What I Have Learned From Emeril (809 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 0.67 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fetish hangs his head in sorrow. KoolMang, we miss you. (View user info) at 2004-05-30 23:28:43 EDT
Ok... I admit it I watched Emeril. The whole damn show, the entire hour. Has anyone ever been able to accomplish this heroic feat? Here is a photo essay of what I learned. Sorry for the picture quality, Adelphia sucks major balls these days.
What exactly is an Emeril? Urban dictionary defines an Emeril as: "The act of ejaculating into your hand after intercourse and throwing it in her face while yelling 'BAM!'" http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Emeril
So... Maybe that is wrong definition... Anyways, here is what an hour with Emeril has taught me. The pictures are numbered as below:
1. Emeril gets excessively excited about lard.
2. Here is a man who likes to fondle meat.
3. Like myself, the camera operator feels that looking down her shirt is the highlight of the show.
4. They grow bountiful breasts in Dallas, Texas.
5. Pork Fat Rules!!!
I do not have a picture, but I also learned that overworking the dough makes for tough biscuits...
The biggest lesson I have learned is: Emeril should do less yelling "Bam!" and show more of the audience, particularly the well-endowed female audience members.
Disclaimer:
The Flesch-Kincaid Grade level of this post is 6.3; this was deliberately done for the benefit of Queen Ashlee. We all should make more posts that are on her reading level. After all, she likes to read my posts as much as the next person does.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-21 09:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay network. Gay show. Gay post. Gay author.
That about does it.
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-21 09:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Equalized! 3571566
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"4. They grow bountiful breasts in Dallas, Texas."
they really do. you should visit the boob garden if you're ever in town.
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-20 22:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Equalized! 1289132
Submitted by EricRice (user info) at 2004-10-17 20:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She's the first in her family born without tail.
Submitted by Fake_BargIed (user info) at 2004-10-17 13:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by newuser (user info) at 2004-10-17 11:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
die Müllhalde
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-25 06:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Submitted by StabkiII (user info) at 2004-08-23 22:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-08-23 02:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.straightacting.com/jobquiz/jquiz.shtml
I bet you qualify as one major gay dude.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-12 19:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you CHOKE!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-10 06:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-08-10 06:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-06-01 00:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish, I have recieved a communique from the mang. It is of the highest importance that you contact me as soon as possible. I will reply via email within 12 hours of reciept.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-05-31 16:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yipee, for emeril, tits, food, and low reading level!!!!
and +2 for Koolmang where ever he may be.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-31 13:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:53:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for this post
-2 for dogging on Ashlee
---
I can't help it that I don't like Asslee...
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-31 12:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
KoolMang; if you're out there, find a way back in!
Submitted by KoolWang (user info) at 2004-05-31 09:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KoolMang is the man
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-31 07:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:40:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I learned to yell "BAMM!" when I pour the orange powder into my Easy Mac from Emeril.
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I did that once, people looked at me kind of odd. I think that powder is able to "kick it up a notch."
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-05-31 06:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:53:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for this post
-2 for dogging on Ashlee
---
But... I hate Asslee...
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 02:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I really am hopelessly awkward when winked at by a foxy mysterious female, not that it happens often enough for me to say anything too definitive about it. Very flattering..
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-31 02:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm
I get the feeling I'm being mocked.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That cyber-wink caused me to lose my composure...
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A public manifestation of private nerves, hehe. You have me hot under the collar, and fidgety!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well that wasn't very nice.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Besides you know you want to join me anyway.
>wink wink<"
Yeah, the secret's out: internet womenz indeed! Har Har
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KoolMang should be unbanned! +2 for this post!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed.
Besides you know you want to join me anyway.
>wink wink<
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, if you can't beat 'em...
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-31 01:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 00:58:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Har. Har. Peener! For shame.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Conrad! For shame! Lowering yourself to "Har Har Peener"
Right on!
I'm so proud of you
xxoo
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-05-31 00:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har. Har. Peener! For shame.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-05-31 00:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Emril fucking rules dude. So does IronChef.
FREE DA 'MANG!
Submitted by RateMachine3000 (user info) at 2004-05-31 00:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think Emeril masturbates with garlic (audience hoots and claps).
I said garlic (audience hoots and claps).
Malone
garlic (audience hoots and claps).
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Method has a belly button.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for this post
-2 for dogging on Ashlee
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-05-30 23:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I learned to yell "BAMM!" when I pour the orange powder into my Easy Mac from Emeril.