happy to hell in the blink of an eye (424 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.17 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fleadh <fleadh1.at.eircom.net> (View user info) at 2004-05-27 09:54:21 EDT
She had her hair tied back so I could get a better view as her lips slid up and down the shaft of my penis. She knew intuitively what I liked and I, in turn, knew exactly how to push her buttons. She always finished me off with a blow, Just the way I liked it. How much of an effort she put into prolonging the build-up to explosion was always directly proportional to how well I had played her instrument. I knew the nuances of her body so well she could peak and stay there until such a point that she could hardly take it and begged to be pushed over the physical edge of pleasure tolerance. As usual it was only when I was sure that every muscle in my body was going to cramp and my heart was going to explode that she made me come. She swallowed it all and then grabbed the glass of water nearby and drank deeply while I lay there trying to breathe and willing my muscles back into action.
She lay beside me and I wrapped my arms around her and I was happy, happy right down to the very deaths of my being. Out of nowhere I ask her if she had remembered to lock her car door, she reply's that she doesn't remember and it'll be fine. I look dubious. She smiles and jokes that she can't go out, sure, there are vampires and werewolves out there at night. She always used that excuse to get out of going outside after dark. I laughed at her sweetness and asked her if Uma Thurman would be afraid of some pussy-ass vampires and werewolves. Indignantly she replied that Uma only kicks the asses of assassins and their henchmen, not vampires or werewolves. I thought better of bringing the conversation around to Selene in Underworld as she really didn't like the way I got noticeably stiffer at the mere thought of Kate Beckinsale in leather.
Reluctantly she got up and threw on some sweatpants and teeshirt went to check if the car was locked. I lay there stark naked listening to the sounds of the night. We lived in a small housing estate Just outside what you would term suburbia. It was always so quiet there, It would have been a perfect place to raise kids. All the noises were so familiar that I could practically see her going down the stairs, across the landing and unlocking the front door.
Sudeenly I was overcome with a feeling of dread as if the air had turned to ice. Something was really really wrong. There was this growling noise and a horrific sound of ripping flesh. It was exactly like one would hear in a movie. I jumped up and acted on impulse, grabbing a reproduction viking sword that hung on the wall in the spare room. The sword was a real sword as opposed to a display piece and I this fact gave me a strange feeling of confidence. I ran out the front door to the unbelievable spectacle of a dark and ghastly humanoid being ripping my girlfriend apart with its claws and teeth. With a scream I attacked it with all my strength and landed several blows that would have left any man, even a pcp whacked out nutcase, in chunks on the ground. But my blows did no damage at all. It merely swung its arm out and knocked me asunder. I redoubled my attack but again it was like striking my sword upon marble. It was hopeless. I stood there and yelled at the beast, I begged that it attack me instead, I taunted it, I hurled abuse at it but it steadfastly eviscerated everything that meant anything to me in this world.
The police arrived. I was standing stark naked, battered, bruised and covered in blood. The sword hung limply at my side as I tried to take in the horror that was my girlfriends flesh strewn all over the place. I kept muttering why why why even while the police officer was shouting at me to put down the weapon and to lie face first on the road. How did the beast escape? What the fuck? I cant remember.
User Reviews
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-05-05 11:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-27 16:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty cool.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-05-27 16:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad at all. Now were did I put my juice?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-05-27 16:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow. good ending!
oh, and VERY good beginning. i love when the first
sentence starts off with a sex scene.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-27 12:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh.
Submitted by WRECKER (user info) at 2004-05-27 12:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree. Could have played on it a bit more, but it kept me interested and amused.
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-27 10:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
0 = Worth reading
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-05-27 10:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For something that contained my favorite story elements - sex, blood, and horror - this was a little unsatisfying.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-05-27 10:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But thanks for the feedback :-)
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-05-27 10:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with the ending quickly bit. Origionally it was longer but I cut it down to fit what I deemed to be an uber read length. Long posts normally dont get read to the end and are usually Just given a - by some folks regardless of content. I wanted to have a mix of porn, violence fantasy, sci-fy and a twist in one short readable story.
Submitted by Binka (user info) at 2004-05-27 10:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree it endd too quickly!!!!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-05-27 09:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but over far too quickly.
The other stories on here will cover 3 or 4 pages of text... aim for that. Allow for proper character development and plot twists.
Still good though.