Deliverance revisited (534 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.54 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fleadh <fleadh1.at.eircom.net> (View user info) at 2004-06-02 10:19:40 EDT
He awoke with a start with the smell of faeces in his nostrils. He really had to concentrate on not vomiting as he tryed to survey his surroundings and get his bearings. This shithole he was in smelled like an abattoir and a sewage factory all rolled into one. Although it was practically pitch black he figured he was in a cellar of some sort due to the fact that one of his legs was propped up on a stairwell of sorts. He checked himself over for broken bones and cuts. Nothing was broken but he had a sizeable lump on the back of his head. He figured he must have been knocked out and that's how he ended up here.
*************
He had been driving his corvette cross-country from upstate New Jersey to New Orleans. Having a love of driving and the weather being so Autumn beautiful he had decided to avoid the interstates and take the cross-country roads instead. The trees were all stunning shades of browns and gold and there were rainbows of flowers growing wild in the fields and meadows. All in all it was one of those whimsical carefree days that we live for. He stopped his car for gas at one of those run-down gas-stations come country diner places and asked the attendant to fill her up. He handed him a handfull of cash, enough to cover the gas and a reasonably generous tip and headed to the grill. Having not eaten in about 6 hrs or so he was ravenous . The diner was empty except for himself and the waitress. He picked the cleanest table he could find and ordered some chips and a burger, commenting that the table was filthy and asked is she wouldn't mind wiping it down for him. The waitress shot him a dirty look and sauntered away. She returned with a wet rag and wiped the table down with contempt. Now he had a wet dirty table. Irritably he some pulled some napkins out of the holder and wiped it dry himself.
He stared out the window as the attendant finished filling the tank with gas. He jumped into the car when finished and started driving away causing the man to momentarily panic. His panic, however, was premature when he realised the kid was simply moving the car away from the pump. The waitress gruffly throwing his lunch down in fromt of his startled him. He looked at the meal in front of him in disgust. It looked as if it had been cooked in a chip fryer whose oil had not been changed in several years. He tentatively tasted a greasy chip and spat it straight back out again and cast the plate aside in disgust. The waitress suddenly re-appeared again causing the man to start. " A bit jumpy aren't we, you a bit ill eh? Lost yer appatite?" she said with a toothy smile. The man apologised and lied that his stomach was acting up and that explained the uneasiness and lack of appetite. Afterall no point in causing a fuss, better to just keep the peace and say nothing. Leaving some cash on the table he decided to head off and made a mental note grab a good old Mc Donalds at the next big town he came across.
He jumped into his car and turned the key and nothing, not a single thing. For some odd reason he wasn't particularly surprised. He glanced around him. Just to the back of the grill was an old garage surrounded by rusting doors, car axle's and whatnot. An old man, puffing at his pipe and habitually spitting sat upon a rocking chair by the door of the garage. The old man cackled, waved at him and continued spitting. Looking back at the door of the diner he could see the attendant and the waitress talking. The ber talking and glaning over at him. He was about to ask him what the fuck had they done to his car when the waitress points at him and starts laughing. He is about to jump out of the car when something slams into the side of his head and the lights go out.
*************
Suddenly a door at the top of the stairs opened and metal hooked pole was thrust down into the cellar and caught him by the shoulder. The man screamed in agony as his flesh is torn and he's hauled up the stairs and out of the cellar. As soon as he is out of teh cellar he is roughly thrust to the ground and his hands bound behind his back with thick but freyed rope. He tried to get a glimpse of his captor but every time he turned his head it was slammed down hard against the wooden floorboards. He was then dragged, kicking and shouting, across a landing and into a run down dining room of sorts. With the hook still embedded in his shoulder he was roughly propped upright and forced upright and flung into a chair. Sitting directly opposite him was the old man, still smoking on his pipe and habitually spitting. He was cackling his tongue in his toothless mouth. " So city boy, you to good for me woman's food and hospitality eh?" "Your woman can't cook or clean for shit" was the reply. The reply was met with a severe punch from behind to his already bruised head. He tried again to catch a glimpse of his captor but again when he tried to turn around he was belted again from the back of his head. The old man uttered one of the most feared orders one could possible hear when trussed up in some hicks farmhouse "Boy, make him squeal like a pig for me" he was roughly thrown onto a table and his trousers were roughly pulled down. The hook was removed and thrown into the corner of the room. The man pleaded for them to not do this but it fell on deaf ears. The old man kept cheering his aggressor on.
The pain was unbelievable when he was forcefully entered. He let out a blood-curdling scream that only seemed to make it worse. As he was being thrust into he could feel the blood trickle down his inside leg. He thrashed about like mad and again this seemed to just add to the rapist's pleasure. Suddenly, unbelievably, he worked his hands free. He didn't however pull them free straightaway, as he knew that the rapist had a clear view of his hands. With a sickening howl his captor came inside him and then pulled out. The man whimpered in pain as the old man expressed his satisfaction at his sons, as he referred to him, work. The man seized this opportunity to take action. He pulled one hand free and grabbed the half-erect penis of his attacker and thrust his thumb as far down into the eye as he possibly could. The son screamed in agony and took a punch at the man but the swing was wild and it didn't cause any significant damage. The man threw a massive uppercut that landed square with a crack on the underside of the son's jaw. The son went down and before he could recover he received a swift kick to the windpipe. With his main advisary down and winded he turned on the old man. The old man seemingly had problems standing, as he was unable to get out of his chair. "Can't use your legs eh? Fucker!" he said as he kicked at the old mans kneecaps repeatedly until the lower part of his legs swung loosely. He then turned around and jumped as hard as he physically could onto the knees of the son. A satisfying crunch later he knew that fucker wasn't going anywhere.
He ran out of the house and could see the smoke from the diner through the trees a short distance away. He darted through the trees and without loosing pace ran straight through the front door of the diner. The waitress looked shocked to see him but her shock turned to terror as he vaulted the bar and grabbed her by the hair and shoved her face straight into the deep fryer. He lifter her head out and dunked it again several times, ignoring the hot splashes and her screams. When he heard the screaming and commotion the attendant came running into the grill only to be met by a boot to the face. Screaming with a broken nose the man then stamped hard on his kneecaps until he heard then shatter completely. The waitress was lying a heap on the ground wailing and clutching her severely burned face. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her out and across to the farmhouse. He was pleased to find his attacker and the old man had not moved from where he had left them. As he threw her to the floor the old man yelled obscenities at him. He responded with a kick that dislocated his jaw and caused a spray of blood to splat against the adjacent wall. The man left them and returned with the attendant and a hammer and nails he had found in the garage. He threw the attendant in a heap with the others and roughly picked the old man up and threw him face first onto the table where he had, minutes beforehand, been raped. He stretched the old mans arms in front of him and nailed his hands to the table through the wrist bone. The then pulled the old mans trousers down and said "Now YOU squeal like a pig for me, fucker!!" and squeal he did. He squealed and squealed until a blow to the head with the hammer abruptly silenced him. He then picked up the son and nailed his hands to the table and proceeded to rape him also. Every time he tried to turn his head the man punched it so that his face smacked hard into the tabletop. As he came punched the back of the sons head again and again building in strength until he heard a loud squelch and the body went limp.
He was about to leave the attendant and the waitress alive but then remembered one of the key rules learned from horror movies, the person or people that you don't finish off will always get you just when you think its all over. He retrieved the hook that had been used to drag him through the house. It was one of those fisherman's hooks with a top spike and a metal hook. Using the device like a spear he stabbed both of them repeatedly in the chest and when he was sure they were dead he threw the bodies onto the table as well.
He set fire to the farmhouse before heading off to retrieve his car, which he earlier had seen parked behind the garage. He popped the hood and gave it a once over and found that teh olny thing wrong was a detached battery. After re-attaching it the car purred into life at the first turn of the key. Satisfied that his car is in working order he took a first aid kit, marine issue, from the trunk and proceeded to field dress his wounds like an old pro. When he finally got back to the barracks he had a great tale of bravado to share with the lads about how he was jumped by some inbred hick assholes who chose the wrong guy to fuck with. He of course left out the part where they raped him, after all the biggest bas-ass in the squad could never admit to something like that.
User Reviews
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
White hair, thats different. I said your story was boring, holy fuck, sorry I have an opinion. If you don't want to be critizied then don't post. I personally don't get pissed if someone doesn't like what I write, its ubersite, it doesn't pay my bills or suck me off, I don't get laid for having a high rating so I don't care, you obviously do, so in short fuck off and write a better story.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the first - was fine and dandy because it was constructive. I have no problem with - scores when deserved or if someone found it tasteless or any legit reason. I post here cos I'm practicing writing and want feedback and like iq's post Im finding this place to full of jackasses like you to bother. You may have thaught that your 5 review was in some way uber cool or uber funny but I view it as uber being a dickwad for no good reason. Do that on posts where somone hasnt spent a good deal of time writing it, Like 90% of the posts on the first page.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
brendan, You start it and get smacked down in return, Ironically what my story was about fuckhead. Now fuck off an continue to whine about boring shit like your fucking white hair you hypocritical fucktard.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lets see three people reviewed this all gave it a negative and when I did at first I gave it a zero, so it seems that it wasn't just me dickface, now act like you're five and go give them 100 -2's. Fucking douche.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm speechless
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow what a concept one -2 thats all it takes dipshit.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Boring? Man you are one hard to please dickhead. Also whats with the multiple reviews? For a regular poster you sure have an attitude problem. Goes to show that even if you have a low member number you can still be a pathetic pack of shit.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
G
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
N
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
R
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
B
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-06-02 11:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote it over a few days and thaught I had most of the tenses sorted, guess not. What you mean by to colloquial?
C
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-06-02 10:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Work on your tenses; one paragraph jumps from past to present and back again. Too colloquial.