91338: Dancing 101: Instructor - Prof. Will Zone (1142 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.69 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Will Zone (View user info) at 2004-05-28 13:48:38 EDT
91338: Dancing 101: Instructor - Prof. Will Zone
Prerequisites: Two Feet (handies need not apply), An Open Mind (retards, see handies) and a dance belt (hot fuchsia, hot pink, or anything in the neon family.)
"So, you want to be a dancer. Good luck. Dancing is probably the most difficult and dangerous job in the world. No, wait a second, I'm thinking about Timber cutters...allow me to start over. Dancing is the gayest job in the world. Any students who want to not be gay...please leave now. I won't be offended.
Where are you all going? OK, I lied again. I will be offended. Still leaving, huh? OK, you leave you fail. Good. That's more like it. OK. Hello and welcome to Dancing 101, I'm your instructor Professor Will Zone, but you guys can call me Mr. Professor Will Zone. Mmmkay. Great lets begin.
I need everybody to pair up. Come up to stage and partner up. And lets make sure these partnerships are well balanced. Boy, Girl. I want the heavy boys to pair up with the fat girls and skinnies with skinnies...blacks and blacks, Asians and, well it looks like there is only one Asian, So you Asian person, as I'm unsure of your gender, you partner up with another Minority...Ah yes, that Eskimo in the back...close enough.
OK, is everyone paired up. You, blondey...you don't have a partner...OK you fail. Good bye. Please leave my studio. Leave now you yellowed-haired waste of carbon. I have no patience for the dredge of society. Is she gone? OK. Great. Now lets begin. We are just gonna break the ice a little bit here, I just want everyone to move around. Explore the space. Explore your soul. This is a safe place in here...no one is judging you...except me, because I'm the one giving out the grades. Hehehe. So just dance. Yes, I know there is no music, I'm not fucking deaf...what's your name...Yes, Theo, I know there is no music...you are on thin ice with me young man...just hum and move around...Fucking move people!
OK. Yes. Great excellent. OK. You two fat people over here. You're not gonna get away with this moving the arms shit. I want those tootsies to be moving...and lets hope your moves don't cause the fault line to act up, OK. Keep moving. Dance Fatty, dance! And you, yes you soul sista, get your ass out of that boys crotch, what do you think this is blazin' hip-hop and R&B.
OK, OK, stop it! Everyone stop. You are by far the worst dancers I've ever seen. Looks like you came in here to learn. Yes, you...with the acne scars, what? Yes I know the course bulletin said this was a lecture class. But you know what, I say fuck lectures, cause dancing is about performing. So this is now a performance class. you got a problem with that...then you can suck my wiener. Never mind I don't want your puss-ridden face anywhere near my pink bishop in a turtleneck. You fail. Get out.
Any other questions slash people who want an "F." No, good.
OK, so I guess y'all came here to learn so I will give you the key to unlock the door of dance. One word people: PANCAKES. Yes you heard me right, PANCAKES. And no we're not eating breakfast fat couple number 2, so wipe off that drool. Does everyone understand English...how about you Asian person...Eessa You-a know-a pancakes, Daniel-san? Good, I assume that scowl means Yes in all languages. Thin Ice, or should I say thin Rice.
Moving on. The key to dancing is with your feet, spell the word PANCAKES on the floor. P....A....N...switch it up, C....A...K...E...S...PANCAKES. That's the key to dancing. Now everyone try it and try not to slip on fatty's drool. OK, 5-6-7-8...and we're dancing.
Now, Senorita, I said "N" not "N with the squiggly thing"...ok, I know its called a tilde. Just fucking spell pancakes. It's true what they say about that Latin attitude huh, why don't you eat some arroz con chicken...Chicken, look at that the black mans ears perked up. Cool down Tyrone.
OK, stop. stop stop. You are by far the worst bunch of students I've ever taught....and I'm not just talking about your looks...yes, you are an ugly bunch...I've seen better looking people at the morgue. OK. Right. Lets take a five. I'll be back, I just need to take a wicked piss. I'll be thinking of you and your awfulness as I spray the yellow all over the porcelain. Back in 5.
Hey Acne-scars, come into the bathroom with me...I need somebody to stare at as I pee to remind how good my life really is. And yea, fatty, don't eat the syllabus. Mmmkay. Time to tinkle."
Oh Uber, what the fuck was this post about?
Will
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-05-30 11:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about
that zone.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-05-30 10:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is his fly open?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-30 08:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it just me or does that girl have the LONGEST THIGH EVER?!!?!!!?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-30 08:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice picture
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2004-05-29 01:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought, hmmm this is by will zone, this must be worth reading.
It wasn't, sorry (though it did have enough good moments to justify a 0, and the deliberately anti-PC style was refreshing).
Ah what the hell, I'm not sure what I think of this, take this +0 and be done with it.
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-05-29 01:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Does everyone understand English...how about you Asian person...Eessa You-a know-a pancakes, Daniel-san? Good, I assume that scowl means Yes in all languages."
That was good, but the rest wasn't.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-05-29 01:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Suprisingly average for the 'Zone. Here's hoping your writer's block goes soon.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-05-28 15:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the pic. Ah, to be young and content with 3rd base again.
Submitted by Aspirin99 (user info) at 2004-05-28 14:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought is was clever.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-05-28 14:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They all can't be gold.
:)
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-05-28 14:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Picture is awesome. The post itself, not so much. Or maybe my expectations are too high.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-05-28 14:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no idea what this post was all about. I had some writers block and just wrote thru it. Who woulda thunk that this is what came out...glad to say i can write normal again. This is one hell of a viscious monologue, though. i just read it.
Damn.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-05-28 13:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm confused Dr. Zone.
However, I did laught at many a time, and that make me happy; especially on a Friday.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-05-28 13:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I could I would give you a +1000000000000000000000000000000 just for that picture.
I am still laughing.
Good work Zone.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-05-28 13:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh c'mon Will, this is crap.