Circle Jerks, Espresso, and a Bagpipe (836 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Don'tEmailMe@don'temailme.com (View user info) at 2004-05-28 16:41:02 EDT
I was sitting on my porch the other day, listening to Indian Tribal music, wondering what it would be like to own one fourth of China. It was at this point in time that I realized something wasn't right. Something just wasn't right.
I felt scared. My testicles began to recede into my poop hole, and I became light-headed. I began to feel dizzy, and immediatly, I knew the problem.
With a burst of energy, and a warlike cry, I jumped up and hurled myself into the oncoming traffic that was my road. For me though, oncoming traffic in my town, let alone my street, is the equivalent to a severely retarded snail searching for a lost piece of toast to feast on. Poor snail, for he will ner find his toast.
With Superman like speed, I raced down my road in search of my destination.
A total of 4.32563131(repeating) seconds later I arrived at my destination.
"YAYYYY!" Screamed Billy as his father drove a waffle through his face.
When I surveyed the area, not a soul was in sight. Quickly, I put my plan into action.
"WHASA DA PLAN?" You must be wondering. Well my fearful little Mike Tyson replicate, let me explain.
I quickly dove into the woods that just happened to be next to me, and this time I swear, I put the plan into action.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a jelly bean. Well you must be thinking I'm crazy. No, I'm not crazy. With this jellybean I could now begin.
*Insert Clown Music Here*
From out the sky there fell a giant spherical object of sorts, and it plummeted towards the earth at a speed only a fat man could produce. The object landed with intensity on the ground beside me, and with a voice that sounded similar to Michael Clark Duncan Jr's. the blob spoke.
"MASSA, IS DAT DER JELLY BEAN A FO ME? YOU KNOW HOW I LIKA DA JELLYBEAN."
"Yes Blob, tis for you. This jellybean is to you as a cactus drinks his milk. Eat and fornicate my beautiful skyscraper of love." Said I
With that, the monstrosity ate the jellybean.
"MMM.. CHERRY." He said.
"Mmm.. Dingleberry" Said a nearby farmer.
Mr. Blob then agreed to sign a treaty allowing foreign children to labor for money.
My mission, complete.
But what happened after this? That surely cannot be the ending? Well I say to you eager midget child, it isn't.
Shortly thereafter all of this happened, I planted a pine tree.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-01 15:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck at 2004-05-28 17:00:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
"The other thing: I noticed that you didn't mention 'vagina' I only like stories that have plenty of vagina, so in the future, use that word more. Especially around young children. "
___________________________
ha ha ha *snort*
I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this story but I love jelly beans and
clown music so +2 for you!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-29 13:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shortly thereafter reading this, I dewheeled a wheelchair and set my clock for 1 am.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-29 09:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KoolWang (user info) at 2004-05-29 07:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Youshould fix that testicle problem
Submitted by LottaPasta123 (user info) at 2004-05-28 22:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DjMatt, your the first to see the irony in that situation.. im glad you recognized that.. :)
Submitted by FearBenzene (user info) at 2004-05-28 20:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-05-28 19:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A Boy and his Blob was the best game EVER!!1111
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-05-28 19:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is incredibly spectacular, as was your other post.
I think I am falling in love with you.
Ok.
Maybe not, but I will still be your groupie.
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-05-28 17:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This seems just weird for the sake of weird. Still not bad though.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-05-28 17:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At least there was no bagpipe mentioned.
Submitted by LottaPasta123 (user info) at 2004-05-28 17:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww.. "a?" Dude, that was a purposefull spelling "error" if you will. It's meant to be the voice of a very big black man, and he's emphasizing his... vocality?
Submitted by Da_Judge (user info) at 2004-05-28 17:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You will be in my court house one day. Its a given.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-28 17:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his
conversion by Ambrose of Milan. Except my cock is dangling in the eastern winds of Shitfuck's flatuence.
-- Homer Simpson
Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily Shitfuck
A few things, first, you spelt 'a' wrong, it really pisses me off when people do that--I mean, come on dude, it's one fucking letter.
The other thing: I noticed that you didn't mention 'vagina' I only like stories that have plenty of vagina, so in the future, use that word more. Especially around young children.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-28 16:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It all happened during the magical summer of 1985. A maturing Joe
Piscopo left `Saturday Night Live' to conquer Hollywood; People
Express introduced a generation of hicks to plane travel; and I was
in a barbershop quartet.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Barbershop Quartet "
For some reason, that seems relevent.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-05-28 16:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking laughed my ass off, you fucking fuck!!