The Early Years... Kinda (828 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tenyuki (View user info) at 2004-05-30 11:54:06 EDT
I'm sitting here, reflecting on my life and how it's been going so far. And, to say the least, it's been pretty fucked up. But I don't need any pity. I'm not here to bitch and moan over the past 17 years of my life. God no, if I wanted to do that, I'd go out and get a live journal (http://www.livejournal.com/users/tenyuki for those that are interested!). What I'm doing right now is talking about how fucked up the Christian school system works... at least how my old school system worked. (This is essentially part one of... who knows how long. This covers my early years at the school.)
From the ripe age of 3 to the ugly, ugly age of 14, I was in a jail known as Ravenswood Baptist Christian School on the north side of Chicago. This school extends from pre-school to high school, and for some damned stupid reason, they believe they can continue on like this. Being a religious school and all, RBCS is far different from the public school system and lacks the state funding that public schools receive. This basically means, well, RBCS is a poor school that relies on the monthly tuition of its students to stay afloat. Upon a recent visit to the school, I found out that there were NO students in the class of '04. And my class, the class of '05, had about 5 students, 2 of which were childhood friends who I grew up with. How sad things turn out for people...
Anyways, I knew from day one that shit was going to be hard. For starters, my Mom is a Filipino woman, and has a bit of an accent, causing her to say things very... weird. As I stated in my introduction post, my name's Geoffrey, just like "Jeffrey", but for some reason, my Mom loves to introduce me to people as "Joe-Free". Being a part of the Caucasian race that made up over 90% of the staff during the early 90's, my teachers twisted this into their weird American ways, calling me "Jah-Free" from day one to, well, the present. You have no idea how much this name pisses me off. I can't even say it with a straight face. "Come on you lousy fucktards, it's JEFF. How fucking hard is that for you to realize?! Jesus H. Christ!!" I would think to myself whenever they'd call me that. Because of their damned mistake, I have to live with that stupid name for the rest of my life while I'm around RBCS folk, while my outside RBCS folk know me as "Jeff". Goddamn. It's like living a double life.
Well, my pre-school years were the shit, besides the whole name fiasco. I became a very well and fast reader, a pretty popular guy, and, to say the least, one damned sexy toddler. It was in Kindergarten that I had to cross my first hurdles.
At the time, RBCS had two Kindergarten classes: one morning class, one afternoon class. I was one of the lucky kids that got the afternoon class. Living so close to the school, I was able to chill at home with Sesame Street and Barney until 12:00 PM, where I'd have to trek onwards to school to learn verses in the Bible and the like. What sadistic kind of school would drive Biblical Scripture into children to the point where they are forced to memorize verse upon verse to graduate from Kindergarten?! Who?! Ravenswood Baptist Christian School. That's who.
I remember we had these little laminated paper cutouts in the shape of apples that had our names on them. They were posted at the front of the class, and whenever one of us acted out, we'd get a "worm". These worms would be given to us when we'd either not stand in line, talk when not given permission, pushed or hit one of our peers, or other random crap. Besides having an ugly worm on our apples, these worms had little to no point, except to show to our parents.
"Your son, Mr. Henao, won't stop talking in class! Just today, he got three worms for talking during class" my Kindergarten teacher would say. "Well, sorry Dad, it's not my fault I'd rather hear my voice than this fat bitch's. If you were in my position, you'd be talking all the time, too. You should be proud I got three instead of fifty" I would think to myself... though in the snotty little 5 year old mind frame. Just substitute "bitch" with booger, poohead, or fartface and you'd understand.
It was also in Kindergarten where I got my lifelong fear of starfish. One day, my teacher brought in a starfish and practically forced us to touch that thing. "It's dead, it won't hurt you" she'd say. Do you honestly think that would help a 5 year old into thinking he was able to touch it? No fucking way in hell. When she'd approach me, I'd run off to the other side of the room. "Come on Geoffrey, it won't bite you! Ha ha ha ha" she'd announce. "GET AWAY FROM ME! AH!!!!! WHERE'S MY MOMMY?!" I'd reply, tears about to run down my cheeks.
It went on like this for 10 minutes until she realized I was serious. I'm confident I got a worm for acting up in class, too, but hey... at least the damned starfish was far away. A few years later, in 7th grade or so, I went to my Kindergarten teacher's classroom for some unknown reason, and there she was, with that exact same starfish in her hands. "Guess what you guys! Geoffrey's scared of starfish!!" she told her kids. "...son of a fucking bitch...." I thought to myself as I hurried my ass out of her room. Goddamn, they're supposed to be children under God or something, not offspring of Satan.
Suffice to say, that's how Kindergarten was. It was a constant mix of talking, learning about Jesus, getting in trouble for talking, and practicing simple schoolwork. That actually sums up my whole life at RBCS... until 4th grade. But that's best left for another Uber post.
All of you young parents or soon to be parents; please think twice about putting your son or daughter into a private school environment, because it fucks them up like crazy. If anything, it'll cause them rebel even more than someone who was brought up in a public school environment... at least for most cases. If you do decide to put your kid through hell that is a "Jesus school", keep a damned close eye on them. It's at a school under God where a kid would be exposed to sex and drugs more than at a school under the Board of Ed.
Come on, look at me. I'm wasting a Sunday morning posting into Ubersite. Who in the right mind would do that?! Answer: All of the authors that posted before me. I'm betting you they went to a private school, too!
User Reviews
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-05-31 00:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't blame you. It -is- my life, after all.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-05-30 22:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, wasn't entertaining enough for me to get through it all.
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-05-30 22:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well... seeing as how you did comment about it not worth commenting on... I'm sure the post kicked your ass so hard that it got you to comment.
Submitted by RateMachine3000 (user info) at 2004-05-30 21:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not worth commenting on.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's funny listening to her talk and pronounce stuff wrong or put more emphasis on the wrong syllable. Ah... good times. Like how she'd say "beach" instead of "bitch". Mmm... Filipino Moms rock.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My mom was Filipino and had that same accent. I had a lot of fun with it, mainly because I'm an evil bitch.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:01:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes To College
That was too funny...
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's nice.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-05-30 12:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes To College
Balloon Knot has spoken!
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-05-30 11:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment