The penis is sensitive (2260 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.17 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by miss_behvn (View user info) at 2004-05-26 14:49:23 EDT
Today, feeling like perhaps my self esteem was getting a little too high, I picked up Junes issue of cosmo. The girls in these magazines are not real, or at least that is what I have convinced myself. They are beautiful, skinny, tan and actually look good in the garments these designers call clothes. These "girls" make me look like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. While flipping through the magazine I came across some really interesting stuff and I am now convinced that the average IQ of the cosmo reader is between -10 and 30 ( besides me of course).
The first article I come to is "Cosmo for your guy". While the article had some good hints for the guys, they were definitly no brainers. Example- dont tell your girlfriend that the waitress is hot. Duh. Dont tell her she is gaining weight. No shit. The favorite "your Mom is a bitch". First of all I dont think my man is reading cosmo, not even if he is sitting on the crapper and exhausted all other reading material. Secondly, isn't that what maxxim's for?
Now I am desperate for a good article. Aahh ha cosmos sex manual. I am always looking for some new and interesting sex tips. Educate me cosmo!
Ok 3 sex staples every cosmo girl should know. Well the first two were lame, deep kissing and giving him hand jobs. Number three, how to pleasure yourself during sex. Alright I think I have plenty of practice in that, but maybe some cosmo girls are not as advanced as myself.
The next article looks promising! His very important parts (VIP)- ears and neck, well ok no news there. His sacrum, hmm interesting I dont know if I knew that one. OK next VIP, his penis. What? His penis is sensitive and a very important part? Holy fuck I would have never thought of that! Now uber readers I am not a take it in all orifaces,doing it doggie style with you and all your best friends while you call me mommy and smack my ass kinda girl,but I know damn well that THE PENIS IS SENSITIVE!!! How stupid are these cosmo readers? Does cosmo really feel they need to tell their readers this tidbit of information? Most importantly why is that not #1 on the list?
Oh yeah gentlemen, cosmo is also "educating" their readers that the testicles are a restriced area. Please what is the word on this?
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-21 08:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Random review
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-11-16 20:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nothing like a captain obvious in a suposedly educated magazine and as for scrotums being a restricted zone, two words "be gentle"
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-11-16 20:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JUAHAHAHA
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-11-16 19:59:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'What's that space between your asshole and your nutsack called? Sacrum? Sackroom? Naah! '
I think it's called the gooch spot
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-15 19:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAHAHAH
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-06 00:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wait... sacrum?
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-06 00:00:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
har har peener
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-06 00:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*ejaculates*
*makes 'O' face*
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-05 23:59:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god YES...
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-05 23:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fwap fwap fwap fawp
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-05 23:58:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god. It IS sensitive. Woah...
I need to be alone now.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-30 15:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah gentlemen, cosmo is also "educating" their readers that the testicles are a restriced area. Please what is the word on this?
Testicles are for pulling, tugging, squeezing and milking.. Oh, and the occasional cheese grating.
Submitted by kireisarah (user info) at 2004-05-27 21:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:39:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
Things to do:
1) Massage sacrum
2) Get a boyfriend
3) Switch numbers 1 and 2 around
4) Ignore numbers 1, 2, and 3, and cry
----
HA HA HA the more I see from you, the more I love you, Lojope.
My roommate used to date a model (seriously), and she still collects his magazine ads, so we have at LEAST an entire year's worth of Cosmos, Seventeens, and whatever other shit I subscribed to when I was 12 lying around... it's kind of frightening.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I beat mine like it owes me money.
Submitted by BleedTheSky (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The scientific term for the grundle should be.. well... Grundle.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the word "posh"
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
well, I dunno how lame the presumption of Cosmo is. girls may have doubts as to the sensitivity of the penis. as it is common knowledge that men beat on them like a dog that shit on the kitchen floor from the time they hit puberty.
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-26 17:34:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
What's that space between your asshole and your nutsack called? Sacrum? Sackroom? Naah!
---------------------
grundle
taint-taint dick, taint ass...
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Your "nacho" or "taint" is your perineum. I think.
Shall we milk the prostate whilst we're at it?? Whilst:)
Submitted by BleedTheSky (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And Posh is a stupid fucking word.
Submitted by BleedTheSky (user info) at 2004-05-26 23:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:37:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Once again, I will refer to Dave Chappelle's masterpeice of a comedic performance called "Killin' them softly":
Dave: "Chivarly is dead, and women killed it. Like those articles in cosmo that are '25 ways to please your man' by some lady. There aren't 25 ways, there are four: suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich, and don't talk so much."
simple as that.
-BongZilla
--------------------------------------
Oh man. Hahahahahaha.
Seriously, though. Does any girl anywhere ACTUALLY think that nibbling a guy's ear or kissing his neck is a more efficient way of arousing him than actually playing with his penis. I would hate to end up with a girl that was continually kissing my neck for thirty minutes, wondering why I haven't got off yet.
The writers and editors over at Cosmo must all be blonde.
Submitted by My_dixie_wrecked (user info) at 2004-05-26 22:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for a good post
and +1 to counter queen ashleys -1.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-26 22:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
plus 2 for this comment...Echoboxing may be my new hero.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-05-26 20:52:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Magazines have women forgetting how fuckin beautiful they really are.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAR HAR PEENER
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, I guess I misused the word 'sacrum', oh well, you know what I meant.
On a slightly more hilarious note, I read this and laughed until I drooled.
=========================
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:05:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
If by "restricted" they mean "put them in your mouth," then yes, they are indeed restricted.
=========================
So true.
So very very true.
-Wo|2M
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Once again, I will refer to Dave Chappelle's masterpeice of a comedic performance called "Killin' them softly":
Dave: "Chivarly is dead, and women killed it. Like those articles in cosmo that are '25 ways to please your man' by some lady. There aren't 25 ways, there are four: suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich, and don't talk so much."
simple as that.
-BongZilla
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sacrum = "nacho"
because its nacho balls, but its nacho asshole. It's your nacho.
Testicles are for touching.
-Wo|2M
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:02:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
...
The trick to getting good in bed and all that crap is just to find a boyfriend and expierment. Trust me, a guy will say what works and what doesnt. Men generally are vocal and will be more then happy to give you pointers. Magazines are posh.
As a former Cosmo subscriber (relax, boys and girls, I was 15 at the time), I can tell you that Cosmo frequently advises just that: experimenting.
And posh means fashionable or classy.
Submitted by sence (user info) at 2004-05-26 21:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cosmos gay!
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-05-26 20:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Magazines have women forgetting how fuckin beautiful they really are.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-05-26 19:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-26 17:34:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
What's that space between your asshole and your nutsack called? Sacrum? Sackroom? Naah!
---------------------
grundle
taint-taint dick, taint ass...
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-05-26 18:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh great. You let the secret out. Way to go. Now what on Earth is Cosmo going to write about for the next 5 years? See what you did????? You're going to cost those poor 87-year-old sex writers their jobs!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-26 17:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's that space between your asshole and your nutsack called? Sacrum? Sackroom? Naah!
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-05-26 17:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting. This could contribute to a new "thing" I'm working on.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-05-26 16:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You want a boyfriend ? Go to the nearest bar, say out loud "I need a boyfriend". You got it.
Good post.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-05-26 16:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:39:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
Things to do:
1) Massage sacrum
2) Get a boyfriend
3) Switch numbers 1 and 2 around
4) Ignore numbers 1, 2, and 3, and cry
______________________________________
5) dry tears and pull out dildo
that's what i do when 1-4 don't work.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 16:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh, aw thanks guys *tears* uberhugs!
Hehe...
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-05-26 16:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-26 16:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed my ass off at Lojope's most recent comment. I feel your pain, dahlin, I feel your pain.
I hate Cosmo with a burning passion. What a load of dung.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-05-26 16:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
man, that magazine is definitely written by chicks. want to really please your man? two letters honey: B J. thats it. dont touch my sacrum, i didnt even know what that was, let alone do i want it touched. dont grab the nads unless you want me to jaw you. BJ. remember it.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:29:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Testicle either tickles or hurts. Too rough, ouch. Too soft, and I squirm and laugh.
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AHAHAHAHA! I'm laughing my ass off at that. So true.
...what?
Aww poor Lojo!
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They should have just said, "No teeth."
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Things to do:
1) Massage sacrum
2) Get a boyfriend
3) Switch numbers 1 and 2 around
4) Ignore numbers 1, 2, and 3, and cry
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Maybe they were trying to tell the readers that they probably shouldn't treat a penis like a pogo stick...
?
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:02:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
...
The trick to getting good in bed and all that crap is just to find a boyfriend and expierment. Trust me, a guy will say what works and what doesnt. Men generally are vocal and will be more then happy to give you pointers. Magazines are posh.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
um
ok man
whatever floats your boat
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Testicle either tickles or hurts. Too rough, ouch. Too soft, and I squirm and laugh.
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Looks like I trespass on restricted areas quite frequently. Who knew?
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't know testicles were restricted!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!
Cosmo sucks. I read one time that we should be wrapping scrunchies around the base of a guy's penis. Seriously, what the hell is that about? Can you imagine kissing down a guy's stomach, looking up at him all seductive-like, reaching over to grab a ponytail holder off the nightstand...assumably to pull your hair out of your face so you can do a better job...but you wrap it around his penis instead? 1...2...THUD.
The sound of getting kicked out of bed for being a fucking weirdo.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lojope: The sacrum isn't necessarily a sexual hot spot, but much like the ears and neck it feels wonderful when it's massaged. My wife is a massage therapist, and the first time she massaged my sacrum I thought I was going to turn to jelly. The sacrum is actually the bottom tip of your spine...the last 5 vertabrae I think. If you've ever fallen on your ass and hit your "tail bone", that was your sacrum.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:05:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
If by "restricted" they mean "put them in your mouth," then yes, they are indeed restricted
Thats about right.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
plus one for the info on the sacrum... although i don't know
if i would actually do anything with that... what
the hell do you do? tickle it?
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women need guides on how to use us? Pray tell they don't read Maxim et al and discover how shallow and pointless most of our lives actually are.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And that is a sexual hot spot? What the hell are you supposed to DO with it?
Submitted by miss_behvn (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the sacrum is the area that is the meshing of the lower back and upper butt
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What's a sacrum?
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If by "restricted" they mean "put them in your mouth," then yes, they are indeed restricted.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-05-26 15:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cosmo is one of the main contributing reasons for the lack of good solid relationships in America. (And probably some other countries as well)
For a few years at college, Lacyface lived in a sorority house right near campus. This was great as during my breaks for class i could run over and grab a bite to eat, some ass, maybe take a crap. Now when the latter was happening i would be forced to read this horrible magazines. (I HAVE to read something) Let me tell you that everything that is said about men in these magazines is 100% false.
The trick to getting good in bed and all that crap is just to find a boyfriend and expierment. Trust me, a guy will say what works and what doesnt. Men generally are vocal and will be more then happy to give you pointers. Magazines are posh.
+2 because i said posh and i have no idea what the fuck that crazy english word means.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-26 14:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She said penis a bunch of times & stuff!