. your eyes r bluer than the water in my toilet
2. my love for u is like diarriea i just cant hold it in
3. do u belive in love at first sight or should i walk by again
4. your so hot ur gonna melt the elastic in my underwear
5. ud like venus to milo if i just cut off ur arms
6. u must be jamaican because ja makin me crazy
Submitted by stevostheking (user info) at 2004-07-12 05:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The real trick is to be an asshole!!! Treat them with indifference andthey will do anything to make you interested!!! It works...
Submitted by cowstastegood (user info) at 2004-07-08 18:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Theory_Eyed (user info) at 2004-07-07 05:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CystMaster (user info) at 2004-07-06 17:01:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/37531
Submitted by Ben at 2004-07-04 22:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As I have said before, women and men have no bussiness being together unless someones horny.
End of story. Women are annoying and have no common sense. Men rule and have common sense.
with minor exeptions.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-07-04 22:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One more idea, conjured by ulfGabe that actually DOES seem to work:
Mildly insult the girl at every opportunity when you meet her at a party. Make jokes about her and without warning start to act nice. Lather, rinse, repeat. Works every time.
Submitted by koreanboi2030 (user info) at 2004-07-04 22:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ON IN HORRY WOD, I OPIN STOR, NOBUDDY BY SO I CLOTHES UP AND HED TO NEW YORK USA!
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Having super powers helps. Mutants are sexy.
Submitted by boredinmemind (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok i am gona say something stupid, u could just go and littaraly pick her up off the ground
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-01 23:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahaha... that's awesome.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-01 23:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-06-30 08:39:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever post here again. ok?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You dont want bart, the guy who runs this site, to post here again?
Boy, you really are an idiot.
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-06-30 08:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever post here again. ok?
Submitted by Clare S <ignorethesmallprint.at.hotmail.co> at 2004-06-30 08:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Join the airforce, request a transfer to Vietnam (or Vitanam, for the British readers)"
In reply to Brent - I'm British and have never heard of it being spelt Vitanam.
That might already have been mentioned but I'm not going to read all of the replies!
As for the original post, as they say on possibly the most annoying advert tagline in history, I'm lovin' it :)
Submitted by ben keenan <ben_keenan69.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-29 21:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have followed wat u said and i found my self in a cold cell being someones bitch, thank u.
i left my high payin job as a lawer and started roaming the streets asdrug dealer pimp thax
it was worth it......
Submitted by mountainblood (user info) at 2004-06-26 01:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was the most profound thing this user has ever said
in his mind at least it is
get a life away from the television, dvds and your computer
Submitted by Vo (user info) at 2004-06-26 01:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice list,
#1 Be the protagonist. Fool proof unless some tool tries a new age depressing yet artistic film.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"This was rectified later in the book, but not the movie when Michael tracked Fabrizzio down to the Buffalo, NY pizza place where he worked and blew him away with a shotgun."
That scene was cut from the movie.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2004-06-23 01:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You get a -2 for lack of research. Michael Corleone did not blow up Appolonia with a car bomb. It was Fabriizio who wired the car bomb in revenge for the shooting of Turk and McCloskey of the Tattaglia family. This was rectified later in the book, but not the movie when Michael tracked Fabrizzio down to the Buffalo, NY pizza place where he worked and blew him away with a shotgun. Also, your post sucks.
Submitted by BOB <f.at.e.g> at 2004-06-22 21:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To the idiots who gave this post -2 because it was ignorant and retarded:
the guy isn't actually trying to be serious.
Now do you get it?
Submitted by god_komplexx (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by god_komplexx (user info) at 2004-06-15 12:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DORK
Submitted by tunatwist (user info) at 2004-06-12 02:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
uh, kinda stupid.
Submitted by emoerotica (user info) at 2004-06-04 12:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so funny .. made a tear come to my eye :P
Submitted by DarkWraith (user info) at 2004-05-30 19:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-05-29 12:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:17:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
The #1 pickup line of all time is "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Top line... must remember that one. +2 for that line, but -3 for the original post
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-05-25 00:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The #1 pickup line of all time is "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
Submitted by fat kyle at 2004-05-24 21:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, 'tard.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-17 22:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ZAfrikin (user info) at 2004-05-16 18:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant :)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-13 06:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hollywood sure gave us some great tips! All you diphits who didn't get it, have never watched a good movie in his life.
Submitted by Pebblesrpp (user info) at 2004-05-12 15:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't know what type of girls u trying to attract but it surely aint this one and i can tell u one thing if u do attract a girl it'll be a psyco trick
Submitted by Jean-Claude Van Damme <VanDamme22.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-12 10:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You stupid igonorant son of a bitch dumb bastard . . .
You entire post meant absolute shit you asswiper.
Submitted by OfficinSkeelz (user info) at 2004-05-10 23:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's mildly funny and obviously took some thought. Better than I could have done.
Submitted by cognizance <cog_nizance.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-05-05 04:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its sounds more like you threw in some movie scenes and called it a list.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-05-04 13:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have I never rated this? Damn.
I think this post is my all-time favorite.
Submitted by 52kgs (user info) at 2004-05-04 05:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Firstly...stop calling women chicks.. Its insulting, Women are not poultry. Also, the easiest way to pick up a chick is to lift it... Hehehehehe
Submitted by somaoe (user info) at 2004-05-01 18:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All it takes to pick up chicks...and I mean ANY chick...is to get a LOT of money.
Submitted by jane doe at 2004-04-19 03:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wasnt funny it was ok i guess, but for all you ubers out there, if you want to get chicks then you only need to do one very important thing......GET OFF UBERSITE! OR ATLEAST POST STUFF THATS ACTUALLY FUNNY! THANKS PASS IT ON :)
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good things come to those who wait.
Why haven't I rated some of the most viewed messages?
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-04-11 07:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing, but not 'licking a bum's ass' amusing.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-06 10:23:50 EDT (